Chapter 52
Sam
When I was in my second year at my university, I was forced to take public speaking. By that point, I’d been hanging out with Alex for just over a year and he’d helped me come out of my shell, but I still wasn’t great with people. I was shy and timid.
One might think I’d moved past that, but I hadn’t. Really, I faked it until I made it. That class was the bane of my existence. My final project involved a presentation in front of not just my class, but a combination of all the public speaking classes that quarter.
Beforehand, I threw up in the hallway trash can. After, I swiped a bottle of vodka from work and got drunk in my apartment. This was probably why people under twenty-one weren’t technically allowed to be bartenders, but Joey had me marked down as a ‘waitress’ for reporting purposes and nobody found out anyway.
That was the only class I got a C in and I’d cried about it. Alex came over to take care of my drunk ass and hugged me through my snot and tears. Now, there were two hundred vampires heading to the gathering room, likely in anticipation of some grand speech. I’d intended to prepare something but couldn’t lock anything down. Winging it was the plan and I didn’t know if I’d survive it.
Fuck it. I pulled out my phone with a shaky hand and held it in front of me. Alex answered on the second ring, his face appearing on the screen and bringing immediate tears to my eyes.
“Hey, Red,” he said with a smile. It didn’t reach his eyes and there were obvious dark circles under them.
“What’s wrong?” I demanded.
“I’m just tired. Didn’t sleep well.”
“If someone made you look this sad, I’m going to kill them.”
His brows raised slightly, then he breathed a laugh. “Seriously, Sam. I’m good. I’m really happy to see your face.”
“Me too. I’m sorry I’ve been a shitty friend.”
“You’re not. Are you okay, though? I saw a news story about a murder at Atakan or something. I wanted to go check on you, but it’s all blocked off.”
“Uh, yeah. Someone reported that, but nothing actually happened. They didn’t find anything weird.”
I was torn between smiling and feeling ridiculous about what I’d done. At the time, I’d been distraught, consumed by bloodlust. I didn’t feel bad, but it was very dramatic.
Erla’s display still brought me joy. It was a good thing the bitch was light because it had taken an ungodly amount of time and effort to get so many balloons. I had to send people to every place in the city that had a helium tank and I was pretty sure it cost more than I made in a year.
The aesthetic was ten out of ten, but it was too much effort for me to do again. I just hoped Davi got to see what became of his wife. The heavier parts of her were currently being picked apart by the fish in the bay, which meant he’d never have all of her body.
“Well, I’m glad everything is okay,” Alex said. “What about you? You look stressed.”
“I am.”
“Tell me. Do I need to kick sexy boyfriend’s ass?”
The mention of Lock made my chest constrict. He must’ve seen something change in my expression because he leaned in closer to the camera.
“Sam, talk to me.”
“It’s nothing,” I assured him, sniffling. “Remember when I had to do that presentation and got smashed after?”
“Yeah,” he replied uncertainly.
“Well, I have to talk to some of Lock’s important people at Atakan. He, uh, wants me to establish a presence as part of the business.”
“Wow. That’s huge.” When I tucked my hair behind my ear, his eyes widened. “Holy shit, Sam. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I glanced at the ring on my finger and grimaced. “Oh. Yeah, sorry.”
He got uncomfortably close to the camera. “That had to cost a fortune. Hopefully you don’t lose it.”
“That’s what I said,” I laughed. “With my luck, I’ll gain a bunch of weight and they’ll have to cut it off my finger.”
“You’re quite literally insane and that’s why I love you.”
“Is that why? I thought it was my award-winning smile and lovable personality.”
“Those too, but if your man hears me say those things, I’ll probably end up with my head on a pike.”
Shaking my head, I tried to maintain my smile. I couldn’t help but wonder how Alex would feel if he knew what I’d become. While I wasn’t ashamed of who I was, it wasn’t the same person he’d befriended. He was good. Pure. Beautiful. Regardless of my desire to protect him from this life, I also didn’t think he would fit in with it.
Just as I opened my mouth, a buzz spread over my body. It was like fire, but not a physical heat. My pussy throbbed, as if there was a heartbeat there.
“Fuck,” I breathed.
“You okay, Red?”
“Uh, yeah. I have to go.”
Alex bit his lip and nodded. “Yeah, okay. Can you promise to stay in touch? I’ve been really worried.”
“Of course.” I gritted my teeth when another wave washed over me. It was an effort not to moan, which would be the worst thing to happen during a video call with Alex.
“Love you, Sam.”
“Love you too.”
Once I ended the call, I collapsed backward onto the mattress. My eyes rolled as I felt what I could now recognize as Lock’s pleasure. It was incredibly unnerving. A revolting thought came to my mind, making rage unfurl in my chest. If this was the way Sibon was going to get my attention and force me to come after him, she was going to suffer a very drawn-out death.
