Chapter 19 #2
She accepted that with a small tip of her head. ‘Manipulative, too.’ She sighed. ‘I would have done anything to have him, and it’s so strange now, to look back and wish I’d never set eyes on him.’
‘Yeah. I felt the same way about Shannon when she first left. But then, after I had some time to heal, I realized that if we hadn’t met, I wouldn’t have Poppy …’
‘I don’t have that luxury.’
‘No.’ Mav swallowed his own pain and guilt and regret and said those words he should have said a long time ago. ‘I’m so sorry, Si.’
She frowned. ‘It’s not your fault.’
‘I asked you to come back.’ He pinched the bridge of his nose when his own tears stung. ‘I committed to the resort because I wanted you to come back. After Mom and Dad … I don’t know. I guess I wanted us to stick together. I wanted you to have something here to come back to and I—’
‘Mav,’ she cut him off, ‘I came back because it was time. The resort gave me the job I wanted,’ she acknowledged.
‘But even without it, I would have come home. Maybe gotten a job at one of the hotels in Santa Barbara or Santa Ynez.’ Reaching across her desk, she took his hand, gave it a quick squeeze.
‘You built something for me to come back to, but I chose to come home because I was ready.’
‘If you hadn’t come back, you wouldn’t have suffered so much.’
‘Maybe not. But I would have ended up with Benji anyway. I know myself well enough to be honest about that, so, please, stop accepting responsibility for my decisions.’
‘I wish I could take some of that pain from you,’ he said. ‘You’re my baby sister. I’m supposed to look after you. Mom and Dad—’
‘You have looked after me. Mav, you do. But at some point, you’re going to have to accept the fact that you’re not personally responsible for everybody in your life. I’m a grown woman, perfectly able to look after myself.
‘And so is Nina,’ she added, abruptly changing the subject. ‘Have you told her how you feel yet?’
Maverick leaned forward, placing his forearms on his knees and linking his hands. ‘Not in so many words. But she knows.’
‘Say the damn words, Mav.’
‘She knows,’ he repeated. ‘And has to be able to make up her own mind.’
‘You’re so scared of history repeating itself,’ she said quietly. ‘Nina’s not Shannon.’
The first flicker of irritation slashed through him. ‘Sierra,’ he said calmly, ‘I’m going to let you have that punch given the day you’re having. But if you think, for even a second, that I don’t know that, I’m not above calling you an idiot.’
‘So, tell her!’
‘I won’t use my love to blackmail her into staying.’
‘Mav—’
‘I’ve told her she’ll always have a place here,’ he said, cutting her off. ‘Nina knows her own mind.’
‘Telling her she’ll always have a place here, changing the lyrics to a song, isn’t the same as having the conversation,’ Sierra pushed. ‘It’s not the same as looking them in the eye and saying “I love you!”’
‘You’re going to talk to me about having a conversation with my partner?’ he demanded.
‘Yes. Yes, I am. Because I let my person go, Mav. And it’s like willingly opting into a half-lived life.
I don’t want you to ever feel this pain.
’ She stared at him, her face flushed with anger and pain and panic.
‘You can’t say that Nina knows her own mind and then not trust her to know what to do with the words you give her, not trust her to know that you’re not pressuring her, only loving her. ’
Because that settled a blanket of dread and guilt over him, he didn’t argue.
Sierra came to him. She gave him a little shove, sending his chair wheeling. ‘Trust Nina not to hurt you. Trust her to know her own mind.’
He sighed. ‘I—’
‘You’re afraid.’
‘I’m afraid,’ he admitted slowly, and as much as he hated the words, it felt good to finally say them.
‘Shannon leaving hurt. But Nina leaving … it might kill me. And, worse, it might hurt Poppy.’ He ground his teeth together, bracing against the thought.
‘I don’t ever want my little girl to feel that pain, that inadequacy. ’
‘You’ve done a good job of keeping things quiet,’ Sierra argued.
‘Sure, Poppy will be sad if Nina does leave, but only because they’ve bonded some.
She’s a child, Mav. In a week, she’d have moved on.
’ She gave him one last poke. ‘Don’t be a coward.
And stop using your daughter as an excuse for not taking the risk. ’
Mav exhaled a huge breath. He wanted to tell Nina how he felt. He had fought the urge constantly because every time he considered just saying the words he remembered Shannon’s bitterness and her accusation that he’d pressured her. So, he’d held back.
But he hadn’t realized that keeping the words from her was a different kind of pressure, a weird bargain where he only took the risk after she’d agreed to stay.
And maybe that wasn’t exactly fair either.
Maybe the hardest part about trusting someone again wasn’t only trusting that they knew their own mind and heart but trusting that they loved you enough not to hurt you too.
‘I’m a coward,’ he admitted after a long pause. ‘But I have good reason to be.’
‘You do.’
‘And you’re a piece of work,’ he said.
‘But I have good reason to be.’
‘You do,’ he ceded.
‘Tell her.’
He nodded. ‘I’ll try.’ But as he opened the door to leave, he added, ‘Does this mean you’ll talk to Benji?’
