Chapter 19 #2
“The accident changed him. We all knew it. The truth is, Daddy died in that accident. What came back was a shell of his former self, too busy indulging in vices and reliving the glory days to waste time on self-preservation.” I said in a defensive tone.
“I think he’d been wanting to die for some time now. ”
“Don’t say that,” Ma whispered.
“It’s true.” I met her eyes. “He was loving and warm and stubborn and caring. But he was miserable. I couldn’t fix that if I tried. And none of that changes what’s happening right now. He’s dead.”
I turned to Ryan, “So there’s no need to bring him up every time you need to deflect from me calling you out on sleeping with my ex. No need to use him as an excuse.”
Ma scoffed. “Wow. You really are something else. To think we’d stoop so low.”
I tilted my head. “I don’t think you would stoop that low.”
Ryan straightened. “I wouldn’t either.”
I arched a brow. “Okay. So why should I come to your wedding? Because it’s what Daddy would’ve wanted?”
Ryan hesitated before she stuttered to find words. I shut her down instantly with a scoff.
“Exactly.”
Ma exhaled, her voice softer now. “You know you girls were the most important thing to him.”
“I said,” I repeated, “no need to use him as an excuse.”
Ma pressed her lips into a thin line.
I grabbed my glass, swirling the water before taking a slow sip. God, I wished I packed my flask.
“How did he propose?” My voice was light, almost playful. “Did he set up a dinner on the beach like he did with me? Were his parents there like last time? Did he give you my ring?”
Ryan didn’t flinch. “He proposed at his place. It was just me and him.”
I hummed mockingly. “Intimate.”
Her glare was sharp, but she didn’t bite.
“And the ring?” I pushed.
“It’s new.”
I smirked. “I’m guessing he had to pawn mine to afford yours?”
“Elliot,” Ma tried.
Ryan inhaled deeply. “Yes. He did.”
I didn’t say anything else because the implications would get to her, I could tell. So, I just sat there, watching as the weight of my words settled over her, and she did the mental gymnastics.
And it hit. I saw it in the way her face twisted, the way she clenched her jaw so tight I thought her teeth might crack. She looked seconds away from snapping, but she didn’t.
Because she already knew. She had to.
All the evidence was there for her to see. She had to know she was living off the scraps of a man I’d picked over years ago. She had to know that no matter how much she tried to rewrite the story, she was the second choice.
Our proposal had dwarfed theirs.
My ring—an antique cushion-cut diamond in a delicate platinum setting—had been his grandmother’s.
It had been in his family for generations, resized just for me.
He hadn’t been wealthy enough to buy a new one then, and I had no doubt in my mind that Ryan would hate knowing she’d have to wear the very ring I’d tossed aside without a second thought.
And him? I got some satisfaction in knowing he was the idiot who managed to pawn off decades of his family history to satisfy his new fiancée.
Pathetic.
I wondered what else of mine did they need to repurpose.
My dress?
My heels?
Ryan and I had always worn the same size. We’d grown up sharing everything.
Why stop now?
Ma exhaled sharply. “You satisfied now? All your questions been answered?”
Huh.
It never occurred to me until I really studied their faces, but then it hit me.
They wanted something. They hadn’t come all this way, put up with my outburst, and sat through my jabs just for the hell of it.
They needed something from me but I didn’t know what it was.
And honestly? I didn’t have it in me to care.
“I just have one more question.” I finished, ready to leave.
This thought had haunted me since the day I found out.
Had eaten away at the edges of my memories, making me recall every interaction, every moment between the three of us.
It fucked up my psyche so much that I tucked it away in the corner of my mind just to get some sleep in Thailand.
“Was it only one time? Or had you been with Johnathan before that?”
Ryan’s breath caught. For just a second, I saw it—a flicker of something in her eyes. Satisfaction?
Maybe she was glad she could finally use something to get under my skin.
Then, just as quickly, she smothered it with guilt.
“Yes.” Her voice was soft. “We messed around a few times. But when you got engaged, I told him we should stop. And we did. For a time.”
She looked at me.
“Then Daddy died. And I needed him. I needed to feel safe again. I’ve known him my whole life too, Ellie. We grew up together, too. I fell in love with him, too.”
Numbness.
That’s all I felt. No rage. No grief. Just a bone-deep exhaustion that settled into my spine like lead. I needed a drink. A stiff one. Then maybe I’d lie down and let this day disappear behind my eyelids.
