Chapter 39 Lincoln
LINCOLN
@pancakesareelite:
Link. I miss you. Come back soon, okay?
@theanswerisno:
Hey, sorry. I know I’ve been quiet… my anxiety’s been getting the best of me
@pancakesareelite:
Do you wanna talk?
@theanswerisno:
I never know how
@pancakesareelite:
Do you want to visit my farm and fight monsters in the mines with me until you forget about it?
@theanswerisno:
Where have you been all my life?
This was going to be impossible. The only way I’d survive would be to keep our conversations as brief as possible and create as much space between us as I could manage while still doing my job and allowing Elizabeth to do hers.
She didn’t make it easy with her soft voice and even softer eyes. The stormy gray was lighter, almost blue. Too easy to get lost in.
I sent all my focus into my bowl of cereal. I didn’t want to ignore Elizabeth. I wanted to lift her up onto the kitchen island and kiss her like I did in my office. I wanted to step between those legs again and stay there, feeling her tug at my hair and tasting her skin.
But she wasn’t just any woman.
She was Lily.
And she was also Elizabeth Gordon-Bettencourt.
And she was my intern.
And I was… I don’t even know. I wasn’t Mr. Carden, nor was I Link.
Work ethics aside, what were the chances someone as amazing as she was would want to be with me? Because if I let myself love Elizabeth, if I fully acknowledged that she was also my Lily, I wouldn’t survive without her.
If I could stop those feelings now, I could recover. Probably. If I kicked her out of my mind and heart. But I couldn’t.
I slipped into my PPE and walked out of the cabin, assuming she’d follow when she was done eating her inadequate breakfast. I climbed into my truck and took out my phone while I waited.
Claire wanted to know what was happening. I shot her a text explaining the eventful night.
Elizabeth appeared next to my truck rather suddenly, and I leaned across and opened the door from the inside.
She climbed in and looked at me the same way she did when we had started working together.
Soft, pleading eyes that gave me the sense she’d lived a life waiting to see people’s reactions to her.
I gave her what I hoped was a neutral look because there was no way I could show her my true feelings.
Not yet. Not now. We had only three days to go before her internship ended, and then we’d know what our futures at Simucon held.
Then, and only then, would it make any sense to dive into everything we’ve been feeling.
I needed to sort through this mess before breaking my own heart or risking our careers.
The uneven ground shook a gasp out of Elizabeth as we ventured onto the gravel roads. She smiled almost sheepishly. “Glad I didn’t try and drive my car here.”
“I don’t know why Anders didn’t give you the company car,” I grumbled under my breath.
“Maybe he offered it and I didn’t hear…” She looked out the side window.
Every now and then, her confidence wavered. She doubted herself even though the opposite should happen since her abilities had improved.
I wanted to tell her this, but that would go against the rule I’d set for myself. Bare minimum.
We pulled up to the site, and I climbed out.
The other workers surrounded me. They’d somehow managed to find questions to ask me overnight.
Elizabeth stood on my left, not as close as she used to but close enough for me to smell the subtle cinnamon scent that magically followed her around. Even here, in the middle of nowhere.
We walked over to the container that would be used as a site office for the next few months, and inside, the rest of the team was already bent over drawings. I laid out the new drawings Elizabeth had brought along, but their gazes stayed fixed on her.
Much as I expected.
“Kevin, Radley, Elise,” I said, and rattled through the rest of their names, “this is Elizabeth. She’s part of our graduate internship.” I purposely left out her surname. If she wanted to let them know who she was, she could.
She reached forward and enthusiastically shook everyone’s hands.
“It’s her first time on-site. Please feel free to explain any interesting concepts to her as you go along. Before assigning any tasks, run them by me,” I said, using the voice people obeyed.
They nodded.
After the meeting, we made our way on-site, and I slowed my pace to meet Elizabeth’s. “By the way,” I said, “your nights are yours. Overtime is not required. I’m not opposed to house guests, but please keep them away from my room, as I tend to stay up working.”
“I don’t think I’ll go anywhere tonight. Do you want me to?” Her brows jumped toward each other.
“You’re welcome to be wherever you want, Elizabeth,” I said, struggling to even say her name.
“Oh,” she said, her voice soft. “Thank you, Mr. Carden.”
Mr. Carden.
I wanted to be Lincoln again.
But if she wanted me to be Mr. Carden, I could be. So I launched into the history of the project as we walked across the site, gravel sticking to our shoes and climbing up our pants.
“How come you never wear site boots?” she asked.
I nearly laughed at the irony. I wasn’t entirely sure what I’d do when the new boots arrived. I lifted up the formal shoe I wore. “They’re steel-toed.”
The surprise on her face was obvious and almost irresistible. I turned away before I was sucked in by her presence and the way she lit up. She made me light up.
I seemed to have reached my limit on how much I could interact with her before I started fawning. So I did what any respectable man in my position would do—I grabbed a shovel.
Thankfully, the rest of the afternoon had been easier.
Elizabeth stayed out of my way, which was both a good and bad thing.
Good, because I’d technically asked her to, and bad because, well, I didn’t like it when she was away.
I kept searching for her, waiting for her, and listening to hear her voice.
We drove back to the cabin in silence while I tried reconciling that Elizabeth and Lily were the same person. My scurrying thoughts only got worse as night fell, because by now, I’d generally be texting Lily or playing games with her.
And I craved it. I missed her, her jokes, and the chatty comfort she brought me.
Knowing there was someone who wanted me to come online.
I was addicted to Lily. And now she was here, in this cabin, and I still couldn’t face her.
Because every time I reflected on it, I wanted to touch her and hold her. I wanted to kiss her until we forgot our names and identities. I wanted to make her smile, the way she used to smile at me. There were so many things I wanted from her, but I wasn’t sure I could have it. It tormented me.
A bang at the front door drew me from my bedroom.
Elizabeth and I entered the hallway at the same time. She stood before me in a pair of pajama shorts showing more thigh than I could handle. She tugged them downward, but it barely made a difference.
I ignored the heat flooding to every organ in my body. Her disheveled hair wasn’t helping.
I averted my gaze and gestured to the door. “Is that for you?”
“Um, no. I haven’t made plans. Maybe it’s for you.”
Laughter rang through the door. A familiar cackle.
“Lincoln!” Rose yelled with another knock. “There could be wild animals out here. Open up!”
I took a few quick steps to the front door and swung it open. Rose and Claire fell inside with William and Dean following.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“It’s game night!” Claire said. Then her eyes narrowed. She was my greatest defender. “And we wanted to make sure you were okay.”
I gave Rose the side hug she bounced around beside me for. “Hello.”
Since the outburst we had in LA, our relationship had shifted for the better.
I grew up with no real friends, bar Claire, and now, somehow, I’d inherited people who would drive for hours to get to me.
Dean walked by, slapping me gently on the back as he did and giving me the wide smile that had won over my best friend’s heart.
“Shaun and Neema are really upset they couldn’t join.” Rose released me and fell into William’s arms behind her.
“Especially Shaun,” William said with a loud laugh. “It’s killing him. I’m gonna text him and say we’re having the best time.”
Such a troll. Always has been. And it was rubbing off on Rose too.
William raised his phone and snapped a selfie of his wide grin, my smile clear in the background and Rose and Claire pulling faces at the last second. “He asked for photos,” William said with a big sigh.
“Is she here?” Claire whispered.
I looked over my shoulder to where Elizabeth had been standing, but she was gone.