20. Jasmin
Jasmin
“Ghost, come in.”
I stared at the screen in front of me in horror. The corner that Linc had been standing in was covered by a portico, preventing me from seeing him. I watched as Yost turned and lunged in his direction after shots were fired.
“Nightstalker, confirmed two shots fired.” Zane was not giving me any new information.
Fucking hell, I knew something was off. I knew it.
“Viper team is on the move. I repeat, Viper team is on the move, out.”
“Ghost, come in.”
Where the hell was he? We only had access to this drone for thirty more minutes, then I would be blind.
“Blue, thirty minutes until I lose eyes. ”
“Copy that, Nightstalker.”
“Viper, you are in the clear, no movement.”
And just then my world exploded. Literally, it exploded into a ball of flames and debris. My eyes widened in shock as I watched the house that Linc was next to explode. I no longer had a visual on anything other than flames and smoke.
“Viper!” That vaguely sounded like Eric. “Viper, come in.”
“Mother fucking hell, Nightstalker, come in!” Eric yelled. I could hear his breath coming out in short pants as he ran. I was frozen. “Jasmin, come in NOW!”
I jumped when Eric yelled my name, pulling me back. “Go for Nightstalker.”
“Do you have eyes on Viper and Breeze?”
“That is a negative, there is too much smoke, I am blind.”
I was in a haze and barely heard any of the commotion going on around me. Drew was yelling on the phone to someone and the president had come barreling through the door of the situation room. I felt a hand on my arm and I shrugged it off without even looking up from my screen.
“Ghost, come in. Viper!” I tried again.
“Viper, here, you’re coming in broken and stupid, over. ”
Thank God, Zane was ok. His COMS must have been damaged in the blast, making it difficult to hear me.
“Everyone, what’s your twenty? I have no eyes, too much smoke. I repeat, no eyes.”
“Panther here, cover at the bottom of the mountain, over.”
“Blue here, sniper top of the mountain, over.”
“Wolf here, we are on our way back to the mountain. Viper and Breeze are five by five, I repeat, they are square. No sign of Ghost.”
Fuck! I felt a tear slip past my lashes as I tried to blink back more from falling. I needed to fix this shit, not break down.
“Drew, is that Garrett?”
He gave me a nod of his head and put Garrett on speaker.
I muted my COMS before I spoke. I did not want the rest of the team to hear me.
“Garrett, Benele Yost was talking to someone before the explosion, see if you can pull records. Also I heard Yost say, ‘they are coming tonight, it was confirmed by the spook himself’. For the love of Christ, please tell me what sellout in the God damn CIA is responsible for this shit show.”
I unmuted my COMS. “Ghost, come in!” I yelled again.
“Negative, Nightstalker.” That was Zane, his voice sounded defeated, broken. “No chance. There is a hole in the ground.”
“No! Fuck no!” I ripped my headphones off my head and threw them on the desk.
I needed some air. I was going to vomit any minute; I could feel it making its way up my throat.
Jesus Christ, what just happened? How in the hell did that just happen?
I found myself locked in a bathroom on the floor, wiping vomit off my lips and tears off my cheeks.
My chest burned like someone had just carved my heart out with a freaking butter knife.
There was a knock at the door. I ignored it. It came again and I could not speak a word. It was physically impossible for me to utter a word through this pain. Then I heard my aunt’s voice. “Jasmin, darlin’, I am going to ask security to unlock this door. I need to hold you, sweet girl.”
My entire body was wracked with sobs. He was gone. I had truly lost my husband forever.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride.”
I looked up at Lincoln. He looked so damn sexy in his suit, his eyes were sparkling and so full of love .
“I love you, Mrs. Parker.”
I sat up in bed, sweat dripping down my forehead into my eyes. The sweat quickly mixed with my tears as I used the balled up sheet next to me to wipe my face.
In the five days since Linc had been gone, I had started to remember the seven months I had with him in Russia.
It was both a blessing and a curse. I was now in a state of constant torture, willing myself to remember every last detail so I could have something to hold onto, then hating myself for remembering it.
I threw the snot covered ball of sheet off me and stood up, hurrying to the bathroom.
