11. Poppy
11
POPPY
“I’m such a freakin’ loser.” Stuffing my face with another taco, I groan. “I don’t even like tacos.”
Since I found out about the baby, my entire diet has gone downhill. So has exercising. Up until the point that I find myself thirty-two weeks along and have a regular date with Lucy’s Bar & Grill after I’m released from bed rest, where I can eat my tacos in secret in a place Logan won’t find me.
“Apparently, your kid has better taste than you do.” A small and tattooed brunette slides into the booth across from me. “Tacos are life and so much better than anything else.”
“Go away, Maya. Don’t you have kids to torment or a husband to torture?” I don’t bother looking up at my friend and former boss. “It’s Logan’s stupid penis. He did all of this, and now all I want is tacos, even though I usually hate them.”
“I mean, didn’t it take two of you to make a baby?” Maya holds up her hand to get the server’s attention, and I see the familiar splash of rainbow ink on the inside of her arm.
“Hey, Maya. You eating today?” Violet Ortiz, Dom’s little sister and the woman who runs Lucy’s for Parker, walks up with an apron on. “Poppy’s already had three tacos, so you’ll have to hurry if you want to catch up.”
I stare at her, narrowing my eyes almost comically. “It’s the demon spawn in my stomach. And what happened to confidentiality.” The demon spawn that chooses that moment to flip and do some sort of acrobatics in my uterus to celebrate the food that I’m forcing myself to eat.
“There’s no such thing.” She laughs.
“I hate tacos,” I tell no one in particular and then groan when I see four more faces appear behind Violet. “Go away.”
“Oh, no chance of that.” Parker takes out her phone and snaps a picture. “I can’t believe what I’m seeing.” She scoots around Violet and slides into the booth next to Maya, making room for Kennedy who is right behind her.
I scoot over too, letting both Chloe and Emma sit on my side, even though I want to hide the shame of eating my least favorite food.
I know there’s no escaping these women. Even if I wanted to, which I don’t because they’re my friends.
“You know you’re eating tacos, right?” Emma leans over so that her words are barely above a whisper. “I thought you hated tacos.”
I groan again, but this time I don’t have food I’m going to shove in my mouth. “Yeah,” I tell her. “It’s Logan’s demon spawn. Maya just gave me crap about it, too. I told the universe I hated tacos and this is my punishment.”
“Well, I don’t know about you all.” Chloe pats her growing stomach. “But I’m pregnant and want tacos. Vi, can we just go ahead and get like forty of those bitches out here?”
A round of agreement from the pregnant women around the table has Vi and Maya laughing.
“Sure thing. I’ll grab some waters for you all, too. Anything else?”
“Nope.”
“No.”
“Not right now.”
“Actually, I want a Dr. Pepper,” Kennedy chimes in last. “I need the bubbles, ’cause I’m gonna go find out what I’m having.”
“Twins,” Parker snaps irately. “You’re having twins. That’s what you’re having.”
“No,” I counter with a snicker. “That’s you.”
She shakes her head and stares down at her stomach. “I really, really don’t want to have twins.”
“It’s a little too late for that,” I say around the taco that I’m eating. “You did the horizontal tango, mambo, or whatever it is, and now you’ve got two of them in there. Good luck with that.”
We are all quiet for a second, and Maya does something that takes me by surprise. She wraps an arm around Parker’s shoulders and squeezes. “Did you know that after my attack, the doctors told me I’d never have a baby at all.”
The entire table freezes, which is something in and of itself, because I’m currently trying not to stab Chloe in the hand with a fork for trying to steal the last taco on my plate.
“Poppy’s the one who sat with me afterward, telling me that the doctor was an idiot and that I’d end up pregnant… and I did.” She smiles at me. “So, I feel like she’s good luck in the baby department. I bet you’re having twins because of her. I kn ow we joke about it, but still. Twins is a good thing.”
“No.” Parker shakes her head. “I’m having twins because my idiot of a husband is an idiot and questioned Kevin’s bucket list when we thought he was dead. And Kevin’s a fuckin’ psychic or witch and can make me have twins. I’m suffering because of Remy. That’s why.”
