Chapter 51
Chapter Fifty-One
Audrey
The night of the last engagement party, Alexei must have felt a change in me. After that night, he didn’t come over again. He texted me dirty things about what he wanted to do to my body but I didn’t see him for two days. The night of the engagement party, he didn’t even take me to my room. He’d kissed me like a starved man. But he made an excuse about Carina’s mother and I felt something inside of me wither. I tried to let it not get me down, tried to keep it from affecting me, but it was difficult. I had to keep reminding myself that I couldn’t get wrapped up in this feeling, that it probably wasn’t real.
Alexei went on to text me almost all day every day about random things but I didn’t see him for a few days after the engagement party and I wondered if it had something to do with me and my reaction to the hard launch or just the launch in general. So I continued with my life as if Alexei hadn’t come into it. I went to lunch with Lu and talked manuscripts, I chatted with Carina about wedding planning, but I would have been lying to say I didn’t think of him in the back of my head and wonder if I did something wrong. I knew that if it did come down to it, I didn’t insist on the hard launch. I hadn’t insisted on making anything official. I was completely content with keeping things casual but I didn’t know how to even tell him that.
My phone pinged with an incoming message as I was walking through Central Park. Lu was chatting about this new book that she wanted desperately but I was only half listening. My heart wasn’t in it this week and I hated it.
Alexei
Work has been really overwhelming this week, sorry I’ve been MIA. Would you like to come over to my place for dinner tonight?
My heart stopped, as well as my feet, on the busy Manhattan sidewalk. People elbowed me and tried to get around me but I couldn’t feel it. I stared down at my phone as if it bit me. I don’t remember even typing a reply. Lu stared at me as if I’d grown a second head.
“Are you okay?”
I blinked up at her. “Alexei invited me over to his place tonight.”
Her eyebrows jumped. “Does this mean you two are seeing each other now?”
I’d forgotten that I’d left out some key information about the previous weekend. I could feel heat rush into my cheeks. “It wasn’t anything serious,” I began and then covered my face with my hands. “It wasn’t supposed to be anything. Honestly, I thought if I let him into my bed it would get him out of my head and my system. I thought it was just insane attraction and then it wasn’t just insane attraction and he did a hard launch at his brother’s engagement party.”
Her eyes grew wide. “Hard launch? He didn’t talk to you about it?”
I shook my head. “He hasn’t been over in a few days. We spent almost every day with each other last week and now he’s telling me he wants me to come over to his place and that work’s been busy. I don’t even know what he does for work.”
“Maybe he’ll tell you tonight?”
That was the only thing that eased my mind as I walked home alone, in the opposite direction of Lu’s work.
Carina lounged on my bed as I tossed things out of the closet. Nothing seemed right. I didn’t want to seem overdressed but I also didn’t want to seem underdressed either. I’d never been to his house before. He said his driver would be over to pick me up at 6. I was a mess. Carina, thankfully, helped me with my hair and makeup or I wouldn’t have been able to get ready in time. I paced the bedroom floor, my bare feet smacking just a little too loudly.
“What do I do?”
Carina rolled onto her back and hung her head over the side of the bed as she watched me. “What do you mean?”
“What if this isn’t supposed to be something?”
She blinked at me, upside down. “Wear something cute.”
“You shopped for me as if I was going to meet the Queen every day.”
She tumbled, backwards, off of my bed and then marched to my closet. She rifled through my gowns and dresses for a few minutes before she pulled out an ivory, tweed shift dress with little boxy pockets on the front. A Jackie Kennedy dress. The braided collar was high, but the hem of it was short, above my knees. It was classy but could be slightly slutty with the right shoes. I knew Carina, and I knew this was exactly what she was going for. She held out her hand and in the center of her palm was a pair of pearl earrings. She then grabbed a black clutch with a gold clasp on the front. A pair of black strappy heels came out next.
After I was done dressing, she grinned. “Oh yeah, he won’t be able to keep his hands off of you.”
“Is that what we’re going for?” I raised an eyebrow at her.
“Definitely.”
The ride to Alexei’s building was short and filled with a lot of fidgeting. I didn’t know how much his driver, Will, reported back to him but I didn’t want him to tell Alexei I was a nervous wreck on the way there so I tried to keep my twitching and movements to a minimum.
But then there were the thoughts that came with the stillness.
How many women had Will picked up for Alexei?
Was I as pretty as those women?
Was Will comparing me to those women?
Did he even care?
It was no use thinking anything so I tried to clear my head but as soon as the SUV came to a stop, my thoughts were irrational all over again.
