Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Audrey
Things were looking up, not sex, but everything else. Brian and I were going to lunch together and catching the occasional movie. He promised no more late nights at the office and he followed through. He wasn’t late anymore when we decided to meet for dinner. It seemed like things were back to normal.
It felt good, right . But also entirely too confusing. Why couldn’t we have a good sex life? What did I need to do? Carina said I needed to communicate but I was terrified to do that. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings even though he’d never once thought about how I would feel over his scathing comments.
I’d spent my day searching Marketplace on social media. Why? I honestly couldn’t tell you, that was how bored I was. There was a Pole Class about forty-five minutes away from our home. I was sure Brian would get on that train. I planned to tell him about it as he slid into the booth across from me for dinner. I would try that or the pottery class that was an hour away. Not like it mattered how far I drove, I didn’t have anything better to do with my time.
Brian swallowed audibly as he tapped his foot a few times. He swiped his wrist across his forehead and for the first time since we got here, I noticed there were some beads of sweat collecting there.
Confused, I leaned forward. “Are you okay?”
“Huh?” He blinked a few times as if he were coming out of a daze. “Oh, yeah. Everything is great.”
“So there’s something I want to talk to you about,” I felt as nervous as Brian looked. I ran my hands down the tops of my pants.
“Oh?” He hummed as he tapped his menu a few times and looked at anything but me. “I have something I want to talk about with you too.”
“Would you like to go first?” My brows pulled together on my forehead. He looked like he was ready to jump up from the booth and take off down the road.
He dragged his hand down his mouth and then his jaw. “Yeah.” He cleared his throat and pushed his hands under the table where he fidgeted a few more times. “We’ve been seeing each other a while.” He swiped his hand down his face again and I realized he was much sweatier than I originally thought. He was more nervous than I was, by far. “Five long years and we’ve been really happy. So happy.”
Comfortable, but yes, he was onto something there.
He cleared his throat again and dug his finger into the collar of his shirt to loosen it up a bit around his neck. “So, I was thinking, maybe, it was a good idea to, I don’t know, get married.”
The blood drained from my face. Was this really happening here? Now? At Millie’s Diner?
“I know this is probably the last place you’d like to get proposed to, but I thought we were on a time crunch. I don’t want you to think I don’t want to marry you, and my mom is right, you aren’t getting any younger, and if we do want to have kids, we should probably hop on that train soon.” Then under his breath, “I can’t stand that this Alexei is texting you.”
I swore my frown grew deeper with every word that left his mouth. How had that man wiggled his way into every aspect of my life? Also, I wasn’t entirely sure these were reasons to get married. Why on earth was his mom even mentioned?
I nodded for him to continue or for him to at least get on one knee, because that’s what he was doing, right? Proposing? He blew out a breath and got up from the squeaky booth. He rolled his head and cracked his neck before he got down on one knee and with shaking hands pulled a little velvet box from his back pocket. My heart pounded in my chest as I clasped my hands together in front of me.
“You’re the only one I see my future with,” He popped the box open. Surrounded by black velvet was a sparkling ring nestled in cushion. It wasn’t very big and I wasn’t sure there was a diamond in the center. “What do you say? Do you wanna get married?”
I wasn’t sure I was hearing his words correctly. There was no proclamation of love. I nodded, completely unsure of myself because this was what I wanted, wasn’t it? I’d been practically begging him to propose, maybe not out loud but at least in my head. I was ready for this, wasn’t I?
He smiled as he got off of the floor and what seemed to be the entire town, roared with clapping and whistles. I reached forward with my left hand and he slid an entirely too big ring on my fourth finger. It was fine, it could be sized. Everything was fine. I peered down at the ring and smiled softly.
Where were the butterflies? The elation?
It would come, I tried to convince myself. But the more I thought about it, the more I knew this was it. I would never feel those things for Brian. I still allowed him to pull me from the booth and kiss me softly on my lips.
Still nothing.
When he pulled me into his arms later that night, I knew it would be the same dance as before. No orgasm. No elation. No butterflies.
But he rolled off of me like it was the best sex of his life. All five minutes of it. He grinned at me and I didn’t know how to even look at him. Usually, he cleaned up and cleared out after. This time it seemed like he wanted to chat. He sighed, content, as he drew lazy invisible patterns on my bare thigh with his pointer finger.
“That was good, huh?”
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
I guessed it was now or never. After all, I didn’t get to tell him about the Pole Class or the pottery I wanted to spin. Anything to keep me busy. But I guessed now, I was busy with wedding planning. I sucked in a deep breath.