The entire table erupts in cackles, and I take the chance to shovel the rest of my taco into my face, chewing loudly while no one pays me any attention.
“Do you like it when there’s a crowd of people?” Chloe lowers her voice. “I gotta be honest, I hate it when there’s a crowd of people. It makes my skin start to crawl. But being around friends, and not being forced to say anything at all while everyone else has a conversation around you… It’s kind of the best thing ever.”
“It’s my favorite part,” I admit completely innocently. “I don’t need to be the center of conversation. I just get to watch, and now I can eat at the same time.”
More plates appear almost out of nowhere, and I smile up at Vi when she slides a small pizza in front of me.
“Logan called and said that you might want a pizza with taco toppings.” The table around me goes silent. “He said, and I quote, ‘Poppy’s probably eating tacos and miserable about it, so could you hook up my girl and give her a pizza with taco toppings?’ And I swear it is the sweetest thing ever.”
A blush steals up my chest and into my cheeks.
“Wait.” Kennedy and Parker both speak at the same time.
“You’re telling me that he knew she would just eat tacos instead of ordering something special, and he took the time out of his day to call and make sure that she actually had what she was secretly craving?” Kennedy tilts her head to the side. “Why doesn’t my husband care that much?”
“How did he even know where I was?” Questioning Logan doesn’t stop me from tearing into the pizza and groaning as a bite of the delicious flavor hits my tongue.
“It’s Logan.” Chloe puts a taco on her plate. “Did you actually think he didn’t know where you were at all times? I mean, not only is it you , but you’re also pregnant with his kid. Out of all the guys, Logan’s the scariest. He’s probably got trackers in your shoe and your phone and your car, and have you checked to make sure you don’t have a chip embedded into you somewhere?”
“Logan’s not scary,” I counter. “He’s…”
“Complicated,” Maya adds. “He’s complicated. What do you expect from someone who’s served in the military, worked as a cop and a firefighter, and is absolutely crazy about our girl here?”
“Yeah, he is that.” I sit back, finally full, and rub my stomach lovingly. “But he’s also really sweet. I missed that side of him.”
“How are you just as far along as the rest of us, but you barely look like you’re showing at all?” Chloe nudges me. “I feel like we all had Sebago babies.”
“Nah.” Parker shrugs. “I was pregnant when we got there. Now I just gotta make it through the weekend. Someone please tell me that I don’t want any more kids after this. Four will definitely be enough.”
“Tell Remy to keep his penis away from you, then.”
Parker sighs deeply. “It’s an amazing penis. I don’t think I can do that.”
“Ew. You asshole. That’s my brother.” Kennedy groans loudly. “Please don’t talk about his penis.”
“You are all a weird bunch. Married to each other’s brothers and sisters and shit.” With nothing else to do but relax, I lean my head back against the top of the booth and close my eyes. “Just wait.” Chloe leans against my shoulder. “Your little sister is gonna end up with Logan’s little brother. It was super cute to see them dance around each other the night we all helped you move. Evie and what’s his name?”
“Okay, that’s just gross. And his name is Finn. He’s home from the military for a bit.” I sigh deeply. “But I gotta get out of here because I’ve got work in like an hour for the first time in freaking forever.”
After I pull out some cash from my bag for all the food I’ve managed to consume, I slide out of the booth when Chloe and Emma move out of the way.
“I’ll see you guys later.” I wave them off when Emma and Chloe move to follow me.
The hard body I walk into as soon as I start forward has me almost stumbling backward. Which would have been comical if it isn’t for the fact that even though I’m not showing very much, the pregnancy makes it almost impossible for me to maintain my balance .
A hand shoots out to steady me before I actually fall. “I got you.”
“Oh,” I gasp, smiling through the random jolt of pain that hits my lower back. “Thanks for that.”
The man I ran into laughs, and I look up into a familiar smiling face framed by blond hair. “It’s never a problem to help a pretty woman.” Josh Harmon, the man who saved Chloe’s life a few months before, and an all-around good guy, winks and then steps away until the only contact he has is where he still has his hand on my arm.
