Chapter 21
Chapter
Twenty-One
BLAIRE
If I had been sliced in two at this exact moment, my blood would’ve been boiling, steam filling the room.
I didn’t like that Winder had left me alone this morning, alone with my thoughts and my grief and my sobriety.
I couldn’t even begin to process the information I learned last night.
Out of everything, the rejection probably hurt the worst, and my anger over that needed to go somewhere before I imploded.
Winder’s accusations seemed like a good place to start. He was going to learn very quickly that I didn’t take kindly to being spoken to like a child.
“Excuse me?” My voice was quiet, but laced with barbs. “What exactly are you convicting me of here?”
Winder shook his head. “I’m not accusing you of anything, Blaire. I’m asking you to take a moment and look at the situation from my point of view, and ask yourself if you would’ve done the same, because I feel like you would’ve.”
“You have no idea what I would’ve done. No fucking clue. Because you aren’t me, and because you didn’t give me the fucking option,” I snarled. “It’s kind of hard to make an educated decision when you’re working with only half the information.”
“I’m not the villain here,” he snapped. “I did what I had to do to keep you safe.”
“Safe?” I threw my hands in the air, spinning around his messy room. “You call this safe? Being locked in your bedroom for days, waiting for this person I don’t remember to possibly come finish the job they fucked up the first time around?”
“It’s safer than your goddamn apartment they broke into no problem. Or did you really think an extra deadbolt or two was going to keep them out?”
“Don’t insult my intelligence,” I spat. “Obviously you think you can get away with these mind games, feeding me little bits of the truth when it suits you. Maybe even play with my emotions a bit, just for fun, right? Hell, maybe nothing you’ve told me is even the truth!
I can’t wait to see what lies are next. Don’t leave me in suspense. ”
“Blaire.” Winder’s voice held a warning. “I get you’re pissed. I’d be pissed, too. But all I’ve wanted to do is protect you, and I wasn’t left with a lot of options. Don’t push me.”
“And last night?” I stomped closer, toe to toe with Winder like he didn’t tower over me.
Fear had no place in my life right now. It was only going to get me killed.
If Winder was looking to frighten me, it wasn’t going to work.
“Was last night protecting me, when you acted like you couldn’t bear to touch me? ”
“Stop talking, Blaire.” Winder’s eyes were stormy, every muscle in his body tensed. I’d struck a nerve.
Good.
“Or what? You going to walk out that door again, and leave me all alone? Might as well do it now. I’ve been alone for the last five years, I’m sure I can handle a few more.”
“I said, stop fucking talking.” He grabbed my face, and my eyes widened at the unexpected touch. “You really don’t know when to stop, do you? Because you’re a fucking brat. So keep running your mouth about shit you know nothing about. See what happens.”
I glared at him, unable to move my head in his tight grip. “Did you ever think I know nothing because you tell me fuck all, trying to protect me from some invisible bogeyman?”
Something in Winder snapped, and he pulled my face a breath away from his. “Baby, you’ve got it all fucking wrong. I’ve been trying to protect you from me.”
“I don’t need protection from you,” I breathed. He was too close. It was hard to remember exactly why I was angry when he overwhelmed my senses.
“You do when all I’ve wanted to do since I saw you all those weeks ago is fucking destroy you.
Do you know what it’s like to crave something that’s not yours?
To watch it belong to someone else? It eats away at you, Blaire.
Chews away at your humanity. It strips you of everything that makes you human, until you are nothing more than a single thought.
You are my single thought. You. And there is this…
this, animal inside me who wants to fucking devour you.
So you sit there, in my T-shirt touching your skin like I can’t, and your pretty smile, and you push, and you push, and you fucking push.
” He took a deep breath, sucking the air directly from my lungs.
“Ten years, Blaire. Ten fucking years, of convincing myself you could never be mine. You want to push? You want to play games? That’s fine.
But I’m not stopping myself this time. So you better be damn certain before you take another step, because I’m not letting you go again. ”
If I had words, they wouldn’t have made a difference. Nothing would ease the ache of time Winder experienced. Anything I could’ve said would’ve been worthless compared to the weight of the story written in his blood.
I did the only thing I could.
I kissed him.
His entire body sank into me, wrapping me up in his arms. He pulled back for only a second, panting. “I’m not stopping. Not now. Not ever.”
I dragged his mouth back to mine again, until we shared the air between us. “Shut up and kiss me, Winder.”
He didn’t need to be told twice. His kiss was laced with something addictive, the desperation of a man who had craved this for longer than he should’ve. Every moment of his longing was transferred into this kiss, his mouth on mine.
He tugged at my shirt, until he finally broke us apart and tore it over my head, tossing my underwear to the side with it. For a breath he just stood there, looking at me like I was a dream brought to life. Like cotton fucking candy.
There was a vein of disbelief in his gaze, and then again when he spoke, nearly reverent. “You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”
Yet again, I was struck speechless by the words Winder carried for so long. He pushed me, until the backs of my calves hit the bed. I sat down.
He dropped to his knees in front of me, spreading my legs.
“Winder,” I moaned. “Winder, I need to feel you, inside me. I need to know this is real.”
He looked up at me, running a careful finger between my legs, gathering my desire. Winder popped his finger in his mouth, sucking on the taste of me, while I watched, breathless.
