19. Bran
Chapter 19
Bran
“ Y ou’re different now,” she says to me as she sips her iced tea. “No longer the strong silent type, eh?”
I shrug, taking a long gulp of the lemonade Judy offered me. “I suppose.”
She chuckles at my short response. “It’s funny isn’t it? How you can spend years living as a shell of a person and then someone walks into your life and brings out the part of you that was dying inside. Paige seems to be having a positive effect on you. And I’m not the only one around here who has marveled at seeing you happy.”
Just the mere mention of Paige brings a smile to my lips and a warm feeling to my chest. “I like her, Judy.”
“I know you do. Fairly sure the entire town has noticed at one point or another. You guys have been all over the Nosy Pecker on more than one occasion if I do recall.”
Grinning, I huff a soft laugh. “Sometimes you tit peepers are too good at what you do. But also, I think I really like her.” I sigh, looking out over the pond behind the Woodcocks’ house.
Judy’s brows peak. “Well, if there is anyone in this town who deserves a happily ever after, it’s you, Brannon.” She gives me a mothering smile and pats my forearm. “Tell me what you like about her.”
“What’s not to like? She’s beautiful first of all. She’s so…” I shake my head. “Adorable. Her personality is light and compassionate. She’s friendly with everyone she meets and she finds the positive in pretty much any situation. Talking to her is like a breath of fresh air. I feel free when we talk.”
“Free?”
I nod, taking another sip of my lemonade. “Mhmm. I mean I tried to keep my distance at first. I really did, but she…she…” An amused laugh escapes my mouth. “She wouldn’t leave me alone and for the first time since I moved here, I didn’t want her to. I liked it when she talked to me even if I didn’t want to admit it. She made something in my soul smile every time she was around and then I wanted her to be around more and more. She’s creative and fun and her sense of humor is so much like Heather’s was. It’s almost like she is right here with us.”
Judy leans forward, her eyes questioning. “As long as you’re not trying to replace your sister with Paige.”
“No.” I shake my head again. “It’s not like that. But in the time Paige has been here, I’ve gotten all these little déjà vu moments or like, little reminders of Heather. It’s almost as if she’s reminding me that I have a life to live. That it’s okay to move on and be happy. I don’t think she would be happy if she knew I was just walking through life on my own all this time.”
Quite frankly, if she were alive, she’d be punching me daily in the arm and asking me why I haven’t married Paige already.
But she was always wanting to take life by the horns.
“Mmm. Well I for one, certainly would want my loved ones to go on living when I’m no longer around,” Judy tells me. “Otherwise, I’ll have nothing to watch when I’m relaxing up in Heaven. I want to be able to be that cardinal that shows up at family picnics or when you’re sitting alone, thinking to yourself. That little reminder that a loved one is watching over you, always.”
Just as we’re sitting here talking, a bright red cardinal flies up to Mr. Woodcock’s bird feeder. “You mean like that?” I ask Judy.
She chuckles lightly almost as if she planned this whole thing. “Yes, dear. Exactly like that.”
We’re both quiet for a moment, sipping our drinks on Judy’s back porch. I have a million thoughts going through my head all at once. That’s why I’m here, I know. That’s why I called Judy and told her I needed to talk. She’s been like a real-life guardian angel for me since the moments before Heather died. There isn’t anything I don’t tell her.
“Have you been to visit Heather’s grave recently?”
I shake my head. “Not for years, no.”
“Why not?”
Because I don’t want to go back there.
Because I would have no choice but to drive that road.
Because I don’t want to run into my parents.
Or anyone else in that town for that matter.
Because Heather would probably yell at me anyway.
“Because I’m a weak man who is scared to talk to his dead sister.”
Judy chuckles. “Ah, even in death, she has that sisterly hold on you, huh?”
“You could say that again. If she were still here, she’d be best friends with Paige and she’d be mad at me for not sealing the deal already.”
“Is that so?”
“I think Paige could be the one, Judy.”
The smile that grows across her face isn’t surprising. She’s wanted me to settle down and live a happy life for years. Grasping my hand in hers, she gives it a gentle squeeze. “So, this is much more than like , Bran. You love her?”
I nod. “Yeah. I think I do.”
I’m pretty damn sure I fell for her the very first time she knocked on my door. And then again the time I found her a muddy mess after falling into the goat yard with my cookies. And then there’s the time I found her on the floor of The Cuckoo’s Nest. God, she scared the shit out of me that day and I knew in those moments I needed her in my life. I didn’t want to lose her. I couldn’t lose her. I wanted to be with her every day. I wanted to take care of her. I wanted to be the one to keep her safe.
