11. Two Girls From Kindergarten
TWO GIRLS FROM KINDERGARTEN
Dahlia
Seated on the edge of the kitchen island, Lyss swings her legs back and forth as she bites into an apple.
“You’re going to scrub the grout right out of those tiles.”
“Shut up, Alyssa.”
“You can’t be mad at me forever. We live together.”
“Watch me.”
She sighs and hops down from the counter. “I was only trying to help. Your life is a mess and—”
“Yes but it is my life! My mess!” I argue. “And you had no right to insert yourself into my relationship with Karina. My issues with her have nothing to do with you.”
Lyss huffs with frustration. “My God you’re annoying.”
My head jerks up and I drop the brush in my hand. “Excuse me?”
“Oh, look at me, I have a gorgeous, stupidly wealthy boyfriend who treats me like a fucking princess!” She gestures wildly. “And I live in a beautiful house with my amazing best friend and a bunch of unlimited credit cards! Woe is me!”
I bolt to my feet. “You’re such an asshole!”
“Grow up! You’re about to be 24-years-old this summer; you’re getting too old for this shit.
” she places both hands on her hips as she stares me down.
“You know, sometimes I think my life sucks. Like sucks bad. But then I remember all I have to do is find whatever room you’re in and sit down for a free show like Nicole Kidman at an AMC! ”
“My life and what I’m going through is not entertainment, Alyssa.”
“Oh give me a fucking break, Dahlia. There are worse things in the world than your cousin trying to make amends or Alejandro and me not telling you about what happened in the hospital.” She fires back.
“You have a bad habit of holding grudges and you end up cutting your nose to spite your face. When are you going to grow out of it? When are you going to learn that the only person you’re hurting is yourself? ”
Shame washes over me and curdles in my stomach. She searches my gaze for answers but finds none.
I can’t bring myself to speak.
“Has it ever occurred to you that maybe Karina wasn’t completely to blame for what happened?” She says. “A man doesn’t have to hit his wife to mistreat her. Maybe it’s worth a conversation with Karina to find out.”
“I just—” I scramble for the words but come up short. “Well…stop yelling at me!”
“Fine!” she exclaims. “I’m done yelling!”
Frustrated, I plop down on the island stool and try to steady my breathing. A few stray tears escape and I wipe them away. Lyss’s stance softens.
“I’m sorry, okay?” she huffs in frustration. “But you’re impossible to get through to sometimes. An atomic bomb couldn’t bring down the walls around you.”
“I don’t know why I am this way,” I tell her as I chase the tears away with my freehand.
“I really am trying. There are things I need to answer for and people to whom I owe apologies. But I feel like I’m collapsing on the inside.
Like the foundation of who I am is deteriorating faster than I can rebuild it. And no one even notices.”
Lyss stays quiet.
“I’m doing everything wrong. When am I going to get something right?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know.”
I cut her a look. “That was a rhetorical question, Alyssa.”
She bites down on her bottom lip. “Sorry…”
Lyss slides onto the stool beside me and takes my hand in hers. She rests her head on my shoulder as she says, “You smell like Fabuloso and Lysol.”
Despite myself, I laugh.
“I always know you have something on your mind when you start stress cleaning.”
“I always know you have something on your mind because you stress eat in the middle of the night.” I look over at her. “Alejandro said he found you downstairs eating rocky road with a fork.”
“You guys are loud. Very loud. I couldn’t sleep.”
I sigh a bit. There’s something I’ve been avoiding addressing for weeks. Maybe it’s finally time I do. “We don’t buy rocky road. It’s the ice cream you eat when you’re in love.”
One of the perks of being best friends since kindergarten is that we have a disturbingly deep knowledge and understanding of each other.
Lyss knows I allude to a nut allergy at restaurants because I hate the way they taste in food and I know there isn’t a single picture in existence of her photographed from the right side.
Lyss knows I pray in secret with a rosary my great-grandmother gifted me for my first communion even though my relationship with God is inconsistent.
And I know that when she’s whimsical, crushing, in love, or in angst, she eats rocky road.
“Is it because of Rian?”
Lyss nearly comes out of her skin. “What—”
“Alyssa,” I say. “The only person who doesn’t know you’re in love with Rian is Rian.”
She opens her mouth to speak but only a strangled sound escapes. She pulls her hand away and sits in an upright position as if preparing for impact. But there’s nothing to prepare for.
“Had I been a better friend to you this past year, I would’ve seen what was so obvious to everyone but me.”
“Dee…”
“I promise I’m not upset. Sad maybe. And a little confused.” I confess. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“What was there to say?” She responds dismissively. “Rian never had eyes for me; only you. I didn’t see the point in getting between the two of you when there was no reason to. Trust me. My love is unrequited.”
“It doesn’t have to be. In time—”
“If you’re about to suggest I pursue my best friend’s ex-boyfriend, I’m going to throw something at you.” She shakes her head. “I don’t want to talk about this. Don’t bring it up again, Dahlia.”
I reach out and take her hand.
“You know Lyss,” I tell her. “I really wouldn’t mind. I mean it. All I want is for you to be happy.”
She doesn’t answer me right away. “What are you going to do about Karina?”
I take the hint and change the subject. “Well. I went to Hunter today. We had lunch at a diner near campus.”
She lifts a brow in a surprise. “Really?”
I nod. “She invited me to her house tomorrow. I think I’m gonna go.”
“How—”
The front door opens and closes and the distant thump of footsteps echoes down the hall. A minute later Alejandro appears with windswept hair and reddened cheeks from the cold.
I point at him. “You’re in trouble.”
He blinks up at me. “What did I do?”
“When were you going to tell me that Karina and my father were at the hospital last month?”
His face blanches. Lyss hops off the stool. “That’s my cue to go.”
On the way out she peaks into the grocery bag hanging from his wrist. She grabs a banana and gives his chest an affirmative pat. “Good luck in there big guy.”
I cross my arms and wait for him to speak.
“In my defense,” he hedges carefully. “You were kind of dying. It slipped my mind.”
“I’m not upset…” I consider how true that is before correcting myself. “Anymore.”
He eases into the room like a man grazing the edge of a lion’s cage. He sets the bag down on the counter beside me. “I wasn’t trying to be deceitful. So much was going on and I thought—”
“I bumped into Karina at my grandparents’ today. We spoke this afternoon.”
He blinks in surprise. “Oh!”
“She invited me over to her place tomorrow. To talk.” I shrug.
“How do you feel about that?”
“I’m not sure.” I eye him skeptically. “Is there anything else you know but haven’t told me? Because I felt blindsided today and I don’t want it to happen again.”
The way his eyes shift from hazel to brown and the slight tightening of his jaw tells me there is.
“Did she tell you she separated from Brent?”
“Yes. How do you know?”
“She told me. Last fall.”
“Last fall—”
He raises a hand, urging me to remain calm. “Yes, Dahlia. Last September she called me.”
“Why would she call you?”
“Because the night of the ballet, I gave her my number and told her to if she ever needed a way out,” he says. “She had no idea we’d separated and…well, she wanted to speak to you but her calls weren’t going through to your phone.”
“What did you say?”
“I lied, obviously. Told her you were out somewhere and then she told me everything.”
“What’s everything?”
He heaves a heavy sigh then leans over to kiss the top of my head. “I think that’s something you need to ask your cousin when you speak to her tomorrow.”