Chapter 16
Safe
The fireplace channel flickers on Theo’s TV as I flip through the pages of this week’s nonfiction read.
I recently started dabbling in self-help books.
Formerly, I only read fiction. I spend hours a day dissecting the minds of cruel creatures, and fiction is an escape.
But the older I get, the more I become aware of my flaws.
I don’t want to push people away. While I enjoy my solitude, I want companionship to be a choice.
I want it to be within the realm of things I can attain.
I try my hardest to focus on the words written across the white pages, but my mind wanders to the blade Kaleb had pressed against my cheek. The blade he ran against my skin.
I shiver.
He had all the power. If he tipped the knife a mere thirty degrees, he could’ve sliced my carotid artery.
I could be dead now. And what would I be remembered by?
A few published articles that college students around the country cite in their papers?
Half a dozen published books? While my research has helped dozens of law enforcement agencies adjust their profiling processes, my work will eventually be buried under new findings, new theories, new minds.
I’ll be forgotten.
Who will remember me when I die?
At least I have my brother. He cares about me. That’s something. That’s a start.
As I turn the page, the front door slams open, and Theo bursts through the threshold, startling me.
I grab my chest, gasping.
“Jesus! You scared me. What’s wrong?”
Theo storms toward me like a hurricane capable of mass destruction. His chest rises and falls, the tendons in his neck flexed and strained.
“He had a fucking knife to your neck?”
I blanch.
Perhaps I should’ve informed Theodore personally of the incident on campus.
He must have found out through the grapevine.
People in this field talk. No one has secrets.
Not really. In hindsight, I should’ve told him.
But I wanted to avoid another lecture, another spiel.
He is not the investigating officer. He’s not in charge of this case.
It’s not even his jurisdiction. I don’t owe him updates. I don’t owe him anything.
“As you can see, I’m perfectly fine.” I focus my attention back on the book on my lap. “You’re overreacting.”
Theo coils his fingers around the book and flings it aggressively to the side. The hardcover hits a lamp, and it topples over.
My mouth gapes open as he drops to his knees in front of me, his eyes blazing, nearly shaking.
“Overreacting? He had a knife to your throat, Safia! He could’ve killed you! You should’ve called me!”
I swallow, keeping my composure.
“Why do you care so much?”
It was his question first.
Now it’s mine.
We’ve been going in circles for too long now. Dancing around the truth. He wants me to be honest, but that requires reciprocity. That requires trust. He hides the truth from me. He buries it under smooth words and impulsive actions.
I’m no fool. And I want answers.
Theo grunts, running a hand through his disheveled hair. “Fucking hell.”
I tilt my head back and peer up at him as I cross my arms. “What?”
He expels a neurotic laugh as he stares at me. “You’re impossible, Safia. You’re—” He clenches his teeth. “Do you have no regard for your safety? What the hell were you doing alone in that building? In that office? Have you forgotten that there’s someone trying to kill you?”
I blink at him. “Well, technically he was trying to kill you, not me.”
Theo’s jaw sets. “Excuse me?”
I sigh, forcing myself to stand up. I need a drink. I think I saw a bottle of wine in the cupboard. I start toward the kitchen.
“Kaleb said he was shooting at you, Theodore, not me.”
“And you believed him?” Theo marches after me, his footsteps heavy and thundering. “He’s a fucking lunatic, Safia. He murdered your doorman, and you’re trusting his word?”
I lift myself on my tiptoes as I open the cupboard and reach for the bottle of red tucked in the corner. I wonder how long this bottle has been sitting here. There’s no dust on it. Maybe it’s new. That’s silly. Of course it is. He just moved in.
“Safia!” Theo grabs my outstretched arm and twirls me around. I nearly lose my balance, but of course, he doesn’t let that happen. He needs to be in control. He’s always in control. “Are you listening to me?”
A person is only as strong as their weakest nerve.
He’s hit it.
And I snap.
“What do you want me to do, Theo?! Stay inside and hide until he’s caught? The police are doing everything they can to find him. I refuse to live in limbo, and I refuse to change my routine because of him.”
Theo clenches his fist. “And I refuse to let you die.”
“I’m not going to die.” My voice is calm, confident. “Kaleb is unwell, Theo. He needs help. And when the police find him, he'll get the treatment he needs.”
Theo’s lip twitches. “You’re wrong, Safia. He will kill you. Once he realizes that he can’t have you, he will kill you.” He tilts his head. “Don’t you remember what happened to your friend, Safia? What happened to Emery? She had an obsessed stalker, too. And she got shot. She almost died.”
I scowl at him. “Emery is my brother’s friend, not mine, and this situation is completely different.”
“You don’t know that,” Theo grunts. “You can’t be certain, Safia. And are you really willing to risk your life on a theory? You’re brilliant, Safia, but your field of expertise isn’t an exact science. You have to be open to the possibility that Kaleb’s endgame isn’t a happy ending.”
“As you said, he had a knife to my throat. If he wanted to kill me, he would have.” I turn around and attempt to retrieve the bottle of wine again, hoping Theo doesn’t interfere this time.
“Now, if you’re done berating me, I’d like to enjoy a glass of wine.
