Chapter 45 Lincoln
LINCOLN
@theanswerisno:
Favorite food for dinner?
@pancakesareelite:
Username
@theanswerisno:
Dinner. Not breakfast.
@pancakesareelite:
Username
@theanswerisno:
Seriously? Even dinner?
@pancakesareelite:
When I love something, I love it in all its forms at all times.
“I’m sorry.” I flinched back. “I read that all wrong. I thought you wanted me to…”
Elizabeth’s lips, plump from the way I’d kissed her, were downturned on the edges. “I did. I do, but…” Her wide eyes welled up. “I’m not…”
“Not what?” I cupped her face and used my thumb to swipe at the tear escaping her left eye.
“Worth,” she started, her voice unraveling in the worst of ways.
“Worth it. I’m not worth you losing this promotion over.
Your mom… Lincoln, your mom is so excited, and I can’t be the reason…
” She inhaled a shaky breath. “But I still want you. How selfish does that make me?” Her hands fisted the fabric of my shirt as if letting me go meant losing me.
But I was hers. Always.
“As selfish as it makes me,” I breathed.
Despite the way my heart ached at the underlying and unspoken issues she had, my body still filled with heat at the idea of Elizabeth wanting me. Lily wanted me.
Main quest: Prove Elizabeth’s own worth to her. Side quest: Try not to scare her away.
My brain struggled to figure out how to respond to that, so without saying anything, I pulled her off the counter and twirled her around so I could cradle her in my arms. I would not go any further without this woman understanding how much she meant to me. How worth it she was.
While walking, I dragged her as close to my chest as possible and was pleased when her lips placed a soft kiss on my collarbone. Shivers spread from that very spot right through my entire body. It was a relief knowing she was struggling to resist me as much as I struggled to resist her.
When we got to my bedroom, I laid her down on the bed, and she tried dragging me toward her.
I pulled back. “No, no, no.”
Her crestfallen face crushed me. Elizabeth had been hurt in the past. I could tell that much from her behavior, but it ran deep. She hid it well and managed to keep up that sunshine personality everyone adored.
“Oh, then why bring me here?” She curled up, lifting her knees to her chest.
“I should have said, ‘not yet.’” I placed a soft kiss on both knees.
The smile was returning, and I spun around to grab the scribble-covered Arch D sheet. My stomach turned with embarrassment, and every part of me wanted to hide it away and never show her how deep my neurosis ran.
I extended my hand with the drawing. She took it in and first looked at the road layout.
“Other side,” I choked out.
Her gaze fell on her names written in the top center.
ELIZABETH AKA PANCAKESAREELITE AKA LILY AKA THE ONLY WOMAN I’VE EVER TRULY BEEN IN LOVE WITH
“Don’t you ever call yourself unworthy of my love when you’re the only reason I am sure I can feel that sort of affection,” I managed to say when my words returned.
Her beautiful, soft pink lips parted while she stared at the mind map I’d given her.
“You don’t know the power you hold.” I turned around, unable to watch her eyes when I said this. “Only you can control a room by just walking into it. And I don’t mean that because you’re a Gordon-Bettencourt. I didn’t even know you were a Gordon-
Bettencourt when we first met and neither did the team on-site or my mom. Okay, my friends knew, but that’s different.”
I was rambling and pacing, but I couldn’t stop either.
“It’s not even because you’re stupidly gorgeous, even though, you know, it helps, but…
” I shook my head, trying to clear it. “But you’re you.
You shimmer and shine, Elizabeth. You’re like the stars on a dark night.
Something to make a wish on.” I sighed before looking at her.
“Elizabeth, I think you’ve experienced awful things because someone gave you these complexes and… ”
Her eyes were wide, brows drawn to the center.
She was exquisite.
My chest was heaving at this point. “You do have weaknesses. No one’s perfect. I’ve had to rewash certain dishes.”
She giggled, and it was all I needed to finally meet her gaze.
“Lincoln,” she whispered, “what is this?”
I dragged my hands over my face. If there was a chance Elizabeth could love me, I may as well let her know what she was getting herself into.
“I was in the process of calculating the likelihood of you falling in love with me and staying in love with me. There were four scenarios I wanted to explore.” I pointed at the bottom row.
No contact, and I stay in love with her
Stay friends online and in person, and I stay in love with her
We fall in love, break up, and I stay in love with her
We fall in love, get married, do all the things, and I get to love her forever
My cheeks were on fire, and I resisted the urge to grab the sheet of paper, throw it through the window, and claim that it was all a joke. But her painted pink fingernail dragged across the fourth scenario.
The one I had my heart set on.
“What about work?” she asked.
“I included it at first. It complicated things, and ultimately, it came down to the same answer.” I looked at her, ensuring she knew how serious I was when I said, “Whatever the outcome is, it won’t affect your chance of being offered a permanent position.”
“And yours?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
I wasn’t worried. Because through the mapping process, I’d not only worked through my feelings for Elizabeth but also inadvertently solidified my feelings about Simucon and about being promoted. But now wasn’t the time for that distraction.
