Chapter 37
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Poppy
I hadn’t been lying either. I had a whole arsenal at my disposal.
I knew how to take care of myself, and I enjoyed doing so.
I knew exactly what I liked and what I didn’t.
When I yanked my side table drawer, I looked for the one that was the closest to Ivan and then bit my lip.
They were all similar to him. When I’d bought them, I hadn’t thought about it seriously.
But now looking in my drawer, I could see that I was chasing the high of that night.
That was fine by me.
I turned one of the toys over in my hand, thumb brushing the smooth silicone. Heat crawled up my neck as memories of that night in the lodge rushed through me. I wasn’t chasing an orgasm.
I was chasing him.
The ache between my legs sharpened, but underneath it—underneath the hunger and the need—there was something heavier. The crushing reality of what my life was turning into.
I set the toy on the bed and stared at it.
Then I stared at my door.
Ivan’s shower turned on across the hall. The pipes in the walls hummed as hot water rushed through them, and the sound alone made my thighs press together.
God.
I really was losing my mind.
I pressed the heel of my palm to my forehead and laughed under my breath. “Get a grip, Poppy.”
But I couldn’t because all I could imagine was him under the spray of the hot water, gripping his cock, thinking about all the things we had done together and all the things that could have happened today.
I climbed up onto the bed and decided pretending was the best-case scenario for my life now.
I closed my eyes and imagined that instead of silicone, it was Ivan pressed against me.
It was his hands sliding my little workout shorts down my legs, and it was him peppering kisses down my body.
My tight panties went down with the shorts, gasping as I pressed the toy against myself.
In my mind, it wasn’t my hand, it was his. His rough palm sliding between my thighs, his low growl vibrating against my skin as he pressed his mouth to my stomach. I could practically feel the scrape of his stubble against my inner thigh.
My legs fell open wider.
I dragged the toy in a slow circle, shuddering at the pressure, imagining Ivan’s big hand holding my hips down, forcing me to take every bit of pleasure he gave.
“Fuck,” I breathed out, head tipping back.
The water shut off down the hall.
My heart slammed painfully against my ribs.
A hard tap on my door followed, and I bit down on my lip to keep from moaning out. I hadn’t even pushed the large toy inside of me yet; I was hanging on by a thread. Especially knowing he was on the other side of the door.
“Poppy.” His voice was muffled through the door.
I swallowed hard, pulse tripping. “What?”
“Don’t… don’t do that.”
My breath stopped entirely.
“Oh?” I said softly, fingers tightening around the toy. I was soaked, and I couldn’t wait to sink the toy inside of myself. It was that much better now that it would be to the sound of his voice. “And what, exactly, do you think I’m doing?”
His exhale was jagged. “You know.”
A slow and wicked smile split my face. “Jane is down the hall.” It was the only excuse I could come up with, though it was a valid one. She couldn’t hear us coming undone. She couldn’t hear me going back on the contract I’d signed to keep her safe.
My eyes flashed open. I was doing all of this to keep her safe. What the fuck was wrong with me? The toy was still pressed against my aching pussy, and I could still only think about what he could and would do to me. I was at war within myself.
“I just saw Jane out. She’s headed to cheer tryouts.”
I squeezed my eyes together as I pressed the toy against my soaking wet entrance and tried to think of any other excuse to not do this.
But the only thing that I could think of was Jane, and if I fucked this up…
she would be gone. It was enough to keep me on the bed, with my legs open and the toy pressed against me.
It was enough to keep him on the other side of the door because I couldn’t cross that line, even if I had been so close to crossing it earlier.
“You should go finish your shower, Ivan,” I said, breathlessly. I was imagining him again, under that shower spray.
“I can’t,” he rasped. “Not while you’re in there doing—fuck—” He stopped and then, “Open the door.”
“No,” I said with more confidence than I felt.
“Poppy,” he said again, softer this time. “Please.”
Please. The sound of that plea was enough for me to sink the silicone toy into myself and let out a gasping moan. I knew he could hear me on the other side of the door, and I didn’t care. This was the closest I could get to having what I wanted without jeopardizing my sister.
