Chapter 10
JUNIPER
“Am I hearing this correctly? I cannot believe you’re going to be on a reality dating TV show!
” Rosie exclaims loudly as we make our way into my bedroom.
The space is tight but it’s cozy, with the white shaggy rug and plush green cotton duvet on the bed.
The walls are adorned with photos of me and Mia, me and Rosie and Sage, me and other friends.
And there are shelves filled with books that I love.
My room is my safe space and I am always happy when in my own space.
I stare at her and then at Sage with wide eyes. I can’t believe what’s happening either. I feel like I’m in a dream and I’m not sure if I want to wake up.
“Holy crap, what did I just do?” I rub my forehead and massage my temples to stop a headache from starting up.. “Sorry, God, I didn’t mean to say holy, but, guys, what am I going to do?”
“You’re going to go on that reality dating TV show, and you’re going to meet a gorgeous and hot billionaire, and you’re going to marry him, and you’re going to introduce us to his rich friends, and we’re all going to live in mansions next to each other in Beverly Hills, 90210, bitch,” Sage says, and we all start laughing.
“I’m not crazy, am I? I don’t even understand how I agreed to this.”
“Girl, you agreed to this because Rafe was there, being an idiot, per usual,” Rosie says. “I do not know what that man’s problem is.”
“I don’t know what his problem is either,” I say, staring at them. “He is so aggravating. I don’t know where he gets off, trying to tell me what he thinks I need to do. Can you believe he said he was my protector and my bodyguard? What is this, the 1800s?”
“Girl, I nearly started laughing.” Sage giggles. “That man needs to shit or get off the pot.”
“But what do you mean?” I stare at her, eyes narrowed.
“It’s quite obvious to me that he’s into you. And if he wants you, then he needs to make his intentions clear. And if he doesn’t want you, then he needs to just give it up and let you meet a real man.”
“He doesn’t want me,” I say quickly.
Sage just stares at me and then looks over at Rosie. Rosie shrugs and looks at me.
“You’re in denial, Juniper. That man definitely has a thing for you.” Sage looks like she wants to shake me and I can tell from the look that she gives Rosie that she thinks I’m being deliberately obtuse.
“No, he doesn’t. I’m just his best friend’s annoying …” I pause. “I mean, I’m just his sister’s best friend.”
“See? You don’t even know what you’re saying anymore, Juni.
” Sage shakes her head. “But it doesn’t matter.
As far as I’m concerned, Rafe is doing nothing but being annoying, and he’s not even that rich.
I mean, granted, he’s a vet, and that means he is a good human being because he loves animals, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to make bank. ”
“I don’t care if he makes a lot of money. I’m not looking for a man who makes a lot of money.”
“Yeah, but it would be helpful, right? Didn’t you say your business wasn’t doing that great?”
“I mean, it’s not, but if I’m not going to accept money from Luke, who is engaged to Mia, then I’m certainly not going to accept money from some random man that I don’t even know.”
“What if he proposes to you and you get married?”
“Really, Rosie? Do you really think some random man on a reality dating TV show is going to propose to me, and we’re going to get married and live happily ever after?
” I burst out laughing. “And do you really think he’s then going to introduce me to his other rich friends who I can introduce to you guys? Let’s be real here.”
“What? It could happen.”
“Yeah, it could, but it seems very, very unlikely. Anyway, I’m still trying to process everything. How am I going to shoot a reality dating TV show and work at the bookstore and entertain you guys?”
My phone beeps, and I look down at the screen.
“It’s Rafe. Oh my gosh, Rafe’s texting me.” I sound like a repetitive fool, but I can’t stop myself.
“What’s he saying?” Rosie asks.
“I don’t know. I don’t even want to read the message.”
My phone beeps again.
“I’m going to ignore it,” I say to them.
“Call him and see what he wants,” Sage says. “Because you know you’ll just be up all night, wondering.”
“I don’t want to call him. I don’t want to.”
“Girl, stop being stubborn. Figure out what’s going on with him and then figure out what you’re going to do next. I know you like him.”
“I mean …” I stare at them. I know I can’t lie to my cousins. I’m not that good of a liar.
“Fine. Hold on. I’m going to go in my room and call him, but I’ll be right back.”
“Take your time, girl,” Rosie says.
I head into my bedroom and close the door.
I immediately call Rafe.
He answers after two rings.
“Hey, what are you doing?” he says, his voice light and sensual. Like he’s whispering sweet nothings in my ear.
“What do you mean, what am I doing? I’m calling you because you’re blowing up my phone.”
“I just wanted to make sure that you’re not going to make another poor decision.”
“I’m not making any poor decisions, Rafe. I’m—”
“We should talk,” he says, cutting me off.