I let out a breath just as Will was opening my door. He tipped his head. “Alexei is waiting for you in his penthouse. The doorman has been instructed to let you in whenever you wish. Have a good night, Miss Wilde.”
“Thank you,” My voice shook as I took my first, wobbly steps toward Alexei’s building. The elevator ride was just as nerve-wracking as the car ride. I couldn’t stop overthinking any of this. Obviously, this was not a date; though I’d dressed like I was going on one. Maybe we would go on one after I met him up in his home?
The elevator dinged to the top floor and the golden doors slowly opened to reveal a long hallway with no other doors but Alexei’s. The carpet sunk under my heels as I hesitantly made my way to his door. Even though the area was well lit there was something in the pit of my stomach telling me to be cautious.
The door swung open before I could knock and my heart jumped into my throat. I was being silly. I couldn’t believe just how messed up this entire ordeal had me.
My eyes landed on a big map of Manhattan over the back wall. It had little blinking dots covering it and I wondered what it meant. Everything was dark and full of shadows and with the lights dim, I could hardly see anything besides the leather couch and chairs situated around a seating area. Once again, no TV. When Alexei didn’t say anything, my eyes settled on him and my stomach really dropped.
The entire left side of his face was black and blue and his bottom lip was split. A gasp escaped me as I rushed to him. He held his hand out to stop me. His eyes crinkled in pain before I noticed the bandage sticking out from his shirt.
“What happened?” I covered my mouth with my hands. The longer I looked at him, the worse it became.
“This is why I’ve been distant, I didn’t want to scare you and I also didn’t want anyone to target you either. I realized this morning that I couldn’t keep this life from you if I wanted a life with you, eventually.” His lips curled but only slightly as it seemed to cause him pain. He flicked his hand toward the map on the wall. “Someone is trying to move in on my territory.” He closed his eyes for a minute. “And because of that, I’ve had a few skirmishes over the last few months. I thought I’d taken care of all of the threats but the other night a couple of guys jumped me. They were just trying to scare me as I’d done to their men. They roughened me up a bit and then stabbed me in the shoulder.”
Another gasp left my lips as I stared at this cold, calculating man who had a heart deep down under it all. “What can I do?”
This time there was amusement in his smile. “Nothing, Malaya . I just wanted you near and I realized you’d never been to my home. I wanted to change that. I wanted you to change it.”
“Change it?”
His smile grew, even though it looked painful. “Yes, I want you to make my space as bright as you make me feel.”
I was stunned speechless. I couldn’t even bother to move. Everything felt so heavy. Me in this space with him injured, his words, his home, everything. He took a step closer to me and brushed my hair behind my ear. “Don’t overthink it, just be here with me. You can dissect it in your mind later.”
He ran his hand down my arm until he linked our fingers together and gently yanked me toward a big rounded archway. He flicked on the light as we walked through and once again, I was stunned. How many more surprises could this man keep up his sleeves? An impressively sized walnut dining table took up most of the space. Under it was a dark rug with swirling patterns. The chairs seated around it were high-backed with what looked to be, soft cream velvet cushions. In the center of the table was a row of various-sized candles and two plates full of food.
“You cooked me that omelet,” I began as my eyes skipped across artwork on every wall in the room. “Did you cook tonight too?” With a bandaged shoulder and who knew what else?
He chuckled and pulled out a chair for me. “No, I borrowed Georgie for the night and she told me all about your favorite foods.”
Sure enough, on the plates in front of us were my favorites Georgie cooked. Baked ziti and her homemade French bread. I was going to die. I was going to thank Georgie for being borrowed.
“Don’t worry, I made sure her children will have money to take care of them for a long time.”
“All for one dinner?” Moisture pricked behind my eyes and I tried to look at anything but him. It was difficult not to. He commanded the room.
“That and all the inside scoop on your favorite things.”
“I’m sure the list was very short,” I stared down at my plate in wonder. He was getting more and more under my skin. But that wasn’t what scared me… What scared me was that he had gotten under my skin and I didn’t mind him there at all.
He pulled a folded piece of paper out of his pocket. “Rather long actually.” He smoothed it out on the table between us. I couldn’t even look down at the swirling script on the paper. He had my full attention. When he finally dug into his food, I was right behind him, and once again, Georgie’s cooking didn’t disappoint.
After finishing almost half of my plate and watching Alexei eat all of his food, I sat back in my chair and eyed him. “Tell me about what you do, this territory business, this mugging that happened. Why would someone do this to you?”
