Altair
The grassy spot Leo had picked was surprisingly soft, aided in part by his arm slipped beneath my head to cushion it.
He’d managed to upend my roiling fears, at least for a moment, and I let him pull me into him.
His body curled behind me, my ass nestled in the crook of his hips.
His top arm wasn’t heavy on me until I pulled it tighter.
Then he gave me a little squeeze, rumbling happily as he nuzzled his nose into my hair.
For a long time, we stayed like that, with my muddy feet tucked against the tops of his poor relatively clean shoes.
At some point, I was going to have to prove vampires really could cross moving water and retrieve the ones I’d thrown, but later.
Sometime when Leo wasn’t pressed against my back while he folded around me like a warm blanket.
I could still feel his arousal trapped against my ass, but he was the one who arranged us like this, and Leo struck me as a particularly patient man. I could return the favor later, or maybe when we went to bed, he’d come with me.
I didn’t want to be alone, for him to go back to a bedroom that wasn’t his in the first place.
Ivan’s voice sneered in my head, calling me pathetic, and I was. I’d rather sleep on the ground than part ways from Leo.
I linked my fingers through his, and he spread them easily and kissed the shell of my ear.
Then, the most devastating question I’ve ever uttered bubbled past my lips. “You actually like me, don’t you?”
Leo’s arm tightened around my middle. “What? Yeah, I like you.”
I swallowed roughly. “And not simply because you feel . . . sorry for me? You’re kind, I know that. But you wouldn’t—not just because you feel bad, or I haven’t . . . Have I tricked you?”
“Tricked me?” He lifted his head, trying to get a view of my face, but I didn’t help him with that. If anything, I turned into the crook of his elbow, so after a moment, he put his head back down and sighed. “No, you didn’t trick me into liking you. I just like you.”
I nodded. Truly, I wanted to believe him, but it wasn’t that easy.
I’d met Ivan late one night at a coffee house on the outskirts of Basra, and I’d thought he’d liked me. I’d been young and naive, and even if I hadn’t been, nothing I could’ve done as a mortal would have stopped a vampire on the hunt.
I’d thought that he liked me, then he killed me, he kept me, he hurt me. Leo wasn’t anything like Ivan. If anything, I was. I was more than happy to use him and put his whole pack at risk, and now what?
I couldn’t even help them fight him off. Ivan’s mind worked too fast. The first second he saw me, he’d take me and flee, or worse, turn me against the people who were trying to help.
Leo had promised he wouldn’t let me hurt him. What if it came down to a choice to hurt me to save himself? He was tenderhearted. I didn’t think he would.
Our hands were tangled together, and I allowed myself a moment to imagine mine covered in blood. His blood. Or heavens, Evie’s. I could hurt all of them.
But Viktor was right—my leaving didn’t promise them safety, and maybe I could do more than sit idly by and wait for the worst.
I took a shaky breath, and when I drew my legs up, Leo shifted closer. His knees pressed against the backs of my thighs.
“Do you want to know why I like you?” he muttered in my ear.
A warm tingle swept down my neck as I nodded. It was pitiful, that I needed this assurance, but in the dark with my back to him and his arms around me, I wanted it. I really wanted to believe that he meant what he said and that my long-departed mother wasn’t the last person to ever care for me.
“You’re funny and sharp,” he started, spreading his fingers wide so they splayed across my stomach without dislodging my grip on him, then dragging them back together.
“I don’t just mean your teeth. You don’t take Viktor’s crap, but you haven’t been cruel to him either.
I kind of . . . I think sometimes I just fold, because it’s easier and most people care more about having things done their way than I do.
Or they think they know more than me, and it’s easier to go along than to cause problems.”
I’d never thought of Leo as the kind of person to fold easily, but I hadn’t known him for very long. When it came to me, he’d been adamant and steady.
“But it’s more than just that,” he went on.
“Viktor’s my brother, right? My twin. And we love each other, but we were always supposed to have this incredible bond.
Some people think it’s magic, having a twin.
But it’s always been Viktor and Aleks, from the second Aleks came back to Russia.
They . . . get each other, and I can keep up most of the time, but it’s not the same.
With them, with the pack, with everybody, I’ve always felt like I’m on the outskirts.
I don’t fit exactly how I should. I don’t feel like that when I’m with you. ”
Warmth flooded into my face easier now that I was well fed. I snorted against his arm. “Right. A lost, feral vampire makes you feel like you belong.”
I could hear Leo’s eyeroll in his tone. “You’re not even close to feral. You’re incredibly poised, actually. And yeah, I feel like I belong.”
With me.
He felt like he belonged with me.
The emotions swirling in my chest were enough to choke me. I wanted too much, but I couldn’t trap the wisps of hope rushing around. I couldn’t keep them, because I was going to lose everything.
If I wanted Leo, that was only going to doom him.
And damn it all, I wanted him anyway. I was the worst sort of selfish. Always had been.
I sighed, long and slow until my body went soft again. Then I whispered, “I wish I could stop time right now and stay here.”
Leo hummed. When he nuzzled my neck, it tickled. “Because the afterglow’s so good?”
I laughed. How did he manage to make me laugh when I was so desperate and forlorn?
“No.” I let go of his hand so I could roll over.
His broad chest created a little bubble of warmth between us that was so nice.
I hadn’t realized how cold my life had been until I had him close.
“Because right now, we’re together and you’re safe.
You like me, and I . . . like you too, and if I really try and stop things right here, I can imagine what that might look like.
How I could . . . maybe I could . . . stay, and we could be .
. . something. I could fit with you too. ”
He smiled at me like I was the reason the stars shone, and it broke my heart a little—this sweet wolf who looked at me the way I’d always wished someone would.
“Right now,” I whispered, “I can almost forget that Ivan’s coming. But then the seconds pass, and I remember, and I know that I’ve only made everything worse for you.”
Leo clutched my arm. “None of this is your fault.”
I shook my head. “Ivan’s coming here because of me.
Let’s say everything goes the way you hope it will—you drive him back.
People are still going to be hurt. It could be your family.
If Katya dies, or Viktor . . . I couldn’t forgive myself for that, and you—as much as you might want to, it’ll never be the same again, and I like how it is right in this moment. ”
He sighed. His warm palm curved against my cheek. “I like how it is right now too, so maybe we try and hang onto that? There’s no sense borrowing trouble that hasn’t come yet.”
“We have to prepare.”
Leo shrugged. “Not for death and devastation. Let’s prepare for a fight, and then for what comes next, like . . . black-out curtains in Mama’s living room so you can go anywhere you like in the daytime.”
“You want to get me curtains?” I choked.
Leo blinked at me. “I mean, yeah. If that’s not stupid.”
I pressed forward, burying my face in the center of his chest. “Not stupid,” I mumbled against his warm skin.
It was, in fact, one of the very nicest things anyone had ever thought of.