Chapter 42
Seraphim
Storms had always been a comfort to me. Maybe there was some significance in the fact that she was able to manifest this specific thing. It was a little weird since this one was coming from Sam’s tethering- AKA, having sex and blood sharing with her mate.
Whatever it was, I enjoyed sitting on the patio during chaos like this. There was something peaceful about it. It was certainly more enjoyable than being inside right now. Vampires had incredible hearing, but we learned to tune many things out, otherwise we’d never be able to think clearly. Those two, however, were loud as fuck and didn’t give a single shit about it.
If I had something like that, I’d probably be the same way. Family was one thing. I’d craved it, sought it, ruined my life for the idea of it. A bond like that… It didn’t appeal to me. How would you ever know that what you felt was real? Mates had been known to kill each other for power, so there was obviously enough free will involved, but I wanted to have full control of my decision to love someone, if I ever chose something like that.
I’d never wanted a Nexus either and I’d found myself with a nearly complete one. It was different than I thought it’d be. Sam had tried to use it against me once when I refused to kill Vas, but after that we’d been mostly okay. Once we changed Joseph, she and I wouldn’t feel so starved for each other. Everything would begin to balance out, even if we never found the fourth.
The rest of our future was uncertain, but I didn’t want to think about it right now. My life had been consumed by this thing for so long and right now, it felt like I could breathe for just a moment. We still had to get out of here soon, of course. I also didn’t want to think about that because the idea of walking into their tower was unpleasant, to say the least.
I didn’t give a shit if people liked me, but if they challenged me, I wouldn’t stand by and take their shit. Shows of power weren’t important to me unless they were necessary and in this case it might be. Fighting Lock at every turn would also be a bitch.
God damnit. I was thinking about it, even though I’d come out here to do the opposite.
The door opened and hurried footsteps sounded behind me.
“Please stop,” Ryan called.
Sam’s sister, Ruth, marched past me wearing nothing but a t-shirt and jeans. She had her arms wrapped around her middle as she continued into the grass.
Ryan rushed after her, putting on a burst of inhuman speed, then slowing himself down when she flinched away. I watched with interest, wondering what exactly we were going to do with her. She’d been sleeping when Sam and Lock returned. When they finished their creepy mating ritual, hopefully she’d come out and deal with this.
Ryan stepped in front of her, then took her by the shoulders to keep her from turning the other way. “You can’t just go marching off to god knows where.”
“Leave me alone,” she demanded. Her voice was softer than Sam’s, less abrupt, but there was a similar ferocity to it that made me think she was strong enough to adjust well if she were to leave.
“It’s not safe. There’s a storm and it’s dark.”
“I can see those two things clearly.”
“Look, let me get your sister and-”
“I don’t want to see her. Besides, she and her demon are… busy.”
He swiped a hand down his face, then turned pleading eyes toward me. I leaned back on my hands, offering him an encouraging smile. She followed his gaze, her dark brown eyes full of disgust.
What the fuck did I do to her?
“Please,” Ryan implored. “Sam will be devastated if anything happens to you.”
She scoffed. “Samara has no respect for the sanctity of life. I want to know what happened back home.”
“You’ll just have to ask her. I don’t know the details.”
“Did she kill them?”
“I don’t…”
Her lip trembled and she sniffed, attempting to clear her expression. “I have to see for myself. Let me go.”
“Ruth, come back inside.”
Her palm connected with his face and he released her shoulders. When she started toward the road, I appeared in front of her, forcing her to stop.
“You don’t want to do that,” I warned.
“Move out of my way.”
My mouth lifted at the corner. “Are you going to slap me too?”
“I’m not an idiot. You’re a monster.”
“Might I point out that Ryan is what you’ve deemed a monster as well.”
“He is not a killer like you. All I have to do is look in your eyes to know you’ve hurt many people.”
“And people have hurt you, Ruth. I think Joram deserved the death he got for touching you.” Her nostrils flared and I stepped toward her, making her back up quickly. “For stealing from you, taking what didn’t belong to him.”
