Chapter 28
Seraphim
You’re meant to protect her, even at the expense of your life.
I would have. Fuck, god knows I would have. It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t know yet. All I wanted to do was protect her. It was why I came here.
The screaming. Oh my god, the screaming. I could hear what was happening, smell it. Fuck, I could taste it. That sort of thing didn’t go away. It was burned into your olfactory lobe and never failed to surface when something triggered a certain memory.
I knew you would fail her.
I tried to stop it. I swear to god, I tried, but I was too weak. I couldn’t even take one last look. If I could have, I would, if only to ensure that I suffered more for my weakness.
“I have no intention of doing the same.”
Refocusing my eyes on the present, I looked at Lock. He appeared fierce, determined. Vas was crouching beside Sam, studying her, probably gauging how strong she was. He knew she was no contender, but it was the magic that came out uncontrollably he needed to worry about. Taking chances was not something he did. He’d been alive too long for that sort of thing.
“You’ll just die, Lock.”
“Before she even knew what I was, I told her she’s the only person I’d sacrifice myself for. It seems I’ll have a chance to prove that to her.”
He dug his hands into the ground, trying to pull himself forward. I oscillated between watching him and keeping an eye on Sam. Her back had broken with the impact and the level of head trauma she’d sustained took some time to heal. When I heard the popping of joints, my gaze fell to Lock’s struggling form.
He was a fucking maniac. Was he going to tear himself free?
God damnit.
What do I do? What do I do?
Not for one second had I fully committed to this thing between Sam and I. Even when I’d given in a little more, I was prepared to backtrack at any moment. I kept telling myself I’d find the courage to kill her, even if it felt like ripping my own heart out of my chest.
That was where I failed, though. It was why I couldn’t get my mind straight or align it with what I was trying to do. The connection between Sibon and I was threadbare, more so since the day I kissed Sam in Birmingham. It couldn’t be obliterated, but one undoubtedly trumped the other. One was an agreement and the other was innate, undeniable.
It wasn’t courage that would finally allow me to kill her. Killing your Ark was weak and dishonorable. In most cases, it was born of fear or greed. The desire to take what they had.
That was the purpose of the pactum, to let another Nexus member take their place, even though they would not be as strong. It wasn’t meant to be used between two people that weren’t bound by blood, which made my connection with Sibon especially weak. Before, it was enough to keep me compliant, if only because the alternative was becoming a part of her.
I didn’t grasp it before, but Sam did free me, just as she wanted to. This thing still bound me, but it could not control me because my will would submit to her every time, making the pactum take a back seat. The real cowardice was trying to work against Sam and to harm her.
No, I wasn’t going to fail her. At that moment, it clicked into place. I would protect her, even at the expense of my life.
Releasing my tight grip on the connection in my head, all the air whooshed out of my lungs. It had always felt wrong, like someone had opened up my skull and dropped a marble inside. It rolled around, foreign and unwelcome. This time, it was worse.
My instincts kicked in, urging me to fight it somehow. Instead, I let her see. Instantly, I felt the surprise and a sort of relief that I was letting her in. Following that was confusion, then rage. There was definitely murderous intent.
Vas straightened and whirled around, his eyes wide. I shrugged, accepting my fate.
“What the fuck did you do?” he roared.
“What’s going on?” Lock asked, panting from what I assumed was unimaginable pain. I could smell his blood and tissues. Another minute and he probably would’ve successfully performed a magical, botched amputation. The guy was quite literally off his rocker.
“It’s the moment of truth,” I replied.
Shutting out the furious bitch, I let the obsequium fully take over for the first time. It was like finding a lost puzzle piece. The moment it snapped into place, fitting so perfectly, I felt more sure about my decision.
Even aside from the connection, I believed Sam deserved to live. She might grow to be as unhinged as Lock someday, but she’d still be a better person than Sibon. Being a part of this connection elicited certain concerns, but I had faith that Sam wouldn’t use it to control or take advantage of me. It was the first time I’d put faith in anything for a very long time.
Well, Sam had a death grip on the soulless serial killer and now she had the eternal flame at her disposal. The world would likely be destroyed within the month.
“What are we doing here, Vas?”
He was looking in my direction, but I could tell he was in his head. I had no doubt he was being given instructions to subdue me along with Sam. I was now nearly as valuable to her.
His eyes closed and he shook his head slowly. “You’ve damned yourself, Seraphim.”
“It’s your decision.”
He looked at me with a pinched brow. “Are you testing me?”
“Do what you need to do.”
