7. Marcus
7
MARCUS
I sat at the table with my mother, the scent of fast food filling the small dining room. She emptied the contents of the greasy cartons into her second-hand faux crystal containers, a touch of elegance amidst our modest surroundings. The table was always set nicely with candles and a purple lace tablecloth she'd found at the Goodwill. We didn’t have much money, but she always found ways to make our home feel welcoming.
Dinner was our bonding time, a tradition she insisted on keeping after the divorce. I wanted to tell her I'd already eaten or pass on dinner, but I knew money was tight. She probably spent money she didn’t have on this meal because we rarely ate out.
“What happened? I thought you went out to dinner with your church members on Wednesday.”
“Deacon Jacob and a couple of members had a few other obligations, so we are going to pick back up with our Wednesday night dinners next week. You should join us—the church pays for it, and Kim was there.”
“My best friend Kim?”
“Yeah, she’s so cute; I don’t know why you all don’t date.”
“Mom, please let’s not do this.”
“I’m just saying she’s a good Christian girl. Nothing like that Samantha girl that was spreading vicious rumors about you.” I took a deep breath and didn’t comment because I could feel my anger rising. I knew Kim personally, and she wasn’t living any Christian lifestyle. I would be discussing this with her later. I put my thoughts on Caleb and felt an immediate release of dopamine.
All I could think about was Caleb on the roof in the cold alone. I needed to get back upstairs as soon as possible. Wednesday was my free night during the week, my me time. It’s why I invited Caleb over. I looked at my phone and noticed my weather app said it was in the low fifties. He had on shorts, so I knew he was freezing. I quickly stuffed the food in my mouth so that I could finish dinner and go upstairs to check on Caleb. My mother placed her hand on my arm.
“Slow down, son. You’re going to choke.” Rushing this dinner was not an option unless I was willing to confess that I had a half-naked boy on my roof, shivering from the frigid temperatures. This wasn’t the time or place because I’d be bombarded with countless questions that I wasn’t prepared to answer.
“Do you mind if I eat upstairs, Mom? I have some studying to do.”
“If you don’t want to eat with your mother, Marcus, then just say that.” I felt guilty leaving her downstairs to eat alone. The divorce and my brother moving out caused her to rely on our relationship more. I was her baby, and I would be leaving for school next fall. I didn’t want to rob her of these last few precious moments. I felt like she needed this time more than I did.
“It’s not that, Mom…”
“Then spending an hour having dinner with your mother is not going to kill your grade. When is the test? And don’t lie because I can ask Coach Harris.”
“It’s not till next week.”
“Then you can spend one hour eating with your mother.” The rest of the dinner was her asking me questions and me giving half-assed, unenthused answers. Once dinner concluded, I sprinted up the stairs, rushed to my room, and opened the window to check on Caleb.
“Caleb! Caleb! Where are you?” To my surprise, he was nowhere to be found. When I got no response, I closed the window and called his phone, but either he had blocked me, or his phone was off because every time I called, it went to voicemail. “Fuck,” I said. The one day I had a guy over, my mother skipped going out to eat and came home. My chances with this guy were now nonexistent. I called Kim, hoping that she would pick up. I planned to have her call Caleb so I could apologize, but it was late, and after letting the phone ring six times, I gave up and texted Caleb.
Marcus: Hey, Caleb. I’m so sorry I was late coming to get you. Are you okay? The jump was high. Please let me know if you’re okay. I feel horrible.
What if he hurt himself and is lying on the ground bleeding? I threw on a jacket, tiptoed down the creaky old steps in my house, and slipped out the backdoor, careful not to disturb my mom, who always retreated to her room to watch her favorite Netflix show after dinner.
I turned on the flashlight on my phone and checked the perimeter of our house. He was nowhere to be found. I didn’t even have an address to assist me in finding where he stayed. I thought about calling the Coach or one of my teammates, but that would cause them to ask me questions that I wasn’t ready to answer. I would have to wait until tomorrow to find out what happened.
I attempted to sleep, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t. I turned off all the lights, took a sleeping pill, and listened to meditation music, but nothing seemed to work. I laid in bed and prayed that he was okay. I must have finally dozed off around 3:00 a.m. because that was the last time I recall before my alarm went off at 6:30 a.m.
I jumped out of bed and reached for my phone, hoping he had texted or called, but I had no messages from him. I called his number again, and it went straight to voicemail. He’d blocked me. I showered, grabbed a couple of pop tarts, hopped on my bike, and rode as fast as humanly possible to school.
I needed to make sure Caleb was okay. I ran down the hall to his first-period class and peered through the window, but his seat was empty. I called my friend Kim, and after about six rings, she picked up.
“Marcus, this better be an emergency because I haven’t even had my morning coffee yet. It’s barely 8:00 a.m. What’s wrong?”
“It’s an emergency. I had Caleb over last night, then my mom came home early, so I asked him to jump out the window, and now he won’t answer my phone calls.”
“Hold on, who is Caleb? And you asked him to do what?”
“Caleb is the guy I told you about that I’m taking to the movies. It sounds worse than it is.”
“Oh yeah now I remember. Marcus it sounds bad any way you say it. I can’t believe you brought an openly gay guy to your crazy mama’s house! You must really like this guy.”
“First, my mother isn’t crazy.”