Realistically, though, I couldn’t imagine it actually working. Sure, the body sometimes responded, even when you didn’t want it to, but I thought I’d be able to tell the difference. There wasn’t resistance to what Lock was feeling. I may not be able to hear what was going on in his mind, but this feeling wouldn’t be so aggressive if he didn’t want it to happen, and there was no doubt in my mind he would somehow kill himself rather than have his power taken away like that.
The breath whooshed out of me and a shudder traveled over my body. It was like he was trying to get my attention. Sure, I was an emotional wreck and this was the last thing I should be doing, but for some reason he thought it was a good idea. Being able to connect to him in any way was an emphatic yes for me.
Reaching into my nightstand, I pulled out the black dildo that I hadn’t used since before Lock and I began sleeping together. I had no use for it when we fucked a minimum of once a day. Usually four or five times.
Stripping out of my clothes, I ran my hands down my torso, then back up. I pinched my nipples lightly, moaning at the intense sensation. I could feel Lock’s response through the bond. There wasn’t a handbook for this thing, so I didn’t know how much could be sensed through it, but I decided to try something anyway.
Putting my lips at the tip of the dildo, I let drool drip from my mouth onto it. I pushed it to the back of my throat, allowing myself to gag. My core throbbed again with his response, so I took it out and positioned it at my entrance, rubbing it back and forth to spread the saliva around.
With a deep breath, I sunk it inside of me, unable to hold back my cry from the sensation. It wasn’t nearly as good as having Lock, but I’d been deprived for a day and with the physical distance between us, my body might as well have been dying.
I pressed the button a few times until it reached the setting I liked. With my free hand, I squeezed my breast and ran my thumb over my nipple. My walls began to constrict around the toy, making my back arch off the bed. Lock’s orgasm made mine drag on for almost a full minute. When it faded, I couldn’t feel him as strongly as before, which made my eyes sting.
“I’m going to save you,” I declared softly. “Baby, I’m coming for you.”
Pulling the dildo out, I stared at its glistening surface. Now that it was over, I hated that I’d used it at all. It didn’t belong inside me. Only he did.
With a shriek that morphed into a sob, I threw it with all of my strength. It burst through the window, the force of it making the rest crumble and rain down on the street. I couldn’t keep track of how many times we’d broken it and I didn’t really care anymore. Nothing mattered right now except finding a way to get Lock back. If I died trying, I would at least make sure I got to see him one more time.
As I stepped out of the stairwell on the gathering room floor, Mark appeared in front of me. It didn’t completely startle me anymore, but it was annoying.
“I don’t need an escort,” I said curtly as I headed down the hall.
“Friends offer moral support,” he replied matter-of-factly. “Aren’t we friends, Sam?”
“Sure.”
“Hey.” He grabbed my wrist, pulling me to a stop. “Things are bad right now, but you can’t push people away. We’re all trying to help you.”
“You want to convince me to go to war and get everybody killed. I don’t consider that helping.”
“We can sit down and talk about our options, you know. Ultimately, it’s up to you, but don’t fault me for wanting to make sure you don’t become a prisoner.”
“Whatever.”
He trailed beside me as I continued walking. When he let out a little laugh, I looked at him with raised brows.
“I went for a stroll earlier,” he explained. “There was a familiar projectile that soared through the air. It hit someone, caved their face in and lodged in their eye socket. Know anything about that, princess?”
Swallowing, I averted my gaze. “Nope.”
“If you want to play baseball, I do have a bat and a ball. No need for dildo torpedoes. Dilpedoes,” he added with a laugh.
“Fuck off, Mark.”
I turned into the gathering room and marched straight up to the dais steps. Lock had a chair here that he claimed wasn’t a throne, but one would have to be an idiot to believe that. He’d put another one beside it and I hadn’t even sat in it yet.
With a deep breath, I brushed my fingers over the arm of his chair. I wasn’t going to touch mine until he was back. We’d sit in them together, just as we were meant to.
My neck prickled with the awareness of everyone watching me. Every vampire was in here. Two hundred and seventeen of them. I made notecards with their names, pictures, and a few facts about them. Lock knew so much about every one of them and it was impressive, especially for someone that could kill most of them without remorse. He cared about them in his own way and never forgot a single milestone in their lives. He was a damn conundrum and I loved him more than life itself.
Turning around, I looked over the crowd. I’d never seen them all in one place. It was pretty fucking intimidating.
“Hey, everyone,” I said, grimacing at how shaky my voice was.
No, I couldn’t do this. My heart didn’t even beat and it felt like I was going to have an infarction. A familiar pulse erupted from my chest and drew my gaze to the doorway where Raf was leaning with his arms and ankles crossed. He offered me an encouraging smile, which was a weird thing to see from him, considering we’d been enemies until a week ago.
He must have understood the plea in my eyes because he started toward me. People watched him the entire way and I could sense his unease, but he kept his head high and didn’t take his eyes off of me. When he made it to my side, his pinky brushed mine. Mark joined on my other side and when he took my hand, I thought I might burst into tears and embarrass myself.
