Chapter 19
RAFE
The sound of Juniper’s giggles as we walk along the beach warms my heart. There’s a calm that exists inside of me every time we’re together and there’s nothing more peaceful than being with her and listening to the waves crash into each other as they make their way up the sand.
“I can’t believe we’re finally here together on our first date. It feels like it came out of nowhere, and yet it feels like I’ve been waiting my entire life for this moment. Where are we going?” she says as she gazes at me with light eyes. “Also, does Mia know we’re here?”
“No. Why would she?” I love my sister, but I certainly do not run my dating life by her first.
“I don’t know. I wasn’t sure if you asked her permission or what.”
“Why would I ask my sister’s permission to take you on a date?” I pause. “Wait, do you think she’s going to be mad at me that I didn’t ask her?”
“I don’t know.” Juniper shrugs. “Maybe she’ll be mad at me because I don’t know she realizes quite how big of a crush I have on you. Wait, I didn’t mean to say that,” she says, laughing nervously as her face goes bright red.
“Ah, so you have a crush on me, do you?” My heart lights up, and I grab her hands and pull her into me.
Her body feels soft against my hard one.
Her breasts crush against my chest and I run my fingers down the side of her face.
I want to rip her clothes off, but I’m trying to be a good boy.
Even though I’m normally a very bad one.
“I mean, I wouldn’t say that. I was just saying it to see how you’d react.” The smile on her face tells me that’s a lie and I lightly run my fingers through her hair.
“What would you say if I told you that I had a crush on you as well?” I speak the words slowly, making sure to look her in the eyes as I speak.
I want to say so much more than that. I want to say that not only do I have a crush on you, but I really like you as well.
That my heart races for you like it’s in the 100 sprint at the Olympics.
I want to say that I think Cupid left his arrow inside of me, but I don’t want to sound like a loser.
“I wouldn’t believe you. I think you are just trying to be an alpha dog here, and you’re just taking me on a date because you’re threatened by all the other men coming after me.”
“Number one, I’m not threatened by any other men. And number two, I don’t want to have that conversation. I want to talk about how you just told me that you have a crush on me.”
“Rafe,” she says, her eyes dropping slightly, “I was just joking around.”
“I have a crush on you too, you know?” I am direct now because I don’t want her to be insecure or unsure of herself. I know that she’s carried the past with her and I hate that. “Maybe I even have a really big crush.”
“A really big one, huh?” Her eyes rise, and she looks at me again. I can see she’s studying my face carefully and being serious. Her brown eyes are warm and deep and I could stare into them for hours and never grow bored.
“I’m trying to be on my best behavior, so stop looking at me like that, or I don’t know what I’m going to do.
” I know what I want to do. I want to rip her clothes off and feel her on top of me.
I want her to ride my face. I want her wetness across my lips.
But now is not the time to tell her that. Not when I’m trying to be good.
“What do you mean, you’re trying to be on your best behavior?”
“I mean, I’m trying not to pull you into me and ravish you here on the beach.”
“You would ravish me here on the beach?”
“Oh, in a heartbeat,” I say. “But this is only our first date, and I don’t want to rush anything.”
“You were literally in my bed, going down on me, yesterday. What do you mean, you don’t want to rush anything?”
“Well, I kind of think you like romance, and I kind of think you want your first time to be somewhere special. I mean, you did say you’d like to be whisked away to Paris on a date.”
“I didn’t say I would like to be whisked away to Paris on a date. I was just saying, imagine that.” She pauses anyway. “I’m not saying that I wouldn’t like to be. I’m just saying that I don’t have to be in Paris for, you know—”
“No, I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me?”
“For our first time,” she says.
“I know, but I want to make sure when you look back at our first time, there are fireworks.”
“So, what? We have to wait for the Fourth of July or New Year’s Eve?”
“No.” I start laughing hysterically. There was no way I’d be able to last that long. I’m not a monk. “I thought maybe we’d stop right here.”
“Why are we stopped here?” She looks at me in surprise and my throat catches as I once again admire how beautiful she is. She’s like a bouquet of flowers in a gray room.
“Do you remember eighteen years ago?”
“Eighteen years ago? Not really.”
I start laughing as I realize I’ve messed up. I shake my head and slap my forehead because I’m talking nonsense. Sometimes when I’m around her, my brain doesn’t function like it should. Maybe because I’m so besotted by her. If I were an artist, she would definitely be my muse.
