4. Gael #2
She lowers her chin as if ashamed to look at me head on. “So…she’s told you?”
I have to be careful with how I answer her question.
Right now, all Karina knows is we’ve been in New York for an undisclosed period of time and she thinks we’re still together.
I’m not opposed to telling her the truth but Dahlia isn’t here to decide so I’ll maintain the facade for as long as I can without telling an outright lie.
“With regard to you, Dahlia tends to keep things to herself.”
She sips on her tea before saying, “I found out she was back in New York last spring when I was visiting my grandparents. She was on her way out with Lyss and I…I froze. I was at once humiliated and relieved to see her. When I finally worked up the nerve to say hello she walked right past me like I was some stranger on the street. She didn’t even look at me. It was horrible.”
“You told her you never wanted to see her again.”
“And she told me I would deserve it if my husband ever laid his hands on me.”
“And has he?” I ask. “Laid his hands on you?”
She stills and all the air leaves the room.
“Karina?”
“I don’t feel comfortable discussing the private details of my marriage with you.”
“You aren’t comfortable or you’re afraid?”
Frustrated, she slams her cup down on the table. “For your information, Brent has never raised a hand to me.”
“He better not have because I’ll kill him.”
When she reaches for her cup again, she nearly knocks it over.
Her head shoots up and I watch in real time as the color drains from her face.
The fearful widening of her eyes draws attention away from her trembling chin and if not for the fact her reaction has so deeply confused me, I might’ve reached across the table to comfort her.
I expected her irritation and perhaps a dismissal of my overprotectiveness but the way she looks at me now…
It's almost like she believes me.
“Hey!”
We look over and Lyss crosses the cafeteria to reach us.
“Rian’s okay, they just finished patching him up. Sasha’s upstairs with him.”
“I’ve been meaning to ask—who called Sasha?” I say.
“Damiano. Patrick and Orla are in Ireland and he was afraid…” her voice tightens. “Half brother, full-brother, it doesn’t matter. He’s still Rian’s next of kin.”
“And Dahlia?” Karina inquires almost desperately.
“Still in surgery. She’s on her second blood transfusion so Gael is upstairs donating.” Lyss pulls out the seat next to Karina and plops down before pinching the bridge of her nose. “Does anyone else feel like they’re going to collapse?”
I glance at my watch. “It’s almost four in the morning. Why don’t you go home and get some sleep? I’ll call you if anything changes.”
She’s already shaking her head. “No. I’m not going anywhere until she wakes up.”
“Alyssa,” I say.
“I’m not going.”
“Maybe you should.” Karina touches her shoulder. “Tio forgot his medication at my grandparents’ house and I was going to drive back to get it. I can drop you off on the way.”
“I don’t live with my parents anymore. Dahlia and I—”
“Live on 92nd Street,” I interject.
Karina and Lyss turn in my direction, both confused for different reasons.
“Oh...” Karina frowns then looks at the girl beside her. “Since when were you living with Alex and Dahlia?”
Lyss glances in my direction, a question in her eyes as she carefully crafts a response. “Um…a while now, actually.”
Karina addresses me next. “I’ve been meaning to ask. What made you guys move to New York?”
“New York will always be home for Dahlia. She fell in love with a townhouse on the Upper East Side.” I give a light shrug. “When have you ever known me to tell your cousin no?”
She sighs. “Fair point.”
Lyss makes eye contact and quirks a brow at me but I give a firm shake of the head.
“I’m going to go check on my uncle. He can hold his own but I’d still prefer it if I was there to translate for him if he needs it.” She gets up from her seat. “What floor is he on?”
“The eighth. Just follow the signs, it’s easy to find.” Lyss replies.
She gives us both a tight-lipped smile and leaves the cafeteria. As soon as she’s gone, Lyss turns to me.
“What was that about?”
“Karina thinks Dahlia and I are still together.”
“And you weren’t keen on telling her the truth?”
“You tell me. Dahlia regularly visits her grandparents and has bumped into Karina on at least one occasion.” I say. “Why didn’t she tell anyone we were broken up?”
The corner of her mouth tugs upward as she resists the urge to roll her eyes. “Ask her yourself when she wakes up.”
“I will.”
Her expression sinks and the air around us grows heavy.
“Lyss, is there something about Gael I should know?”
“Like what?”
“Like his relationship with Dahlia.”
She rubs her forehead in a gesture betraying her thoughts. “I told you it was a mistake to call him…”
“Legally, I didn’t exactly have a choice.”
