Chapter 15
To avoid further interaction with Riley, Charlotte busies herself the rest of the day and evening by hovering around Gabi, passing on information about the rehearsal, tending to her every need and somewhat patiently listening to her freaking out about the wedding.
From dinner on, it is a more than full time job to keep her away from Lou.
Charlotte tries a number of distraction techniques, and unfortunately, the most successful suggestion ends up being the most expensive one.
The hotel’s spa has two openings for impromptu facials, allowing Charlotte to fulfill her maid of honor duties while also giving herself some peace of mind.
On the morning of the wedding, she still isn’t too keen on running into Riley, so she’s grateful to act as Gabi’s personal assistant-turned-lightning rod.
Being bossed around keeps her thoughts from going haywire, and when Gabi happens to prosper as a full bridezilla, she is perfectly happy to calm her down and bring her to reason.
For the remainder of the morning, she attempts to lighten the mood in Gabi’s bridal suite by putting on music and hyping the other bridesmaids up in a very un-Charlotte-ish cheerful way.
When she receives an I know what you’re doing-look from Gabi, she pretends to lock her mouth with a key, pulling the waistband of her shorts out and dropping the non-existing key into her underwear.
Gabi responds to her act with an unimpressed grimace, so Charlotte feigns to retrieve the key, only to pull out her middle finger, and proceeds to turn the volume up some more.
Right before the ceremony, Charlotte finishes up her own look.
Her hair is down, the messiness somewhat tamed after she’s taken a straightener and then a curling iron to it.
She’s wearing a silky lilac dress with a high slit and see-through mesh in the front and around her waist. Gabi had picked the dress to match the other bridesmaids’ dresses, Charlotte's being a shade darker than the others.
She hugs Gabi tightly and murmurs something in her ear that probably has the words I and love and you somewhere in there, and excuses herself to check on the ceremony preparations.
As she makes her way to the hotel exit, she rubs her temples to soothe her returning headache. Everything is going smoothly so far; she only has to keep this up for a few more hours. As long as she can pretend that Riley doesn’t exist, everything will be fine.
Only when she arrives at the location of the ceremony, she notices a person aligning the last row of white folding chairs, and she doesn’t need to walk closer to see who it is.
She frantically looks around to find something to do. Careful not to let her gaze land on Riley, she decides to start rearranging the already perfectly lined up chairs until they’re in a worse state than before.
She takes her own work in from a distance, swears under her breath, and drags the chairs back to their initial spot. If Riley happens to see her fumble, she can always blame wedding nerves.
When Adriana arrives, she lets out a relieved huff and starts marching in her direction, but Riley gets there first and hugs the officiant excitedly.
In an almost practiced professional fake-out, Charlotte’s determined stride changes course and she pretends to iron out an incredibly stubborn crease from the white carpet leading all the way to the gazebo.
Even though her eyes are down, she watches Riley and the officiant like a hawk. She needs to focus as to not color the crisp white fabric with the contents of her stomach.
From under her lashes, she takes in what Riley is wearing: she's in a sky blue suit, slacks, and a tight waistcoat that pushes her breasts up a little. No shirt underneath, but an oversized blazer covers up her arms and shoulders. She talks to the Adriana while animatedly using her hands, which brings Charlotte’s attention to her casually rolled up sleeves and the many rings on her fingers.
Her hair is elegantly clipped back, except for a few gently curled strands framing her face.
The way Riley effortlessly mixes formal with casual, her stunning androgynous look, the ease with which she charms and controls the energy around her: it all makes Charlotte’s inside churn.
Watching her talk to someone else, even though it’s a platonic conversation, makes her want to get up and punch something.
The idea that she has to watch Riley be funny and friendly with everyone, especially Hannah, in that outfit, makes her want to kick the people who as much as think about approaching Riley in the hip.
She wants to tug on the collar of that blazer to bring her in, she wants to rip that waistcoat open, and she also wants to scream and run away.
When she catches herself crashing out, she gets vaguely melancholic about the Charlotte she was just a couple of weeks ago.
Where did that outspoken woman in control go?