“I’m sure you’ve heard what happened,” I began, trying to make my voice loud enough to carry. Then, I remembered we were all vampires, so it didn’t really matter. It was about showing strength, though, and I wanted to earn their respect.
Ryan smiled at me from the back of the crowd and I offered him a little nod.
“I know I haven’t been around and I’m really sorry about that. Right now, I don’t feel like I deserve to be known as the leader of this coven, but I keep getting told that’s what I am. You all deserve the truth, so I’m going to be honest with you. When I woke up, shit was fucked, for lack of a better way to put it. I was afraid. Truthfully, I was ready to end my life to escape the intensity of what I woke up as.”
A murmur traveled through the crowd. Mark held up a hand and it stopped, all gazes coming back to me.
“It’s obvious that you’re all uncomfortable with Seraphim’s presence here.” Taking his hand, I lifted my chin. “He has attacked us, worked against us, and even killed some of our own. I understand the severity of that. He’s on our team now, though, and whatever it takes, everyone needs to get on board with that.”
“You want us to forgive him?” someone asked. A few angry outbursts followed and Raf squeezed my hand.
“Yes, that’s what I’m asking. He’s an essential part of this and we can’t do it without him. I can’t.”
A woman with platinum blonde hair stepped forward. She looked at Raf with unconcealed hatred.
“He killed my partner. That crime can’t go unanswered.”
“He’s answering for it by risking his life to help us with a threat bigger than anything you’ve gone up against.”
“Fuck that. Why do we need him?”
“This is why,” I nearly shouted as I ripped my hands away from the men beside me. Orange smoke burst from my fingers and heat filled the room. The curtains caught on fire, making a group of vampires scramble away from them. The smoke swirled around my body, carried by a wind that emanated from me.
The heat on my skin grew painful and I could smell the burning flesh. Raf took my hand again and it immediately began to fade, reaching a temperature that was hot, but tolerable. His thumb brushed over the back of my hand repeatedly; I wasn’t sure if it was for my comfort or his.
“What is this?” a man demanded.
“Magic,” I replied simply. “The details don’t matter right now. The fact is, I have it and so does Seraphim. The people we’re up against have more than we do. They also have Lock.”
Priscilla stepped forward and Marley followed. “We’ll fight to get him back.”
“We’ll do whatever it takes,” Marley agreed.
“If it comes to that, Mark will get teams together,” I said.
“If it comes to that?” she repeated. “I don’t understand.”
“We need to evaluate all our options. More importantly, I need you all to know that I won’t force you to fight. If you want, you can leave.”
“Sam,” Mark muttered. “What are you doing?”
Ignoring him, I shifted my hands into my pockets. “If you want to save yourself or your family, I’m giving you the option to leave the coven before we move forward with a plan. I don’t want you here if you’re not one hundred percent on board. This is the only chance I’m giving you, though.”
One person darted out the door and a small group followed. It made me feel angrier than I thought it would, but I didn’t want cowards here and I agreed with Vas about free will.
With a sharp nod, I stepped down from the dais and made my way toward the hall.
“Please tell me we’re going to fight,” Priscilla said as I passed. I didn’t know what to say, so I ignored her.
Failure, failure, failure. The word just kept repeating in my head. It solidified my fear from before I agreed to marry Lock. Power wasn’t for me. I wasn’t meant to lead. Making decisions for myself was an all but impossible task. Now, I had to not only make decisions, but be responsible for all of these lives.
Fuck.
“Sam,” Raf said, jogging to catch up to me before the elevator doors closed.
“What is it?”
“I’ve been thinking.”
“This can’t be good.”
He rolled his eyes, but smiled. “Maybe you’re not wrong for wanting to take Vas’ deal.”
My finger paused in front of the button. “I thought you were adamantly against it.”
“It’s not ideal, but you want to keep everyone here safe and you want to save Lock. I don’t know if either of those things will happen if we fight. She has vampires, both magic-holding and regular ones. Even if we managed to win, we would lose a lot and in war, we don’t get to pick and choose which things are taken from us.”
There was a dark look in his eyes as he spoke. After pressing the button, I leaned back against the wall.
“There’s still a part of me that says not to trust you,” I admitted. “But you know Sibon and what she’s capable of. Do you really think this is our best option?”
“I do.”
“And you’re willing to go back to her?”
“If that’s what it takes.”
I studied him for a long moment, trying to detect a lie or maybe a flicker of uncertainty. He looked confident, though.
The doors opened and I stepped out, turning around to look at him. “Talk to Vas. Figure out if he got her to accept. If this is what saves the coven and Lock, it’s what I want to do.”
There was a small pulse in my chest, but his expression was unwavering. He dipped his head slightly just before the elevator doors separated us. Once again, I felt the weight of loneliness settle over my entire body. It hadn’t gone away, even when I was in a room with two hundred other people, but now there was nothing else for me to focus on.
I think everything happened exactly how it was supposed to, even if we had to survive through some pain for a while.
Great. Apparently, I had some form of vampire PTSD. We really needed an immortal psychiatrist in this place.