23. Paige
Chapter 23
Paige
“ M y life is coming to a screeching halt tomorrow,” I cry into the phone. “These last three months flew by faster than I could have ever anticipated and tomorrow it all ends.”
My best friend, Ella listens on the other end of the line. “Already? It feels like you just got there.”
“I know!” I wail. “But Aunt Rosie and Uncle Javan will be home tomorrow and with that comes the end of my time at The Cuckoo’s Nest. And my time in Tuft Swallow. And so that means…”
“Your time with Bran.”
Wiping my tears for the umpteenth time today, I nod dramatically even though she can’t see me through the phone. “Yes!”
“Aww Babe, there has to be a way to work this out. You two seem so good together. I can tell you really like him.”
“I love him, Ella.”
“And he loves you too?”
“I mean…” I shrug. “Yeah, I know he does.”
“You mean he hasn’t said it yet?”
“Not exactly, no. But he’s been dealing with a lot of grief and I mean, I know you probably know this already, but I can be a lot to handle for some people.”
Ella laughs, the sound of her voice bringing me a little extra comfort on this super shitty day. “Girl, you don’t have to remind me at all. But you’re a lot in all the best ways.”
“What am I going to do? I can’t come up with a rational reason to stay here. I can’t even come up with the right words to say to him.”
“Okay, let’s play it out for a minute. Let’s say tonight Bran professes his undying love for you and asks you to stay and you stay. Then what happens?”
“Uh, I guess I’m unemployed? I either ask Aunt Rosie and Uncle Javan to hire me part time to help out, or I find a part time job at the Whippoorwill or…I don’t know. Learn to fix cars like Bran?”
“Oooh,” she coos. “Maybe he needs a sexy secretary.”
“Not helping, Ella.”
“Okay, okay. I know. So, if you stay you could potentially find part time work somewhere.”
“Yeah, but until when? I mean what’s next for me? It’s not like we’re getting married or anything. How can I just stay here with no real prospect for a stable future? I can’t live off of part time pay. I’d have to mooch off of Bran and then what happens if or when we break up?”
“Whoa. Who said anything about breaking up? Paige, you just said you were in love with the guy.”
“I am. I’m crazy in love with him. He’s the perfect guy! I’m just…”
“You’re getting in your own way is what you’re doing.”
“Huh?”
“You’re trying to sabotage the good things you have so it won’t hurt so much to walk away from it all.”
“Is that what I’m doing because I’m definitely freaking out.”
“Yep. But I don’t think you need to. Everything is going to work out the way it should. If you and Bran really want to stay together, you’ll find a way to make it work. Long distance relationships have worked for others in the past. And the distance doesn’t have to be permanent. You just need time to figure out what’s next.”
I lie back on my bed full of clothes that I have yet to pack with a gigantic sigh. “Why does love have to be so hard?”
“Tell me about it.”
“Uh oh, that sounds ominous coming from you. Is something going on out there in California?”
“I don’t know what you mean,” she squeaks.
“Uh huh. The sound of your voice tells me otherwise. So quick, distract me from my own problems so I can help you with yours.”
She sighs on the other end of the phone and I swear I feel it from the west coast all the way to Tuft Swallow.
“Soooo, Auggie and I kissed.”
I sit up with a start. “You WHAT?”
“Yeah I won’t get into the particulars but it happened.”
“Aaaaand?”
There’s a silent pause on the other end of the line. “Aaaand it may have been the best fucking kiss I’ve ever experienced in my life and now I can’t stop thinking about it.”
“Holy SHIT, Ella! He’s your best friend!”
“I know!”
“Do you have feelings for him?”
“Well NOW I do!”
“AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! OH MY GOSH! Does he have feelings for YOU?”
“I have no flipping idea but it sure fucking felt like he did when we kissed!”
“Did he use tongue?”
“Did he use tongue,” she murmurs. “Girl, his tongue was all up in my business! Yes, he used tongue!”
I gasp, a goofy grin on my face. “Ella! Your best friend wants to be more than best friends!”
From the sound of her muffled voice, I can tell she has her hand over her face which is probably twenty shades of red right now. “I know! And I don’t want things to be awkward but also I think I really like him but how the hell am I supposed to figure this all out when he’s not even here because he’s on an away stretch so we can’t talk here like we’re used to doing. We haven’t hung out in days and I don’t know how I’m going to handle things when he gets back!”
“Well, I guess you’re going to take things one day at a time and just follow his lead.”
“And what if he doesn’t…you know, lead?”
“Then you call me back and we come up with a plan of attack because the two of you would make the world’s cutest little babies so we have to make sure this match happens!”
