16. Second First Dates
SECOND FIRST DATES
Dahlia
March
“It looks so much better.”
I spin around in the salon chair and pull out the last roller from my hair. “You don’t think it’s too dark?”
“It’s perfect.” Karina says. “Just the way I remember.”
Using a wide tooth comb, I break up some of the bigger, tighter curls the rollers left behind and wait to see where they fall naturally.
Each strand glows ruby red in the daylight, glistening like the seeds of a pomegranate, and an unfamiliar tightness in my throat makes it difficult to speak.
I fight the urge to smile at my own reflection in the mirror.
“This feels like you.” My cousin tells me.
Being a brunette the last year was fun and all but there’s a reason I’ve been coloring my hair since the moment I discovered box dye at the drugstore.
Red has always been my color.
“Are you sure you don’t want to do anything?” The hairstylist brings over the checkbook and I slide my credit card inside. “There’s still time if you wanted to do something…like get a trim.”
Almost subconsciously, a hand travels to the braid running down her back and she runs her fingers through the ends. “Oh…no. No, I’m all right.”
“Long hair gives you migraines.”
“I’m fine.” Karina closes the lookbook on her lap and rises from her seat by the window. “Ready?”
I can’t get out of this chair fast enough.
After having spent the last six hours in a sedentary position, I’m ready to run a mile to offset the damage done to my legs and backside.
The thought of getting in a cab or sitting on the train for another twenty minutes is miserable so I convince Karina to take the forty-block walk with me.
It’s the first time we’ve been alone since last week’s revelation.
She’s been staying at my house ever since but between her teaching schedule and my final semester of grad school, we’ve barely seen each other.
My professors have been more than lenient with me since the incident but I can’t keep slacking forever.
Midterms are coming up and if I intend to graduate on time, I need to condense six weeks’ worth of work into this weekend and then bust my ass until finals.
Sometimes I wonder how I manage to balance it all.
“How’s your project coming along?” she asks.
She means my thesis studio. It’s the final major project of my degree where I have to come up with a design for a landmarked building, choose a position—restore, repurpose, or rebuild—and then defend that argument in front of my professor, classmates, and other architects.
For my project, I’ve decided to make a historic 19th Century apartment building my focus and base my thesis on the importance of preservation and restoration and how they can co-exist with modern safety regulations. The Barcelona house is my model.
“I’m a little behind. In fact, I’m a little behind on everything.
” I confess. “The semester started a week before I was released from the hospital and my professors were pretty understanding. But it’s been over a month now and I have to catch up.
To be honest, I’ve been dragging my feet a little bit. ”
“I hope I haven’t been an added stressor,” she says quickly. “Just tell me and I’ll go stay with our grandparents, it’s not a problem.”
We stop at the corner of Madison and I look at her as we wait for the light to change. She looks out of place in borrowed clothes from Lyss and hair so long it’s hard to recognize her.
“You aren’t a stressor, Karina. I want you to stay with me.”
She twists her fingers nervously. “My being pregnant isn’t your problem, Dee. You don’t have to turn your life upside down to help. This is my mistake. I can take care of myself.”
I study her for a long while. “Of course you can. But why should you, when I’m here?”
Her head whips around but the light changes. I cross and our footsteps hit the concrete in tandem.
“I was thinking that maybe you should move in. For the time being at least. Right now, you can keep your pregnancy a secret but in a few months everyone will know. I doubt you want your parents or our grandparents to know. At least not until your divorce is finalized.”
“I filed the paperwork yesterday. Alejandro went with me.”
“I know. He told me.”
She chews on the inside of her cheek. We make a left turn and continue walking until we reach the park. Somehow twenty blocks passed us by without either of us realizing it.
Karina’s voice wavers with uncertainty. “I was thinking…I have an appointment first thing Monday morning. I thought you might want to go with me.”
“Shouldn’t the father of your child be going?” My response comes out harsher than intended.
She bristles. “Don’t say it like that. Like it’s something dirty.”
I try deflecting. “So you’re really going to keep it?”
“If by it you mean my child then yes.” She lets out a huff of irritation. “Believe me, I’ve agonized over this decision more than you know.”
“I’m sorry if I sound harsh. I’m just worried about you.” I say, gentling my tone. “I really do know what you’re going through.”
