Chapter 8
EIGHT
ALLERIA
I stare at the mirror in his hand, then up at him. I can’t read anything from his expression.
“Look in the mirror.” His voice is soft.
I don’t want to look. I don’t want to see what he wants to show me.
“Alleria, please.”
It’s the please that does it. My eyes jerk to the reflection, and a stranger stares back at me.
Her face is too thin. There are dark circles beneath her eyes. Eyes that still look like mine, yet aren’t.
I frown up at him. “I’ve lost weight.”
“That’s not it. Look closer.”
My gaze jumps back to the mirror. “Cairn, there’s nothing to see.”
He reaches out and tucks a lock of hair behind my ear. The shape of it is wrong. Instead of the soft curve I know, it sweeps up into a delicate point. My hand flies up, and feeling the point under my fingers is worse than seeing it.
“What …” I snatch the mirror from his hand and hold it closer, twisting my head from side to side. “What happened to me? What did you do?”
“When we found you, I wasn’t sure they’d be able to save you. You were almost gone. Serath and Caelum poured everything they could into you, and the magic healed everything that was done to you.” His voice is measured and even. “But it didn’t stop there. It kept going.”
“Kept going? What do you mean it kept going?”
“Exactly that. Healing magic doesn’t pick and choose. It finds the problem and it fixes it.”
My hands are shaking so much, the mirror falls from my fingers to my lap.
“This is because of the Nightwild magic, isn’t it?
When the mage was trying to get into my head, you asked me to accept it.
You told me you didn’t know how it would affect me.
You said no human had ever been part of it before.
” I lift my gaze to his. “This is what you meant.”
“I don’t think so.”
“You don’t think so?” My voice rises. “You told me you didn’t know what would happen. Those were your exact words. And now my ears are pointed and my eyes are … I don’t even know what they are … and you don’t think it’s connected?”
“If accepting the Nightwild connection was going to change your body, it would have started happening then. It didn’t. Nothing changed until healing magic moved through you and repaired the damage.”
“Repaired the damage?” I can’t squash the note of hysteria in my voice. “You’re saying this was already inside me? That I’ve always been … what? Part fae? That my ears were always supposed to be pointed and someone reshaped them?”
“I am saying that the healing magic found something it considered wrong and corrected it.” The calmness of his tone is infuriating. “Beyond that, I don’t have any answers.”
I lurch to my feet, unable to stay still any longer. The shelter tilts around me before it steadies. Cool air hits my skin, and I look down. In my shock, I forgot I was naked. Before I can cover myself, fabric settles over me—a dark blue tunic, and black pants materializing from nothing.
“Thank you.”
He raises an eyebrow, and too late, I remember the stories about the repercussions of thanking a fae.
“I didn’t mean … I wasn’t trying to—”
His mouth twitches. “I think we’ve long passed debt collection, don’t you?”
I spin away, pacing the length of the shelter. Fifteen steps one way, turn, fifteen steps back. My fingers keep touching my ears, stroking over the points then pulling away again. Each time I expect them to be round.
Each time they’re not.
Did my father know?
Did he know when he put a bow in my hand and sent me on a fae hunt?
Did he know when he sold me to Brennan?
Did he know when he stood there and sentenced me to death?
I knew you were tainted, but I wanted you anyway.
I stop dead as Brennan’s words repeat in my head.
I thought he’d meant the way I’d defended the fae, and refused to betray them. But now, standing here with pointed ears, I’m not so sure.
Did he know? Is that what he meant? Did he mean the way I’d chosen the fae over the kingdom, or that I’d never been fully human to begin with?
Was his obsession—fourteen years of waiting, the way he watched me grow up—about more than expecting to marry the king’s daughter?
My stomach turns. I don’t want to think about that. I don’t want to think about any of it.
I face Cairn, who has moved to stand near the table, his eyes on me.
“Who am I?” I whisper. “What am I? Am I part fae? Full fae? Something else? How have I lived my entire life and not known?”
“Someone hid it … and hid it well. I know of only one thing that could have done it.”
No. No. No. Please don’t say it.
“The magic mages use to modify fae for the hunt. That could easily be worked in reverse. It would be a simple thing to reshape ears, and alter the bone structure of the face in a child. Our healing magic would have treated those modifications the same way it treated the rest of your injuries, and sought to repair them.”
I cover my hand with my mouth. I feel sick.
I've seen the result of modifications done to the fae. I've seen them on him—on Cairn. Antlers grown from his skull. They would have been sawn off for me after the kill. I would have taken them home and bragged about my hunt. And now he's telling me the same might have been done to me.
Bile burns the back of my throat.
“Who would do that?”
“It’s a possibility.” He doesn’t answer my question. “Right now, we have no way of knowing what the truth is.”
“Has it been done to anyone else?”
“I don’t know.”
I want to scream. I want to scream until my throat hurts and the questions stop and someone can give me an answer that makes sense. But Cairn is right, we don’t have enough information, and screaming isn’t going to change that.
I take a breath … then another … and spin to find the mirror. It’s on the furs where it fell when I stood. I raise it until I can see the reflection. The face in it stares back at me, and it’s still not mine.
“Maybe it’s temporary? A side effect to … I don’t know … everything that’s happened!” My eyes jerk up to his. “Right?”
“It’s unlikely.”
I glare at him. “The one time I want you to lie to me, you don’t even try.”
“I’ve never lied to you.”
“Fine, when you do that thing … where you don’t tell me the truth or answer my question properly.”
“Is that what you want me to do?”
My shoulders sag. “No.” I walk over to him and set the mirror down on the table. “Will you at least tell me what happened? You said we’d talk about it.”
