Chapter 35
Sam
Rubbing my chest, I tried to push away the memory of sending that ice stake at Raf. It was all fun and games, but I’d felt it like some sort of residual pain. It had been difficult to even make myself do it, but I knew how much Lock was struggling to remain civil- or his version of it. He deserved a little bit of satisfaction from Raf’s temporary death.
Sometimes it felt like I was stuck in the middle of them. It had become clear that I needed them both in different ways, but neither seemed apt to accept that. Maybe Raf would be more agreeable if Lock was. I was pretty sure he just liked to get under his skin and since my lovely fiancé was the vampire equivalent of a nuclear bomb, it would continue to work.
Reaching behind me, I tried to zip the back of my dress, but couldn’t reach. Obviously, becoming a vampire wouldn’t fix things like this, but it felt like it should. I was immortal and had an unknown amount of power in my veins, but I was being bested by a fucking zipper.
What was the point of magic if I couldn’t use it to make my life easier? There was no scenario, barring our current predicament, where I would need to fuck up the weather or start a forest fire. Maybe a house fire would be useful.
Joram’s face came to my mind, immediately making me feel nauseous. My heart didn’t beat, but I still felt the panic in my chest and my breaths hitched when I remembered that night in the cellar.
My fingers felt hot just before I smelled something burning. I yanked them away from the material, shaking them as if they were matches that would go out. When I looked at the back of the dress in the mirror, there was a small patch that was singed.
Dropping to the floor, I covered my face with my hands. My bloodlust and desire for vengeance were quickly devolving into a chaotic, emotional dumpster fire in my brain. I wished I could just turn it all off like in that one show, but of course it couldn’t be that simple.
This bond between me and Lock had changed him to a degree. It gave him the ability to feel things he never could before, although it seemed like he had a lot more control over whether he had to be victim to them. Maybe I’d continue to become more like him as the years passed and I’d learn to just enjoy things without overthinking them.
He’d been right about one thing this whole time. Giving into my carnal urges was actually a reprieve from the stressful parts of my life. If that made me a monster, well, I just didn’t care that much. It’d be a cosmic joke if nature mated the man to a self-righteous vampire. He’d consume them immediately.
I wished he was here, but he’d gone ahead to take stock of everyone that would be attending the wedding. He was probably finding the perfect places to stage each body if it ended in a massacre. When we had the chance to plan a bloodbath, he got really hung up on presentation, like his scavenger hunt with over a hundred bodies and even more body parts with the police back home.
My chest pulsed, then I heard someone enter the room. Letting out an exasperated sigh, I glanced up at Raf. He was wearing his signature jeans and sweatshirt, sans mask. It was kind of a shame…
No. What the fuck? That was out of pocket and it needed to be shut down immediately.
To my dismay, he stepped toward me. “What happened?”
“Nothing.”
“I don’t see the point in lying about it. If you’re overwhelmed, we should address it before we meet Lock at your house.”
“It’s not my house,” I replied curtly, getting to my feet and heading for the door.
He caught my wrist, igniting heat between our skin. We were so close, I could feel it radiating off of him.
“Can’t you turn that shit off?”
“It’s reaching for you,” he explained, then leaned down so his lips were at my temple.
“Why?” I breathed.
“We’ve been keeping the connection closed. The pull was strong before, but now we’re around each other all the time and we’re still denying it.” When he dropped to a whisper, his breath stroked my ear, making me shiver. “I don’t think it’s happy about it.”
“Last time, it tried to kill me, so I’m not exactly keen on giving it what it wants.”
He laughed, the movement making his chest brush my shoulder. Every time he moved, that pine and campfire scent hit me with the force of a tank. Did I even enjoy camping? It sure felt like it.
“Remember what it made us do in that alley, Sam?”
My breath shuddered out of me and my eyes fluttered. If I closed them, I would remember too much.
This connection was a bitch. Now that it was seemingly coming at us both full force, I was overwhelmed. Afraid, even. Did I get no control over my life simply because our blood had some freaky codependence?
“Seraphim,” I warned, but it came out breathier than it should have.
He leaned forward, pushing me back against the doorframe. “Don’t do that.”
“I didn’t do anything.”
“Don’t say my name like that, Samara.”
“You just basically growled mine.”
His eyes squeezed shut as his forehead came to rest against mine. “When you’re upset, you reach out to me more aggressively. You need to stop.”
“I don’t know how,” I reminded him.