I fell harder for her the day I taught her to play cornhole. After kissing her for the first time. And then the night she helped me with the goats in the rain.
That night is forever a core memory in my brain.
“That’s wonderful!” Judy beams like a proud mother. “Have you been talking about engagement? Does she plan to stay here when Rosie and Javan return? Oh, it would be so great to have her with us in Tuft Swallow.” She gasps. “And a beautiful Tuft Swallow wedding is just what this town needs!”
“Therein lies the problem,” I explain with a pained expression on my face. “We haven’t talked about it at all because…well, I guess because I haven’t brought it up.”
“What?” she cries. “Brannon, if you love her, you have to tell her.”
“I know, but it’s not that simple, is it?”
“Why not?”
“Because she’s leaving in just a few weeks. Rosie and Javan have already touched base. They said they’ll be back in town on the twenty-third. How am I supposed to tell Paige I love her and would give anything to spend the rest of my life with her here in Tuft Swallow when she’s leaving town?”
“Perhaps leaving town isn’t the best plan for her.” Judy shrugs. “Perhaps she needs someone to fight for her so she can see how much she is loved and treasured and wanted.”
“And what if she doesn’t reciprocate my feelings?”
“Do you think she doesn’t?”
I bow my head. “I don’t know.”
She tips my head back up with her fingertips. “Bran, do you remember all those years ago after Heather passed and we emailed back and forth a few times and you eventually told me after a year or two that you needed a fresh start? Someplace new to have a life because you were constantly reminded of her everywhere you went? You felt like you were living in a proverbial hell.”
How could I forget? I must’ve emailed Judy every single day telling her how miserable I was. That my survivor’s guilt was crippling and that no matter what I did or where I went I was reminded of her. That my own parents blamed me for her death because they thought I wasn’t being a safe driver.
“Yeah, I remember.”
“And do you remember the day I suggested you move here, to Tuft Swallow? If for no other reason than as an opportunity to live somewhere where you weren’t constantly living with all that hurt?”
“Yeah, I remember that too.”
Judy sits back in her chair and lifts her iced tea to her lips, swallowing as she gives me time to mull those thoughts over in my mind before she asks, “And you don’t think this might be another one of those opportunities?”
I suppose she could be right.
“Are you saying I should fight for Paige to move to Tuft Swallow permanently or are you saying I should consider following her back to Indigo Bay?”
She doesn’t want to be there. I know that.
Would she want me to come with her?
Would she consider staying here with me?
“What I’m saying is the universe brings the right people into your life at the right time. It’s like those people are meant to teach you something or show you a part of your life you’ve been missing. And Paige is one of those people for you.”
“So, you’re saying she’s not meant to be with me forever?”
She cocks her head with a sympathetic smile. “Nobody is meant to be with us forever, dear. Your sister was with you through your childhood. She was your partner in crime as you discovered who you were. And what did she teach you?”
“I don’t know. She taught me compassion.”
“That’s right.” She nods with an empathetic smile. “If you didn’t have compassion in your heart, you wouldn’t have kept Winston and given him a whole new family. And we would never see you walking around the square with an air compressor filling peoples’ tires.”
I guess she’s right.
“The people of Tuft Swallow were with you through your early adult years as you forged your own path, became your own person. And then Paige showed up. And she has brought forth a whole new person in you. A strong man who finally has allowed himself to love again. And hopefully to be loved in return.” She shrugs.
“Tomorrow isn’t promised, Bran. You know that all too well. So, if you want Paige to be in your future in any capacity, that is up to you. It’s your choice. You just need to listen to your heart.”
Holding my glass in my hand, I watch the last of my ice cubes swirl around the bottom as it melts, trying not to choke on my thoughts. My fears. My anxieties.
“I’m scared, Judy.”
“What are you afraid of, dear?”
“What if…something bad happens? What if I fall head over heels for her and something terrible happens and I have to go through hell all over again?”
Judy’s shoulders fall and her eyes soften. She holds my hand and I have to literally swallow back the urge to let my tears fall. She takes a deep breath and then softly says, “Then you go through hell all over again and you keep living. Because that’s life. One day Mr. Woodcock will leave me or I him…and it will be devastating, I’m sure. He’s been my rock, my partner, for many years. The day that all ends is not a day I want to think about, but also one that I think about more often the older I get. But then I smile and think to myself, no matter what happens, I have no regrets because I married the love of my life. Our family means more to us than anything and the life we made here has been a fulfilling one. What more could I ask for?”
She’s right.
If I don’t say something to Paige, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.
“She’s my pigeon, Judy. She’s it.”
Judy nods, understanding all too well what I mean. “Then you know what to do, Bran.”