Chapter Sixteen #2
I shrug off my jacket. “Take this.” I hold it out to her. I’m cold but not freezing.
She shakes her head. “You need it.”
“I don’t. I’m wearing a top under this shirt.” I don’t explain that it’s because I don’t like my bra or my breasts being visible through my shirt. She doesn’t need to know that.
“Fine,” she says and reluctantly takes my suit jacket.
I look at her expectantly as she slips the blazer on.
It’s much too big for her and it swamps her small frame, but when she pulls it tight around her, I feel another poke of discomfort.
I like the way she looks in my clothes. I wonder if the fabric will absorb her lily-and-jasmine scent and if I will be able to smell her on me when I get home.
“Don’t hurt yourself saying thank you so quickly.” I have a dig at her, as much to detract my attention from how I feel seeing her in my jacket as I am to prove a point.
She tuts. “Thank. You.”
“You’re. Welcome.”
A smile crawls across my lips as a memory surfaces. I daren’t look at Kate to see if she remembers it too and instead I go back to waiting for my bus, which I’m starting to think is never going to come.
“You know,” Kate says out of nowhere. “You could have had one hundred kisses with one hundred women if you wanted to.”
I scoff so harshly it hurts my throat. “You think I haven’t wanted to kiss women?”
Her eyes on me are cool and calculating. “You said it yourself. You don’t want to be seen as gay in public. Well, if you just got over that, then you could stop getting in your own way.”
She makes it sound so easy. Like it’s a choice I can make. I turn so I’m facing her, suddenly finding a new surge of energy inside myself.
“You really think I haven’t tried? You really think I’m sitting here waiting for the perfect woman and the perfect kiss to drop into my lap?
Do you know what it’s like working in a company that’s 90% male employees and an unreasonable percentage of their filthy, degrading jokes are about lesbians?
Do you even know what it’s like when your only family member turns their back on you? ”
She turns her body to face mine. “Yes! I know exactly what that’s like.
And I’m a petite Asian woman. Who works as a nurse.
On a ward that mostly cares for men. Queer men, yes, but men nonetheless.
Trust me. I have seen it and heard it all.
Oh, and my husband left me because I’m bisexual and because I do the work I do.
And my mother called me a whore after she caught me kissing another woman.
I know the fear of losing everything because of who you are, what you do. And I know the reality.”
“Well, if you know how hard it is, why are you asking me to live a life like that?”
“Jesus, I’m not asking you to do anything!
I’m just telling you what it could be like.
I want you to know how good it could be as well as how bad it might turn out.
You can’t control which outcome will happen, of course.
But you can absolutely stop the good things from happening if you don’t even try. ”
“You really think I haven’t tried?”
“Yes, I do think that. I can practically smell your fear. Which is why I asked you if you really want to be kissed by a woman?”
“Of course I fucking do!” I shout at her, my hands balled into fists at my side. “I want nothing more.”
“Then close your eyes,” she says, her voice much lower and slower.
“What?”
“Close your eyes.”
“No,” I say and I open my mouth to tell her to go take her orders and shove them up her—
“Fine, keep your eyes open then,” she says and then she steps so close our bodies touch and before I can step back, she presses her lips to mine.
Warm. That’s the first word that springs to mind as Kate Chiu’s lips touch mine.
The next word is wet. And then comes force.
I already knew she was a force to be reckoned with, but her kiss confirms it.
She pushes against me so hard I lose my balance, twist, and feel my back press up against the bus shelter.
Her hands grip my arms, holding me in place, and she applies even more pressure with her mouth.
Her body crushes against mine and I momentarily panic at what she can feel – all the rolls, all my fat – but when the smallest, most delicate moan vibrates from her mouth and into mine, I forget all about that.
I open my lips. I don’t consciously decide to do so; it’s like something has taken control of my brain and all my decisions.
I part my lips and start to push back. It’s no surprise when Kate takes full advantage of both things and I feel her tongue lick into my mouth, wetting my bottom lip and flicking against my teeth.
When my own tongue makes contact with hers, I jolt with shock.
No, not shock. It’s not a bad feeling. Not at all.
It’s a surprise. A deep, delicious surprise, and I go about searching out more of her tongue immediately.
Her hands slide up my arms, over my shoulders and grip my face. I realise then my own hands have been hanging limply by my side and I bring them up to hold her body. She’s so much smaller than me, but she doesn’t feel fragile or insignificant. She feels strong and solid and so very real.
Much to my horror, it’s my turn to moan, but the sound doesn’t get very far because it’s swallowed up by Kate’s hungry mouth which has started to move and really take everything I’m offering.
I’m barely having coherent thoughts but I know exactly what’s happening in my body. My nipples are hard. My core is tight. I can feel my pulse in my neck, in my chest and between my legs. God, I’m so turned on. I could…
No. Not here. Not now. And not with Kate Chiu. Not with Florence Fucking Nightingale.
I push her back away from me and I worry she’s going to be offended and give me more of her wrath, but much to my puzzlement, when she steps back, she’s smiling.
A great big smug grin that she touches with her fingertips.
When I see how wet her lips are, I realise it’s me, us, who made them wet.
The throbbing between my legs intensifies.
Kate glances quickly to the right and then she moves away. I look the same way and see her bus approach. Is she really going to just get on that bus without saying a single word to me?
She wouldn’t do that after that… that kiss.
But once again, Kate Chiu proves me wrong because that’s exactly what she does.