Chapter 21 #2
I thought for a moment, then smiled. “Alright then. When I was a kid, my dad used to let me sit on his lap and ‘drive’ the car.”
El’s lips quirked up. “That’s illegal.”
“Obviously,” I snorted. “But we lived in the countryside, barely any traffic. He’d take me out early in the morning when the roads were empty. I’d sit on his lap, gripping the wheel like I was a NASCAR driver, and he’d control the pedals.”
El chuckled. “Sounds like something my dad would’ve whooped my ass for.”
“Oh, Ma would’ve killed the both of us if she found out. But we never got caught.” I laughed softly. “One day, though, I got bold. Thought I was a pro and told him to let me steer without his help. And his crazy ass actually let me do it, just let go of the wheel like, ‘Alright then, go ahead’.”
El raised a brow. “And?”
I groaned. “And I panicked and almost drove us into a damn ditch. Not just any ditch, the ditch where the farmer next door threw out his old manure. He grabbed the wheel last second, turned to me all calm, and said, ‘Lesson number one, Elliot—know when you’re in over your head.’”
El laughed, deep and low. “Smart man.”
“Yeah. He was.” My smile faded a little. “After that, I never wanted to drive again. He must’ve realized that I felt bad about it because he took me to the big orange tree on the field and let me climb to the top. Daddy wanted boys, so he always let me do tomboy shit.”
“Obvious by the name choices.” El joked, earning a playful slap on his arm from me. He studied me for a second before he asked, “What was he like? Outside of being a law-breaking driving instructor?”
I laughed, but the sound was softer now.
“He was… kind. Gentle, but firm. Never raised his voice unless he had to. He was the kind of person that made you feel safe. Like, no matter what was happening, as long as he was there, everything would be okay.” I swallowed.
“And then one day, he just wasn’t there anymore. ”
Suddenly, silence washed over me. El didn’t rush to fill it. He just reached over, took my hand, and squeezed.
I blinked rapidly, forcing the sting in my eyes away.
“It doesn’t get easier,” I admitted. “Everyone says it will, but they’re lying. You just get better at hiding it.”
El nodded, his thumb brushing over the back of my hand.
“Yeah.” His voice was quiet. “I know.”
And he did. I could see it in his face.
We stayed like that for a while, just existing in each other’s space, and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I wasn’t carrying my grief alone.
Then he said, “I wish I’d met him.”
I looked at him and smiled faintly. “Me too. He would’ve liked you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. But he also would’ve given you hell.”
El chuckled. “Sounds about right.”
I let out a small laugh, but it didn’t quite reach my eyes. “You got your shit together. He respected men like that.” I exhaled, staring at the ceiling. “He always wanted me to have my shit together, too. I think I’m falling short in that regard.”
El shifted beside me. “You’re figuring stuff out. Give yourself grace.”
I huffed. “Easier said than done.”
He didn’t let me wallow. “When I was your age, I was still coloring backgrounds for other people’s work, barely scraping by.
” He took my jaw in his hand, gently turning my face to look at him.
“You’ve travelled the world. You help women in need.
You own a successful business, Elliot. You’ve accomplished a lot by yourself. ”
I bit my lip, turning that over in my mind. I didn’t always feel accomplished. Some days, I felt like I was just keeping my head above water, constantly reaching for the next thing so I didn’t have to sit still and think too hard. But hearing him say it soothed me.
I pulled my chin from his grasp. “You sound like Esther.”
His laughter rumbled beside me.
I turned my head to the ceiling again. “You think they’re proud of us?”
“Who? Our parents?”
“Yeah...”
He sighed, closing his eyes again as he thought. “I think. We are everything our parents wanted for us. Everything they dreamed we would be.”
I exhaled slowly. “Then, I know they’re up there bragging.”
El chuckled softly beside me, his breath warm against my skin. Then he squeezed my hand again. “Come here.”
I hesitated, just for a second, before moving closer, resting my head against his chest. His arm curled around me, offering a sense of comfort I hadn’t realized I needed until now.
“Can we talk about the kiss?” he asked. It had been on his mind for a while.
I shifted uncomfortably, knowing this was coming, but not ready for it. “I knew you’d bring that up sooner or later.”
“How could I not?”
“Simple,” I replied, shifting slightly in his embrace. “Pretend it didn’t happen.”
He paused, and then I felt his chest dip as he exhaled. “I can’t do that.”
“I know.”
“I want another one.”
I tensed, a knot forming in my stomach. “Now?”
“Right now.”
“Elliot…” I trailed off, unsure how to even begin.
“Please?” His lips brushed the top of my head as he spoke. “I’ll be thinking about it all night.”
“This will make it worse,” I said, almost warning him.
“I’ll take my chances.” His lips found mine briefly in a soft press. My heart hammered in my chest, my body betraying me as I kissed him back for a split second before pulling away.
“One kiss,” I said firmly, my voice a little shaky. He looked at my lips, his eyes dark with want, nodding along to whatever I said if it meant he’d get his kiss.
“Yes. I completely understand, Ellie.”
His hands cupped my face, drawing me in before I could say more.
The kiss began slow and tentative before deepening with unexpected urgency.
His warm, soft lips pressed against mine, and I felt his breath mingle with mine as his fingers threaded through my hair.
In that tender yet intense moment, my heart quickened, and every barrier I’d built began to crumble.
The pressure of his body against mine sent a jolt of electricity through me.
As he slid his tongue along the edge of my lip, I felt a shiver race down my spine.
He deepened the kiss, his breath growing heavier, his hands sliding down to my waist. He tasted like peppermint, and coffee.
When he pulled back slightly, his gaze locked onto mine.
Before I could react, his lips trailed down to my neck, kissing and nipping gently at the sensitive skin there.
I couldn’t stop the gasp that escaped me, the feeling of his mouth moving against my pulse making my skin burn with heat.
His lips were relentless as he lingered at the curve of my neck, pressing soft, hot kisses that made my whole body tense with need.
My hands instinctively moved to his chest, pushing him back slightly, but his grip tightened around me, pulling me closer as if he couldn’t get enough.
“El…” I whispered, breathless, unsure if I was begging him to stop or urging him to keep going.
He groaned quietly, his forehead resting against my shoulder. “I know, I know. One kiss.”
My tongue ran over my swollen lips, trying to get another taste of him. “Yeah...”
He sighed, rubbing his hand over his face. “Maybe it’s best to call it a night?”
“Okay,” I replied, my voice calm despite the chaos of emotions swirling inside me.
“Can I stay over?”
“Please,” I said, the word a little too desperate, even for me.
He gave me a soft smile, though I could see the unease in his eyes before he curled up next to me.
“I want more of your cookies, Ellie.”