One of his projectiles grazed my chest and I spun to the side before it lodged into my skin. I sent flames crawling across the grass and through the air, cutting off his escape path. Shifting to smoke, I narrowly avoided being struck by another invisible force.
I funneled a large portion of my energy to Sam, watching as she began to stir. Vas growled, then I heard Lock grunt. He’d stopped trying to rip himself in half, but now the weight was bearing down on him more heavily. As I expected, it didn’t last long.
Sam’s anger was palpable through our connection, the threat to her mate igniting an instinct that understood her magic better than her conscious mind did. Storm clouds rolled in, darkening the space around us. Lightning struck the tree beside Vas and sent splinters raining down on him. He started to rise into the air, but I blocked his way with a wall of flame.
“Rain,” I said, nodding at Sam.
“I don’t…”
“Just stop thinking about it.”
When she looked at Lock trapped on the ground, her expression hardened. A moment later, it began to pour, the air becoming more humid.
Vas was adept with his abilities, but it always took him a moment to adjust to shaping matter when the density of the air changed. I used the opportunity to rush him, bursting through my wall of fire and forcing my hand into his chest. Yanking it free, I watched his body fall, hitting the earth with a thud that made me flinch.
“It’s about fucking time,” Lock drawled, coming up beside me. He was limping slightly, still healing from his own stupidity.
“You weren’t much help,” I muttered before dropping Vas’ heart.
“You didn’t kill him.”
“I didn’t need to. Unlike you, I’m not foaming at the mouth at all times.”
“I’ll do it for you.”
Grabbing him by the throat, I pushed him up against the tree. “No, you won’t.”
“This is temporary. I’m not letting him resume his mission when he wakes up.”
“We have a couple days to think about it.”
“I don’t need to think.”
“Sam said you could handle yourself.”
He rolled his eyes, dropping his head back. “Maybe someone should handle you, since you aren’t thinking clearly.”
“Please stop,” Sam croaked.
Both of us turned to look at her. She was lying on the ground, staring up at the clouds. It was still raining heavily and beginning to make puddles.
Lock pushed at my chest and I released him. He dropped to his knees beside her, running his hand over her stomach.
“Belladonna, this is not the place for a nap.”
“What about a permanent dirt nap?” she joked half-heartedly.
“What’s on your mind?”
“You almost died. Raf could have died.”
“Well, I wouldn’t be broken up about the second part.”
“This feels like it’s all my fault. I know that it’s not, really, but right now I just… I feel hopeless.”
“This thing won’t get you.”
“I don’t want it to get any of us,” she snapped, sitting up. “We barely managed to take that guy down.”
“That’s because we weren’t working together,” I pointed out. “Vas is strong and presents a challenge, but we did take him down and it’s likely we’d be able to again.”
“And what does that do for us? You said yourself that we were no match for the Iraivan, so what’s the point?”
“The point is that I told you what our chances were and you said you wanted to fight anyway. I revealed where my loyalties stand. That’s it for me. There isn’t any going back, so I expect you to get your head straight.”
“Don’t fucking start with me, Raf. You didn’t know what you wanted until two minutes ago.”
The venom in her tone surprised me. “Does it matter in the end?”
“When I almost got taken and Lock almost died because of you? Yes, it fucking matters.”
Lock cocked his head in that annoying way, looking like a smug bastard. Breathing a dry laugh, I threw Vas over my shoulder.
“You know where to find me if I’m needed.”
“Where are you going?” she called.
“To deal with this and make sure neither of you can come in and assassinate him when I’m not looking.”
“Get the fuck back here so we can talk about this.”
There was a pulse in my chest that made it harder for me to keep walking.
“I’ve been fighting against a connection with a being far stronger than you for nearly a century, Sam. If you want to talk, you’ll have to do it in the traditional way, not by trying to control me.”
She was angry right now and I understood that. Considering how much she’d been through in just five months, I couldn’t blame her for anything she was feeling. That didn’t mean I wanted to deal with it right now. There were more important things.
Sam wanted to freak out a little, have her moment of feeling conflicted and worrying about death. She’d only been immortal for a couple of weeks and already was at risk of losing her own life and her mate. Now, there was also me. There was a lot on her shoulders, but I couldn’t help her with all of it. She needed to become strong and that wasn’t something that was taught.
My mission was to deal with Vas. Sibon wasn’t impulsive, so I had time to figure it out. He would wake up in about two and a half days and I hoped that by then I would know what to do.
Was time supposed to make someone wise? I felt as young as Sam right now and possibly just as lost.