“Audrey? It was good, right?” Concern laced his tone.
“Can I offer a suggestion?” My throat felt thick with each word I uttered.
He nodded but he didn’t look too happy, especially since I hadn’t answered and my ‘orgasm’ was fake again. He was a smart guy, he was probably already putting all the pieces together in his head.
“Have you ever thought about, maybe, going down on me?” We were going to get married, and communication needed to happen.
“Ew,” He started and my heart sank all the way past my stomach. With that one word my entire libido, or what was left of it, shriveled up into nothing. “Why would I want to do that?”
“I’ve gone down on you before,” I hinted.
“So? We have completely different parts. It would get my face all dirty.” I almost couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Are you not happy with our sex?”
I’d been faking it for so long, that I absolutely had no idea how I was even going to lead into this conversation. I hadn’t thought he would be completely opposed to such a notion. Now that he had, I didn’t exactly know what to do. How could I possibly recover this?
“I really wish it would last a bit longer.” There it was. The elephant in the room that should have been addressed a long time ago. But I’d been too afraid to hurt his feelings.
Instead, Brian changed the subject. “Do you like the ring my mom picked out?”
The conversation only got worse. How did this happen? I held my hand up in the dim light from the lamp in the corner of the room. The bright orange-gold of it and the thick band definitely reminded me of his mother. The diamond was cloudy and didn’t sparkle in the light and there weren’t any stones to keep it company. I didn’t even know the name of the cut, it was a little strange and boxy.
“Your mom picked it out?”
He nodded against the pillow and I so badly wanted to ask him why he was even marrying me. Why he even proposed to begin with. I felt like I was in the twilight zone. “Of course, she handles almost all of the important things in my life.” He patted my hand. “Soon enough that’ll be your job.”
“You didn’t think to ask me what I wanted?”
He looked like a deer caught in headlights. “I was thinking we could get married at the Country Club but Mom said we have to get married at the chapel. What do you think your parents are going to want?”
Oh, shit. I had to tell my parents. I needed to tell Carina. The pit in my stomach was going to swallow me whole.
“My parents probably won’t care.”
He laughed and rolled his eyes. “That’s right, they’re hippies. They don’t know God.”
I blinked. Did Brian? Who was he to make that comment? The longer we talked, the more I realized why he went home after sex. But this was going to be the rest of my life now. There was no escaping his ignorant comments or the bad sex. This was going to be forever. I’d said yes to this.
Even though I knew Carina would kill me, I chose not to tell her about the engagement until I could see her face to drop the news. The next time we would see each other was in Europe at the Cristof’s private Villa. Brian didn’t come with me this time, even though he wanted to. He kept saying that over and over again as he dropped me off at the airport. I’d practically pried myself from his arms. He’d never been like this before, but now that there was a shackle around my finger, he couldn’t seem to let me go. Which was bizarre.
On the long flight to Rome, I spun the oversized band on my finger. Brian was quick to have it sized at the local jeweler and when I went to pick it up, the poor girl behind the counter grimaced as I slipped it on my finger. Even she knew better.
As I got off the plane, I swallowed back my nerves. It had been a week since Brian proposed and I was waiting to tell Carina. I kept reminding myself that she’d waited a week to tell me, but she’d also waited in absolute bliss. I was waiting in terror and nerves. My legs practically wobbled as I got off of the airplane.
The humidity smacked me in the face as I walked through the terminal. I didn’t speak Italian and I didn’t know what I was looking for. After what seemed like hours of roaming around aimlessly, a voice barked behind me.
“You look lost, Wilde .”
Alexei . I couldn’t escape the man. I swore under my breath before I turned around. He looked good enough to eat and I hated myself for the thought. I hated myself for this visceral reaction my body had to him.
“Lost in thought. Can I help you?” I hated the way my words trembled. I hated the way my legs shook. He was the last person I wanted to see.
“I’m your ride, babe.”
“In your dreams.”
His grin was wicked and somehow I remained standing even though it made my body feel like jello. He held up my suitcase. “Ace and Carina are already at the Villa. They sent me to come retrieve you. It’s a little warm, but that shouldn’t be a problem. Besides lack of air conditioning.”
Lack of air conditioning? He wasn’t serious.
“They don’t believe in it here.” He was serious. He was actually serious. I fanned myself as the sliding doors revealed the SUV we would be taking to the villa. I was going to die of a heat stroke. Who approved this?
It was bad enough I had to sit next to Alexei in the SUV until we got wherever we were going. I prayed it would be a quick trip.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t.