Chapter 1
CHAPTER ONE
Della
Present Day . . .
Staring into the bleak depths of the ground, I struggle to keep my emotions in check. I didn’t think this day would come. That’s a lie. I knew it would eventually, but it came far too soon for my liking.
My rock was no longer with us. Sure, the past year, he hadn’t been the same, but I hadn’t come around as much as I should have either. I’ll regret that for the rest of my life. There was so much I wanted to say to him . . . explain things that he never knew.
Over the years, things in my life changed. I wasn’t the same girl who Granddaddy raised, and I never got the chance to introduce the new version of myself to him. The last time I visited, he didn’t even recognize me. The vacant look in his eyes tore my heart apart. I wasn’t his Della Girl anymore.
When Maddox called to tell me about our granddaddy, it hadn’t gone well.
Not in the least. We’d gotten into it. Mostly, I accused him of not listening to me when it came to putting Cornbread Granddaddy in a ‘home’.
Make no mistake about it, I didn’t want to put my granddaddy in a home.
Deep down, I knew it would’ve killed him.
However, having him stay at the ranch in his condition, with Maddox as his caregiver, didn’t seem right or fair either.
I wanted to help Maddox take care of Granddaddy, but I didn’t know how to ask what I could do.
I was also afraid to broach the subject with my brother out of fear.
I didn’t want to deal with the sting of rejection when it came to asking about the burden on Maddox’s shoulders.
Granted, our granddaddy could never be seen as such a thing.
Cornbread Granddaddy meant everything to me. Only Maddox refused to ask me for help. I didn’t know how to get him to talk to me about what he needed me to do. I would have even taken time off if it meant being with Cornbread Granddaddy.
Since Maddox took over the ranch and our granddad stepped back, I never felt welcome back home. Truthfully, I thought I’d been nothing more than a nuisance to my brother.
During the dreadful call, Maddox had been a jerk with the way he’d given me the news. Then again, the way I’d spoken to him, I can see why. Still, it hurt—more than hurt. I wasn’t there for my granddad when he needed me. If I’d been there, he might still be here.
Emotions had swarmed inside me, leaving me unable to think.
Memories flashed before me, ultimately leading me to realize that’s all I had left, and that staying away only made me miss time I’ll never get back.
I didn’t know what to do. What to say. How to take the loss of someone so important to me.
My chest hurt for all the time I lost with the man who raised me.
In the years since I left for school, I’d gone home every so often, but not nearly enough.
Life got in the way. I let my life go from being about working on the ranch and going to school to being about work and nothing else.
I’d become a workaholic. I didn’t even allow myself to follow my dream of running a business of my own.
All because of my senior year in college.
I inwardly shove the thought to the back of my mind. I don’t need or want to think about that time of my life.
Now was the time to mourn the loss of the most wonderful man who ever walked this earth.
At least in my eyes, he had been. I looked up to Cornbread Granddaddy.
Especially when my mom died and my dad all but deserted my brother and me.
He raised me to be a strong, independent woman. None of which I feel right now.
Maddox’s call the other day changed everything for me. I’d been at work dealing with a proposal for a company my boss wanted to snag.
I ended up getting my degrees in business and accounting as well as a minor in administration.
Two separate ones because I majored in both.
I’m an overachiever like that. I worked tirelessly to achieve what I did, thinking that I’d come home and start a new business, or at least move closer to home than I did.
Instead, I’d taken the job with the company I interned for and worked my way quickly up the ladder to a corner office with a view of the city.
The office where I interned was their Knoxville location, and I’d been able to transfer and move to Copper Run, Oklahoma.
It wasn’t worth it. Not really.
Not when I’d lost everything that meant so much to me. It’d broken something inside me and opened my eyes to the realization of where I was going in my life, and that it wasn’t at all what I wanted.
Cornbread Granddaddy told me he wanted me to get out and spread my wings. I did that, but I still feel empty. The only good thing I have going for me is the fact that I’m damn good at my job.
I don’t have a man in my life. Not really. It was more like an office booty call for when either one of us needs to get off. Didn’t matter if it was my boss.
But I don’t even think of that, or how Maddox called to tell me. It hurt that he didn’t call me right away, but waited hours before calling. It’d been early before the sun was fully up, and instead of being home in bed, I was at the office. I’d been there all night.
Clarity hit me, though, as I’d gotten off the phone with Maddox.
I sat in my chair for all of five minutes before sending the files and the countless hours of work I’d done to my boss and telling him I was done.
I wasn’t coming back. I couldn’t do it anymore.
I needed to get out of there. I let work get in the way of everything that had been important.
So, here I am standing before Cornbread Granddaddy’s grave after having watched my brother and his men cover his casket with dirt.
People had already dispersed, making their way up to the house.
Judy is among them. I knew she’d handle them for Maddox and me.
I needed a moment to myself. I had to be able to say goodbye without anyone around me.
I hadn’t spoken much to Maddox since getting to the ranch two days ago. I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to help, but it wasn’t my place. I hadn’t even told him about walking out on my job.
Maybe it was stupid and reckless of me to do it, but I couldn’t help it. All I could think about was how I wasn’t happy. I thought about how Cornbread Granddaddy would be disappointed in me if he knew how I was living my life.
With a look around me, I sigh as I gracefully squat down next to the freshly covered grave.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, breathing heavily, my heart filled with so much sorrow for the loss of the best man I knew.
“I wish I’d been a better granddaughter to you these past months.
Hell, this entire past year. If I had, maybe you’d still be here.
” I take a breath, glance around, and release a shuddered breath.
“I should’ve come home after college, Cornbread Granddaddy.
Or better yet, gone to a school closer to home.
