Chapter 60
Mark
Alex:Just checking in. I’m worried about you.
That’s probably pathetic, but whatever. Msg me and lmk or I’m gonna get an ulcer.
Squeezing the phone tightly, I leaned my forehead against it. I was glad we hadn’t died back at Sibon’s mansion, but I had to admit it would’ve made shit simpler.
He’d texted me a few times. It was clear my mistake from the other day wouldn’t just fade into nothing. Part of me didn’t want it to, but I knew it was for the best. Sam didn’t want him involved either, which gave me another reason to push Alex away.
He was a good person. Better than all of us. It wasn’t because he was human. When Sam was human, she was still a little bit unhinged. The potential was there, otherwise Lock wouldn’t have paid her any attention.
Alex was going to be a psychologist. He was perceptive and smart, plus he was starting his doctorate program in a couple weeks. I would only throw him off track. He deserved better than me.
“Why are you so broody?” Sam asked, dropping into the seat next to me.
I glanced up at where Lock was sitting on his throne. His eyes were on Sam, as they always were. When he raised a brow at me, I diverted my attention to the woman beside me.
“I’m not broody,” I replied.
“It’s written all over your face. That, and you’re quiet.”
“Not all of us are relentless chatterboxes.”
“You love to talk. It annoys Lock.”
“Maybe I’m just enjoying the festivities.”
I gestured around the space. It was beautiful, as it always was on Christmas. As usual, we skipped the green and went for red decorations. Lock wanted to use intestines, apparently inspired by something that had happened in Alabama, but thankfully Sam was able to convince him it wasn’t the right aesthetic for the holiday.
The aesthetic didn’t matter all that much this year anyway. It was hard to enjoy any of this. All I had to do was glance over at Marley, who had joined us, but only to show her support for Lock and Sam. She didn’t have any food and she was just staring at the wall.
We’d lost things and that wasn’t something we could ignore. Trying to cover it in pretty bows and holiday gifts only did so much.
Sam set her hand on top of mine. “Mark, we all went through some shit. You can talk about it, you know.”
I pulled away, instead popping a deviled egg into my mouth. Talking about it wasn’t something I wanted to do. The memories Sibon forced me to relive belonged to me, nobody else. Lock knew about my human life, but never brought up the specifics again after he changed me. I didn’t intend for anyone else to become privy to it.
Sharing them would only mean reliving them again. I’d already locked them back down after we got back to the tower. It wasn’t easy, but I would fight tooth and nail to keep them where they belonged. In the past.
Shaking my head, I offered her a smile. “Really, princess. I’m doing fine.”
“Good. That means I don’t have to feel bad when I kick your ass for that stupid plan.”
“It was a good plan,” I countered. “We just missed something. It happens.”
“It happens? Mark, it almost cost us everything.”
“It’s over, Sam. Now, we can regroup and figure it out.”
“Only if I can find my wind dude.”
“You’ll find them. I have a good feeling about it.”
She grinned, taking my arm. I let her pull me to my feet and when she hugged me, I felt my emotions rise.
“I need to talk to you and Lock,” I said.
Her brow pinched as she took in my serious demeanor. “Now?”
“Preferably.”
I looked at him, finding him already on his feet. He jerked his chin toward the door. We all headed up the stairs, then into his office. He shut the doors behind us, pulling Sam back against his chest while he waited for me to speak.
“Something has been on my mind,” I began. My nerves were making me fidget and my eyes darted to the bar cart in the corner.
“Spit it out or I’ll have to torture it out of you,” Lock grumbled. Sam elbowed him in the ribs, which just made him smile.
“With everything going on, we need to make sure we have control of our people,” I said, pushing my hands into my pockets as I leaned against the wall. “We need allies, but we also need to ensure those at home are not only prepared, but completely loyal.”
“I agree. Those that remain here have my trust, but it wouldn’t hurt to vet them more fully.”
“It’s not San Francisco I worry about.”
“Seattle,” Lock mused. “They’re already problematic. We need a strong hand there. I was considering sending Marley. It would give her a purpose and I trust her.”
“Send me.”
It was a rare occasion for Lock to look dumbfounded. My gut churned as I watched both of their faces.
“Absolutely not,” Sam chimed in. “We need you here.”
“I’m the most powerful vampire here, aside from you two and Seraphim. You need a strong hand and that’s what I am. Send me to Seattle and I’ll make sure they’re part of our united front.”
“Is this temporary?” Lock ventured.
“No.”
Sam’s face contorted. “You can’t leave us.”
“It’s a smart move and you both know it.”
With a sigh, Lock nodded. “It’s your decision.”
“No,” Sam said firmly.
“I’ll head out sometime after the New Year.”
“No.”
Ignoring her, I shifted and returned to my room. My phone chimed as I sat on the edge of the bed.
Alex:Merry Christmas. Or Happy Holidays. Idk what you celebrate.
I got you a gift. Stupid, I know, but if you want it…
Seattle would be good for me.
An announcement overhead drew me out of my scattered thoughts. I stood and extended the handle of my suitcase. This whole thing felt incredibly mundane. I didn’t have to take a plane, but I didn’t feel like running or using my smoke form.
I’d checked the weather app on my phone a few minutes ago and found out that it was raining in Seattle. It wasn’t at all surprising, but it made me question this decision once again. San Francisco had its share of rain, just not nearly as much as fucking Washington. I doubted they had any good spots to surf, either.
Everything would fall into place when I got there. All I needed to do was find a spot with killer food and pick up a hobby. Easy enough.
I passed the man my ticket at the door, and he scanned it. A few more steps and I’d be in the loading bridge, then on the plane. I’d sit my happy ass in that first-class seat, drink as much alcohol as I could convince them to give me, and all would be well.
With a large inhale, I prepared myself to take that step. The scent that hit me made me freeze. After a couple more breaths, I confirmed that what I smelled wasn’t in my imagination.
Turning around, I met dark brown eyes. Alex was standing twenty feet away wearing a hoodie that said ‘How About No.’ His hair was wet from the rain, falling over his forehead. My fingers twitched with the urge to fix it.
“Don’t.”
That was all he said. His eyes were communicating more than his words, imploring me.
For a moment, I thought my heart started beating again. I didn’t want to look away from him, didn’t want to leave him there when he was asking me to stay. What else could I do, though?
So, I turned around. I walked across that bridge and crossed the threshold into the plane. As if on autopilot, I stuffed my suitcase into the overhead compartment and dropped into my seat.
Was this what heartache felt like? I’d never been in a relationship or even cared about someone enough to commit their name to memory when we fucked. Alex and I hadn’t done more than kiss, but leaving him in that airport felt like it tore something out of my chest.
I was empty, but it was better to feel empty than to eventually destroy each other, as we inevitably would.