“Stop.”
“No, you want to act tough and as if you know what you’re doing. Believe me. You don’t know what the fuck you’re dealing with here. If you want to know what you’ll find at that house, let me tell you. Bodies. Half of the ones that were there for the wedding, including your mother, your father, Joram, and your brother, Matthew.
“Blood everywhere. Three empty glasses with bendy straws we used to sate our thirst. From the amount of blood on Lock and Sam when they got back, I assume more people lost their innards. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve been woven through the banister leading up to the second floor. Should I go on?”
Violent tremors were wracking her body as I spoke. I thought she might throw up, but she swallowed hard and shut her eyes.
“Should I go on?” I repeated. “If you want to see, I’ll take you there myself.”
“No, sir.”
“Don’t… Don’t call me that. It’s weird.”
“It’s respectful.”
“I don’t need your respect. I haven’t earned it and I never intend to.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means you’re right. I’m some version of a monster and if Ryan won’t be firm with you, I will. Go back inside before I make you.”
“No.”
As if Sam wasn’t bad enough…
With a shrug, I moved behind her and covered her mouth with my hand, pinching her nose to cut off her air completely. She thrashed, which was completely pointless. With the exertion, she ran out of breath more quickly and slumped in my arms. I let her fall to the muddy ground and returned to my place on the porch.
“Put her somewhere,” I told Ryan.
He looked shocked by the turn of events, but picked her up and carried her toward the house.
“What the fuck?” I heard Sam say behind me.
“Ask him,” he muttered.
A moment later, Sam was standing in front of me with crossed arms and an indignant expression. Putting a cigarette between my lips, I lit it with one finger as I raised a brow.
“What’d you do to Ruth?”
“Like someone else I know, she was being annoying and trying to do something stupid. Unlike someone else I know, I decided to cut that shit before it got out of hand. She’s just taking a little nap.”
I expected her to argue more, but she just huffed and held her hand out. After giving her a cigarette, she tried to light it the way I had, but ended up setting the whole thing ablaze. The fire leapt to the ground and it was so hot, it immediately evaporated the water.
Shaking my head, I reached for her, taking her wrist and making her sit beside me. I put a cigarette between her lips, lit it for her, and settled my arm around her shoulder.
“What are you doing?” she asked, coughing with her sudden inhalation of smoke.
“We have to address this issue with our connection and like it or not, being close is a part of that.”
“Raf-”
“Let me talk,” I interrupted. “Please.”
“Okay,” she sighed, relaxing into my side. I wasn’t even sure if she was aware of it.
“Lock is undoubtedly listening to every word I’m saying and I’d like him to recognize that I’m not putting up a mirage, so he can give us a damn minute to do our thing. With your new and improved bond, how about you check in with his emotions and make sure he’s on board.”
“Whatever he’s feeling, it’s not very festive, but he hasn’t come out here, which means he’s being supportive. Satisfied?”
“Yes.” Stroking my thumb across her shoulder, I dropped my chin onto her head. It felt like my body was humming. Or purring like a fucking cat. “We haven’t taken time to talk through everything. There’s too much to get through tonight, but I’m fucking tired of this push and pull, the fighting.”
“Me too,” she agreed. “But I don’t know what to do.”
“Whatever we need to do. I’m being completely honest when I tell you I’m not pursuing you or trying to fuck you, Sam. I respect you and, if we’re being candid, I enjoy your company. That’s been true since the first time we met in Seattle.”
“In your dark, creepy room. Was that orchestrated?”
“No. I didn’t expect you to come into my room and I was a fucking wreck when you appeared in my doorway. With Lock’s blood on your blade, no less. While I’ve plotted and schemed for years, I was never prepared for you to find yourself involved in all of this. Your arrival in Seattle threw me for a loop. I was… Fuck, I was dying, Sam.
