18. Chapter 18
Chapter 18
Lilly
“I totally forgot about this special practice for the jamboree Saturday. I’m glad you called me,” I said to Rose. She and I were outside the gymnastics studio Wednesday night, enjoying the surprisingly mild weather for late July in Tennessee.
“I noticed you were out of sorts last night on the phone, and you seem preoccupied now. What’s up?” Rose asked.
I sighed. “Between my new feelings for Jamison confusing me, work, and mom duties, I’m more overwhelmed than I have been in a long time, and I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“I bet you didn’t.” Rose chided.
I shook my head. “No, it’s not just Jamison, though he’s a big part of it. I’m not sure what’s going on between us. Is it real, or just residual feelings from our past?” I sighed. “I don’t know, but I also don’t think I’m ready for a relationship.” I continued before she could comment. “I need to focus on me and Maddy. I’m missing her. I haven’t been away from her so much before, and now, with all the houses and businesses I’m cleaning, she’s been spending so much time with someone else.”
“Come on. It’s not really someone else. It’s her grandmother at the salon, whom she absolutely adores, or the Mother’s Day Out program at the church, which has been so good for her.”
“You’re right.” I rubbed my hands over my face. “I know you’re right. It doesn’t mean it’s easy to get used to. I’ve only been back a couple weeks, and things have changed so much for both of us.”
“Well, see it as preparing you for when Madeline starts kindergarten in a couple weeks. These are baby steps to prepare your heart and mind. And I’m not sure what’s going on with you and Jamison either, but enjoy it.” She looked away for a second and shrugged. “Would it be so bad if you used him to distract you a bit?”
“It wouldn’t be too horrible, a diversion in the amazing form of Jamison—yeah, that wouldn’t be horrible at all.”
Rose smirked. “Well, I hope you’re ready for said diversion.”
I followed her gaze as a Ford F-150 pulled into the parking lot, and butterflies took flight in my stomach.
When Jamison stepped out of the truck, I swear time stopped. He was still in his work khakis and polo, and damn he looked just as delicious as he was yesterday. I chewed on my lips, hoping I wouldn’t drool at the sight of him.
Darcie hopped across the parking lot toward us. “Hi, Lilly and Rose. Gosh, your names are so pretty. Both are my favorite flowers. I wish my name was a flower,” Darcie gushed. As soon as she hit the sidewalk in front of the studio, she pulled her hand free from Jamison and asked, “Can I go in and see the girls, Daddy?”
Jamison’s laugh was deep and smooth, like a well-barreled whiskey, and his smile was wide. “Of course, princess.”
I thought nothing could be hotter than mid-thirties Jamison naked on top of me, but I was so wrong. The sweet smile he gave his daughter, filled with love and admiration—that was so much sexier and hotter that it caused my ovaries to jump into overdrive. I swear I could feel them release a dozen or more eggs. I placed my hand over my stomach. Calm down, girls.
“I’ll come with you,” Rose said, “and make sure the girls are on the floor for class.” She wiggled her brows as she left.
Jamison’s gaze caught mine, and my palms became sweaty. I looked away and tucked my hands in the back pockets of my jean shorts.
“Are you okay?” he asked. “You look uncomfortable.”
God, I have to calm down. It felt like I was going to burst into tears.
“Lilly,” he lightly touched my arm. “Seriously, what’s wrong?”
“I don’t know.” I sighed heavily and met his gaze. “What are we doing, Jamison?” I gestured between us. “What is this?”
Parents were entering the gym, and I didn’t want this to become Orlinda Valley news, so we walked around to the side of the building, away from prying ears and eyes.
“Lilly.” He held my arms, and I froze.
His touch sent a shock through me.
“I don’t know what this is,” he said. “I. Don’t. Know.” He turned my face toward him.
My heart pounded in my chest.
His eyes looked confused, and his brow wrinkled with concern.
Feelings churned in my gut like a hurricane in the ocean. I couldn’t make sense of anything, but I had to try. “I don’t either, Jamison. Being with you is so easy, but I don’t know if it’s real or just residual feelings from long ago.” God, I felt like a college kid again trying to keep my heart from breaking.