She falters and it takes her a second to regain her footing. She turns to look at me. “Oh Dee…I’m such an idiot. I completely forgot.”
I wave a hand in dismissal. “It was almost eight years ago. I’d be surprised if you remembered.”
“What was it like? When you were pregnant?”
“It was completely different for me, Kay. I was a teenager and Papi almost killed me. He smacked me so hard I still hear a rattling in my brain every once in a while from all the screws he knocked loose.”
She covers her mouth. “Dee, that’s not funny.”
“It isn’t but it’s true. I don’t believe in hitting your kids but I can’t say I didn’t deserve it.” I say wryly.
“Do you ever regret it?”
“Never. I don’t even think about it. Having an abortion was the best thing I ever did for myself. I wasn’t ready and I didn’t want to be pregnant my senior year of high school. Can you imagine me with a kid right now? Poor thing would be more fucked up than I am.”
“Don’t say that. I think you’ll be a great mother one day.”
“Exactly. One day.” I tell her. “One day was not me giving birth at seventeen and raising a child with some guy I dated in high school. One day is years from now. Married and happy.”
“To Alejandro?” she asks curiously.
I almost laugh. “Who else if not him?”
“I thought I’d have children with Brent one day.”
I steal a glance at her from my peripheral and a hand travels to her lower abdomen, grazing the still flat space there, before her arm drops to her side again.
“I still can’t believe Diego’s the baby’s father.” I blurt out.
Karina’s eyes narrow as she looks at me. “Try not to sound so disgusted.”
“I’m not disgusted. I feel betrayed. Did the two of you have some weird, semi-erotic, platonic-bordering-emotional-cheating situationship going on?”
“We did not!” She insists.
“Okay well there must’ve been something because he got you pregnant. I mean, why didn’t you ever tell me there was something between you guys?”
“Because there wasn’t!” She defends. “I never cheated on Brent!”
“Oh and I’m supposed to believe that? Brent was always jealous of Diego.”
“He was jealous of everyone.”
“I saw you guys. On Christmas Eve.”
We entered the park a while ago. She stops in her tracks and I sit down on a nearby bench. A moment passes before she follows suit.
“The porch light was on and I went to turn it off. The two of you were sitting on the swinging bench and I watched him hold you as you cried.”
She says nothing.
“I don’t believe you when you say nothing happened.
Maybe you never physically cheated on Brent but there was something between you and Diego.
There had to have been. And you kept it a secret from me all these years.
” My throat tightens. I can’t bring myself to say any more without betraying how deeply hurt I am.
“All this time…I feel like I don’t even know who you are. ”
“Dee—”
“Do you think I would judge you? Because I wouldn’t. I would never.” I whisper. “I have only ever wanted for you to be happy.”
She rubs her hands together and looks around as if the answer might be somewhere in the trees. When she meets my gaze again I’m struck by how similar the color is to mine. It’s like looking in the mirror.
“When you woke up from surgery, I didn’t know what to do.
I thought you wouldn’t want to see me and even if you did, you’d change your mind as soon as you found out your dad was there too.
Alejandro was in there with you for a long time.
Tio and I went back to Brooklyn and I was so exhausted I fell asleep on the sofa.
We went back later that afternoon but …”
She shakes her head. “I don’t know. At the last minute, Tio Gael changed his mind. Alejandro and I begged him to go inside but he was too afraid to see you. Or maybe he was ashamed, I’m not sure. Lyss was there and another guy too; I think his name was Sorcha…”
“Sasha,” I provide.
“Right, him. They were talking about someone else who was in the hospital and Alejandro got distracted. He told me to come back tomorrow and then left. Tio went home but I stayed. I don’t know for how long.
I kept pacing the length of the waiting room and then the cafeteria and then I wandered the halls.
I didn’t know whether to stay or go and then I realized I felt ashamed too.
Ashamed of the last argument we’d had and of the way I’d treated you.
You almost died and the last thing I ever said to you was—”
She presses a hand against her forehead before continuing.
“I was drowning in guilt and remorse and didn’t know where to put my face. Then I thought it’d be better if I left but right when I did, Diego showed up.”
I frown. “Diego was at the hospital too?”