Altair
At first, I couldn’t make sense of anything Prudence was saying. Losing his brother to love? That word, “love,” didn’t exist in my lexicon. It was like a blank spot in the middle of the conversation.
The facts remained—Viktor was losing his brother to something, and it was my fault—but the how and why were unclear.
Hazier, when I saw the bite I’d left on his neck and knew that I’d hurt him.
It was the worst feeling in the world, the guilt that twisted through my stomach at the thought that I’d hurt him. We’d been together. He’d let me bite his smooth, gorgeous neck, and drink from him. In return, I’d left a scar.
Just the idea of hurting him when he trusted me with so much of himself reminded me too much of Ivan. A lance of ice stabbed through my dead heart at the thought that I was just like him, that Viktor was right to be suspicious of me.
No matter what I wanted, I was always going to be a monster.
Even when Prudence said he’d been wrong, it didn’t change anything.
What did was the warmth of Leo’s rough palm cradling the back of mine. As he stepped closer to me, I swayed toward him. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was, that I’d never do it again, that he didn’t need to be afraid of me.
It didn’t matter that he didn’t look afraid. He looked . . . nervous, sure. A little resigned. But he pressed my hand between his and the mark on the side of his neck. It was hardly raised and already smooth, and beneath it, his heart beat as strong as ever.
I hadn’t done anything terrible. I hadn’t lost control of myself and torn him open. But I still needed the reassurance that he was there and safe before I could take another breath.
He said I didn’t hurt him, but that clearly wasn’t true. My brow furrowed, but I didn’t interrupt him. He was speaking softly and I didn’t want to make him any more nervous than he was already.
It wasn’t Viktor putting him on edge. Clearly, he was willing to go toe-to-toe with his brother.
And then, he said the most impossible thing.
I stared at him as the bottom of my stomach dropped out.
“How you . . . feel about me?” I croaked, voice scraping up my throat like it was made of sandpaper.
Leo swallowed and ducked his head, like he couldn’t quite commit to a full nod.
His heartbeat jumped nervously beneath my palm. His lips stretched, thinning as he bit them between his teeth.
He was nervous, because he felt for me.
It was stunning, like getting hit by rigging and flying overboard into the deep, unfathomable ocean. He wasn’t afraid of me, not in the way I thought he should be.
He—
I surged forward and my hand slipped up, curling around the back of his neck to draw him down as I pushed up on my toes. I kissed him, and his plush mouth gave beneath mine.
I didn’t shove my way inside and hastily plunder what I could before he could think better of this. I just kissed him, pouring every ounce of feeling I had into it.
Nobody. For so long, nobody had felt anything for me, and there Leo was, feeling . . .
Feeling words that Prudence said like “passion” and “love” and things that I thought were lost to me, but there he was, this perfect miracle in my arms who sobbed into my mouth like he was starving for me, desperate for me to pull him closer.
And all I wanted to do was gather him up in my hands, bundled safe and warm, and promise him that I knew what this meant and I took it seriously. I wouldn’t hurt him. Not ever. Not if I walked this world a thousand more years or died tomorrow, I wouldn’t repay his care with harm.
I kissed him until Evie whistled and I felt heat flooding beneath Leo’s cheeks, radiating against my skin.
With a shaky sigh, I dropped onto my heels, but I stayed close. Leo’s arms had slipped around my waist, and if the world were perfect, we’d get to stay just like that forever.
With my feet flat on the ground again, I loosened my hold on him only to cup my palm over that mark that was more about his wonderful heart than anything I’d done. I hadn’t hurt him.
I’d mated him, and while I got the distinct impression that I knew less about what that meant than I ought to, a strange warmth suffused my chest.
That he felt any way about me was such an impossible thing, but more? Maybe Prudence was right, because hearing that Leo had feelings for me, I wasn’t empty and cold. I didn’t want to take anything from him, but protect him and give him the world. My world, little and pitiful as it was.
One thing I knew without a doubt: when I’d been human, I could’ve loved a man like Leo. No, back then I wouldn’t have imagined falling in love with a white man, but that hadn’t stopped me from falling into Ivan’s bed.
If I’d known Leo back then, I’d have teased him, sure. Maybe I’d have played hard to get. But I could’ve loved him.
If I’d had a single reasonable thought in my head, it would’ve been impossible to avoid loving him.
So right then, I was going to believe Prudence and not Ivan, because I wanted to. I wanted to be the kind of creature who could love Leo like he deserved, and if that meant working at it, even while I was uncertain that I was that good, so be it. I would, to see him happy.
His little smile was wavering on his face. He looked hopeful now, and I wanted to stoke that flame. Maybe I didn’t know what I was capable of, and maybe words were hard, but a future with him? I could imagine it.
“Will you promise me something?” I whispered.
Leo nodded, his eyes clear and serious, because he was a silly werewolf with an oversized heart who would take me entirely at my word.
“Stay with me,” I said. “Don’t get hurt. Don’t leave me. Stay.”
He blinked. “Okay.”
I nodded too fast, my tongue thick and dry in a way that made me swallow.
Looking into his eyes was too much. I shoved into the circle of his arms, squeezing around his neck and burying my face against his skin.
I’d left a mark there. My mark, which wasn’t an injury but something else, and when I kissed it, I pressed all my fragile hopes against his skin and begged the universe to let me keep him.