“Learn to rely on your mate unless you actually need me. This… I’m fucking dying to…”
“To what?”
When his eyes opened, flames seemed to dance somewhere deep inside of him. Back when he was just some mysterious villain in the shadows, I’d been afraid of him. This was different, though. He looked menacing, like a being meant to make judgments and deal death.
Maybe this was how ordinary people felt in the presence of the Iraivan. While he’d pose a clear threat if he intended to, I was more mesmerized by him than anything.
His lips curved upward the slightest bit, making my mouth feel dry.
“Your eyes. They’re sort of glowing.”
“Oh, great,” I muttered. “Am I turning into a fire angel too?”
He snorted. “More like a demon. Or a goblin. You’re pretty fucking tedious.”
I shoved at his chest, but he held his ground. Planting a hand beside my head, he ran his nose up the side of my face. I hated that it was the only place we were touching.
The connection was so thin and I needed it to be blown wide open. If I had the rest of my Nexus, I knew it wouldn’t be this bad, but given our current setup, Raf was it. Whereas I’d be able to keep a manageable connection open between each of them, I was forced to take more from him. I needed fucking everything.
“I need…” I trailed off, unsure where I was actually going with this.
“Mm.” His lips brushed over my cheekbone. “If Lock were here, he would be trying to tear me in two.”
“You’re right.”
“Would you let him?”
“You know the answer to that.”
“It’s possible to kill one of those bound to you.”
The thought made me suck in a breath. With him this close and our blood extra spicy right now, it was like a physical pain in my chest. He touched my collarbone and I knew that he could feel my reaction.
“You wouldn’t do that,” he went on, his fangs grazing my jaw. “You’re not like…”
“Sibon.”
He tensed, so I put a hand on his chest. Immediately, he let out a breath against my skin and continued his languid trail across my face. When he dipped further and pressed his lips to my neck, my other hand gripped his side.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Being careful.”
“It seems more like you’re trying for another makeout session.”
“I’m trying to appease it, Sam. We haven’t spent time getting familiar with each other as a Nexus. After your little revenge quest, we need to learn how to work this connection, so it doesn’t drive us to this point anymore.”
“Somehow, I don’t think you’d mind. You did say you’d fuck me.”
“Yet, here you are, not pushing me away when I know you have the strength to at least try.”
“It’s not me,” I whispered, tipping my head so he had more access to my neck.
“No, but it feels fucking good, doesn’t it?”
The hand on my chest moved to the side of my neck and his other gripped underneath my thigh tightly, pulling my leg over his hip. His dick brushed against my stomach through his jeans, solid and sizable, because god didn’t exist in this wretched place.
“I’m afraid you’re going to think of me as the villain here,” Raf said, brushing his lips over mine and letting out a little groan. “But I need you to know that I’m trying so fucking hard right now not to take this further.”
“It’s already too far.”
Still, dumb bitch that I was, I didn’t move away. Instead, I arched toward him, trying to create more contact between us. With my tongue, I flicked his upper lip and felt more heat raging between us. These instincts pushing us together knew what they were doing because I felt the connection becoming steadier. I wasn’t satisfied, though.
“Whatever you’re thinking, stop,” he instructed, his voice firm.
“I’m not thinking anything.”
“It’s making me want to fuck you, Samara. To please you. My blood submits to you, remember?”
“Oh, yeah. It’s not you. It’s me.”
“It’s true. Just…”
His grip on my neck and thigh tightened. The heavy rise and fall of his chest was actually a little frightening.
“Seraphim.”
“Bite me.”
Pulling back, I looked into his eyes. The pupil wasn’t even visible, only the honey brown and orange colors staring back at me.
“I don’t want to. You need your strength.”
“This won’t stop until you take it from me.”
“I don’t understand why I’m supposed to make you weak.”
“We need to learn how to maintain it, keep it open. Right now, your body is desperate for the connection it’s been denied and your anxiety about today is making it worse. I’ll feed on the way there.”
“Are you sure?”
His fingers slid further up my thigh, dipping under my dress. “Sam, if you don’t do it, we’re both going to regret what happens.” Tipping his head down, he kissed my shoulder. “I’ll have to find more effective ways to give you what you’re craving.”
Swallowing hard, I gripped the back of his neck. My fangs descended at the mere thought of drinking from him again. Settling the sharp tips against his skin, I hesitated.
“This feels wrong, Raf.”
“It’ll be more wrong when I lose all control and fill your pussy with my cock until you scream.”
Jesus fucking Christ.