Chapter 17
We walked back across Annwn, as the sun rolled overhead and the landscape changed from the scrubby grass of the chalklands to lush paddocks where cattle grazed, back to the rolling fields of crops.
Already there were wagonloads of people heading towards us, spreading back out into the lands that had lain fallow under the infection of the shadow.
They greeted us happily as they passed, faces smooth and unworried.
They had brought food for the road and gave us bread and cheese and fruit.
Neither of us had eaten since the drumlin field and we fell ravenously on the food, washing it down with cups of watered wine that another group of travellers shared out.
When they had gone, leaving nothing but dust kicked up on the road behind us, I turned to look after them.
I was glad they didn’t know how close they had come to the shadowbitten, even if it meant our work would be forgotten.
They seemed so peaceful, families reunited and on their way to a long, easy existence, followed by a final rest. Maybe that wasn’t so bad.
Maybe I, too, could accept this death as the cost of the rich gifts of a human life.
I glanced up at Belis who was singing to herself as she walked. Rhiannon’s potion seemed to have half cured her and the renewed strength of Annwn was closing her cuts and bruises, but she was still a little pale. I decided to suggest we take a break soon so as not to exhaust her.
We were still coated with ash and sweat and I stank of dragon and smoke, so when the road brought us alongside a bubbling stream I dragged Belis into the water with me.
It was cold and fresh and she screeched with the shock of it.
I laughed and splashed her, then stripped off my clothes to scrub out the worst of the dirt.
The once beautiful fae fabrics had been worn down to rags, stained with blood and filth.
Belis swam up behind me, trailing her own tattered clothes.
“We can trade for new ones when we get back. I still have some coins left,” she said, leaning over my shoulder to see what I was looking at. “And you can always go and find your old friends and get some more fairy clothes.”
I bit my lip and pushed the clothes under the water, scrubbing at them ferociously. Belis drifted around in front of me.
“What is it?” she said, reaching out to take the tunic from me before I ripped it. I stared into the water.
“Belis,” I started, then lost courage. She swam a little closer to me and I found the strength to look up at her. She was so beautiful, her hair darkened by the same water that threw lights into her eyes. I wanted to count the freckles on her face, to run my hands along the muscles of her arms.
“Mallt.” She met my gaze and I felt my heart twist in pain at the sound of my name in her mouth. I floundered in the water, suddenly almost too weak to swim.
“That farm we were joking about,” I stuttered, trying to get the words out. “Will you come with me? To the north?”
“I’ll go anywhere you want with you,” Belis said. “Just tell me what you want.”
“I think I want you.” I let the words fall out of my mouth before I could stop them.
She ran a hand through her hair, freeing a long tendril from her braid. I reached out to tuck it behind her ear again, my fingers skimming her face. She caught my hand before I could take it back. Her eyes were full of turmoil, racked by indecision.
I leaned forward and kissed her. At first it was just a graze, just my lips skimming over hers, asking a question.
Then I felt her arms wind behind my neck, and she pulled me close.
Her mouth was so soft, her tongue dancing against my own.
I wrapped a hand in her hair, moving the other down to tug her waist nearer to me.
She pulled back then kissed me again and again.
I smiled and our teeth knocked together.
Sorry,” she whispered, and I laughed, pulling her up the bank and onto the grass.
I sat back on my heels and drew her close, taking her hand and moving it to my throat, my waist, my thighs. Her fingers traced down my stomach, her touch light but my skin almost burning beneath it. She kissed me again and my mouth was trembling beneath hers.
“Can I?” she asked, and I nodded desperately as she pressed her lips to my throat, my collarbones. I was dizzy with Belis, drunk on her. All the pain and fear of mortality that I had struggled with, now I could understand how the humans could bear it, for this moment was worth it all.
When we finally paused for breath the sun was high in the sky, casting golden light over where we lay on the soft grass beside the river.
I lifted my head up and looked down at Belis as she lay beneath me, marvelling at the long muscles of her arms, the sharp line of her nose, the myriad freckles that starred her skin.
It was too much to look at, I wanted to taste, to touch, to smell her.
