Chapter Twenty-Five
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Lavender phoned an hour after Heath and Mila had gone. Ottilie had watched Heath leave without Mila, and though her conscience had started to get the better of her, and she was tempted to go out and tend to her ankle, she was saved the bother by the arrival of Mila’s boyfriend, Dwight, to pick her up not long afterwards. It might have represented the first time in her nursing career she’d refused to use her skills to help someone. It went against everything she was, but she decided to cut herself some slack – extreme circumstances could do that to a person, even Ottilie.
‘I wanted to check everything is all right,’ Lavender said. ‘I was worried because you didn’t come back to the party. Everyone is worried.’
‘Did you tell them about Mila?’
‘No, I didn’t think you’d want me to.’
Ottilie gave a short nod. She wondered if Flo knew what had been going on and whether – if she hadn’t already known – Heath would tell her anything.
She would probably be as worried as Heath about Ottilie’s reaction to the news that Mila was related to the family who were responsible for not only Josh’s death but lots of other awful crimes in Manchester. She’d perhaps expect Ottilie to drop Heath – and right now, Ottilie would be lying if she said it hadn’t crossed her mind. And not even because of the connection – Heath could hardly help that – but because of how he’d kept it from her once he’d discovered it. If he’d come to her with the truth at the start she might have been shocked and wary and it might have taken some getting over, but she would have been able to deal with it eventually. Now? Now she didn’t know what to think. She didn’t even know if she could trust him, and she certainly didn’t know how she felt about him.
The Heath she thought she knew was lovely: kind and funny and caring. But he wasn’t that Heath any longer. This Heath had destroyed her faith and trust. It hadn’t helped that he’d been unreasonable and jealous over the past few weeks too. When she’d first met him the attraction had been undeniable but he’d filled her with doubt. And then she’d got to know him and the doubt had gone. But now? Now she felt they were back to square one. She was back to not knowing him, back to being filled with doubt, wondering whether she’d ever really known him at all. Had she seen a second chance for love and been so desperate she’d grabbed it, even though it hadn’t been the right one? Had she really been so blinded by her loneliness?
‘What’s happened?’ Lavender asked. ‘Are they still there?’
‘No, I don’t know where Mila is – she was picked up by her boyfriend. And I suppose Heath has gone home.’
‘So you’re on your own? Want me to come over?’
‘Thanks, but no. I need some time to think.’
‘But you’re all right? You’re safe? I mean, what was she trying to do? You said before you thought someone had been trying to get in your house.’
‘I don’t think she was trying to get in, only to see if I was home. She has a really stupid way of going about it.’
‘So it was Mila the other times?’
‘Yes. But I don’t think she’ll come over again. And my camera doorbell is installed now, so if she did I’d know it was her. One way or another, it’ll be fine.’
‘I don’t think I could be that relaxed about it if someone had been snooping around my house.’
‘I’m so tired of the whole thing, I don’t want to keep thinking about it.’
‘Well, if you’re sure you don’t want company…’
‘I’m sure. I don’t want to be responsible for Simon losing even more guests from his party. I think it’s taken quite a leap of faith for him to throw it in the first place. Would you give my apologies, though?’
‘What should I say?’
‘I don’t know – maybe tell him I came down with a headache.’
‘He’s a doctor,’ Lavender said. ‘You do realise he’ll be straight round to check you’re not dying.’
‘Oh God, I hope not. Can you put him off if he looks like he might?’
‘I’ll do my best. Don’t forget to call me if you need anything.’
‘Thanks, Lavender. I’ll see you on Monday.’
‘I’ll see you before then – I want to check for myself you’re all right so I’m coming over tomorrow whether you like it or not.’
After a bit more back and forth about whether Ottilie needed Lavender to check on her, she ended the call. Over an hour had gone by since Ottilie had sent Heath away. She’d had time to calm down but not time to work out how she felt about him. Things had changed beyond recognition. Sensible Ottilie would phone him to talk it through, but she wasn’t sensible Ottilie right now – she knew that much for sure. If she called tonight she wouldn’t even know where to start. She didn’t trust herself to make the right decisions either.
So when his photo lit up her screen with an incoming call, she hesitated for a moment before rejecting it. She supposed he’d expect her to do that, so it didn’t worry her too much, but she also realised he would keep calling and eventually she was going to have to answer. And even though it was the last thing she wanted to think about now, she needed to figure out what she was going to say when she did.
Ottilie looked down onto the path from the upstairs window and saw the top of Flo’s head. It was early. Flo seemed to be making a habit of knocking on her front door at an hour that was far too early to be polite, but this time Ottilie supposed she had a reasonable excuse. No doubt she’d heard about the goings-on there the night before and had come to plead Heath’s case. Since Ottilie had no quarrel with Flo – not really, although she was feeling rather more irritated by her than usual – she decided she might as well hear her out.
‘Heath’s told me you had…He thinks you might have split up.’
‘Not as such.’
‘What does that mean? He’ll be ever so miserable without you, and I know you’re very fond of him too?—’
‘Flo, I see what you’re doing and I love that you’re doing it, but this time I don’t think it’s your place to get involved. And don’t get all offended by me saying so. I just think this is for me and Heath to sort out.’
‘He wants to sort it out but you won’t give him a chance.’
‘I will if he gives me time. One way or another…’
Flo looked taken aback at Ottilie’s last sentence. Ottilie supposed it might sound slightly ominous, but there was no point in being anything but completely honest. She didn’t know if she could simply forget about this and go back to how things had been. And right now, she wasn’t sure she wanted to. Heath hadn’t exactly endeared himself to her over the past few weeks, especially since Simon had arrived. In fact, precisely since Simon had arrived. It was hard to get over that sort of hypocrisy when she’d had to put up with Mila’s looming shadow for months before that, and felt she’d been more than patient about her. Until this point, of course, and yes, perhaps she wouldn’t have been so patient had she known who Mila’s cousin was, but that was a whole other conversation.
‘So you’ll talk to him?’ Flo pushed.
Ottilie nodded, though part of her was sick of feeling as if everyone else’s needs were more important than hers. Heath wanted to talk to her, but what about what she wanted? In the end, however, she knew she’d give in, and that was perhaps more galling than anything. Perhaps it was herself she ought to be angry with rather than anyone else. Circumstances seemed to conspire against her more and more these days, but did that mean she had to let them affect the decisions she made? They may colour them, but she didn’t have to let circumstances rule her, did she?
So she made herself a promise, right there and then. She’d talk to Heath. She’d listen. She’d listen to anyone who needed it, but she wasn’t going to let their needs be more important than hers. She was going to take control of her destiny for once and make the decisions that felt right to her, not the ones others wanted her to make. Heath could have his say, and then she was going to say how things were going to be. She loved him and she’d be sad if it meant the end of them, but even love wasn’t worth saving if it meant sacrificing pieces of herself at its altar. She’d been alone before and she’d survived, and if she had to do it again then she supposed she’d survive that too.
‘Right,’ Flo said, glancing across at where Ottilie’s kettle was plugged in.
Ordinarily, Ottilie would have asked her to stay for tea, but not today, and Flo had seriously misread the room if she thought that was going to happen.
‘So I hope you don’t mind if I see you out,’ she said. ‘I need to get a shower and breakfast before I phone Heath.’
‘Oh.’ Flo looked flummoxed but as Ottilie herded her towards the door seemed finally to take the hint. ‘Of course. I’ll be off then.’
After she saw Flo out and closed the front door, Ottilie leaned back against it and let out a sigh. All that and it wasn’t even eight thirty yet.