“I know, it’s just—” She cuts herself off and struggles for a moment to collect herself. When she speaks next, it’s in a hushed tone. “Her relationship with her father is very layered and very complicated. And on top of that, Karina’s here. I’m just worried about what’ll happen when she wakes up.”
“Karina says Dahlia’s falling out with her father didn’t happen the way she describes it.” I say contemplatively. “What do you think?”
“What does it matter what I think?”
“You’re objective and honest and I trust you. That’s why it matters.”
Her shoulders slump forward with defeat. “Let’s put it like this. You felt it, didn’t you?”
“Felt what?”
“What it was like to be loved by her. To have all her attention and affection. To be the one she turns to, the one she looks for. But you also know what it’s like to be hated by her.” Her eyes are heavy with a sorrow I can’t name. “It hurts, doesn’t it?”
“Did it hurt you?”
“Yes. Dahlia doesn’t know what it means for a punishment to suit the crime.
She toggles between two extremes: extreme love and extreme hate.
She doesn’t know any other way to be.” Lyss explains.
“That’s why when she’s hurt, she spirals out of control.
She doesn’t know how to regulate herself and instead, stumbles into self-destruction. ”
“And why do you think that is?”
“You’re asking a lot of questions.”
“I don’t think I understand her anymore.”
Her eyes soften with sympathy. “But you want to. And that’s worth so much more to her.”
I stare at my cup for a moment before touching the side. The liquid inside has gone cold. “Lyss?”
“Yeah?”
“Tell me more about Gael.”
She heaves another side. “Well…we were in the 8th grade. And Dahlia was waiting for her father to show up at our confirmation…”
* * *
No one leaves the hospital that night. Not even Damiano.
Lyss drifts in and out of sleep and when her head lulls to the side, Sasha catches her just before she falls.
I half expect him to shake her awake so she isn’t infringing on his personal space but for once he doesn’t seem to mind.
In a rare display of compassion, he lets her sleep with her head on his shoulder and leaves his coat on her lap so she doesn’t get cold.
Damiano can’t sit still for more than a few minutes.
He’ll pace, take a lap around the floor, go up and down a flight of stairs, before eventually sitting in a corner on the floor and then he’s up again.
Karina and Gael are quiet and dutiful. Karina busies herself with a collection of magazines while Gael murmurs quietly under his breath. I think he might be praying.
There’s so much I want to ask him. Gael is nothing short of fascinating to me, a mystery I want to solve.
In him I’ll find the answer to every question I’ve ever had about Dahlia.
She’s always kept her personal history in a vault and I never know if it’s out of fear, avoidance, shame, or all three.
Maybe if I knew Gael, I’d understand his daughter better.
The sun must be rising. A sliver of light creeps across the linoleum floors as I continue my pacing. I look up and across the room, half shaded windows reveal a yellow, blue, and gray sky.
The waiting room doors swing open and Dr. Kosan enters. I cross the room to him in seconds.
“How was it?” I ask.
Lyss comes up behind me, suddenly awake. “Is she okay? Why did it take so long?”
Dr. Kosan holds up his hands in an effort to calm us down. “The surgery went well. We were able to remove all the bullet fragments and stop the bleeding.”
“When can we see her?” Lyss presses. “Is she in recovery yet? Will she be all right?”
“I have no reason to believe she won’t make a full recovery.” Dr. Kosan tells us. “She’s very lucky. It could’ve been a lot worse.”
My first instinct is to run to her and I almost do but I remember Gael and Karina are here. As Dahlia’s only blood relatives present their rights supersede mine. What if only family members are allowed to visit for now?
I look over and find Gael hovering just within ear range of our conversation. His knuckles are white, face unreadable.
“Dahlia’s awake,” I say, translating what the doctor said. “The surgery went well and she’s in recovery. Why don’t you go see her?”
He shakes his head so quickly I fear it might roll off his neck. “No, no, no, I…I shouldn’t…”
“But—”
“She can have visitors but only one at a time.” Dr. Kosan warns us.
“I want to go.” Lyss is practically trembling. “Is it only family first or can we see her too?”
“Actually, that’s why I’m here.” The doctor says.
“Gael.” He shrinks away from me the second I take a step near him. “You can’t just—”
Dr. Kosan asks, “Remind me, which one of you is Alejandro?”
My head whips around. “What?”
“When she woke up, she was asking to see Alejandro. I assume it’s one of—” He passes a broad hand across the waiting room to gesture at the other men waiting but I cut him off.
“She asked for me? Can I go see her?”
“Yes, of course. Just take it easy she’s still recover—”
Ignoring his warning, I sprint past him down the hall, Gael and his complicated history with his daughter forgotten.