“That’s funny, Harmon. But get your hands off my woman.” Logan doesn’t sound aggressive, but the fact that he gently shoves his way between Josh and me until Josh releases me, has me smiling. “Hey, gorgeous.” He presses a kiss to my forehead. “You doin’ okay?”
“You two are adorable,” Josh says with a laugh. “But I’m starving, so can you get out of the way?”
I smile over at the other man. “What are you playing dress-up as today, Josh? You wearing red or blue?”
“Ha. Ha.” Josh motions to his uniform. “I’m in trooper mode today. At least, for another few weeks. Then I’ll be full-time at BFD.”
“Switching teams like that should be against the rules.” Logan shakes his hand. “Thanks for keeping my woman from falling on her face. Don’t touch her again.” He threatens, completely serious. “Have a good one.”
Without looking back, Josh walks away, only stopping at the table I left to wave at the girls before moving to an empty seat at the bar.
“You know,” Logan whispers into my ear from behind. “If I didn’t know that you loved my ass, I might get a little jealous of the way you watched him walk away.”
““Thank you for the taco pizza.” I smile brightly up at him. “But this is all your fault. Your baby makes me horny, and he’s got an ass worth appreciating. At least I’m not looking at Ian’s back dimples.” I don’t bother lowering my voice. “So when I get home from work tonight, maybe you’ll make sure you’re awake.”
He’s holding my hand, leading the way toward the doors, and I let him.
“I’ll set an alarm and wake up as soon as you’re off shift, just so I don’t miss out.” Chances are, he won’t even be asleep. This is the first night we’re not spending together since I moved in.
After rubbing a hand down my stomach, resting it on our growing baby, he kisses me.
Gently at first, with his hands cupping my cheeks. Slowly, it changes, turning into more. Until I’m about to combust and pull him into the nearest bathroom.
“Now go.” He shoos me away. “Before I decide to make you sick for the day so I can take advantage of you and the chief gets pissed.” But not before he grabs my hip and squeezes tightly. “Be safe, Poppy.”
I almost wink at him and laugh it off. Almost. Then I see the look in his eyes when I turn around to say goodbye and get one more kiss. The one that says he isn’t just joking around or giving me a hard time since this is my first shift back at work. The one that clearly says he is worried about me. And when that emotion doesn’t go away, even with the fact that we are standing in the middle of a busy restaurant, I know Logan is scared.
Scared for me.
Scared for our baby.
Scared of all the things that we both know this world has in store for us.
The things that can happen.
The ones that will tear us apart and leave us nothing but broken pieces of the people that we used to be. The people that we should have been .
Immediately, I want to cry, because I feel like I’m losing him all over again.
“Hey,” I say instead of bursting into tears. “I made a promise, didn’t I?” I step forward so there isn’t any space between the two of us. “I think your exact request was that I do whatever it takes to keep me and our boy safe. I’m keeping my end, so you better give me what I want, Lo.”
For one long moment, I think Logan won’t snap out of the haze I can see he is in. The one where he replays all the worst parts of our lives over and over. I can practically feel the past coming back and biting both of us, dragging us into the pit.
He doesn’t blink. Doesn’t move.
He doesn’t hear the words I’m saying.
Since I moved into his house, he’s done this a lot. Stare into space and try to chase the demons inside away. He’s trying so hard to protect our happiness, and I can see the battle he’s fighting.
Never in public, though, and never anywhere that someone other than me knows what is happening.
Sometimes, I feel the desolation coming off him in waves. Right now, the only thing I can feel is empty. Emptiness from him is scarier than anything else.
When he still doesn’t move, doesn’t even blink… I do the only thing I can think of to keep this moment private between the two of us. To protect him.
I stand on my tiptoes, kissing his cheek because that’s the only thing I can reach around my growing stomach. “Please don’t leave me, Lo. All I want is to let you in for this second chance. Don’t push me away.”
My words, combined with the touch, does what either alone aren’t capable of.
His eyes meet mine with a fire that would have burned the world down if it weren’t contained in his body.
“Never. Never again.” He pulls me into another kiss, desperate and chaste, and then steps back. “You’re my everything.”
I walk away knowing our lives aren’t perfect, but they are a hell of a lot better than they were just a few months before.
And that’s worth fighting for.