Chapter Thirty-Three
Kate
Never Tear Us Apart by INXS
I’m so fucking evil, I think as I plug the Magic Wand in.
It’s the early hours of the morning, Sharon’s not even awake and I’m burrowing under the covers and nudging her naked legs apart.
When I switch the device on, I wait to see if the buzzing hum wakes her.
I smile – yes, evilly – when she doesn’t even stir, and I place the vibrating white head to her clit.
A few seconds later and Sharon’s wide awake, a hand between her legs, finding the wand there.
“What the—”
“Good morning, Sharon,” I say from under the duvet. There’s not much light in here, but I don’t need to see to feel and hear her start to squirm as the wand works its magic.
“Kate! What are you doing?”
“Say stop and I’ll stop.”
She doesn’t say anything.
“What… what is that?” Her voice has changed, with more air and a lot more curiosity in it.
“It’s a massage wand.”
“I’m not sure you’re supposed to use massage wands for this.”
“Oh, Sharon, my baby lesbian. The things you have to look forward to.”
Sharon’s body tenses and I know why. I fucked up and made a reference to the future. A future that is so uncertain right now, and not just because of us, because of Danny. More so because of Danny.
I use my fingers to check Sharon’s clit and while she’s wet, I want her wetter. I spit on my fingers and smooth the saliva over her before moving the wand back in place.
“God, that feels…” she groans.
“So good, right?” I finish for her, relieved that my stupid mistake is now behind us.
I need it to be like this. I can’t have us making love like we did last night all day today.
It was too much, too fucking much. I couldn’t even look her in the face, had to physically move us into a position where I wasn’t looking at her because the tears were burning in my eyes.
I can’t have eye contact and shared breaths and simultaneous orgasms. I need this – spontaneous, cheeky, fun and in the dark.
I kiss the inside of her thigh as she starts to rock her pussy up against the wand. That’s it, Sharon, I think to myself. Chase the high. Take your pleasure wherever and whenever you can.
Maybe I should say those words out loud, but I’m not brave enough. I’m swallowing so many unspoken truths, I fear it’s rotting my insides, but I’ll deal with that another day. I have my whole life to move on from this.
Right now, I want another orgasm from this wonderful woman who has ruined my life. And because I’m selfish, I want to come at the same time.
I throw the duvet off me and climb up onto my knees, keeping the wand on Sharon’s clit.
She bends her legs and gives me the space I need to slide one of my legs under hers and along the length of her body.
A frown of curiosity settles on her face as she watches what I’m doing, her belly trembling from how the vibrations are making her feel.
“Are we…?”
“Yes, we’re going to do this together,” I tell her. “Sit up a bit.”
She pushes up and keeps her eyes fixed on the wand which I have to take off her momentarily so I can slot my other leg in place, resting on her other thick thigh. “Press into it,” I say, reaching my spare hand around her body to bring her in closer.
“Oh, God,” she groans when she makes contact with the wand again and I’m about to say something but all words vanish when I also feel the vibrations on my clit.
“Yes,” I gasp. “Fuck, yes.”
Sharon’s intuition kicks in and she brings her arms around my body, holding me close to her so we can both press against the wand.
“It really is fucking magic,” she sighs.
I laugh and feel pleased with myself. This is exactly what we both needed. Joy. Pleasure. Fun. Silliness.
When we’re both rocking in a rhythm together, I look down at our bodies, hers fat and dimpled, mine lean and bony in places, and we couldn’t look more different.
And yet, I’ve started to think that whatever we’re made out of – cells and flesh and bone and muscle and veins and nerves – mine and Sharon’s atoms have something in common.
Something deep and ethereal, perhaps. Yes, it's what makes us both stubborn, it’s what makes us both bossy and determined, but it’s also what makes us melt into each other in a way I don’t think either of us have with anybody else.
When I’m with Sharon, I feel seen in ways I’ve never felt seen, not even when I study my own reflection in the mirror.
And just like that, I’ve gone and invited my heart to this party. But as Sharon starts to moan in earnest and I feel the muscles in my belly, my thighs and my butt all clench in anticipation of my orgasm, I give up fighting it.
She has my heart. Game, set, match. She wins.
Yet when she pins her eyes on me as her orgasm breaks, and I feel my own climax start to shake up and down my body, I can’t say that I’m the loser.
As I dig my fingertips into her full hip and melt into her soft warmth as I curse my way through a bone-shaking orgasm, I feel like I’m a fucking winner too.
*****
“So how are we going to spend the day?” I ask, keeping my tone as light as possible. I’m lying in the nook of Sharon’s arm, still catching my breath after a second Magic Wand orgasm together.
“I want to do more of this,” she points the Magic Wand at me. “And then I want to make you breakfast. More French toast, but this time with blueberries.”
“Yum.”
“After that, I want us to read my back catalogue of Lady Phantoms together. Every single one. I want to know your favourite moments. Your favourite lines. Your favourite pictures.”
“I can do that.” I bury my smile in her chest. My heart beats so loud against my ribs I’m half-convinced she can hear it. The problem is I don’t even think it’s because of my recent climaxes.
“And then I’m going to make chocolate babka. Lots of it. For the boys. And for us too. You said you liked it last time.”
“Your grandma’s recipe. Yes, it was delicious.”
“You can iron your uniforms while I’m baking, and then for lunch, maybe you could show me how to make chicken congee. I’ve been reading about it and you mentioned it once a long time ago.”
I swallow around a thick, tightly knotted lump. The one that I’m pretty sure is part of my anatomy now. “Sure, sounds good.” I blink away tears.
It’s a mistake. She must feel the dampness on her soft, warm skin.
“Kate, what is it?” She pulls back and shifts so she can look in my face.
“Nothing, I’m fine,” I sniff.
“No, you’re not.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Did I do something wrong? Say something—”
“No, fuck, no, Sharon.” I cup her face with my left hand. “You’re perfect. You’re so annoyingly, stupidly perfect.”
Her worried expression finally softens and she just looks at me. I know she’s waiting. Waiting for me to explain. Waiting for me to tell her I love her. Waiting for me to give her something when she’s given me so much. In many ways, she’s given me everything, everything.
“I’m sorry, Sharon,” I mumble, my voice thick and yet cracking. “I’m sorry I’m not better at this. I’ve… I’ve never felt this way before about somebody. I don’t know how to… I don’t know what to do. I… I’ve just never felt this way before.”
“Makes two of us,” she says after a beat.
It feels like she wants to say more, but maybe that’s wishful thinking, albeit deeply unfair when I’m the one holding back.
I open my mouth to apologise again or to ask her what she really wants to say, but I’m silenced when she reaches out and turns the bedside light off.
Then she pulls me closer, wrapping her arms around me. “Let’s try and get a bit more sleep.”
It's a good idea. The sun isn’t up yet and we have all day, or most of it at least, and as much as they made my heart shatter, her plans do sound like a heavenly way to spend the day.
But it’s not to be. Because, not one minute later, the phone rings.