“Exactly? See? You just follow Bran’s lead and see what happens. Stop freaking out. Now go put on something pretty and get your little ass across the street. He’s waiting on you. Okay ta-ta for now, bye!”
“Wait—" Silence “Son of a bitch,” I laugh. “How is she so good at that?”
But she’s right. I glance out the window at Bran’s house knowing he’s out back setting up for what he calls a ‘relaxing night watching the sunset together.’
“I guess it’s time to see how our story ends.”
I slip into my white sundress and gold sandals and head downstairs grabbing my sunglasses on the way out of the house.
I open the front door and then close it quickly, taking a deep breath and squeezing my eyes closed. I tip my chin toward the sky and say, “Hey Heather? Hi. It’s me. Paige Starling? You don’t know me, but I’m in love with your brother. Oh, and I also love your goat, Winston, and I promise I’m not crazy but if there’s anything you can do to pull some strings from up there to help us figure out a way to navigate the near future, man I sure would appreciate the help, girl to girl. Okay. Thanks. Amen. Bye.”
Not bothering to knock on the front door because he’s already expecting me, I step inside Bran’s house and call out for him.
“I’m out back. Through the kitchen!”
Following the sound of the light music he has playing, I make my way to the back patio and stop breathlessly when I see what he has done. A huge pergola sits over the patio adorned with hanging lights. There’s a multi-colored rug covering the ground and on top of that sits a mattress covered in blankets and pillows. Multiple large plants are seated around the patio’s edge giving us all the privacy we could ever want, not that we need any out here. Besides mine, our houses are the only two out here for a few miles at least.
My mouth hangs open as I continue to survey this beautifully decorated space.
“Bran! What is this?”
“Do you like it?”
“Like it?” I laugh. “I love it! It’s so…so…calm. And peaceful. And warm. And…romantic.”
He steps in front of me, cups my face in his hand, and then kisses me. His lips are soft and supple, giving, not taking. I can feel an eager affection coming from him. As if he knows what I’ve been thinking about all afternoon. As if he’s trying to dry my internal tears. His tongue glides tenderly between my lips as I meet him stroke for breathtaking stroke. My body warms at his touch. His hand slides down my back, pulling my body against his, and I have to fight my overwhelming need to tear off his clothes and mine in order to get closer to him. Our night has only just begun, so I sigh contentedly instead, melting into him and wishing we could just stay in this sweet kissing bubble for the rest of the night.
“Good,” he says when our lips finally separate. “ I wanted it to be perfect.”
I swallow all of my emotions, my fear of the unknown, and the longing I already feel for him. “Nothing ever needs to be perfect, Bran. I’m happy just being here with you.”
“Hey.” He shakes his head slightly, his eyes raking over me under pinched brows. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” His fingers trail down my temple. “Something isn’t right.”
God, it’s hard to be coherent when I’m this close to him. When his eyes are searching mine for some sort of sign that everything is okay. But it’s not okay. Every minute spent with Bran is another crack in my heart because we might never get to be what I wish we could be.
And that thought alone breaks my soul.
“I love you, Bran.” I reach out, lacing his fingers with my own. “I just want you to know that.”
His answering smile turns my insides to mush. And the way his deep blue eyes compel me. Gah! He’s so damn pretty. “I love you too, Pidge.”
“You do?” My eyes grow large at his confession. This is the first time he’s said those words to me.
He chuckles lightly as he trails his hand over my face and down my neck to rest in the center of my chest. I have no doubt he can feel my quickening pulse. “I’m fucking crazy about you.” I gasp at his words feeling the sincerity of everything he says. “I think I was in love with you the very night you knocked on my door.”
A tearful laugh comes from my mouth as I teasingly push him away. “You could’ve fooled me! You barely said two words. I thought you hated me.”
“I could never hate you, Pidge. I’m not sure it’s humanly possible.”
“Bran.” My shoulders fall and my smile vanishes, wiped away by fear and worry, and I finally say what’s on my mind. “What are we going to do? How are we supposed to make this work?”
He kisses my forehead and smooths his hands down my arms. “Tonight? This very moment? We do nothing.” He gestures to the seating area he has set up with the mattress and pillows. “For right now, we relax together and enjoy a little dinner as we watch the sunset. We have all night to work something out.” He takes my hand and leads me to the mattress. “Use any of these throw pillows you like. Can I get you a drink?”
Trying to take his lead just as my best friend suggested, I nod . “A drink would be great. I’ll have whatever you’re having.”
“Coming right up.” He gestures to the blue cooler next to the mattress. “There are sandwiches wrapped in that cooler along with some fruit. Help yourself.”
“Wow you’ve thought of everything. Thank you.”