” I grab the bottle and spin around, glowering at Theo. “In peace, if possible.”
Theo releases a long, labored breath as he leans against the kitchen island. “You’re not safe, Safia. Why can’t you understand that?”
“Funny.” I cock my head. “Kaleb said the same thing.”
Theo’s brows furrow. “What?”
I hitch a shoulder, twisting the cap off the bottle. The wine can’t be that good if there’s no cork. “He said I wasn’t safe.” I pause. “With you.”
A shadow falls over Theo’s entire being as he pushes himself off the counter. He stalks toward me, and I swallow, breathing shallow.
“Is that how you feel?” His smoldering gaze flits across my face, landing my lips. “Do you feel unsafe around me, Safia?”
“I told you…” Oxygen eludes me as I feel his eyes burning the sensitive, thin skin on my lips. But it’s not the type of flame that bubbles and blisters. No. It’s cleansing. A purifying ritual where I know I’d come out the other side a completely different woman. “I’m not afraid of you.”
“If you’re not afraid…” He curls his fingers around the bottle of wine in my hands and slowly sets it to the side. “Prove it.”
My breath hitches. “I don’t have to prove anything to you, Theodore.”
“Mmm…” A growl reverberates in his chest. “I love the way you say my name.” He arches over and wedges his leg between my thighs, parting them.
“But I wonder…” He snakes a hand around the base of my throat, his thumb caressing the underside of my jaw.
My core clenches. “Does it sound as sexy when you scream it?”
He keeps teasing me, giving me emotional whiplash but it doesn’t matter. I am at his mercy. And I don’t fight it. I don’t want to fight it.
He pushes his thigh farther between my legs, his hand snug around my neck. He has no intention of letting go. I moan at his rough touch. I show him my cards. I show him exactly how to beat me. How to win.
He sucks in a sharp breath, his voice gruff and rich as he rasps, “Grind, little lamb.” My eyes widen at the wicked command. “Grind your pussy on my leg. Show me just how safe you fucking feel.”
He’s out of his goddamn mind. How degrading. How humiliating. How—
His right hand tightens around my throat while his left hand latches onto my stiff nipples, twisting, turning, pinching, and I can’t help it.
I can’t stop my hips from rocking because I need more.
I want more. More pressure, more pleasure, more of him.
I want to be consumed by shadows, swallowed by sin, savored by Satan himself.
“Faster, little lamb,” he growls, pinning me into place.
He peers down at him, a debased smirk curling his lips.
I quicken my pace, but not because he demands it, but because I’m close.
God, I’m so close that I can almost feel the flames of hell.
My clit glides easily back and forth, my pajamas soaked straight through. “Faster!”
“I—”
Theo’s grip around my throat is unyielding, and my eyes brim with tears as my lungs battle for breath. He groans, licking his lips, the veins in his forearm like elevated trails on a mystical map.
“Christ…” He stares down at me, proud and aroused as he cuts off my air supply. My pussy clenches, head spinning and light, and I swear I see goddamn stars. “I wish you could see yourself, little lamb. You’re such a pretty shade of blue.”
I’ve always been a woman of science, never a woman of spirit. But as he stares down at me, controlling my fate like a fallen God, like Anubis leading sullied souls to a life of unrest in the underworld, the idea of heaven doesn’t feel like a foreign concept.
“Come for me, Safia,” he rasps. “Come for me and I’ll let you breathe.”
I’ve never been electrocuted. I’ve never had my body shocked and zapped and tortured. Not until today. Not until this moment.
Raging bolts of defying electricity shoot through my veins, my bones, my organs, and I scream. I come undone, and I scream his name like it’s a goddamn incantation, a prayer to the devil for leniency, for absolution.
Glorious air filters into my lungs as Theo’s reign ends, and I’m free of his tyranny, his power. He snakes an arm around my waist, holding me upright as my mind spins and reels from euphoria, from satisfaction.
“You did so good, little lamb,” he whispers, caressing my damp hairline as he smiles fondly down at me. “You might almost be ready.”
I look up at him through glazed eyes. “Was this a test?”
He smirks, an expression drenched in devious intent. “Don’t worry, Safia. Your record is still perfect.” He cocks his head. “You passed.”
“Of course I passed,” I breathe, mouth dry as I glance down to the bulge in his pants. “I’ve never failed before, Agent Kane, and I don’t intend to start now.”
He clicks his tongue as he follows my sightline. “You’re a greedy girl, aren’t you?” I snap my head up, and he grins. “Soon, Safia. I’ll ruin you soon enough.”
A stream of soft, almost insolent giggles escape my lips.
“Oh, Theodore.” I detangle myself from his hold, giving his chest a slight push.
“Have you ever considered that it might be you who gets ruined?” I tilt my head, admiring the effect I have on the man.
“I’d take care of that for you but,” I snap my head up and smirk at him, “I don’t think you’re ready yet. ”
His jaw clenches and victory washes over me. He said he doesn’t want to play games with me. But it’s too late. He’s made his move. And I’ve made mine.
“Goodnight, Theodore,” I say, stepping away from him. “Enjoy the couch.”