40. Beck
Beck
I’m not a tall man by any means, but Brooke is definitely short.
When she couldn’t get into the boat, my first instinct was to laugh at the determined way she approached the physical challenge.
That instinct fled and was replaced by the worry that always accompanies people I care about when she fell back into the water.
I’m logical. I know that the river is shallow here, and that we were by the bank.
But also, the moment she went under, my heart plummeted into my stomach (which I know is not physiologically possible, but it still feels real).
When she playfully splashed me, I got a look at a woman who’s determined to have fun despite the challenges life throws at her.
Having fun is something I’ve had to work hard to do since everything happened with Addie.
But even before that, medical school, residency, and seeing trauma after trauma every night in the E.R.
make it hard for me to let go and live a little sometimes.
Anxiety masked by gruffness and irritation became my coping mechanism.
Brooke’s anxiety is different. She’s got big feelings, but she’s not afraid.
She leans in to things, where I lean out .
I find myself wanting to impress her, so even though I haven’t approached something like recreational white water rafting with my friends with this level of enthusiasm since I was in college, I swing myself into the boat like I’m a regular Indiana Jones.
When Logan passes me a paddle and instructs everyone to put on their life jackets, I don’t miss the bemused look he shoots my way. I shrug, rolling my shoulders like that’s a totally normal move for me to make. At one time, it was. For the past four years, it has not been.
“Beck’s back.” Ben whistles.
Brooke’s eyes search my face while I just shrug. Logan shouts out simple directions, but the truth is, he could do this section of the river on his own and be fine.
We make it over the first set of Class III rapids with no problem, but when we approach the second, I see exactly what he’s doing.
Logan’s aiming to unseat as many people as possible in the boat—himself excluded, of course.
We hit the whitewater, and the raft cuts into the rapids, spinning around and drenching everyone on my side of the boat.
Logan shouts instructions from the back, but I can’t hear him over the roar of the water. It’s a good thing Logan, Ben, and I have done this so many times because Matt is clutching his paddle in shock while Melanie furiously paddles like her life depends on it. No wonder we’re spinning.
We’re out of the rapids in a minute, thanks to Ben and I righting the spinning ship.
“So,” Brooke says once we’ve all taken a breath. “You used to be wild?”
I grimace. “Past tense there is pretty crucial.”
“So you’ve done this before?”
I bob my head. I’ve done more than this before. I’ve rafted the Upper Gauley with Logan during Gauley season. A feat I do not recommend to anyone except the most experienced of rafters.
“Interesting.” She studies me, then whistles, loud and shrill. “Logan! Give us some actual directions this time!”
Logan’s laughter floats on the breeze as he shouts instructions for the next set of rapids, still Class III, but a little more technical.
The white water sloshes over the boat as everyone tries to follow Logan’s calls.
It’s not effective, and Melanie whoops before hanging onto my shoulder to stay in the raft.
Although I had good balance, the extra weight throws me off-kilter, and I’m pitched out of the boat.
I have a moment of panic when I hear Brooke scream my name, but the truth is, I grew up on this river, and I know what to do. It’s probably in my DNA.
I swim to the side of the river, letting the current carry me downstream to the next stretch of calm water.
I manage to get there before the boat, so I wait, treading water.
I take a moment to watch the people on the raft as it comes close enough that I can see everyone’s faces.
Logan’s is not the jolly good time face he usually wears, Ben’s is stricken, and Melanie and Matt don’t say anything.
But it’s Brooke’s face that clues me into what they think happened.
Brooke’s eyes are huge as she searches from side to side, looking everywhere along the river. She didn’t see me swim away; she only saw me go under.
“Hey!” I shout. “Hey, I’m ok.”
All the heads in the boat snap toward me.
“Get back in this boat, you…” Ben growls, and I know he has several colorful words he’d like to use but is refraining from since there are ladies present.
I swim over, and Ben reaches out to help me get back in. I’m dripping and a little cold in the air, but Brooke grabs my hand when I pass. As soon as I sit down, she launches herself into my arms and wraps me in a hug.
“I thought you’d drowned,” she whispers against my shoulder while I rub soothing circles on her back.
“It would take more than that to do me in, love,” I whisper back, forgetting where we are and who we’re with.
When I look up, I find four faces gaping at me. Logan and Ben knew I loved Brooke, but I don’t think they anticipated how deep I’d jumped in. Hint, guys: forever.
Matt breaks the silence first. “Love?”
Melanie frowns as she turns toward Matt. “Some men don’t have commitment issues, apparently.” She flips her hair over her shoulder.
Logan and Ben look at each other for a brief moment before looking back at me. Ben raises his eyebrows, but Logan frowns.
“Uhh. Yes?” I say to Matt. “I know we haven’t spent much time together, but what did you think it meant when I called to tell you I was dating your sister and that I wanted to know you better?”
“I don’t know,” Matt sputters. “But I didn’t think it meant you were already in love terrain.”
Brooke lets go of me and turns to face her twin. I can’t understand everything she says because she says it rapid fire, and I think it’s nonsense, but Matt shrinks back from her fury.
“Ok, sorry,” he says, holding his hands up. “Mel, I … don’t say those words until I mean them.”
“Then what am I even doing with you?” Melanie snaps.
Strange things happen on this river, but witnessing a couple fight in between rapids has to be the strangest thing I’ve ever seen.
“Melanie,” Brooke cuts in. “Matt is the taller twin, not the smarter one. He might not have told you it yet, but he clearly loves you. You’re the only girl he’s dated for longer than a week in…” She closes her eyes and ticks off her fingers. “Ever.”
Melanie’s delicate eyebrows draw into sharp carats above her nose. “Really?” she asks as she swipes the back of her hand across her eyes. Mascara runs down her cheeks.
“Really,” Matt says, which results in Melanie throwing herself on Matt for a lengthy kiss.
Brooke averts her eyes after whispering, “Ewww.”
Logan and Ben look at each other, and then Ben calls, “Nope,” and dives out of the boat.
“Ugh. Can I join him?” Brooke asks, looking longingly at the water. “This is indecent.”
“I think they love each other,” I say in a low voice.
“Yeah, but he’s my brother .”
I adopt a faux psychiatrist demeanor. “Does that make you uncomfortable?”
Brooke snorts and I lower my voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “I think in this instance, payback could be fun.”
Logan rolls his eyes, but Brooke’s blue ones sparkle with mischief.
“What do you have in mind?” she asks as she takes the flat edge of the paddle and pokes Matt with it. “Matt!” she hollers.
Matt swats the paddle away, but Brooke keeps poking him with it. This stretch of river is calm. There’s still a few more rapids, but for now, we can swim. Or perhaps a better thought would be they can swim.
Logan knows exactly what I’m suggesting when he catches my eye.
We’ve done this a time or two, usually to him and whatever girl he’s picked up for the day.
“Too much love happening in this boat today,” he grumbles, but then hops to the seat right behind Melanie and Matt and plops down with just enough force to catapult them into the water.
Coupled with my own well-timed stumble where I ‘accidentally’ bump into Matt’s shoulder, the two love birds pop out of the boat and splash into the water.
“H-hey!” Melanie sputters indignantly as they surface.
“You did that on purpose!” Matt accuses as he shakes a fist at us.
Logan quirks a brow in plausible denial, and my part of payback for Matt and his makeout is to pull Brooke into my arms and kiss her.
“Gross! That’s my sister!” Matt shouts from the water.
I break my kiss with Brooke. “That’s the point!” I call back.
“Ok, lovers,” Logan shouts. “It’s time to get back to the boat because we’ve got our Class IV rapids coming up around this bend.”