Chapter 32 #3
The wording “real for her” wasn’t lost on me. “Okay,” I said again, pretending to be bewildered.
Hess looked up at the ceiling and then back at me.
“During her last tour in 1982, a few months before her death, she withdrew into herself, stopped sleeping or eating, started recording these secret songs. One night she collapsed onstage, and we had to cancel the rest of the tour. She told me it was the curse, and of course I told her it wasn’t real.
I wasn’t around when she was experimenting with drugs, but Martha was and…
she said it seemed like she was using again. ”
Secret songs? I hadn’t come across anything about secret unreleased songs.
“About a week before she died, I went out to run errands for your mother, and when I came back, you were both gone. When I tracked you down at my cabin a day later, it was empty. Then I heard your little voice coming from the trunk in the living room. It was locked, and the key was missing. I had to drive to my nearest neighbor to get bolt cutters to slice through the metal padlock. When we lifted you out, you were so pale. You could barely stay awake. At the hospital they said you were severely dehydrated and in shock. You were too scared to speak for fear that a monster would hear you. It took you a while to tell us what had happened, and even then, it was hard to know what was real.” She took a deep breath.
“I thought someone had come and kidnapped Lou. Stolen her car. So I filed a missing person’s report with the police. ”
I saw the room lined in wood, my mother’s terrified face, the dark space of the trunk.
“She showed up at the cabin a week later looking terrible and acting strange. She wouldn’t tell me where she’d been.
I was furious with her but I also wanted to get her help.
She refused. We decided it was best if she left you with me while she went out to California to shoot her movie.
” She knitted her brow. “She was trying to do what was right.”
She turned away and quieted. “Two days later, I got the call from the police in Santa Barbara about the crash.” She paused. “I will always regret not being there for her when she needed me.”
I took this in. The memory from the cabin was real, and my mother really had believed in the curse. I wasn’t insane.
It also meant that Hess had lied to me years ago. “So all this time, you knew what had happened in the cabin—when I asked you about it after Martha’s funeral, you acted like you had no idea, but you knew.”
Hess grimaced. “I know. I’m sorry. You had such a small fragment that I thought it was better not to dredge it up. What good could come from you reliving such a terrible time?”
“But you don’t get to make that decision for me. We’ve talked about this.”
“I was trying to protect you—”
“Well, it backfired. A few weeks ago, I remembered what happened at the cabin when she took me there. She warned me about the curse.”
Hess’s face went stricken. “What do you remember?”
I recounted it for her, and as Hess listened, her face remained grave. “That must have been terrifying.”
“It might have been less terrifying if you’d been honest with me.”
Hess closed her eyes, and I knew she was trying not to cry.
“Were you telling the truth when you said you didn’t know her real name?” I asked accusingly.
“Yes, I promise.”
“What about where she came from?”
“Yes, I promise I was telling the truth. She made it clear she never wanted to go back there, and I didn’t push her.”
Was there anyone who had really known her?
“What are you trying to find?” Hess asked quietly.
“I already told you—I’m working on a documentary about Belle.” I avoided meeting Hess’s eye.
Hess was quiet for a moment, then she said, “I don’t think Lou would want anyone knowing about this.”
“I know that. I would never put this in the piece. But I need the full story in order to figure out which parts to tell.”
Hess nodded, still studying me closely.
“So do you think she was on drugs when the plane went down? Is that why she crashed? You lied about that, too.” It was a convenient explanation for what had happened—so much easier for people to believe than an old curse.
Hess’s brow furrowed. “It’s the most logical conclusion.”
I nodded, pretending to absorb this information.
“When she left you in that trunk, she wasn’t herself—she loved you so deeply, honey. I never want you to think otherwise.”
I nodded again, and I let Hess put her arms around me.
As much as I hated the lying, I knew she meant well.
I had already forgiven Belle—I knew she had done it to protect me, though I still wasn’t sure of the details.
And it was nice to think of the good in her, especially after spending so much time focusing on the damned part.
But as Hess walked me upstairs to bed, I did not think about Belle’s love for me. I thought of Hess’s story, and my mother’s week-long disappearance before she died, with two questions repeating in my mind:
Where did she go?
And more importantly—
What did she find?