“I don’t mean, do you remember eighteen years ago? I was actually talking about, do you remember your eighteenth birthday party? That wasn’t eighteen years ago…” I realize I’m mumbling and so stop.
“Yes. How could I forget?”
“And does this area look familiar to you?”
She looks around, and she shakes her head. “No. Should it?”
“This might not be the exact spot, but do you remember how we danced under the moonlight and stars on the beach on that night?”
“How could I forget?” she says, nodding. “Wait, was it this spot?”
If I’m a hundred percent honest, I’m not a hundred percent sure if it’s this spot, but it feels familiar.
I grab my phone and turn on my playlist, and Frank Sinatra starts singing “Strangers in the Night.” Her eyes widen as I place my phone down onto the sand and then grab her hands as the music floats around us.
“May I have this dance?”
“You may,” she says softly.
I pull her into my arms, and we glide back and forth in the sand under the moonlight, listening to the waves crash into the rocks.
“I can hear a seagull in the distance, and it feels magical.” I make up a song and sing.
“Da, da, da, da, da.”
I hum next to her, and my eyes meet hers.
“Da, da, da, da, da,” she says, singing along with me to the song.
We’re quiet for a few moments, and she rests her head against my shoulder, and I guide her back and forth across the sand, loving the way she fits perfectly into me. My fingers run through her silky hair.
I feel her whimpering slightly, and I stop.
“Is everything okay?”
“You surprised me,” she says, nodding slowly as she looks into my eyes. “I never expected that you could plan something quite so romantic.”
“You think it’s romantic?” I ask. “Happy, gleeful that I did something right?”
“It is. This is really special.”
“I’m glad to hear you say that.”
I continue humming along to the song and then reach my hand up and spin her around so that she’s like a ballerina, doing a pirouette over and over again, her hair spinning across her shoulders, and finally, she stops laughing and looks at me.
“I’m so dizzy.”
“Come. I’ll hold you until you have your equilibrium again,” I say.
And I pull her into my arms and take a seat on the sand. We lie back, shoulder to shoulder, and look up at the stars in the sky.
“When I’m lying here like this,” she says, “I feel like I’m so small. I feel like the universe is just this gigantic place and I’m just a peon.”
“It makes you feel inconsequential, doesn’t it?”
I look over at her. She nods slightly.
“Yeah. It makes me think, Wow, this world is so wonderful and large, and yet we don’t even know the half of it,” I say, and she nods.
She turns on her side to look at me, and I turn on my side to look at her. I can’t help but stroke the side of her face. This is how we’re always meant to be. Touching. Communicating. Just being. It’s simple and it’s right. I never want this moment to end.
“I have a confession to make.”
“Oh, yeah?” she asks me, looking at me quizzically.
I can tell from the look on her face that she’s dying to know what I’m about to say.
“See if you can guess.” I’m not sure why, but I suddenly feel incredibly nervous. I feel like she has my heart in her hand and she doesn’t even know it.
“I don’t know. You want to kiss me?”
“I do want to kiss you, but that’s not the confession I want to make.”
“Then what is it?”
“If I’m being honest, I have more than a crush on you, Juniper Meadows.”
“Oh?”
Her eyes widen slightly. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that my crush is more like I like you, which is more like I want you, which is more like I hope this is the first of many dates, and yeah.”
I wait for her reaction to see if she’s going to be horrified, to see if she’s going to laugh, but she just smiles at me.
“Are you not going to say anything?”
“I don’t know what to say. I feel like if I tell you I like you too, you’re going to be like, No, you’re just saying that. Or you’re going to be like, I knew it, and I just want to bask in this moment.”
She grins and touches the side of my face.
“Or are you dying for me to tell you my feelings as well?”
“Would you think I was less of a man if I said that I was?”
“No, I wouldn’t.” She bites down on her lower lip. “This all feels just a little bit surreal though, you know?”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because if my cousins hadn’t come into town, if I hadn’t jumped on the stage, if Jackie hadn’t asked me if I wanted to be on this show, would any of this be happening?”
I stare at her thoughtfully for a moment because I want to be honest.
“I don’t know,” I say. “Here are the things I do know: I’ve always liked you. I think you’re beautiful. I’ve always wanted to have you in my life. I’ve always wanted to take you out, and the thought of you dating or being with someone else absolutely burns me up inside.”
“So, would you be upset if I continued on in the dating show?” she says, eyes wide.
“I don’t know if you want me to be honest or if you want me to lie here.”
“You can be honest.”