Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
It didn’t take Nick long to catch up with Jason and he suspected that was intentional on Jason’s part. Jason could have easily outdistanced him on foot, but chose to walk at a normal pace. Nick joined him about a block away, and they walked in silence for several more.
Nick knew the boy would have questions, and he said a silent prayer that he would have the right answers.
More than anything in the world, Nick wanted to be the kind of father Jason would want in his life and be proud to acknowledge.
He was certainly proud of his son, and even though he couldn’t claim credit for raising him, genetics had to count for something.
Jason was strong and smart, with a maturity far beyond his years.
Nick hoped it wasn’t too late to give his son time for fun.
He’d been impressed when he’d seen how well Jason handled the adult responsibility of caring for Todd and Caitie every day.
At fourteen, Jason should have some time for himself.
Nick knew from personal experience how taking care of a younger brother could steal your childhood, and he didn’t want that for Jason.
Granted, at this point Jason was more man than child, but he still had three years before he graduated and Nick was sure there were activities Jason would love to participate in given the opportunity. They continued on in silence, each lost in their own thoughts, until finally Jason began to speak.
“When did you know?” he asked Nick, turning his head to look directly at him.
“The minute I saw you, I suspected,” Nick answered truthfully. “I really had no idea you existed until then, but after I did the math, I was convinced. You?”
“Same,” Jason answered quietly. “I always felt like maybe I was one of those kids, you know, switched at birth. No one in my family looked like me. My Dad didn’t seem to be interested in the things I loved to do.
“It’s not that he wasn’t good to me. I know he loved me in his own way, but we just didn’t seem to click.
He and Todd were much more alike, you know, laughed at the same things, and liked the same sports.
I mean, who really wants to watch golf or tennis matches?
” Jason asked giving a mock shiver. “But Todd did. I even asked Grandma about it once, and she told me I was a throwback. I did have the same dark hair and blue eyes as Uncle Rory, so I let it go. Then you showed up, and I just knew.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Nick asked gently. “I would have told you the truth.”
“I was waiting,” Jason replied. “I had no idea what kind of guy you were. I mean, I knew you were Mason’s brother, and he’s wicked cool, but you could have been a dick.
I figured I’d chill for a while and see what happened.
If you didn’t know about me, okay. But when I was pretty sure you did, then it all mattered.
You could have just turned around and gone back to Colorado, and that would have been the cend of it.
I would have known you weren’t interested in having a teenage kid. ”
“I didn’t go back, Jason. Once I knew about you, my whole life changed. Even if I could never tell you the truth, walking away was not an option. If I couldn’t be your father, then at least I could be your friend.”
Jason absorbed everything Nick said as they continued on in silence.
Reaching the park, they veered across the street and headed for a small footbridge as if by mutual agreement.
Stopping there they rested, looking down at the gently flowing water.
Each was lost in his own thoughts, but eventually they realized they were studying their reflections.
Emotions were high, and it seemed easier not to have their eyes meet.
Finally, Nick sighed and began to speak.
“I’ll do anything you want, Jason, well, almost anything because the one thing I can’t do is disappear.
If you want a friend, I’m your guy. If you want a dad, well…
I can’t even tell you what it would mean to me if you could feel that way about me.
” Struggling with his emotions, Nick paused and pulled himself together, thankful for the fading light that prevented Jason from seeing his tears.
“I think I’d like that,” Jason finally replied. ‘You being my dad I mean. I can’t call you Dad, at least not right now. Todd and Caitie would get confused, and it would just bring up a bunch of questions. But maybe someday I can, and we’ll know,” he finished softly. “Right, Dad?”
“Yes, Son, we’ll know,” Nick replied, his heart so full he could barely speak.
Nick threw his arm around Jason’s shoulders and they started back. Streetlights were flickering the way they do before full dark, and they walked in silence for a while before Jason cleared his throat.
“I’m pissed at Mom,” he stated.
“I was too,” Nick conceded calmly. “At first, but then I tried to look at it rationally. She was so young, we both were, and we both let our pride get in the way. I mistakenly thought she was fooling around with Jim behind my back and stopped taking her calls. I returned all the letters she wrote to me unopened. In plain speaking, I was a jackass. I broke her heart, and she married Jim in a panic. I see that now. I should have walked right up to them and demanded to know what was going on. I should have decked Jim and dragged your mother off for a serious talking too. Instead, I behaved like an immature boy, and maybe I was back then. A million regrets won’t change the outcome.