He took his napkin from beside his plate and wiped his hands before he stood. He pulled my chair out for me and then held his hand out for me to take. Carefully, I let him lead me out of the room. He brought me straight to the map with the light-up pins on it. He waved his hands around the map. “Each one of these lights is one of my establishments. I own several clubs, restaurants, venues, and of course,” he smirked. “Some underground gambling rings as well as legal casinos.”
“Your father?”
He scowled. “There aren’t many things that will make me angry but that’s one of them. No, my father doesn’t have a single hand in any of this.”
“You built all of this? On your own?”
This time his eyes shone with pride. “Yes, I am self-made, even if I would have everyone believe it was daddy’s money.”
“Why wouldn’t you take open pride for this? You’re obviously building an empire.”
I reached forward and ran my finger over one of the blinking lights. I didn’t know why I was surprised. He was obviously smart and there was nothing lazy about the ripped man beside me. Of course, he wouldn’t sit around and pocket money. “Does your father know?”
He shook his head as he leaned against the wall. His eyes never left my face. “No, and I would rather it stay that way. Ace has an idea but he doesn’t know the magnitude. He pockets Daddy’s money like it’s nothing. I would rather not have a single dime from him, but appearances must be made.”
“Why don’t you just tell him you want to make your own way in this world?”
“Because in this world, that isn’t how things go. He wouldn’t stand for it. He wants everything under his thumb. He lives for control. If I were to take his control away, he would retaliate.”
Something wasn’t right. “And the men that jumped you?”
His grin turned lethal. “They belong to men that belong to my father. I’ve been picking his men off one by one…” He trailed off as if he said too much and my eyes wet the polished floors beneath my feet.
“Wait,” I stopped and put my hands over my mouth.
He pulled my hands to him and tilted his head down to look at my face. “ Malaya , I would never hurt you. I would never lay a hand on you unless you asked me to. I would fight for you, I would kill for you, but I would never raise my hand to you. There is nothing to fear when you’re with me.”
I swallowed thickly. “I don’t understand.”
He tilted his head back and I watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed. “This world is much different than the one you know. I wish I could tell you that I don’t have blood on my hands and I wish I could tell you that it won’t happen again, but this is the life I’ve lived since I was a child. I would tell you that violence was bred into us at a very young age but I don’t even know how to begin with that shit.”
It was a joke and funny when we didn’t know it was the truth. The grannies had killed their husbands and they would kill again if they needed to. Ace probably had blood on his hands too. It made so much sense why Mrs. Phipps hated them. She knew something. Did Carina tell her and not me? Surely not.
“I will say the ones I’ve been taking care of are bad men. They’re men that don’t deserve to be free on the streets. They’re the men that women should be afraid of and they lurk in the shadows around here. They are the kind of men that will never know punishment because my father has his hands in everything, well, almost everything.”
“Does Carina know?” My voice sounded so broken. So detached.
“She might know about Ace but I’m not sure. I doubt he would tell her the truth. Our father would never allow it and if there’s one thing Ace does perfectly—it’s listen to our father. Father’s word is law to him and for that reason, you can never tell Carina what I’ve told you.”
“Hasn’t Ace been to your home? Wouldn’t he ask about these red dots?” I ran my fingertip over one again.
He lifted his chin. “I turn the lights off when he’s here, but he has asked before. I told him they’re my favorite places to fuck in public.”
My eyebrows shot up on my forehead. “You don’t think he’ll catch on?”
“That’s the thing about Ace, he’s loyal to a fault. He will accept my lie because it’s better than knowing the truth. If he were to know the truth, he would have to take it straight to father and that’s the last thing he wants to do. We love each other in our own convoluted way.”
Nodding my head, I turned away from the map, unsure of what to do with this information. I would never tell Carina, but it felt bad, dark. I knew he was sin, I knew he was darkness, and I knew that he would destroy me if I let him.
He was putting the ball in my court. I turned to him then and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. “Thank you for dinner tonight. I’ll see myself out. I’ll talk to you soon.”
He closed his eyes and nodded as if he knew this would be the thing to tear me from his grasp, but that wasn’t it at all. As I walked down the hallway, my heart hammered in my chest. It wasn’t that he killed people. That’s what got me the most. That should have been my deal breaker. I hated myself that it wasn’t. I knew that I would see him again and kiss him. I walked away because I knew that I couldn’t give him what he needed tonight. I needed to think because the hardest thing about what he told me was that he trusted me with the information to destroy him.
This entire time I’d been afraid he would destroy me but instead, he gave me everything to destroy him. Which meant one thing—Alexei Cristof was in love with me.