Pulling his finger out, he gave me a smile, one that rang more dangerous than his normal grin. “I told you there was an animal inside me, baby. If I don’t get to taste you at least once before you come to your senses, I’ll go feral. Open your legs for me, or I’ll spread them for you.”
I widened my legs for him as he kissed his way up my bare thigh, my breaths coming closer and closer together the higher he got.
He placed a soft kiss above my clit, and before I even had time to moan, he sucked it into his mouth.
“Oh my God,” I cried, gripping onto his bedsheets for all they were worth. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been touched, let alone touched like this.
Winder sucked gently on my clit, teasing my aching pussy with agile fingers. His hands disappeared, pushing my legs wider, and his tongue dove between my legs.
He alternated between sucking, licking, and kissing, driving me absolutely wild.
“Winder, holy shit, Jesus,” I cursed, rocking my hips against his expert mouth while my eyes fluttered shut.
He slipped a finger inside me, and then another, fucking me in time with his mouth.
“I’m going to come, oh, fuck,” I moaned, grabbing onto his hair, pulling his face harder against me.
Winder mumbled something against my pussy, and my last brain cell let go of him so he could pull away, still fucking me toward release with his fingers. “Come for me, baby. Come all over my face, drown me in how much you want me.”
I moaned, losing myself to the pleasure, and Winder replaced his tongue, eating me like he was a starved man.
Release was right there, and I rocked my hips against Winder, faster and harder, until he gently bit down on my clit, and I shattered around him.
“Holy shit.”
“That’s right, baby, just like that. Show me how good I make you feel.
” Winder rocked his fingers through my orgasm, wringing out every last aftershock possible while I whimpered and trembled around his fingers and mouth.
“You taste so goddamn good. I have half a mind to make you come all over my tongue again.”
Winder pulled his fingers out of me, and I fell back on the bed, boneless. “Jesus, Winder.”
“You haven’t seen anything yet. Get your ass up on that bed before I fuck you right here.”
I wiggled up on the bed, while Winder watched me with darkening eyes, stepping out of his clothes. Tearing my eyes away wasn’t an option, especially not once he started to remove his underwear, his perfect cock finally on display.
Winder was definitely packing, and I suddenly found myself drooling over the idea of him coming down my throat. I was a mess.
He crawled on the bed, hovering over me on his forearms, and rested his forehead on mine. “Let me be very clear here, Blaire.”
“Uh-huh.” I couldn’t focus on anything other than the fat head of his cock pressing against my dripping pussy. I tried to push myself against him, but he was having none of it.
“I want to make you feel good,” he whispered. “I want to make you come. I want to make you moan my name.”
“Please,” I begged. My pussy absolutely ached for him, desperate to be stretched. Is this how he had felt for the last decade?
“But that’s not all I want to do.” He sank in the tiniest bit, and I gasped as I stretched around him.
“I want to make you hurt. I want to make you ache. I want you to feel every fucking ounce of the pain I’ve carried around waiting for you, so that no one else will ever compare.
I’m going to ruin you for anyone else, because that’s what you’ve done to me. ”
He pushed himself in, and I nearly screamed with the sudden fullness. That was the only way to describe it. Full. Whole. Satiated.
Winder gave me a moment to adjust, and then he started pumping in and out. I was still sensitive, and thought I was going to lose my goddamn mind.
It wouldn’t take much for me to come again. I could already feel the release building, ready for him to carry me over.
But Winder was big, and he was right—even through the pleasure there was pain. Maybe that was how it was always meant to be.
He started to pick up speed, fucking me deeper and harder. “You want to come around my cock, baby?”
“Yes, please, oh!” I cried out as he hit just the right spot, sending a shockwave of pleasure through me.
“Tell me there will never be anyone other than me. Tell me I’ve ruined you.” Winder was gasping, grunting as he fucked me, but never once took his eyes off me.
“Winder,” I groaned.
“Tell me,” he whispered. “Say those words to me.”
“There will never be anyone other than you!” My voice was breathless as I chased my release, arching my back to meet Winder’s thrusts. “You’ve ruined me. You’ve fucking ruined me, and I like it!”
“There’s my good girl.” Winder rolled his hips upward, making me gasp. “Come for me now. I need to feel your tight little pussy squeeze my cock.”
His words sent me over the edge, and I tumbled into release, my orgasm taking over all of my senses. There was nothing but pleasure and pain, no in between. Nothing but Winder and myself. Somewhere I heard Winder call out my name, felt him tremble inside me, but all that felt far away.
I didn’t understand how I could have even forgotten someone with such power over me.
Winder rolled off me, and slowly I came back to all my senses—his bed, his skin, us.
We lay on the bed, tangled up in each other. Winder drew tiny circles on the back of my hand, a secret language written on flesh.
“I think I knew from the first day I met you that you would ruin me,” I said.
Silence followed as we both lost ourselves in our thoughts. I didn’t know if I meant his first day, or my first day. I didn’t know if it mattered.
“Do you regret it?” he whispered, notching his face into my shoulder.
I smiled, with a quick shake of my head. “No. Do you?”
He was quiet for a moment. “I know I should feel bad. I know it should feel wrong. But it doesn’t. It feels like everything is falling into place.”
I pulled his arms closer to my chest, so there wasn’t a bit of space between us. I understood what he meant. My life had never been more shattered, and yet, right now, it felt like Winder was stitching me back together.