I pushed back my chair, standing smoothly.
“You’re both so pathetic.”
“Ellie—”
I turned to Ryan, my voice eerily calm.
“You don’t get to have both. You don’t get to have me and him.”
I let that sink in.
“And since you’re marrying him, I think you’ve made your choice.”
I grabbed my bag.
“Congratulations.”
Then I walked away.
?
After that so-called ‘lunch’ with Ma and Ryan, I drove straight to El’s place, gripping the wheel so hard my knuckles ached.
My brain was spinning from everything they had said.
The audacity. The absolute nerve of them to sit there and ask me to be the maid of honor at my sister’s wedding to my ex-fiancé.
I was almost certain they were trying to kill me.
I slammed the car door shut and stomped up to El’s front door, barely giving him a second to react before I was inside.
“They’re getting married,” I snapped, shoving past him into the living room.
“Who—”
“Ryan and Johnathan. My sister and my ex. And guess who they thought would be the perfect maid of honor?”
He blinked, still trying to catch up. “Huh?”
Right, I never told him.
I’d explain it all once I was done.
“And my mother—God, El, my mother just sat there co-signing all of it like I was the one being unreasonable! And Ryan had the nerve to sit there talking about how much she misses me, how she wants us to be close again like she didn’t spend years fucking the man I was in love with!”
El’s expression darkened. “Elliot.”
“Oh, it gets worse—” I started, but then I really looked at him.
His posture was off. His eyelids were heavy, his mahogany skin looked dull, and he had a sluggishness that sent alarms ringing in my head.
I frowned. “Did you eat today? You look sick.”
“Yeah,” he muttered, rubbing his face.
I narrowed my eyes. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, Elliot.”
“Are your sugar levels normal?” I pushed.
“Yes.”
I inhaled sharply, trying to push down my irritation, but something didn’t sit right. I glanced at his stomach, where his insulin patch was barely visible under the bunching of his hoodie.
“Okay. Let me see your blood sugar.”
His head jerked up. “What?”
“Open the app. Let me see it.”
He hesitated. Just for a second. And that told me everything I needed to know.
“Elliot—”
I stepped forward. “Elliot.”
He sighed, long and deep, then finally muttered, “Okay… I didn’t check it. It slipped my mind.”
A cold wave of anger rolled through me. “So, how do you know it’s normal, El?”
“I’m fine, I feel fine. I just need to lie down.”
My face fell flat, and the same numbness from before settled over me. “You didn’t check it today, did you?”
He looked at me, mouth tight, so tight that instead of confirming my suspicions verbally, he shook his head.
Huh.
“You lied to me.”
His face screwed up in confusion. “Peanut—”
“No. Don’t ‘peanut’ me. You lied to me.” I shook my head, stepping back.
I didn’t even want to be near him right now.
“You looked me in the face and told me you were taking this seriously, but you aren’t.”
“Elliot, I am taking it seriously!” he insisted. “I just got caught up in work and lost track of time. I didn’t think it was a big deal—”
My breath caught.
“Not a big deal?” My voice wavered, but I didn’t care. “You could’ve passed out, El! You could’ve died! And I would’ve just walked in here thinking everything was fine, only to find you unconscious! Or worse!”
His jaw tightened. “It’s not like that—”
“It is like that!” My chest heaved. “It is because this is your life we’re talking about! And instead of just telling me the truth, instead of letting me help, you lied! Do you know how fucked up that is? Do you know what that feels like?”
His expression softened, but I didn’t want his pity. I didn’t want his excuses. I wanted him to get it.
“I already lost my father,” I whispered, my voice raw as I held myself up by my torso. “I can’t—I can’t—do this again. I can’t.”
“Ellie.” He reached for me, but I pulled away.
“Just. Eat something,” I commanded. “Take your insulin. And don’t ever lie to me again.”
“Ellie, please stay,” he begged.
“I can’t, El. I just can’t.” Then I turned and left.
When I got home, I didn’t even go to my own room. I went straight to Esther’s room, where she sat on the bed, giggling on the phone.
When she saw me, she paused. “Ellie? I thought you were staying with your mom this weekend.”
I shrugged and dropped on the bed. “Change of plans.”
“Ellie? Ellie, what happened?”
I ignored her, crawled under the covers, and bawled until exhaustion took me under.