21. Caleb
21
CALEB
I sat in my classes and attempted to pay attention to what my teachers said, but everything went in one ear and out the other. The rest of the day was a complete blur. The only thing I could think about was how I had just broken up with the only guy who treated me with genuine love and respect. A guy I loved and had given my body to. A guy who made me feel safe and cherished.
The classroom walls seemed to close in on me, the fluorescent lights buzzing overhead like a swarm of angry bees. The chatter of my classmates was nothing more than white noise, drowned out by the relentless thoughts swirling in my mind. I stared at the blackboard, but the equations and diagrams might as well have been hieroglyphics for all the sense they made to me.
Was I being unreasonable in breaking up with him? Was I asking too much from a high school relationship? Did I expect to find the love of my life in high school? What was wrong with me?
The bell rang, signaling the end of the period, and I gathered my things and walked through the crowded halls. The faces of my peers were a blur, their laughter and conversations distant echoes. I felt disconnected, adrift in a sea of uncertainty and pain.
There were only two men in the world that I’d had sex with: Bradley and Marcus. I had promised myself that I wouldn’t have more than five sexual partners in my life, and here I was at eighteen with two already. The weight of that realization settled on my shoulders like a heavy cloak. I didn’t even know I was crying until I tasted the salty water on my lips.
I ducked into the nearest bathroom, finding refuge in an empty stall. The cool tiles against my back were a stark contrast to the heat of my tears. I let them flow freely, the sobs wracking my body as I tried to make sense of the whirlwind of emotions inside me.
Oh my God! I really loved Marcus. My relationship with him was deeper than anything I’d ever experienced, even with Bradley. With Bradley, it had always been about lust, but with
Marcus, it was real. Marcus treated me like a prince from the moment we met. He made me feel special, valued, and understood in a way Bradley never had. Our connection was genuine, built on more than just physical attraction. Marcus was kind, thoughtful, and made me cookies on our first tutor date. He wasn’t perfect, but he cared deeply about me.
The memory of our first tutoring session played in my mind like a movie reel. The way he had nervously handed me the plate of cookies, his eyes filled with hope and uncertainty. The warmth of his smile, the sound of his laughter—it all came rushing back, amplifying the ache in my heart.
I pulled into my driveway and sat in my car for fifteen minutes, trying to compose myself. My eyes were red and puffy from crying, and I knew I looked a mess. I called my telephone provider and reactivated my old number. I wasn’t ready to let Marcus go just yet, but I didn’t dare say I’d made a mistake and acted while in an emotional state.
Once my eyes were no longer red and wet with tears, I walked into my house and placed my keys on the hook in the kitchen. I almost shat on myself when I saw Bradley sitting in the living room, drinking sparkling water and eating an apple.
“What the fuck is he doing here?” I demanded, my voice shaking with anger and disbelief.
“Language, young man,” my father replied sternly.
“Excuse me; what the hell is he doing here?” I corrected myself, my eyes narrowing as I glared at Bradley.
“I know you said you didn’t want to see him again, but he’s come to apologize,” my father explained, his expression softening slightly.
“Bradley. Outside. Now,” I ordered, my voice cold and commanding. Bradley stood up and followed me outside, his eyes downcast. I gave my father a menacing glare as I closed the door behind us.
He shrugged his shoulder and made that confused expression like he was a kid that had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar after repeatedly being told no sweets. My father was being so selfish. The only reason he let Bradley in was because he wanted the season tickets to his games.
“Before you go off on me, let me speak,” Bradley said, his voice laced with remorse. His eye looked worse than I thought it would. Marcus had punched him hard. “I was wrong for ghosting you and getting with Sarah without any explanation. I had a contract to play ball, and I was scared that if they found out about me, I wouldn’t be able to play. But now that I have the contract, I can do whatever I want. If they drop me, they must pay me millions.”
He reached out and handed me an envelope. “If it weren’t for you, no one would have reviewed my contract. You’re the one that told me to hire my own lawyer. I’d never have passed my college courses and been drafted into the NFL. So it’s only fair that I share this with you.” I opened the envelope, and inside was a check for $100,000 and tickets to his next game. “I hope it shows you how much you mean to me.”
“Bradley, this is generous, but I’m with Marcus and can’t accept this,” I said, my voice firm.
“Caleb, I wouldn’t have this money if it weren’t for you. If you don’t take it, I will give it to your sister, and she will spend it on name-brand clothing.”
“You’re right,” I replied, taking the envelope and stuffing it in my pocket. “Can I ask you a question?” I said.
“Yeah, sure?”
“Why me? Out of all the muscular men and athletes you hang around.”
“I loved being around someone who was authentically and honestly themselves. Jocks often aren’t allowed to show who they are. We have an image to uphold, so it’s hard for us to be ourselves.”
“Now, can I ask you a question?” Bradley countered.
“Yeah, go ahead.”
“Do you love him?”
“I think I do,” I replied, my voice barely above a whisper.
“Then don’t let him get away. Don’t be stupid like me,” he replied.
“Did you threaten him by telling him you had pictures of us you would spread to the entire school?”