And why is she like this now? She’s not sure she likes this version of herself, but she’s definitely sure she can’t afford to be distracted like this, so she decides to do what she does best: throw her walls back up, straighten her spine, and act the shit out of the entire wedding ceremony.
It comes surprisingly natural to her; to smile, to greet the guests, to shake hands of the people she hasn’t met before, to guide everybody to their places.
Even taking her spot in front of everyone, lining up with the other bridesmaids on Gabi’s side and mirroring those on Lou’s side, doesn’t bother her as much as it should.
As long as she can have her guard up, she can behave exactly the way everyone expects her to.
She cheers and applauds on cue; first when Gabi's father walks her down the aisle (accompanied by The Rolling Stones' She's a Rainbow, not by George Michael), and subsequently Lou with her mother. Charlotte does get a little emotional when she sees the two brides taking each other in for the first time: Lou wearing a black pantsuit, unsurprisingly, and Gabi stealing the show wearing an elegant crisp white jumpsuit. They truly look like each other’s match, and most importantly, happy and in love.
It goes as smoothly as they had all wished for.
The vows are as sappy as Charlotte would expect, inducing some tears from the audience.
She can’t stop herself from rolling her eyes and pointedly clearing her throat a few times, earning herself a few chuckles from the guests and a deadly glare from the brides.
Charlotte doesn’t know how Riley reacts to her upstaging, because she's absolutely not paying attention to anything that happens beyond where Lou is standing. She dedicates the proud flutter in her chest when she happens to catch Riley’s mouth curving up, to Hannah’s annoyed scowl.
Charlotte has been so out of touch with her inner self throughout the ceremony that it hits her like a brick when Adriana declares that the wife and wife may now kiss.
When they do, her heart shatters into a million pieces.
It feels like someone twists her neck, steals the air from her lungs, and forcefully pulls tears to the front of her eyes.
The duality of the sensation is making her dizzy: the amount of love that both brides exude and pour into their kiss is almost nuclear, their happiness contagious—but there’s another feeling she can’t quite place.
There’s a voice inside her head screaming both I want that and I can’t ever have that, but she decides not to listen to it as she recognizes the irrationality of the voice.
Her presence of mind doesn’t quite return until the very end of the ceremony when Gabi and Lou walk off, cheered on by all the guests, nearly tripping over each other from how tightly they hold one another.
She briefly clocks Riley’s watery eyes and the redness of her nose when she looks around, but is relieved one of Lou’s bridesmaids taps Riley on the shoulder so she faces away from her.
As the guests excitedly start talking to each other, Charlotte looks at her watch.
Three hours until the reception.
There is no way the brides won’t want to spend some time with each other beforehand, so Charlotte knows she can sneak away for a moment.
She silently backs up, away from the crowd, away from Hannah approaching Riley to undoubtedly compliment her outfit. She doesn't need to see or hear that at all.
The greenery is a pleasant surprise. She lets herself be distracted by the various trees and plants, and wonders why she hasn’t explored this area before.
She comes to a halt in front of a large patch of dahlias, their bright colors standing out against the green and brown.
It’s easy to get lost in nature’s beauty, it calms her down.
Watching and comparing different colors and patterns takes her mind off of the strange limbo she feels she’s in with Riley.
She spends several long minutes carefully trailing past the array of flowers until, while gliding a finger over the soft texture of one of the petals, she hears a faint rustling sound coming from the shrubs behind her.
She turns and watches the leaves low by the ground move and shake ominously.
Crouching down, she tries to get a better look, expecting a wild squirrel or a bird to pop out.
She gasps when she eventually makes out a familiar tuft of brown fur and an excited little sniffing nose finds its way through the bushes.
“Shaky?” she exclaims. “What the hell are you doing here?”
She leans forward to scoop up the ferret, holding him up by his armpits to glance him over and confirm he is indeed her pet.
“Hello…?” she whispers, incredulously staring at him while he begins kicking his hind legs in the air.
She takes him into her arms to make him more comfortable, holding him close to her body. While her mind races she presses her nose to his neck, but lands on something that isn’t fur.