“Would you prefer the word fanatical or obsessive?”
“Okay, I get the point.”
“This was a horrible idea. You should have run it by me. You could have chilled over here, and I could have got lost for a few hours.”
“I know that now, miss bible study.”
“Hey, my father promised to cover my rent if I attended bible study once a week, so to bible study I go.”
“I guess that’s a good enough reason.”
“What were you thinking, Marcus?”
“I thought I had enough time. Now he won’t even answer my phone calls or text messages.”
“Marcus, you asked a guy to jump off a roof! If I were him, I wouldn’t answer your calls either.”
“I know I fucked up. Can you see if he answers your call and patch me in? I just want to make sure he is okay.”
“Fine, what’s the number?”
“555 765 7689.”
“Hold on, I always accidentally hang up when I do three ways, so just stay on the line and don’t say anything. I’m on his side, Marcus, so you’re only hearing this conversation because of my ineptitude for all things technology.”
“Okay,” I waited on the other line for what seemed like an eternity, and then I heard his voice, and I sighed in relief.
“Hello?” Caleb said.
“Hey, this is Kim. I’m Marcus’s best friend. He asked me to call to make sure you’re okay. I have him on the other line; he wants to speak to you. Are you okay?”
“I’m all right.”
“I’m relieved. Marcus told me what he did, and I told him he was wrong for making you wait on a roof. If you don’t want to speak to him, I’ll hang up. He’s on the line, but I told him to shut up and let me talk.” A deafening and lengthy pause followed. I wanted to interrupt the silence, but realized I needed to give him time; he needed to think about this because I was in the wrong.
“It’s fine,” he said finally.
“You’re better than me; I’d make him suffer.”
“Trust me. I thought long and hard about it. Thanks, Kim, for asking my permission. That was kind of you.”
“Anytime. Marcus, you can talk now.”
“I’m going to put the phone down, so I don’t hear your conversation,” Kim said.
“Hey Caleb, I just wanted to say I’m so sorry. I came up to check on you, but you were gone. I got worried when I didn’t see you in your first-period class. I called you multiple times and sent you a text last night, but you didn’t respond.”
“Dude, I had to jump off the roof when your mother came to look out the window. That jump caused me to sprain my ankle.”
“Damn Caleb! I’m so fucking sorry. I feel horrible.”
“I’m at the school nurse, getting my ankle wrapped.”
“Don’t go anywhere; I’ll be right there.” I hung up the phone and ran down the hallway at full speed. I’d hurt Caleb, and it was all my fault. I had to make it up to him. I barged into the nurse’s office, and there he was, sitting in one of those metal folding chairs that make your butt cold during winter.
He and I were the only ones in the room. I threw my backpack on the ground, sat beside him, and caressed his hand, hoping he would open it and hold it. I leaned over and whispered in his ear.
“I’m sorry, Caleb. I fucked up, and whatever I have to do to make it up to you, I will do.” He smelled like the Abercrombie and Fitch store, and I wanted to rip his clothes off in the middle of the nurse’s office and lick every inch of his body. “Are you just going to ignore me, Caleb, like I’m not here?”
He pushed my hand off his and folded his arms across his chest.
“Oh, you’re going to make me beg in the nurse’s office?” I looked around again to ensure we were the only people in the nurse’s office and then got on my knees, grabbed his left foot, and lifted it to my mouth. “You want Daddy Marcus to kiss your boo-boo and make it all better?”
I looked up at him and watched the anger fade from his face. When he smiled, it was like no one else existed. I kissed his ankle and then kissed up his leg. His skin tasted like peaches and cream.
“Marcus, stop, or we’re going to get caught.”
Just as I was about to reply, I heard someone coming in. I quickly moved away.
“Caleb, I’m out of crutches, so you will have to limp to your classes unless you want a wheelchair.”
“Give him the wheelchair; I’ll push him and make sure he’s okay if you give me a pass. It’s my fault he’s in this situation.”
“I don’t need a wheelchair.” Caleb stood up on his feet but immediately fell, but not before I caught him.
“Get the wheelchair, please,” I replied. Nurse Nancy looked at Caleb to confirm it was what he wanted, and when he nodded and gave her the okay, she went to get it.
“Aren’t you concerned about what the other people will think when you wheel the openly gay boy down the hall?”
“Nope, because to everyone, it’s just going to look like I’m wheeling my good friend and tutor down the hall to his classes.”
“And this is the problem, Marcus? I just don’t want to be your secret little freak buddy friend. I deserve to be with someone who is not ashamed to be seen with me.”
“We’ll have that, but I can’t be out like you yet. Just give me some time, Caleb. Remember, I sucked your dick in my mom’s house; no other dude has had that luxury. You didn’t get to the confident man you are overnight, and neither will I, so please trust that I will get there.”
“Okay, you’re right, but from now on, we’ll meet at my house so that I don’t end up on the roof at night, freezing my ass off and jumping off buildings. My parents are cool.”
“Trust me; that will never happen again.” Nurse Nancy returned with the wheelchair. I picked him up off the chair, held him in my arms, and looked into his eyes. It took everything in my power not to kiss him. This nerdy little guy was breaking down all the barriers around my heart, and the more I hung out with him, the less I cared about what anyone else thought.
“We’re still on for the movies the Saturday after next, right?”
“Absolutely,” I replied.