Then I’d have been here for you when you needed me. ”
“Everything fell to pieces for me, and I ended up not doing as you told me to do. I ruined everything for myself. Became someone I don’t even know anymore . . .”
My breath hitches, and I swipe my cheek as a single tear spills down and blink away the rest. I wasn’t a crier. I haven’t allowed myself to cry since . . . no, I won’t think about that. If I do, I know I’ll end up releasing the floodgates, and I’m not sure I’d be able to stop.
Turning away from the grave, I start to make my way slowly toward the house.
This day was hard enough as it was, but now I was going to have to go in and hear stories from those who were sticking around.
I want to listen to those stories, though I know they’re nothing more than a slap in the face when it comes to the knowledge that they were all here for him when I wasn’t.
“Della.”
I turn at the sound of my name being called to find Amelia, my best friend growing up, closing in on me.
“Hey,” I murmur and let her hug me.
“How are you doing?” she asks, pulling back to stand mere inches from me. She bites her lip and starts up again before I can answer her. “Sorry. That was a stupid question. I know how close you were to William.”
“Could be better,” I tell her and suck in a breath, feeling the heavy weight of it on my chest. “What about you? How are things going with you? How’s Dylan?”
During the service, I spotted Amelia and her son standing off to the side with another man who definitely wasn’t her ex-husband.
I knew who the man was, but I didn’t dare think of his name.
I hadn’t seen him in years, and the sight of him causes my heart to flutter in a way it hasn’t since I was a teenager.
I focus my attention back on her son and not the man I’d seen them with.
“He’s gotten so big since the last time I was in town.”
Amelia ended up getting pregnant while we were still in high school, and she wound up marrying Russell Cain, whom she later divorced. Since I left town, we have mostly kept in touch via email.
“Tell me about it. We officially hit the preteen years, and he’s been testing my patience.” She glances over at her son, her lips instantly curving when her eyes land on him. “He’s the best thing to ever happen to me, though.”
“I bet. The last time I was in town, you were making soaps for the farmers’ market.
Are you still doing that?” I ask, though my eyes were on the boy with his cousin standing with him up near the house.
The man, I refuse to think his name right now, seems to be talking to him, but Amelia’s son was looking around in wonderment at the ranch.
“Yep,” Amelia says, looking back at me, that smile perfectly in place, drawing my attention back to her. “Every Saturday morning. I’m also working as a bartender over at the Rodeo Roundup. My cousin got me the job. It keeps me busy and pays the bills.”
“That’s good, it keeps you busy.” I nod. “I’ll have to check it out sometime.”
“I work pretty much Monday through Friday and every other Saturday as well as one Sunday a month, depending on the season. Come in, and we’ll catch up. I make a mean Cosmo. You can tell me all about that fancy job of yours while I make you one.”
“Make it a whiskey sour, and you have a deal.” I laugh and shake my head.
“Though I will say, there’s not much to tell when it comes to the whole fancy job of mine, but sure, I’ll fill you in on everything.
” I didn’t mean to say it like I did with a bitter taste in my mouth, but my lack of said job isn’t something I’m ready to share just yet.
“I can definitely do that,” she says, her gaze shifting ever so slightly, and I glance in the direction to see it’s my brother.
“You ready?” Maddox asks, eyes coming to me. I noticed him coming off the porch, but I hadn’t paid that much attention to him coming in our direction.
“I’ll catch you later, Della,” Amelia says, and I nod to her
“Sure, I’ll see you soon.” I smile, though small as it may be, toward Amelia and turn my attention to Maddox. “Just give me a minute, and I’ll join you.
“We gotta meet with the lawyer up at the house before we can see to the guests. Mr. Cohen’s on a tight schedule, has a plane to catch. Make it quick,” he grumbles.
Mr. Cohen had called Maddox and told him that he’d do the reading of Granddaddy’s Will directly after the funeral since he was leaving to go out of town later today.
I know he’s looking forward to this as much as I am. Neither of us wants a load of company right now. More than that, I’m sure he wants to get away from me as fast as possible.
With people mingling in and out of the house, it doesn’t help the situation.
“I won’t be long. I just need another minute,” I murmur. I wasn’t in a hurry to hear what Mr. Cohen had to say about the Will. Plus, I should probably get up to the house and help Judy. I’m sure she’s running around offering food and drinks to those standing around waiting to give condolences.
Maybe we should have had the memorial service at the funeral parlor so we wouldn’t have so many people here at the burial site. Then again, it wouldn’t have stopped people from coming here.
The funeral wasn’t small in the least. I swear half the town showed up, though we’d put in the newspaper obituary section that we were only receiving family and friends. Thank God for Judy. I know without asking, she’ll handle whatever dishes are dropped off as she’s been doing since I got here.
I’m personally not looking forward to having to put on a show for those who came by the house, but that’s what I’ll do to get through the day.
“I’ll wait out on the porch for you. Don’t take all day,” he announces and stalks away.
I knew he didn’t like waiting, and my asking for another minute chafed him.
He was one for keeping things to a schedule.
I was too, only I needed this. I glance around, seeing everyone has already moved on, leaving me alone once more, and I glance down and close my eyes.
With a shake of my head, I do my best to keep the tears at bay.
Slowly, I turn around and look to where my grandfather now lies to rest and whisper, “I’ll make you proud, Cornbread Granddaddy. I swear it. I’ll find my way back to me. Even if it’s not here.”
Sucking in a weighted breath, I look back at the house and, with one heel in front of the other, I make my way up to the house and my waiting brother.
I didn’t know what was so pressing with the lawyer that it couldn’t wait until he got back, but I guess we’re about to find out.
Then once this is all over, I’ll end up heading back home to Copper Run. Saddle Ridge wasn’t my home anymore. No matter how much I really wanted it to be. This was all Maddox’s, and I was only a guest.