“No, I technically didn’t do that, but I paid someone else to threaten him via text and say those things.”
“You know you caused a lot of trouble. You almost broke us up. Do you really have pictures?”
“That was the plan, but when your mom told me you were crying and almost missed school, I knew I had taken this too far. I had hurt you once and didn’t want to hurt you again. No, there are no pictures.”
“Thank you for being honest. Now I need you to go to the police station and drop any charges you filed, and when he’s ready to go to the draft in the next four years, you put in some good words for him. You almost fucked up his whole life.”
“Consider it done. Do you need me to apologize?”
“No, I think you have done enough. I will handle it from here.”
“Are you sure we don’t have a chance?”
“No chance in hell; Cheating is unforgivable in my book.”
“Fuck!”
“Besides, you have a new boy toy?”
“The guy at the theater? That’s just sex.”
“And that’s why we’re not together. Bye, Bradley.”
“If Marcus fucks up, remember there’s a better-looking, more muscular, and much richer version of him that plays in the NFL.”
“Richer and more muscular, but I wouldn’t say better looking. FYI, I have pictures and videos of us in bed having sex, so if you don’t follow through on your word, there will be consequences.”
“Stop playing, Caleb. Are you serious?” I waved at him, walked into the house, and shut the door. I had to apologize to Marcus because I’d made a mistake. I should have been more understanding of his situation. After all, he did risk his future once by standing up for me in the theater.
I walked back into the house, the weight of my conversation with Bradley still heavy on my mind, I was met with the familiar scent of my mother’s cooking. The aroma of garlic and herbs filled the air, a comforting reminder of home. I made my way to the kitchen, where my mother was busy chopping vegetables, her hands moving with practiced ease.
“Hey, Mom,” I said, leaning against the counter.
She looked up and smiled, her eyes softening as she took in my appearance. “Hey, sweetie. How was your day?”
I hesitated, not sure how much to share. “It was...eventful,” I finally settled on.
She raised an eyebrow, pausing in her chopping. “Eventful? That sounds interesting. Want to talk about it?”
I sighed, running a hand through my hair. “I broke up with Marcus today.”
“Is this the boy that had you all in your feelings the other day?”
“Yes,” I replied.
Her expression shifted to one of concern. “Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. What happened?”
I recounted the events of the day; from the moment I saw Marcus in the hallway to our conversation in the empty classroom. I told her about my doubts and fears, about the pain I felt at the thought of losing him. She listened intently, her eyes never leaving mine.
When I finished, she set down her knife and wiped her hands on her apron. “Caleb, I know this is hard for you. But remember, love isn’t always easy. Sometimes it requires sacrifice and understanding.”
“I know, Mom. But it’s just so hard. I feel like I’m asking too much from him.”
She nodded, her expression thoughtful. “It’s natural to have doubts and fears. But remember, you deserve to be with someone who loves and respects you. If Marcus is that person, then you need to give him the chance to prove it.”
I sighed, feeling the weight of her words. “You’re right. I just hope it’s not too late.”
She smiled; her eyes filled with warmth. “It’s never too late to fight for what you believe in, Caleb. And I believe in you.”
As I made my way to my room, the familiar comfort of home enveloping me, I knew that I had a long road ahead of me. But I also knew that I was strong enough to face whatever challenges lay ahead. With my mother’s words echoing in my mind, I knew that I could face anything, as long as I had love and determination on my side.
The days that followed were a blur of emotions and introspection. I found myself constantly torn between the desire to reach out to Marcus and the need to give him the space he needed. I spent hours lost in thought, replaying our conversations in my mind, trying to make sense of the whirlwind of feelings inside me.
One evening, as I sat in my room, the soft glow of my lamp casting long shadows across the walls, I found myself drawn to the window. The night sky was clear, the stars shining brightly against the dark canvas. I stared up at the heavens, feeling a profound sense of connection to the universe.
In that moment, I made a promise to myself. I promised to be true to my feelings, to not let fear or doubt cloud my judgment. I promised to fight for what I believed in, to not let the challenges of life deter me from my path. And I promised to be patient, to trust in the power of love and the strength of our connection.
As I stared up at the stars, I knew that Marcus was out there, somewhere, looking up at the same sky. I knew that our paths were intertwined, that our destinies were bound together. And I knew that, no matter what challenges lay ahead, we would find our way back to each other.
With a renewed sense of purpose, I turned away from the window and picked up my phone. I scrolled through my contacts, my heart pounding in my chest as I found Marcus’s name. I hesitated for a moment, my thumb hovering over the call button. But then, with a deep breath, I pressed down, listening as the phone rang, hoping that he would answer.
The call went to voicemail, and I felt a pang of disappointment. But I knew that I couldn’t give up, that I had to keep trying. I left a message, my voice filled with emotion as I poured out my heart, telling him how much I loved him, how much I believed in him, and how much I wanted to be by his side.
As I hung up the phone, I felt a sense of peace wash over me. I knew that I had done everything I could, that I had put my heart on the line and laid my feelings bare. And I knew that, no matter what happened, I would be okay. Because I had love, and I had determination, and I had the strength to face whatever challenges lay ahead.