“I can hear you,” he continued, his voice cracking. “I can hear every little breath you take, every sound you’re trying not to make. And I’m standing out here like a fucking idiot—hard as hell—because I know exactly what you look like right now.”
I squeezed my eyes shut as I moved the toy within myself and let out another moan. “Ivan.”
“Are you trying to break me?”
I bit down on my lip as another wave of pleasure rippled through me. My fingers tightened around the toy, my hips lifting instinctively, chasing more. I was already so close—too close—and the sound of his voice, ruined and raw, had me teetering on the edge.
“You’re the one at my door,” I panted. “Listening.”
A harsh exhale shuddered through the wood between us.
“You’re moaning my name,” he fired back, voice shaking. “What the hell do you expect me to do?”
I pressed the toy deeper, and my back arched off of the bed.
“Maybe,” I breathed, “I want you to feel it.”
Something shifted against the door. “What would you do if I told you that I was feeling it?”
Another moan escaped me. “What does that mean?” I had a small inkling as to what he was hinting at.
“That I have my cock out, in my hand, listening to you.”
“You didn’t take care of yourself in the shower?” I could barely get the words out. My hands shook as I continued to fuck myself to the thought of him on the other side of the door.
“I can’t,” he swore. “I can’t get off to myself anymore. You’re the only thing that does it for me and right now…”
I whimpered—helplessly—because the way he said right now was almost enough to make me lose it on the spot. I shoved the toy into myself faster and almost lost myself in the feeling and sound of him.
“Right now,” he said again, “I’m imagining your legs open. I’m imagining that toy disappearing inside you. I’m imagining—fuck—your head thrown back while you moan my name.”
“Ivan—”
“Tell me,” he demanded. “Tell me what you’re doing.”
I squeezed my eyes shut and let the truth spill out in a gasp. “I’m— I’m sliding the toy inside me, faster—“
He groaned—a raw, choked sound that did something feral to my insides.
“Poppy,” he rasped, “you’re going to fucking kill me.”
My hips lifted off the bed again, chasing the angle, chasing more. “You said you wanted to hear it.”
“And I do,” he said, low and sharp. “But fuck—if I could see you? If I could put my hands on you? If I could put my cock where that toy is right now—”
My pussy clenched so hard around the silicone I saw stars.
“Ivan,” I gasped.
Another tap against the door—soft this time, like he was leaning his forehead to it, like he was barely holding himself up.
“I want to open this door,” he whispered. “I want to walk in there, take that toy out of you, and make you fall apart on my cock instead. Do you know how insane that makes me?”
His admission made my entire body throb. I wanted that more than anything. I reached down with my other hand and circled my aching clit with my fingertips as I continued to fuck myself with the toy.
“I want that more than anything else.”
“Open the door then, Poppy.”
“I can’t,” my voice came out broken.
He made a tortured noise that sounded exactly like agreement and rebellion tangled together.
“But that doesn’t stop me from wanting it,” he growled. “Doesn’t stop me from standing out here with my hand wrapped around myself, so goddamn hard it hurts.”
My orgasm was right there. “Tell me what you’re doing.”
“I’m imagining you riding my cock, after I fuck you senseless with that toy. I want to destroy you for anyone else. I want you to think of me every time you fuck yourself, and anytime you have to be with someone else.”
I thrust the toy harder, gasping. “It feels— it feels so good—”
A broken snarl tore from his throat. “Poppy—open the door.”
“I can’t.”
“Please—” The word shattered out of him. “I’m begging you—”
“Ivan—”
“Let me in,” he whispered. “Just this once. Let me touch you. Let me—”
“Ivan—” I choked out, body shaking, “I’m— I’m gonna—”
His breath punched out—like he could feel it happening through the damn door.
“Cum for me,” he growled. “Cum while I’m right here.”
I did.
The orgasm slammed into me so violently that my head went back, a ragged, breathless cry ripping from my throat as I arched into the toy and fell apart.
An answering groan met my ears, and it was almost enough for me to cum again.