Chapter 17 #2
She wasn’t given time to adjust to the feel of the horse’s bare back beneath her as Markus draped her dress how he wanted it and began directing them.
For close to forty minutes, they followed his orders, shifting their faces and bodies to the angles he wanted.
Eyes looking forward, scanning the horizon.
Nina’s head resting against Mav’s chest, one of his hands holding the reins, one of his arms around her waist. They even did one pose where she sat sideways on Zephyr’s back, both of her dress-covered legs falling next to one of Mav’s.
‘Okay, last one,’ Markus called.
Behind her, Maverick’s body sagged in relief.
‘Mav, put that arm back around Nina’s waist again. Neens, tilt your head back and look at him over your shoulder. We’re going for sexy, can’t-get-enough-of-you vibes.’
Nina’s body came to life as Mav’s strong forearm wrapped around her waist, the dark blue shirt he wore contrasting with her white dress. She used her God-given talent to hide that burn of need as she tilted her head back to look at him.
Mav’s blue eyes softened, smiled. ‘This is an easy one,’ he said.
On the ground, Markus shouted, ‘Someone get me a cold bottle of water!’ making both Maverick and Nina smile.
As they looked at one another, everyone else disappeared. The shutter sound intensified, each click coming so close to the one behind it that Nina barely heard it at all.
If Markus gave direction, Nina didn’t hear it.
She was too focused on the man holding her, his eyes mirroring all those emotions she felt stirring inside of her – love and lust and panic and despair.
Without thinking, Nina shifted. She placed her lips on his, and when he sighed, it was her who took them deep.
The kiss was sweet and long and intensely intimate.
As Nina sank into him, Mav’s arm tightened around her, holding her against him. Nina’s heart thumped heavily, her excitement uncontainable. And when Markus yelled, ‘Okay, that’s it! Perfect!’ and Mav pulled back, she was mortified to realize that she’d let the moment get away from her.
‘Sorry,’ she whispered, slightly breathless still. ‘I didn’t mean to—’
‘I did,’ Mav said, his voice tight with an impatience she’d never heard in him before.
Beneath the impatience, she heard the pain and she regretted that she’d caused it.
‘I know the stakes are different for you,’ he said, so quietly. Tiredly. ‘But I’m not going to pretend that you kissing me in front of your people doesn’t make me feel like king of the fucking world.’
And with that, he slipped off the horse and held his arms out for her. He helped her down, and then before she could speak, turned and walked off.
Nina watched him go, her heart in her throat, and when Markus approached, his eyes filled with concern, she faked a smile.
‘You okay?’ he asked. ‘That looked intense.’
Nina almost said she was fine, but it would have been a lie. ‘I don’t know what I want anymore.’
‘Bullshit, baby.’
Her eyes snapped to his.
‘You think I don’t see you,’ he whispered. ‘Honey, I see all of you. So,’ he ceded, gently, ‘I know that you’re scared, and I understand why. But don’t pretend that you don’t know what you want. You’re stronger than that.’
She hated that he was right. ‘I can want him and still know it’s a bad idea, still not know what to do about it.’
Markus cocked one hip. ‘From where I’m standing, it looked like a really good idea – a delicious one, even.’ Leaning forward, he showed her the picture, frozen on his huge camera screen.
Nina’s breath caught.
It was that second in time before she’d kissed Maverick, that single moment when the attraction had been pulling them closer. ‘Am I that obvious?’ she asked and raised a single finger to trace her face on the screen, memorizing the look of love she’d worn. ‘I thought I could hide it better.’
‘You’re so worried about being vulnerable that you haven’t even looked at him yet.’
Her eyes shifted, focusing on the shot of Maverick.
And all she could do was close her eyes and say, ‘Shit.’
Markus pulled her in for a hug. ‘I know you’ve worked for everything good that’s ever happened to you. But I promise, Neens, sometimes good things just happen for no reason.’
Only mention of her work, her career had that constant simmer of panic heating to a boil.
Because what if she gave up Maverick for her career, and then her career imploded anyway?
And what if it didn’t, but then she was miserable because she’d walked away from him – and Poppy?
Because God knew she adored that little girl too.
And even though the negative was so much easier to focus on, there was a selfish, desperate part of her that asked: And what if you could have both?
And it was so big, so terrifying, that she couldn’t even consider the possibility.
‘And on the rare occasion the universe gives you lemons,’ Markus continued, ‘you make goddamn lemonade because you’re going to need it for the scorcher the bitch undoubtedly has just around the corner.’
‘I know that good things happen,’ Nina argued.
‘Do you?’
‘Yes.’ Nina gave him one last squeeze. ‘I found you, didn’t I?’
Markus sniffled and waved her away. ‘Go. I’m done with you for the day.’
‘Does that mean you’re queen now?’
Markus winked at her. ‘You know it.’
Nina laughed as she walked away in search of Maverick. She found him back at the barn, mucking out Zephyr’s stall as if the devil were on his back.
She stopped a little distance away, watching him through the open door.
He was so big, so strong, and, she knew, so capable.
It made her want to lean on him. It made her want to tell him all of her dark truths because he would help her – she absolutely knew that to be true.
In fact, that might have been the entire reason she hadn’t told him yet.
Before she’d known him well, she’d worried that he would judge her.
But now, she knew she hadn’t told him because she was terrified of what he might do. Not to her. But for her.
He sensed her. His gaze lifted, and the moment he saw that it was her, he banked the worst of his anger. The fact that he didn’t want to scare her only made her love him more, but Nina didn’t say that. She didn’t say anything.
She walked to him and, roping her arms around his waist, nestled in. ‘I’m sorry.’
The fight drained from his body in one big exhalation. Nina felt it leave him. ‘I’m sweaty.’
‘I don’t care.’
He sighed and, dropping the rake, wrapped his arms around her. ‘You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry. I keep promising myself I won’t pressure you, and then every time I’m with you I feel this urge to drop to my knees and beg.’
Nina’s heart swelled until she couldn’t contain it any longer. The love seemed to burst within her, flooding her system with absolute joy.
‘And I know that’s unfair – to you and to Poppy. Christ, you’re a famous actress! I know that.’
That joy dimmed around the edges.
‘I know it’s a mistake as sure as I know that I was raised to fight for what I want.
And even though I want to believe it might work if I asked you to stay, history has made me terrified to trust. And it’s not just me this time.
It’s Poppy too. And I can’t make decisions based only on what I want anymore. So, I’m not going to ask you.’
She nodded, unable to meet his eyes as her disappointment flared.
‘But Nina—’ he tipped her chin back, forcing her gaze to his anyway ‘—there’ll always be a place for you here. With us.’ Those blue eyes held hers. ‘Do you understand what I’m saying?’
She knew that he wouldn’t give the words to her, that he was leaving it up to her. She nodded. ‘I do.’
‘One day, one month, one decade. It doesn’t matter. I’ll be here.’
He didn’t kiss her. He wrapped both of his arms around her and held her close, cocooning her in the safety of his promise.
And Nina could only internally laugh at herself because she’d already made up her mind.
She wouldn’t tell him though. Couldn’t tell him until she’d sorted out her life and weathered the upcoming storm.
Because it was coming. She could feel it gathering with every day that she sheltered.
And when it broke, it would hurt. It might even destroy her.
But if there was one thing she could do, it was protect Mav and Poppy from her choices.