Sierra snorted.
Maverick shook his head as he walked away.
The two of them couldn’t go on like this, and as much as he hated to say goodbye to his best friend, maybe a little distance would help for a while.
Give them both space to breathe before they circled back to each other.
Because if there was one thing he knew about Benji and Sierra, it was that they circled back to one another eventually.
He was walking across the shaded parking lot, his thoughts spinning around his family, when he saw the lost guest. The man was tall and Hollywood handsome in a tailored suit. His blond hair was perfectly styled, his green eyes looking around in confusion.
‘Can I help you?’ Mav asked. ‘You look a bit lost.’
‘Oh, thank you! I’m actually looking for a friend of mine who’s staying here. Nina. Nina Keller.’
Mav’s spine tingled. ‘Oh. How do you know Ms Keller?’ he asked, deliberately keeping his voice casual.
‘I’m the producer on her new movie. Shadowlands.’ So saying, he pulled out his phone and flicked through his pictures until he came to a photo of him and Nina on set. He held it up for Mav to see.
Mav looked at the picture, noted that Nina looked happy and relaxed as she posed for the selfie. ‘Your name?’
‘Alexander Cane.’
Mav took out his own phone and called Nina.
Three long, mournful rings sounded before it went to voicemail, so he hung up and typed the name into his web browser.
IMDb was the first result that popped up.
He saw Alexander’s picture, verified his information.
‘I’m heading to her now if you want to tag along. ’
‘Where is she?’
Mav noted that the man – Alexander – skirted away from Shadow as the dog ambled over to greet him. He didn’t bother pointing out that she was friendly. He got the sense that Alexander Cane was more concerned about getting dog hair on his fancy suit than anything else.
‘She and her best friend are staying at the ranch house,’ he explained. ‘For privacy.’
The man’s eyes dimmed slightly. ‘Markus is here?’
Maverick wondered about that even as he relaxed. The man was obviously close to Nina if he knew who Markus was. ‘Yeah. He’s leaving this afternoon, but he comes out to visit on weekends.’
Maverick started in the direction of the Jeep. Whether the suit came or not, he needed to get home. He’d left Nina and Markus in charge of Poppy while he’d run through his Sunday tasks, and God knew his daughter was probably running them ragged.
‘Ah, let me follow you in my car.’ He indicated to a brand-new BMW in glossy black. ‘That way I can leave from there.’
‘Sure thing.’ Mav climbed into the Jeep and started the vehicle, his thoughts still on Sierra and Benji.
He drove the mile to the ranch house slowly, enjoying the clear day and the hot country air blowing in through his open window, and when he pulled beneath the shade of the oak tree out front, he felt a little more settled.
Alexander slipped his BMW in next to the Jeep and got out. ‘Are you employed here?’ he asked.
‘In a manner of speaking.’
‘It’s a nice piece of property. Must be worth a fortune.’
‘I bet.’
‘Says something about the owners – that they haven’t sold out yet.’
Mav nearly smiled. ‘I’m sure it does.’
‘Not quite sure what she’s doing here,’ Alexander continued. ‘She didn’t even tell anyone where she was going. Just up and disappeared – right at the end of filming too.’ He dusted the leg of his trousers. ‘She has me worried.’
‘Hmm,’ Maverick said noncommittally. Nina’s bruises were gone, but he knew the damage was still there. And it was her story to tell or to keep close.
He tried to make conversation as he led the way up the porch steps. ‘You just out for the day?’
‘Yeah. I figured I’d track her down and check in before heading back.’
Maverick frowned at that. That same niggling feeling set in at the base of his spine. Something about the word – track – didn’t sit right.
But then he opened the door and the first thing he heard was Nina and Poppy’s laughter coming from the kitchen. His unease vanished. His heart swelled.
He led the way to his girls without a word.
Alexander followed, wordlessly too.
Maverick entered the kitchen, and then just stopped and looked. Nina and Poppy were sitting at the kitchen table, rolling cookie dough into balls with their hands. They both had flour streaked on their cheeks. Poppy had a dollop of batter on her nose.
Nina looked up and saw him. Her dark eyes lit. ‘Hi!’
And then Alexander stepped out from behind him, and everything changed.
The spoon she’d been using dropped from her hands to the floor with a clatter, causing Poppy to giggle hysterically.
Nina didn’t react to the mess or to Poppy’s giggles. She just stared at the newcomer, her face deathly pale, her eyes huge in her face.
‘Nina! It’s so good to see you!’ Alexander took one step forward.
Nina pushed to a fumbling stand. Her hands reached for Poppy, half dragging the five-year-old out of her chair too.
‘Nina?’ Poppy asked, even as Nina held her close.
Maverick was so confused for a moment that he just stood and stared. He waited for Nina to meet his eyes, but she couldn’t. She was too focused on the man standing next to him, on watching his every expression and movement as a prey animal might watch a predator it knew it couldn’t outrun.
Realization crept up on Mav like a surprise attack in the wilderness, slowly and then all at once and violently, and when Nina finally managed to glance at him, one look between them was all it took to confirm it.
And then the rage came.