Chapter 6 #3
“Destroyed an immortal goddess and risked all the lost souls on this island?” I said coldly.
“Yes. That’s quite the weight to carry. I need to think this through, Belis.
I’m not sure I can take you to Annwn any more.
I was helping you because I thought it was a mistake, that it was more my fault than yours. ”
“Please. I know I don’t deserve your help.
But Cati does, she’s never hurt anyone, never betrayed anyone.
I swore to her before I left that I would bring her back.
I swore I would spend my entire life, give every drop of blood, every breath in my body, to protect her.
If you won’t take me with you, I won’t force it.
You can take the boat. But I’ll get there myself, I’ll swim, I’ll do whatever it takes. ”
Her cheeks were slick with tears but she seemed surer of herself now. I wished I could have been as confident in her words but there was the taste of her falsehood in my mouth now and I could not spit it out. I was truly, deeply shocked.
“Let me think, Belis. I can’t decide right now.”
She let go of me and sat back, returning her gaze to the waves crashing on the beach. Then she froze.
I followed her gaze to the other side of the beach, where the cliff path wound down from the hillside. A Roman patrol, at least a dozen legionaries, was storming down the trail. Their plate armour glinted in the weak sunlight.
“Gods save us,” swore Belis, her hand dropping to the knife in her belt. She looked around wildly before lunging up the beach to where we had left the horses.
“No, Belis, wait!” I leapt after her. “There’s no time, we’ll never make it.”
She stopped, measuring the distance back into the village with her eyes, then cursed again and nodded.
“The boat?” Her voice wavered.
“It’s the only way.” I grabbed our packs and took off back down the beach to where we had left the boat.
Behind us the Romans were yelling. I sneaked a look over my shoulder.
They were on the sand now, running steadily towards us.
I could see their unsheathed swords, then there was a hissing sound and a javelin thudded into the wet sand not five yards to our left.
I tripped and almost fell. Belis caught my arm and hauled me up without breaking stride and I stumbled along beside her. New strength flooded through my body and I tasted bitterness in my mouth.
We reached the boat and Belis began pushing it out into the waves, heaving at the stern.
I grabbed the oars from where we had driven them into the sand and carried them to the side of the boat, throwing them in with our packs.
Then I ducked around the side to help Belis push.
It was maddeningly slow. We were still a dozen yards from the waves when more javelins began to fall.
They smashed onto the beach, horrifyingly close to us.
Belis let out a terrible cry and threw herself at the boat, forcing it into the water just as the soldiers crashed towards us.
“Get in the boat,” she screamed at me, grabbing her spear and turning to fight.
I counted the legionaries: fourteen wearing the red-crested helmets of the rank and file and one who must have been an officer. His helmet was crossed with white horsehair.
“Fan out, cut off their retreat,” the officer barked.
I recognised his voice, though it had been weeks since I had heard it in the woods: the centurion who had lost his family at Londinium.
He was too far away for me to see his face but there was bloodlust in his voice.
Belis knew him, too. I could tell from the tension in her shoulders when she heard his voice.
“Take her. Try to keep her face intact, she’ll be worth less if that’s damaged. Kill or capture the other, I don’t care.”
The soldiers advanced, swords drawn. Belis swung her spear at them, a wild sweep that they dodged with ease.
A particularly burly man grabbed the end from her and wrenched it away, dropping it in the surf.
Belis flashed her knife, crouching slightly as she tried to step backwards.
I was holding onto the oars, trying to punt the boat further into the water.
Her sword was still belted at my waist but I didn’t dare try and throw it to her.
Belis was up to her knees now, the white foam of the waves frothing against her thighs.
“Get in the boat,” I yelled. “You have to come now!”
Belis glanced over her shoulder at me then slipped and went up to her chest in the water. The Romans didn’t rush. They knew they had no need to. They kept advancing slowly. The centurion had stayed on the beach, his pale crest fluttering in the wind.
“It’s too late, Mallt,” Belis called, spitting out seawater.
“Come now. You’ll have to swim for it!” I screamed, the wind tearing at my words and carrying them away. Belis turned sideways, keeping her knife pointed at the soldiers, but looking at me. Her face was calm.
“Promise me you’ll help Cati,” she said, and I began to understand what she was planning to do. “Promise me you’ll set her free.”
I shrieked wordlessly at her and began to try and lever the boat back towards the shore.
“I’m not leaving you.” I stood up, leaning against the side of the boat, and screamed at Belis again.
She met my eyes and I could see she had already given up.
She’d decided to sacrifice herself, just like she’d said.
“You have to try!” I called, but she had turned away. Fury built inside me and I knew I wasn’t going to let her give up.
I jumped out of the boat. The saltwater stung my eyes and burned down my throat as I breathed in a large quantity of it and broke the surface, coughing and spluttering.
The water was deeper than I’d realised and I floundered, trying to reach the seabed.
