7. The Unforgivable #2
I’d laugh if I wasn’t already crying so hard. “Yes, you. You get me so mad! You’re the only person in the world who can hurt me like this because you’re the only person in the world I love this much. I don’t love anyone the way I love you. No one.”
It’s like the air’s just been sucked out of the room. His body stills and any hint of humor vanishes without a trace.
“When we were on the bridge with Li, I…I didn’t even think.
I just did it.” I whisper. “I’ve been so angry with you this past year and I haven’t been able to figure out why.
There’s this underlying feeling, an emotion I can’t quite name.
It wasn’t until we were on Bow Bridge did I finally understand. Watching Li and Rian…”
Silence settles between us.
“I felt betrayed by you. For so long, I couldn’t fathom how someone I loved so much could hurt me so deeply.
I gave up my life to be with you. Accepted things no other woman would, set aside my sense of morality and justice to make room for you—all of you.
I took on your family as if they were my own and you made a fool out of me.
Left me standing there in the hallway of our home with words in my mouth and didn’t even look back.
“I felt like such an idiot. There I was thinking we were in this together. And yet the moment our relationship was truly put to the test you let me go. I let myself be dazzled by your beauty, your wealth, and your promises and it blew up in my face.”
I drag my palms across my wet cheeks. “I took a bullet for you and you still want reassurance from me. Where’s mine? Or did you think coming here a year later to fight with me at every turn was enough?”
The room is so quiet. I can hear us breathing.
“I left and you didn’t come after me. Why? And don’t tell me it’s because you wanted to respect my freedom because we both know that isn’t true. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have sent Diego to see me afterward and you wouldn’t have kept in contact with me all this time.”
He can’t bring himself to speak. I watch him try but he fails every time.
“Did you not care enough? Was I not worth fighting for? Did you think I would come crawling back on my own? Tell me—what was it?”
“Don’t—” His voice catches. “Don’t say it like that, Dee…you weren’t giving me a chance—”
“You have had an entire year’s worth of chances and I have had an entire year of waiting for you to take them. You just didn’t want to. I must not be worth it to you—”
“That’s not true, Dahlia.” His voice is firm but laced with desperation. “It isn’t true.”
“Then what! What was it?” I cry. “Why did you wait all this time?”
“I didn’t think you wanted to see me—”
“Bullshit! You didn’t come because you were a fucking coward and you wanted me to do all the work.” I argue. “I don’t even care anymore about why I left, I care that it didn’t matter enough to you that I did.”
Alejandro either has nothing to say or can’t bring himself to say it.
“Do you actually love me or are you just jealous I was dating Rian? Because part of me thinks you care more about that than you do about me.”
His expression contorts with disgust as he applies pressure to his temples. “?Cómo se te ocurre decir algo tan ridículo?”
“It’s not ridiculous!”
“Por supuesto que lo es y dejame decirte una cosa,” his tone turns serious. “We are not going to spend the rest of our lives going back and forth about this. That’s it, I’m sick of it. We’re arguing in circles and I’m done—ya, ?se acabó!”
“Alex—”
“I love you, you love me, and that’s it. We’ll get over it. Figure it out and move on.”
“Get over it?”
Did he even listen to a single word I said?
I slide off the stool, abandoning my meal and this conversation. “Whatever, Alex.”
“Dahlia—Dahlia,” He reaches for me like he’s terrified I might turn to mist between his fingertips.
He takes my face in his hands and says my name the way he used to: without the weight.
“Dahlia, desde el fondo de mi alma, te pido—te ruego—que me perdones. Please, forgive me. I’m sorry.
I’ll tell you in every language I know, as many times as you need to hear it.
I’ll show you for the rest of our lives. Let’s just—”
He stops at the unsteady tremor in his voice.
“What I’m trying to say is I don’t want us to keep fighting about the same thing over and over again.
We’re going in circles—it’s annoying, it’s exhausting.
I should not have lied about the fire or Regina or kept so much a secret.
I should not have shut you out and I should’ve gone after you when you left.
Dee…come on. You know you’re the most important thing in the world to me. ”
“Alejandro, that’s the problem! I’m trying to tell you I don’t feel like I am and—”
He must sense I’m getting worked up again because he lifts a hand in surrender. “Okay, okay, okay. Fine. Fine.” He pulls me closer and refuses to let go. “Give me the chance to show you then. Please.”
He must misinterpret my silence as rejection because he holds onto me a little tighter when all I want to do is get away.
I need to sit with this and sort through my thoughts and emotions.
Alejandro may have endless amount of fight in him but I don’t.
If we go at this a second time I need to be sure we can make it work.
More than anything else in the world, I want him to stay.
But I also want him to want to stay, even without me asking.
Maybe I’m being difficult, prideful, and asking for too much but this was the same ultimatum he gave me nearly three years ago.
Stay out of love, out of want, and out of desire, not for any other reason.
The bell rings and the sound sends a jolt though my system. It feels almost sinful to disturb the sanctity of this moment but reality has already begun to seep through the cracks. I go to answer the door but he holds me in place. “Let Dona Ana get it.”
“It could be important.” For a brief moment, I’m reminded of the many occasions Alejandro chose someone or something else over me.
All the times he left our outings early if he even remembered to attend at all.
How my heart seized with anxiety every time his phone rang and I wasn’t sure if he’d answer or not.
Footsteps in the house alert us to Dona Ana’s presence. “What if it’s Sasha?”
“He would’ve called. Dahlia, just wait,” He leans against the table for support and draws me closer.
I melt into his touch as he drags his hands up and down my trembling arms, creating heat where goosebumps have formed.
“I’m not doing this anymore. I’ve had enough of fighting with you.
If you want me to meet you halfway then fine.
I love you. I want to be with you and if that means moving to New York, then I will. Say the word and I will.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “I—”
The bell rings a second time and I hear the foyer door open. Dona Ana must’ve been further away from the front entrance than I thought.
Alejandro’s eyes narrow. “Is it Rian?”
“Rian has nothing—”
“Do you love him?” I can practically hear his heart racing inside his chest. His eyes widen and his hands drop from my shoulders. “Do you?”
“It’s not the same—”
He stands quickly, rising to his full height. “It’s a simple question, do you love him or not?”
“Would you just let me finish!”
Footsteps draw near and Dona Ana hesitantly enters the room. “Dahlia, they need you to sign.”
I spin around. “They what?”
“The man at the door,” she says. “He needs you to sign. Said only you.”
“I didn’t order anything.”
Dona Ana remains silent but her eyes are fixated on Alejandro’s arms around me and I shake him off.
My blood is on fire—maybe we need a break from this argument because Alejandro is right.
We’re going in circles without reaching any sort of resolution and we won’t be able to with emotions running so high.
I make my way to the front door and I can feel Alejandro behind me. He stays a few steps behind but never far.
As soon as I see the courier at the front door, my stomach drops. I recognize the uniform and the high security box he’s carrying with him.
“Dahlia Rosario?”