Chapter 19
For the tenthtime in less than an hour, my phone rings.
I answer, because I know I cant ignore it any longer, even though our previous conversation wasn’t the kindest.
Brandon, I greet him as I answer the phone.
Thank goodness. I thought youd disappeared again.
He sighs in relief, but the relief wont last him long.
I plan to. Im leaving town for a while, I declare.
You can do no such thing, Brandon claims immediately. Your tour of the country starts in less than three days.
Ill cancel it. At the moment, my mental health is more important.
This will cost us millions, Andrea.
Im sure the label will work it out, I state, and I know that Damien agrees with me.
He and I discussed it this afternoon. It’ll be best for me to stay out of the public eye, at least for the time being.
Ill work on my new album in the meantime, I promise Brandon.
Brandon sounds completely devastated. Andrea, I dont understand. Youre throwing your dreams away for a man. A fucking man.
Dont talk about Damien like that, I snap at Brandon. I look toward the stairs leading to the second floor of the apartment, where he’s taking a shower.
After making love, we decided to get away from the city, so weve packed everything up to leave for a season in The Hamptons.
Damiens friends are ok with this, too. Their friendship and deep affection for him have impressed me. They’re just trying to protect us during this tough time, and have agreed to back Damien up so that he can get away for a while we wait for all these rumors to die down.
But it’s true, Brandon argues. Dont you see, Andrea? Hes ruining you. Youre not who you used to be.
Good. Because I hated who I had become, I confess, a lump stuck in my throat. And this version of me is one I like so much better.
Youre crazy if you think that.
I might be crazy then, I declare.
Brandon is silent for a moment. We can still make this right. If you just...
No, Brandon, I cut him off. I think for now, its time for you to let me go.
Youre not serious.
I appreciate everything youve done for me over the years, but Im not the little girl you had to take care of anymore. Ive grown up.
I know.
And I hope that in the future youll be able to accept this new Andrea. Until then, well have to put a hold on things.
Brandon sounds heartbroken. Is this how you repay me for everything Ive done for you?
You know that this isn’t how I want things to end.
But its your choice. And youre making a mistake by choosing him.
Im sorry you see it that way, I whisper.
I dont want to hurt him, and it hurts me to be having this conversation with someone I considered my only family for a long time, but I dont see a way around this anymore.
Good luck with him.
Just as Brandon ends the call, a text from my mother comes in. I ignore it, since I know exactly what shes going to say and what shes going to ask of me.
Lately, everything seems to be flooding me, and it threatens collapse.
Are you okay?
Damien walks toward me. Hes barely dressed in his pants and his hair is still wet. His shirt is hanging off his shoulder, exposing his sculpted abs, which creates an irresistible contrast in comparison to the tattoos that line his arms.
All good, yup, I declare, feigning a smile.
Damien sits next to me. I know youre lying, he whispers.
His fingers gently caress my cheek. I let my face rest against his palm.
Its just, everything falls apart, and it overwhelms me sometimes, I confess. Have you been through anything like this before?
He takes a second to answer. Once, he confesses.
I look at him, and I can tell that his voice is hiding something. It was with Natalie and Ethan. When Natalie cheated on both of us.
Do you know why she did it?
I guess it was for status, Damien states, seeming lost in his own thoughts.
I decide to give him the silence to continue, if thats what he wants, and he rewards my patience with his own story.
We met Natalie at different times of our lives. In my case, I met her when I was studying at Juilliard.
I didnt know you studied there, I state, impressed, and Damien nods.
I graduated with honors, he confesses. Natalie was also a brilliant student. She had a beautiful voice and a great talent for music.
Internally, I feel some envy for this stranger who came before me, but mostly I feel sadness, because I know things ended badly between Damien and his friend, Ethan because of it.
Truth be told, I always believed that we were genuine. We shared the same love of music. During our time together, I fell head over heels in love with her. I laid the world at her feet, Damien confesses.
I can effortlessly imagine the situation, as he has done the same thing with me.
What happened? I ask.
Damien shrugs, downplaying it, but I know this must still be a painful subject.
Everything was exposed after one dinner with Ethan. We both invited her over without her knowing. We didnt suspect anything, but the situation became clear to us. Ethan and I fought at first, but we soon found out that Natalie had been cheating on us, so we just broke up with her. Our friendship suffered for a while, all in all.
Im sorry to hear that.
Dont be sorry. You know that were still good friends.
My fingers intertwine with Damien’s, and I move closer.
His chest, warm and firm, shields me from the world as I take refuge in the comforting sound of his heart.
You know that wont happen again. Im yours, I whisper to assure him.
I know, Damien kisses the crown of my head. And thats why I plan to protect you, no matter what it costs me.
Ive learned to trust you more than anyone else, I confess to Damien. To believe in you. And sometimes it scares me what that might mean.
Damien takes me by the chin gently and makes me look at him. His dark eyes, usually unyielding, open somehow for me.
His beautiful face is so close to mine that if I stretched a little, I could kiss his cheek. Tell me why it scares you.
Because everyone Ive ever loved has hurt me, I confess.
Im the exception, you know that.
I give Damien a small smile. I hope so.
Ill prove to you that you can trust me with your heart.
You already have, I sigh, and bite my bottom lip. Ever since I met you, I was yours, but now I know that my heart belongs to you, too
I dont plan to let you down, Damien promises.
Slowly, his body leans closer, and his hands reach for mine as he starts to caress me.
Damien is like a shattering force that sweeps away all my fears and all my anxieties.
His lips slowly roam over me, and as he undresses me, I feel a sigh leaves my mouth and hangs in the air. My hands move from his chest and up into his hair, tangling in the thick, perfumed locks as Damien begins to move downward, lifting my shirt so he can kiss my breasts.
He begins to undress me slowly, tasting me as he begins to make love to me with such gentleness and such fervor that I feel like I could be reborn in his arms.
At this point, I understand that I can do nothing else but give myself to him. Slowly, and with desire imprinted in every caress. The sighs reveal every note of love I feel for him that I havent said aloud.
My feelings are transferred from words to actions. Because, at this point, I know I can only reciprocate his feelings and know I belong to him completely.
In the same way, I know that he belongs to me.