“Do you need time?” he asked, “because, honestly, I don’t. I know this is what I want, which surprises me. Until you returned, I didn’t think I had any room for anyone in my heart but Darcie. Your brother did something the other night that opened my eyes and made me realize how much I feel for you.”
“What are you talking about? What does Lance have to do with any of this, with us?”
“Well, we were at Jerry’s Pub, and he invited two women he works with, along with Robert and his fiancée. Seems as if we are all getting together after the jamboree Saturday. Not really my plan, but . . .”
My head snapped toward him. “Oh, so it’s a date?” My heart constricted in my chest.
“No, it’s not a date, and I’d gladly cancel it if I had something else to do after the jamboree.” His eyes held mine.
I bit on my lips to keep them from crashing against his. “You do what you want.” I shrugged. “I need time to focus on Maddy, anyway. But I could use a friend.” Are you crazy Lilly? Friends with Jamison? I would’ve slapped myself if that wouldn’t draw attention.
He sighed. “Look, I’m not interested in anyone but you, but I’m not going to pressure you into anything. So, if that’s what you want, friend, let’s get inside and watch our girls.”
Yeah, I was going crazy. I’d just gotten a chance to be with Jamison again, and I put us in the friend zone. If he was just a friend, I wouldn’t get a tingling feeling between my legs when my friend led me through the door with his hand on my lower back. What was I thinking?
As soon as we entered the gym, Rose walked up to us and Jamison took his hand off my back. Good thing, too. If the tingling hadn’t stopped, I might have had to pull him out of the gym and have Rose take all the girls home—and so much for the friend zone.
“So, I was just pulled into a very strange conversation,” Rose said.
My brows popped, and I turned my attention from Jamison’s presence to Rose.
“Stephanie and Nora asked me an interesting question.” She glanced between the two of us. “Stephanie asked if there was anything going on between you two. She thought you both looked real cozy outside by yourself, deep in conversation, and Nora agreed. She asked if you were a couple.” She paused and searched our faces for clues.
Of course, Stephanie and Nora would ask. Those two have been the nosy busybodies of Orlinda Valley since high school. I might have been gone for a few years, but I’d heard through Kristy and Rose that Stephanie had just gone through her second divorce, and Nora’s husband was cheating on her—again. I’d been in her shoes, and should have felt bad for her, but with all the issues she had caused me over the years, it was hard to move on.
Rose continued. “I told her no. You’re just friends who grew up together. But then with what I’ve learned lately . . .” She paused, and I wasn’t sure if she was finished or just hoped we would give in and tell her the entire sordid tale.
Well, she wasn’t getting either. “Sorry to disappoint. We’ve got nothing to tell.” I stepped away from Jamison and found a seat on the front bench of the stands and forced my attention toward Maddy and the girls on the floor.
Rose sat with me, but I ignored the pang in my chest when Jamison stood by Gary, far from us. “Wow. She’s really learned a lot the past two weeks.” I said as I watched my daughter on the floor. Yes, I tried to change the subject and get my mind off the distance between Jamison and me—both literally and figuratively—yet it wasn’t a lie. I was very impressed with how Maddy had caught on with the tumbling and learned the dance with the rest of them.
I continued to comment on the floor routines the girls were doing and tried my best to ignore Rose. She kept shooting me odd glances.
My time was split between watching Madeline on the floor and Jamison across the room, especially when Nora and Stephanie sauntered up beside him and Gary. The women’s laughter traveled across the gym a couple times, and each time, my insides seethed with disgust.
“You know, you could put that show over there to a simple end. Jamison wants you, not either of them,” Rose said.
I shot her a look that I hoped would shut her up, but instead, it made her giggle.
The class was finally over, and it couldn’t have ended soon enough. I needed to get out of there. Okay, I wanted to get out of there.
“I’ll talk to you later, Rose,” I said as soon as the girls were off the floor. “Come on. We’ve got to go,” I told Madeline, ignoring her complaints about wanting to get ice cream with everyone. I needed to get out of there before Jamison came over to us. I wasn’t running from him, I was just guarding my heart and putting some distance between us until I figured out what it was I wanted.