This was my new nightly routine. Dream about Linc, then cry myself to the point of throwing up.
It was so fucking gross I could barely stand myself.
I was in my own personal hell. Falling apart, I no longer cared who saw me.
I could not bring myself to care about much of anything.
I was going crazy. There was something in the back of my mind that was nagging me.
I felt like I was missing something. I had watched the footage of the explosion so many times the team finally banned me from reviewing it again.
Fuck them. Did they really think I needed to watch the video on a screen to see the replay?
It was burned into my memory forever. Someone would die for this .
Zane and the team were no better off than I was.
Linc’s death fucked with all of them. Each of them blaming themselves for not saving him, not knowing it was a set-up.
I told them what I heard over Linc’s COMS. There was indeed someone to blame for my husband’s death and I would hunt the slimy mother fucker down and slice his throat if it was the last thing I ever did on this planet.
I screwed my eyes shut and remembered the last conversation I had with Zane. He was fucked up, in some ways worse off than I was. The man was in a dangerous place.
“Zane, it is not your fault.”
Wrong thing to say on my part, way wrong! He detonated.
“How can you say that? I do not need your bullshit words, Jasmin. I sent him around that corner. I should have known better. I am the God damn boss, I should have known!” he yelled as he damn near knocked over the conference room table. “It should have been me. I should have died, not him.”
His head was hanging. His hands scrubbed over his face and when he finally looked up at me, I was scared shitless.
“I will exact painful retribution for my brother’s death.
I do not care if I have to tear the God damn CIA apart to do it.
You hear me, Jasmin, it will be me. Lincoln would want you to breathe clean and easy.
This will not touch you. No one will touch you.
I owe him that. Mark my words, Jasmin; I will gut the mother fucker responsible for your husband’s murder. ”
I had to fix this before I lost Zane, too. He was not thinking straight. Lincoln would not want Zane on a suicide mission, and that is exactly where Zane was headed.
I washed my face and went down the stairs in search of something to drink. A quick check of the large clock on the sterile kitchen wall told me it was just after five AM. One of the private White House chefs came around the corner and startled when he saw me sitting at the stainless steel island.
“Can I get you anything, Mrs. Parker?”
My heart dropped. I remembered the day my little five foot nothing spitfire of an aunt ripped the staff a new ass for calling me ‘Ms. Smith’.
She promptly told everyone I was Mrs. Parker.
If I wasn’t so fucked at the moment, I would have busted out laughing.
I quickly fell in love with that woman. I would be in a strait jacket by now if it was not for her.
“Just a cup of coffee, please, if it wouldn’t be too much trouble.”
“No, ma’am, I have some ready. I hope you don’t mind hazelnut flavor. I wasn’t expecting anyone down for another hour.”
“That sounds perfect; if you hand me a mug, I can pour my own. If you’d like some peace before everyone shows up, I can take it and leave.”
“Here.” He handed me the mug and pointed toward the coffee pot. Thank Christ, the coffee was already made. That thing had more freaking buttons and doohickeys on it than the damn space shuttle.
“Please have a seat and keep me company. Would you like some fruit?” He pushed a plate of cut up fruit to the middle of the table and went back to chopping. I was in a trance watching his knife make quick work of a mango.
“Holy cow, you are fast. Thank you for the coffee by the way.”
“Happy to dazzle you with my culinary skills; they go so unappreciated these days.”
I let out a laugh and then quickly covered my mouth. What was I doing laughing? I lost my husband five days ago. I had no business laughing.
Linc hated me when he left the cabin; he looked at me like he didn’t want to even know me.
I had lost him even before his death. That was the absolute worst part.
Knowing he left without me telling him how much I loved him, how I wanted to have all those babies with him.
I had royally fucked up and I had no one to blame but myself.
I knew I would regret that for the rest of my life.
“May I be frank?” the chef asked. That was an odd question.
I gave him a nod, afraid of what my voice might sound like if I spoke.
“I lost my wife of thirty years a few years back. I want to tell you that I know your heartache and I am truly sorry. One day, you will understand it is okay to laugh again. Do not be so hard on yourself in the meantime.”