I wished for the thousandth time that I was still Mallt Nightshade, not to run but so that I could love Belis in my immortal form.
Yet even in the wishing a part of me knew this feeling was greater than my ageless heart could bear, that these emotions were entirely mortal, entirely human.
“It’s too much,” I burst out, still looking at Belis. She frowned at me, a dent of worry appearing between her brows.
“Is it? Mallt, we don’t have to…” She paused as I shook my head at her. “Not that, this.” I gestured at myself. “It hurts, why does it hurt?”
Belis sat up, alarmed, pulling me into her lap. “What hurts, Mallt?”
“Everything! I thought humans only felt things with their chests! That’s what all the songs say. Your heart is where you’re supposed to feel things, but I feel all over!”
“What do you feel?”
I stuttered, trying to find the words. “You! I feel you in my legs – they’re weak as kittens.
I feel you in my arms – they ache to hold you, I mean physically hurt to not have you.
My stomach is a whirlpool, my throat is a wildfire.
I can feel you in my fingertips, I can feel my mouth aching to kiss you, to say your name.
It’s not just my chest, or my head, it’s all of me.
I can feel you in my elbows, Bel – what does that mean? ”
“What do you think?” Belis asked, her gaze dark and very serious.
“This is your stupid human love, isn’t it?”
She smiled at me and I felt my traitorous mortal heart beat so hard that I thought my ribcage might crack.
“For what it’s worth, Mallt, I love you with my elbows, too.” I groaned and kissed her again.
I woke from a sweet, dreamless sleep to a faint tickling in my ear.
It took me a moment to realise it was Belis’s breath, each exhalation ruffling a loose lock of hair over my cheek.
The sky was still light, with only the slightest tinge of orange in the west to herald the coming dawn.
I stayed still, enjoying the comforting warmth of my lover beside me.
Belis had wrapped herself around me, tight as ivy clinging to an oak.
One of her legs had nestled between mine and my head lay against her left arm.
Her right hand rested gently on my stomach.
I snuggled back and laid my hand over hers.
The touch of her hand on my stomach was somehow more intimate then all the pleasure we had shared.
The feeling of her palm filled a gap I hadn’t known was there, healed an old scar I had forgotten I bore.
I lay in Belis’s arms and watched the western skies bloom with red and orange sunlight.
After a while I felt the tempo of her breath quicken and I knew she was awake.
Neither of us moved to get up, only shifting slightly to fit more comfortably against each other.
I felt my heartbeat thudding in time with hers, steady and true.
Only when the sun had broken free of the horizon, sitting low and heavy in the sky, did I finally sit up and stretch out my arms.
Belis smiled up at me, drowsiness still clouding her face, the yellow light setting fire to the crown of scarlet curls mussed up by sleep.
“Come back and lie with me,” she said, reaching out a hand to my leg. I closed my eyes as she traced her fingers along the muscles of my thigh, trying to ignore the shiver of delight shooting through me.
“It’s the morning, Bel,” I said, grabbing her hand and pulling her upright. She came up easily but then distracted me by kissing my neck, working her way to my ear and nipping playfully at it.
“It’s daytime, we’ve spent almost a whole day here,” I said again, fighting for my rapidly diminishing willpower. “We have to get back to Arawn. He’ll be wanting to know what happened to us, to Rhiannon. Not to mention we can claim your sister’s soul.”
“He’s waited eighteen years to solve the problem of the shadowbitten. He can wait a little longer. Besides, it’s still too dark to travel,” Belis murmured, placing her palms over my eyes. “I can barely see. We should wait here a little longer.”
I pulled her hands away and she grinned and lifted me back into her lap. I opened my mouth to explain exactly why we had to go but she had returned her hands to my thigh and I soon forgot anything I had wanted to say.
When Belis finally rolled back onto the soft grass, I managed to formulate my thoughts enough to insist that we leave.
Belis smiled at me lazily then jumped back up.
“Come on, then. No time to waste lying about all day, Mallt, I’ve got a soul to collect. You should know about the importance of that. I don’t know why you’ve been dragging your feet so much!”