I tried to push forward, to swim back towards Belis, but the current was strong and it was already pulling at the fabric of my clothes, dragging me down.
I went under, came up gasping for air then slipped beneath the surface again.
I pedalled my legs madly, hitting the ground with one foot.
I was only inches below the surface but there was no air left in my body and I couldn’t find the strength to swim up.
I swiped desperately through the water, fingers splayed wide as if I could claw my way through it.
My chest felt as if it was about to implode, the weight of the sea crushing my ribs and forcing burning seawater down my throat.
As the water filled my lungs the pain receded a little.
I felt my hair drifting around my face, blocking my view.
I was perversely embarrassed. I – who had once swum the entire length of the River Thames, who went diving with the selkies in the sea lochs – I was going to drown here, in seven feet of water.
I giggled and the last few bubbles fluttered out of my mouth and rose to the surface, sharp seawater flooding into my throat.
Arawn was going to laugh if my soul ever made it to Annwn.
Then strong hands wrapped around my arm and pulled me up towards the light.
I gasped as air filled my lungs and I was thrown through the air, landing hard on the boat.
I coughed and retched, trying to get out the water that still sloshed in my chest, but even as I did I was hauling myself up, reaching for the oar.
Belis launched herself at the side of the boat, dragging herself out of the water and rolling onto the planks.
She leaned back over and grabbed at her spear which was floating beside the boat.
I looked up. The soldiers were wading towards us but the waves were affecting them, too, and the armoured chestplates were dragging them under. The burly man tore his armour from his torso and kicked forward, swimming towards us with strong strokes.
He reached the edge of the boat and grabbed the side, trying to pull himself in alongside us.
I smacked him with my oar and he howled and let go, slipping beneath the water.
Belis was suddenly beside me, taking the oar from my hands and starting to manoeuvre us further out.
I let her do it, falling to my hands and knees and retching seawater into the bottom of the boat.
By the time I thought I had brought it all up we had reached the edge of the bay and were beginning to round the coastline. I could see the red cloaks of the legionaries in the distance, lining up on the beach.
“They’ll follow us around the coast, I should think,” said Belis, puffing a little from the effort of rowing. “If we keep out of range of the javelins we should be fine. We’ll have to row all night, though, and there’ll be no breaks. We can’t afford that now.”
I nodded, sitting down on the bench opposite her. She paused in her rowing, droplets streaming off the oar as she held it out of the water.
“Why did you jump?” she asked.
“You were giving up. You were going to let them take you, drag you back to Londinium, to Rome even.” I met her gaze. “I didn’t want you to give up.”
“But you could have drowned, they could have taken you, too. Then everything would have been lost – you, me, Cati. You should have left me.”
Her reasoning was logical. I could probably have eventually drifted my way to Grassholm.
I didn’t understand it myself. Every logical thought said I should have stayed on that boat.
I hadn’t realised I was going to jump until I was in the air.
I tried to reason it out to myself, but I couldn’t.
It had to be some strange mortal instinct.
I realised Belis was still waiting for an answer.
“I didn’t want to leave you,” I said simply.
“Even after everything I’ve done?”
“You don’t need to kill yourself to make amends. I’ll talk to Arawn. We can get your sister’s soul back without a trade. He wouldn’t be interested in it anyway. He knows he’ll get it eventually.”
“So you’ll let me come? To Annwn? You can forgive me?”
“I can’t forgive you,” I said. Belis looked down, hope dying in her face.
“I can’t forgive you for hurting your sister, that’s something you will have to work through with her.
For myself, I can’t pretend to understand why you did it, but I know you are trying to make it right.
I’m grateful that you told me, and now that there is no lie between us I think we can work together and try again. ”
Belis stuck her hand out towards me. “Peace? Pax Brittanica?”
I gripped her forearm and smiled. Her arm was warm under my hand, and I could feel the muscles contracting.
It felt strange to touch a human in the full strength and vigour of their life.
Her skin was softer than that of the fae, and as I met her eyes I noticed that her irises were speckled with silver the same way her skin was covered in freckles.
I replayed the memory of finding her and Cati in the glade.
Strange to think that I had once found all humans so similar that I couldn’t even tell them apart. Now that Belis’s face was more familiar to me than my own, I would have known her anywhere.
Belis dropped her gaze. I leaned back on the bench, noticing that the feeling of indigestion in my chest had come back and was burning worse than ever. The seawater must have turned my stomach. Then I realised I had forgotten something.
“Belis,” I said, sitting up. She looked back up at me.
“Thank you for rescuing me from drowning. It is not a pleasant way to go.” She smiled and started rowing again.
“You’re welcome. Thank you for coming back.” I snorted at that.
“I was worse than useless. All I did was jump in the water and almost drown.”
“Nevertheless,” said Belis, still smiling, “thank you. For rescuing me, too.”