“I know your mother could have done things differently too. If she had been a little less stubborn and prideful, she could have found some way to let me know. She could have gone to Mason; he would have found a way, would have made me listen. Or, she could have gone to your Grandfather. I’m sure he would have straightened things out pretty quickly,” Nick stated wryly.
“Yeah, after he kicked your butt,” Jason laughed. “And probably Mom’s too. I sure know what you mean about stubborn though. Once she makes her mind up, it takes a force of nature to get her to change it.”
Another few blocks passed as Nick mentally debated how much to confide in Jason. Finally he decided he might as well tell the truth. There was no point in trying to hide anything now.
“I hope you’ll forgive her, Son,” he told Jason. “I still love her, and I plan on marrying her.”
Jason snorted.
“Good luck with that. I know she cares for you, even though she tries to hide it, but marrying? She’s told me a hundred times she’ll never get married again. I don’t think you’ve got a chance in hell—heck—of changing her mind.”
“I hope you’re wrong, Jason. The very last thing I want is to lose her twice in one lifetime. However, I want you to know that no matter what happens, I’ll still be here for you, always.”
They arrived back at the house just as Maeve turned on the porch light. With a wave, Nick let her know everything was all right, and after a moment she pulled her sweater close around her and went back inside.
“So… ?” Nick asked as they stood before the porch steps. “What can I tell your mother? I’m heading over there now, and I’m sure she’s frantic worrying about you.”
“Tell her we talked and I’m okay. I’m going to hang out here for a couple of days. Grandma will take us to school, and I’ll call Mom tomorrow when she gets home,” Jason told him.
Nick wasn’t disappointed in Jason’s response. Even after knowing his son for a short time, he had expected nothing less than fairness and understanding from the young man. Nick reached out for Jason and pulled him close for a hug.
“Thanks, Son, I’ll let her know. Talk to you soon.”
Nick was almost to the van when Jason called out to him.
“Nick, if there’s anything I can do to help you with your… plans, let me know. I think I’d kind of like having you around on a permanent basis.”
“Don’t worry about that, Jason. I’m not going anywhere, and believe it or not, I can be a force of nature too. Night.”
* * *
Nick found Maggie huddled on the couch, one arm curled around an empty bottle of wine. The room was dark but for the glow from the fireplace, and the door had been unlocked. When he saw the tear tracks on her cheeks, he decided to save that lecture for another time.
“Maggie? Honey, are you all right?” he asked gently, trying not to startle her.
A hiccup was her only reply. Nick approached the couch and managed to slip the tilted, half-full wine glass from her fingers before she dropped it. At least she hadn’t descended into drinking from the bottle, he thought with a smile.
She had on the most disreputable nightgown he’d ever seen, and he absently noticed her socks didn’t match. Must have been drinking for quite a while before she’d gotten undressed, he observed.
“Maggie, sweetheart, talk to me,” he encouraged as he slid down beside her.
“I can’t talk.” Hiccup. “I don’t deserve to ever talk again. My tongue should just fall right out of my mouth.” Hiccup.
“Don’t be silly, darlin’,” Nick told her as he lifted her onto his lap. “You have a beautiful tongue and I would really miss it. Now, why don’t you tell me what this is about? Jason and I had a talk and he—”
“Jason, oh God,” she sobbed. “He’ll never forgive me.” Hiccup.
“Of course he forgives you. He loves you,” Nick reasoned.
“How? How can he love me? How can anybody love me?” she demanded. “Where’s my wine glass?” Hiccup.
“Why do you think you’re so unlovable?” Nick asked, trying not to laugh. God she was cute, even if she was totally shit-faced.
“Because… ” she drawled out as if she were talking to someone not quite right in the head. “I… am… a… liar… ” she informed him, putting both her hands on his cheeks and forcing him to look into her bloodshot eyes. “Where’s my wine glass?” Hiccup.
“Honey, I know you’ve had a few… ”
“A few? I have lied to probably everyone in the entire world,” she informed him, totally missing his point. “The world, Nick, the whole damn world.”