“We are talking.”
“No, I mean in person.”
“Talk about what? Why do we have to talk in person?”
“I don’t know. Maybe about everything that’s been going on and the decisions you’re making … and us.”
“There’s no us, and whatever decisions I make in my life have nothing to do with you.”
“I don’t think that’s true,” he says. “I want to speak to you in person.”
“What? Why?”
“Come outside.”
“What do you mean, come outside?”
“I’m in your parking lot.”
“What, are you stalking me?”
“How am I stalking you if I know where you live?”
“But why are you here?”
“I know you’re not that slow, Juniper. I’m here because I want to talk to you. Come outside.”
“But …”
“But nothing.”
“I will come outside for five minutes.”
“That’s all the time I need,” he says softly.
“Fine. I’m coming.”
“Good.”
He hangs up, and I quickly hurry over to the mirror to check my reflection.
I want to reapply my mascara, add some blush, touch up my lipstick, but I decide not to. I don’t want him to think I made myself pretty just for him.
I fluff my hair and hurry out of the room.
“That was fast,” Sage says, looking up from the fridge. She’s got a bunch of grapes in her hands. “Everything okay?”
“It’s fine. Rafe is actually in the parking lot. I’m just going to go and chat with him, if you guys don’t mind.”
“We don’t mind,” she says, winking at me, and I ignore her as I hurry out of the apartment.
As soon as I step outside, I see the headlights from Rafe’s car, and I hurry over, open the passenger door, and slide inside.
“What do you want?”
“It’s good to see you as well,” he says softly.
“Don’t you have animals to save?”
“Don’t you have books to sell?”
“ What are you doing here?” I glare at him. I do not need him reminding me that I should be working my real job.
“I’m trying to convince you not to make a mistake.”
“What mistake?”
“I’m trying to convince you not to go on a reality dating TV show because I don’t think it’s the best idea.”
“And why not?”
“Because all those men want is one thing.”
“Excuse me? Are you saying a man would only want to be with me to get sex?”
“No, I’m saying that …” His blue eyes look tired, and he lets out a long, deep sigh.
I sit back in surprise. This is the first time I’ve ever seen him sound and look like this.
“Is everything okay with you?”
“I’m annoyed, okay? I’m frustrated. We had a moment the other night, and you’re just sweeping it under the rug, and …”
“There’s nothing to sweep under the rug. I—”
He leans forward and grabs my face. “I’m going to kiss you. And if you feel nothing, I won’t say anything.”
“I don’t know that I agree with this. I—”
But before I can finish speaking, he leans forward and presses his lips against mine.
They’re warm and soft, and I can feel myself melting as I kiss him back.
My hands reach up and run through his silky hair, and I feel his hands at the sides of my face.
His tongue slips into my mouth, and a whimper escapes beneath my breath.
He runs his fingers down the side of my body, and I shift slightly so that I can kiss him a little deeper and a little harder.
Suddenly, he pulls back, and he just stares at me, his eyes wide and intense.
We’re both panting slightly.
“So, you’re telling me that meant nothing to you?” Rafe’s breath is warm against my cheek.
“What?”
“You know what.”
“Fine, I’ll give it to you. You’re a good kisser, but …”
“But what?”
“But that doesn’t mean anything. That doesn’t mean…”
“Spend the night with me,” he says softly.
“What are you talking about?” I feel like my entire body is going to explode.
“Spend the night with me. And after you spend the night with me, if you still feel nothing, then go ahead. Be on that TV show. I’ll give you my blessing.”
“I don’t know what to say,” I say. “When you say spend the night with you, what do you mean?”
He gives me an impish smile and reaches over and runs his thumb across my lower lip.
My entire body is trembling as I stare at him.
“I don’t understand what’s going on, Rafe.”
“Look, when you were eighteen, you kissed me, and I kissed you back, and I could tell you thought it meant something, and neither one of us was in a position to have it mean anything. But we’re both older now.
We can make decisions that are meaningful and true.
We’re both real adults now.” He stares at me like there’s something else he wants to say.
Like there’s a part of him that wishes we could go back to that night.
Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking. “I know if you come to my bed, it’s not because of teenage hormones.
It’s because …” He pauses. “Well, you know …”
“I know what?”
“It means that an adult you wants and needs me. That’s important to me.
I need you so badly and I want to be with you.
When I take you hard and fast, I want it to be because we both want it.
” My heart pounds at his words because we both know that we both want it.
Very badly. I just don’t know what happens afterwards though.
Because I know for a fact once Rafe has been inside of me, I will never be able to give myself to another man. He will ruin me for life. His lips had already left an imprint on me. I don’t know if I’d ever be able to forget his cock.