Cairn studies me, and I wonder if he’s going to refuse. Then he turns to the table, pours more of the herbal drink he gave me earlier into a goblet and hands it to me.
“I’m fine. I don’t need it.”
“Humor me, anyway.”
I take it from him and lift it to my lips. This time I’m ready for the panic that spikes at the smell. I tighten my grip on the goblet and swallow a mouthful.
“Therin was on a rooftop across the square. Our plan was to cut the rope as you fell, and get you out of there. When the trapdoor opened, and you dropped, a Nightwild steed formed beneath you. As soon as the arrow severed the rope, the steed carried you out of the city.”
“You were in the city?”
“I told you that I’d come for you. I was only a few feet from you when the trapdoor dropped.”
“How?”
“There were no wards to stop us. We glamoured ourselves to look human and walked in without being challenged.”
I try to picture Cairn glamoured to look human, standing close by while the rope went around my neck and the hangman pulled the lever.
What must that have been like? Did he feel it the way I sometimes feel him when the bond drags me down into whatever he’s living through?
I want to ask him, but at the same time, I don’t want the answer. I don’t want to know that he could feel me dying.
“We tracked the steed to a clearing. You were badly hurt. Serath healed you enough so we could move you, and we brought you back here.” One shoulder moves in a small shrug. “The rest you know.”
I’m pretty sure he’s missing big chunks of the story out, but I’ve also learned that I can’t force him to tell me anything until he’s decided he wants to, so I don’t push for more details … not yet, anyway.
A Nightwild steed carried me away in front of the entire city, and my father saw it. I wonder what he thought.
“My father sentenced me to death. My sister stood witness. Nella, my best friend since I was a child, handed me to Brennan in the belief she was rescuing me.” Saying it out loud should hurt. Maybe it does, and I’m simply too numb to feel it.
“Yes.”
“What happens now?”
“Now? Now we—”
The entrance moves and Therin steps through, his expression tight. Kaelith is behind him.
“We have a problem.”
The shift in Cairn at Therin’s words is immediate. His features turn hard, his eyes cold, and the fae who was lying on the furs with me less than half an hour ago with his mouth on my skin is gone. What stands before me now is the Eldráfn of the Nightwild Guard.
“Tell me.”
Kaelith steps forward. His gaze flicks to me, and he smiles, before focusing back on Cairn.
“The village has been burned down. Every building, every home.”
“The village?” All eyes turn to me. “You mean where Brennan found us?”
Kaelith nods.
Oh no.
“But the families … the fae—”
“Everyone is safe, Alleria. We’ve always had evacuation plans in place. As soon as you were taken, they started to pack. The village was empty two days before the king’s soldiers arrived.”
The relief hits so hard, I drop onto the nearest chair. “All of them?”
“Everyone. Human and fae both. They left nothing behind for the soldiers to find.” He turns back to Cairn. “The soldiers burned the entire place to the ground, and poisoned the well.”
Relief turns into anger. If anyone had been there, would they have been burned too? Or would they have been taken to the capital and hanged?
“That isn’t all. On the way back here, we spotted a column of the king’s soldiers on the northern road. Forty, maybe fifty, with at least two mages. They’re moving slowly, searching every potential hiding place.”
“How far away?”
“Half a day’s ride at their current speed. The direction they’re heading will bring them to the eastern edge of the forest by nightfall.”
I watch Cairn’s face. His expression hasn’t changed, but I can almost see the calculation and assessment going on behind his eyes as he weighs and discards options. He turns to me, eyes tracking over my face.
“Are you well enough to travel?”
“Yes.”
“Your body has been through—”
“I said yes, Cairn.”
He holds my gaze, and I force myself not to drop my eyes.
“So be it.” He nods. “Therin, tell the others to break down the camp.”
As he speaks, the clothes I’m wearing change. The tunic thickens, a cloak forming at my shoulders. My pants turn into leathers, warm and fur-lined. Socks and boots form over my bare feet.
Before I can say anything, I’m engulfed in a hug from behind.
“Alleria!” I twist in Serath’s arms. “You’re awake.”
Tears sting my eyes, and I press my face into her shoulder, returning her embrace.
She lifts her hands to cup my face, fingertips brushing my ears. “Let me look at you.” Her smile is warm as she meets my eyes. “How do you feel?”
“I’m all right.”
“Good. We were worried about you.”
“Reunions later. We need to move.” Cairn rests one hand against the small of my back and guides me out of the shelter.
Vessara is standing outside. She grasps my hand and squeezes.
“Alleria. It’s good to see you awake.”
“It’s good to be awake.”
Vel is standing further off, arms folded.
She’s watching the shelters dissolve one by one, the shimmer of their walls folding inward and vanishing until there’s nothing left but bare ground and trampled earth.
Her head turns when I speak to Vessara. Her expression doesn’t change, but she gives me a single nod.
This fae female spat at me through the bars of her cage. She also took an arrow in the shoulder trying to reach me. I don’t know if her feelings toward me have changed, but the nods means something.
I don’t get a chance to speak to her. Cairn’s fingers circle my wrist and he draws me across the clearing.
When he stops, Selveryn forms beside him in a burst of pale sparks.
As though it’s a sign, the rest of the Guard’s steeds appear, each one close to their rider.
All eyes turn to me, and I get the distinct impression they’re waiting for something.
Cairn mounts with a grace I envy, then reaches down and pulls me up in front of him. His arm settles around my waist, and Selveryn shifts beneath us.
“Where are we going?”
“West.”
Therin’s head snaps toward us at Cairn’s reply, and their eyes meet. Cairn gives the smallest of nods, and Selveryn surges forward.