“Would we keep it a secret?” she asked.
My heart flip-flopped at the insinuation that she wanted this as much as I did. I nodded. “For now. For the next two days.”
Her deft fingers traced another portion of my mind map. “What’s going on here?”
“I tried matching our traits”—I turned away while she deciphered the scribbles calling her beautiful, smart, kind, thoughtful, funny (the list went on)—“and when that didn’t feel comprehensive enough, I assigned weights to the things about my personality I thought may win you over based on what the internet tells me are desirable traits for a man to have. ”
I paused here in the hope that she’d giggle and not make me want to bury myself in the various holes I’d been digging on-site.
But her eyes stayed fixed on the map.
A chill ran through me. I overdid it. I showed too much of my true intensity.
“This is a weird thing to tell you. Never mind. I was trying to, like… explain that I think you’re amazing, and I can’t believe you’d ever think of yourself otherwise but… um… I’m sorry.”
I moved closer to take the sheet away from her, but instead, she leaped into my arms, nearly toppling me over. The paper crinkled between our chests.
“Tell me more. What was the result? Did you do a sensitivity analysis?” She wrapped her legs around my waist, and it short-circuited my thoughts.
With no other option available to my love-flooded brain, I kissed her. My legs shook with anticipation, and I sat down, pulling her onto my lap. Heat spread from her body onto my thighs. My mouth skimmed across the freckles on her exposed shoulder.
Elizabeth sighed, letting her head roll back and giving me full access to her neck.
My laptop screen lit up, capturing our attention. Her eyes jumped across the spreadsheet, and she grabbed the mouse and scrolled. My stomach was a mess; even the butterflies were in knots.
“Lincoln,” she whispered.
“I know, I’m unusual and weird and those are understatements, and yes, I’ve rated those traits negatively.” My left hand curled around her waist and rested on her soft stomach.
Her free hand found it and entwined our fingers.
“You didn’t finish it,” she said when she got to the bottom.
“I didn’t need to because, even if my preferred scenario, number four, was ranked on the lower end, I was going to change it.
Become the man you need me to be or just drop down on my knees and beg you to give me a chance and prove to you how perfect we’d be together.
I know I freaked out at first, but that’s because…
you liked Link. I’m not Link. You also liked Mr. Carden, and I don’t know if I’m him either.
I… I mask so often, I don’t know who I am, and I…
panicked because you’re you. You’re Lily.
” I took a breath. My chest was awfully tight, and I did not have an inhaler nearby. “You’re everything I want.”
She turned around, straddling me on the chair, and I’d never been happier to be locked in somewhere.
“You’re Lincoln.” As she pinned me with her intense gray eyes, my adrenaline rushed.
“You’re Link, you’re Mr. Carden, Dr. Carden, you’re your mom’s handyman and the person your friends will drive forever to see.
You’re a coffee drinker, a sandwich buyer, an ADHD-riddled genius who loves Blade Olive, and yes, you’re anxious and closed off, but you’re you.
We don’t need this spreadsheet. I’m already, and will always be, in love with every version of you. ”
My heart sprang into my throat, and before I could reply, her mouth was against mine.
Softer than before. She mumbled against my lips, “And I’m so sorry for not speaking up sooner.
I started suspecting it weeks ago but I wasn’t sure.
” A soft kiss. Another. Another. More words came out of her mouth, directly onto mine.
“All I knew was that you were both engineers, mommy’s boys, and like…
your name, I guess. But I genuinely thought it was only because of Zelda. ”
My chest opened. That was the best answer to one of the plaguing questions I’d had. I cupped her red cheeks.
“And I kept thinking about how I could be wrong and how awkward it would be if I was, because you’re my boss, but there was this giant panic, like, what if you’re Link. My Link? Statistically, that’s unlikely, isn’t it?”
“Your Link,” I repeated, stuck there. Hers. I kissed her again. I couldn’t do it enough. “And you’re my Lily.” A breath whooshed out of both of us. “Whoa.”
“Exactly!” She pulled back and looked into my eyes. “It’s a little terrifying to think of it… of all those times I enjoyed the lobby more than the game. I went back daily to talk to you, to play with you, Link…” She flushed bright red. “Lincoln.”
“You can call me Link.” I kissed her perfect cupid’s bow.
“My mom and gran call me Lily. Link was the only other person who called me that.”
“Can I?” I whispered.
She nodded, and then she looked away, her eyes glistening with unspoken pain.
Pain I hoped she’d let me help her carry one day.
“You saved me. Link was all I had for a really, really long time and then we started working together and you became the only other person I had. But you are Link, so you saved me twice? It was so confusing.”
My chest ached, realizing the total mind trip it must have been. Had the tables been turned, I never would have spoken up. I never would have even gone to the LAN. I don’t know what I would have done.
But this was Elizabeth, my Lily, and she dove in headfirst and asked questions later.