I make myself comfortable and then empty the contents of the cooler to a wooden tray on the table next to me creating the perfect little picnic setup for us. Bran steps out of the kitchen with two glasses of wine and two bottles of water and then helps me bring the tray down to the mattress so we can eat while we watch the sunset. The glowing sky is a beautiful blend of rich oranges, bold reds, and warm yellows fading into one another across the canvas of the sky.
Taking a sip of my wine, I watch as a flock of birds fly across the sky ahead of us. “This really is perfectly beautiful, Bran. All of it. The setup here, the food, the sunset. Just me and you, together, here.”
He chuckles lightly, amusement in his eyes. “I just wanted you all to myself, Pidge,” he confesses. “No Tit Peepers watching us for their next gossip column, no goats wreaking havoc in town or out.” His crystal blue eyes meet mine. “Just you and me.”
I smile at him as I swallow a bite of my sandwich. “I couldn’t ask for anything better.”
He’s quiet for a moment as we both dig into our meal but then he softly says to me, “You could, you know.”
“I could what?”
“Ask for more.”
My brows furrowing, I cock my head as I wipe my mouth with my napkin. “What do you mean?”
“Pidge, you could ask me for the moon and I would do everything in my power to get it for you.”
“I don’t need the moon, Bran.”
He puts down his sandwich and turns to me. “What do you need?”
I need you.
I need to know I can love you forever.
I need to know I’ll never lose you.
I need a job so I can stay here with you.
I need you to tell me a future with you is possible.
“I think what I need and what I want are two completely different things,” I tell him, picking at the bread on my sandwich.
“Alright, let’s start with what you want.” He sets his sandwich down and leans back on his hands staring up at the sky. “If you could have whatever you wanted, what would it be?”
Before I answer that question, I turn it back on him. “What would it be for you?”
“That’s easy.” He shrugs. “I want Heather to be alive.”
That’s a fair answer.
“Except,” he continues. “If she were alive, I might not be living here. And if I weren’t living here, I wouldn’t have met you.” He turns his face and I can feel him staring at me. “And if I hadn’t met you, I might never have fallen in love.”
“Bran…”
“So, although I want Heather to be alive, perhaps I need to realize that things seem to happen in our lives for a reason. And although it hurt like an absolute fucking bitch at the time, and I miss her every fucking day, my sister brought me to you.”
“But—”
“And you’re who I want now, Pidge.”
“But what about?—”
He reaches out, clamping his fingers around my chin and turning me so I’m forced to look at him. “You’re not hearing me,” he says firmly before pointedly enunciating his next words. “You’re. Who. I. Want. Now.”
“I want you too, Bran,” I answer with a quivering chin. “More than you could ever know.”
He moves the tray of food and our drinks out of the way and then pulls me onto his lap so we’re facing each other as close as we can be. Leaning his forehead against mine, he whispers, “Listen to me. Before you got here I was a shell of a man, Pidge. Callie was right to call me Crankshaft because that’s who I was. I was cranky all the time. Didn’t care to make friends or let people in on my life because none of it mattered. I felt alone. Like it was my punishment for losing Heather.”
“Oh, Bran…” My heart breaks for him.
“But then you came along with your cute little positive attitude and your breathtakingly gorgeous smile and your proclivity for finding yourself in compromising situations. And for the first time in an exceptionally long time, I felt like my lungs opened up and I could breathe again.” He reaches up to brush my hair back from neck, his fingertips feathering against my skin. “You were the breath of fresh air I’ve been waiting for and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let go of it now that I have it.”
He sees the worry in my eyes. The panic and anxiety of not knowing how we should navigate whatever comes next. “Did you know that pigeons mate for life?” he asks me with a calm voice and steady gaze.
I shake my head. “No. I didn’t know that.”
“It’s true. They’re monogamous creatures. Like two literal love birds. Once they find their mate, they stick together for the rest of their days. They weather storms together. Sometimes flying in the rain and sometimes enjoying their dry moments alone together in a darkened goat barn.”
The corner of my lips turns up at his reference of us earlier this summer.
“Don’t you see, Paige?” he asks, shaking his head dumbfounded.
“See what?”
“That you’re my pigeon.”
A light turns on in my brain and in my soul as suddenly all those tiny fractals of my shattering heart start to realign and bring themselves back together.
“All summer you’ve…” Called me Pigeon. “Is that why you…” All this time?
His brows lift and his face splits into a heart-stopping grin. “You’re my pigeon, Paige Starling. And I don’t want to do this life without you.”
My heart is overflowing with love and happiness. So much so, I don’t know what to do with my emotions other than to cry and grab this man’s face and then crash my lips to his.