“My entire life, I’ve had walls put up. When I found you in that cellar, I had to reinforce them even more. You came in and released termites in a house made of wood. The fuckers ate away at me relentlessly. It wasn’t just Sibon that made me afraid to have an Ark.”
“What else could make you afraid?”
“We had similar upbringings, Sam. Mine, though, was more abusive, you might say. It was firm, unquestionable. I was in it, on board with all of the bullshit, but they rejected me. I was in a house fire as a young teen and I walked out of it unharmed. They thought I was in league with the devil and even blamed me for starting it. I was beaten, almost killed.”
With a shaky breath, I touched my side. Memories faded, even for vampires, but that one was still vivid, as if it happened yesterday.
“Anyway, I was forced out,” I went on. “Left a hundred miles away to die or recover. They didn’t care. Liah found me after a few years and I thought she might offer me a home, but I was just a tool. She brought me to San Francisco, changed me and got me a place to live just in case she needed to use me, but that was it. I met Vas later on, again drawn in by the idea of belonging somewhere. Not once in my life has that worked in my favor.”
“You never had family,” she said softly. Wrapping her arms around my middle, she held onto me tightly. “This is your family, Raf.”
My chest felt tight from her words. “It’s just a built-in connection.”
“That’s not true.”
“Regardless, we’re in this together and I want us to trust each other. Your mate will have to find a way to be okay with this bond we have and that’s going to include Joseph soon.”
“We’ll all figure it out together.”
“Good. There’s something else we need to discuss.”
“What is it?”
“Every bond that’s created puts us in more danger.”
“They make us stronger,” she argued.
“Yes, but with every piece you add to the Nexus, the more valuable we are to our enemies. By completing your bond with Lock, you can better protect yourselves, but he is also a weakness. He can be used against you. It’s what I was going to do.”
She pulled back, narrowing her eyes. I rolled my lips, feeling an odd sense of shame.
“If your mate is killed, you’ll be weak for a time. It’ll be like having a part of you ripped away and you’ll lose the strength you shared. That gives someone a window where they can attack you while you’re recovering. Kill you.”
She bit her lip. “After Joseph changes, we’ll have two magic types we can train harder. That’ll help.”
“It will. I have faith in you, Sam, and coming from me, that means a lot.”
“I’ll try to live up to it. Right now, I think I need to figure out what to do with Ruth.”
“Leave her with your brothers.”
“No. She’s been through shit and I don’t want her here. If she decides to go her own way later, I don’t give a shit, but I feel like I need to make sure she’s okay. This place… It fucks you up. She went through worse than me after today.”
“You’re going to bring her back to San Francisco?”
“Yeah. I’m going to see if Ryan can drive her back. Maybe we can keep her tranquilized or something.”
She sounded overwhelmed and frustrated. It made me funnel some of my own energy to her. She got to her feet and I rose with her.
“Hey, Sam.”
“Yeah?” she asked, turning back to me.
“If…”
“What is it, Raf?”
“We can’t take chances with this. If Sibon were to somehow subdue me, she can’t be allowed to use me again. This thing inside of me is dangerous, but it will also give her too much leverage. She can use any of us against you and whether it’s your mate or your Nexus member, it’ll be nearly impossible for you not to comply with whatever she demands in order to save us.”
“What are you saying?”
“If she gets me, you need to kill me.”
Her eyes widened. “No. Absolutely not.”
“Promise me, Sam. I’d rather be dead than consumed or used by her. I want you to survive, not come after me. The same should go for Lock. Any of us, really. It’s better to lose one of us than let her get stronger.”
“If Lock dies, so do I.”
The thought terrified me, but I understood it.
“Then he doesn’t die.”
“Nobody dies. Sibon won’t get her hands on any of us.”
“Agreed. But, if she does…”
She set her jaw, then gave a sharp nod before heading back inside. My blood felt calm, satisfied by the closeness we’d shared. Like it or not, it appeared this would be our future and we’d just have to get used to it.
“I’m still going to cut his lizard dick off,” I heard Lock say.
Getting used to it might be harder for some of us.