Chapter 3 #5
She sucks in a breath, going quiet, her back tensing against my chest, and she tightens around me, so tight I see the fucking eyes of God himself.
I press harder against her stomach, so she’s filled with me, so full she can’t breathe or speak or think, and then, she screams. Her thighs shake violently as her orgasm barrels through her, her stomach contracting under my hand.
She’s hard and soft all at once, hot and spent and covered in sweat.
I groan into her hair, my cock twitching, the first hot stream of my orgasm exploding inside her.
With a panicked, ragged breath, I pull out, and thrust my cock between the slick cheeks of her ass, my release pooling at the small of her back.
She moans softly, shaking, aftershocks wracking her body, her head tipping back against my chest.
“Theo,” she whispers, and I curl my hand around her jaw, pressing kisses to her temple.
“I’m here, honey. You did so well.”
“It, oh god… It was… I needed it so bad.”
“I know you did.” I stroke her cheek, and she tries to stand up.
“Wait, honey, I made a mess of you. Let me clean you up.” I yank open the drawer, but there’s nothing I can use.
With a grunt, I grab my sweater, because who gives a fuck.
I clean her off, and she slowly puts her trembling leg down on the ground.
“Theo,” she murmurs again, and turns around to face me.
Her eyes are hooded, like she’s drunk herself, like we both just got high on all of this and now we’re both addicts.
She wraps her arms around my neck, and kisses me, hot and sweet, her tongue stroking mine.
I never want to let go. I could stay here forever.
“Come on, honey.” I scoop her up in my arms, and she gasps, holding on as I carry her out of the office and up the stairs.
“What are we doing?” She asks, her head falling against my chest again, and it feels like the most bittersweet feeling in the world, to have her pliant and trusting in my arms.
“Now, it’s time for aftercare.”
Amber is surprised when I wash her in the shower, lathering up every inch of her, washing her hair, rinsing her down until she’s fresh and clean.
I rub lotion into her skin, taking special care with her tender ass.
But she doesn’t complain. She lets me look after her, smiling softly every time I tell her how beautiful she is, how perfect, how heavenly.
With her hair wrapped in a towel, she flops down on the bed, completely naked.
Within minutes, she’s asleep. I chuckle as I get dressed, and my stomach growls loudly, protesting at the lack of food I’ve consumed since this woman walked into my house and took over my life…
Twenty-four hours ago. How has it only been 24 hours?
I consider waking her and insisting she eat too, but she looks so peaceful that I decide to leave her, and head downstairs alone.
My phone is flashing when I get to the kitchen.
I pick it up to see a few messages from Laurie, one from a colleague at work, a few from my gym buddies asking where I am, and one from my older brother.
Martin and I don’t talk as much as we should, but we were always close growing up.
I open the message to see some pictures from his latest trip to Vietnam, and then a follow-up asking, You free to talk?
Suddenly, all I want to do is talk. I want to tell someone about the girl in my bed and the way she’s made me feel like myself for the first time in years. I obviously can't. But if I can just talk to someone about it, without telling them who it is…
Martin’s phone rings three times, and then there’s a deep, “Hello, little brother,” as he answers. “How are you?”
“Hey, I hope this is a good time.”
“Absolutely fine,” he replies. “Just sitting here enjoying the sunshine.”
“Sounds great.” I tap my fingertips along the countertop. “How are you?”
“I’m really good. Just got back yesterday.”
I stroll to the window, looking out at the rain that is falling heavier now, the sky dark and grey, making the yellow trees at the edge of my yard even more brilliant.
“I saw your pictures, looks like it was a great trip.”
“It was. I mean, the conference was boring, but they always are.” He lets out a short laugh. “Doctors, I swear, we’re the most boring group of people on the planet.”
“Engineers aren’t much better,” I reply, and turn to the fridge to take out a bottle of orange juice. “How’s Joanna?”
“She’s good, she’s down in Florida visiting her mother. Celebrating the all-clear from cancer.”
I clench my eyes shut, cursing myself for not remembering that my own brother’s mother-in-law was fighting cancer for the last three years. “Shit, of course, I’m so glad to hear she’s doing good.”
“Hey, no it’s alright, we all got our own stuff going on, right?
” A screen door slams in the background, and a dog barks.
“Sisco, stop.” Martin snaps, and the dog complains quietly.
“Good boy. So,” his voice gets louder as it’s clear he’s talking to me again.
“How are you, anyway? Enjoying the empty nest?”
“Uh, yeah, I guess.” I cast a glance up at the ceiling, in the direction of my bedroom. “I, uh, I actually… Um, met someone.”
“Oh,” Martin’s voice brightens instantly. “That’s great, do I know her?”
“No, no.” I say it too fast, and clear my throat.
“No, she’s, uh, someone from college.” Idiot.
I clench my eyes shut, because while it’s technically not a lie, I don’t tell my brother that it’s someone not from my college, and definitely not a colleague.
“But, you know, it’s nothing serious or anything, we’re just um… Anyhow-”
“Is something wrong?” Martin interjects. “You sound… weird.”
“No, I’m fine, I’m fine, I just…” I take a deep breath. What did I want? What did I even want to say to Martin about all this? “I don’t know. This woman, she makes me feel like I’m some young man again, y’know?”
“Well, that’s good. Just don’t tell Mom, she’ll be planning your wedding before you know it.”
I huff out a laugh. “Yeah I don’t think this girl wants to get married to me.”
“Uh-oh.”
My stomach drops, because I just used the word girl like a total idiot. “I mean-”
“You know what you sound like?”
I shake my head as though Martin could hear the metal balls rolling around inside my stupid hollow skull. “What?”
“Like when you met Mella.” Martin laughs again. “I remember you calling me and saying, Oh this girl is amazing but she would never marry a schmuck like me, and then, next thing you know she’s at our house and mom’s asking her which one of the family rings she wants for your engagement.”
“I promise you, it’s nothing like that.” I laugh, the sound a little harsher than I intended. “There’s… plenty of reasons why, but… I think it’s more about how I feel like myself around her. In a way I haven’t, y’know. In a really long time.”
“And that’s great. It’s easy to lose yourself in the Every Day.
” Martin takes a sip of something, probably his morning coffee, and sighs.
“Especially when we have kids. I know it’s different for women, but Joanna struggled with it a lot, cutting her hair and dressing differently after Riley was born.
She struggled with her own identity outside of being someone’s mom, and it took her a long time to regain that because, y’know, society. ”
“I can only imagine how tough that would have been.”
“But, even for us, at least the half decent fathers among us, we change too. And it’s not easy, is it?
Waking up one day to look in the mirror and see your hair’s turning grey and you need glasses and you’re thicker around the middle than you remember being.
” He chuckles softly. “I mean, maybe not for you, Mr Universe, but for the rest of us.”
“Yeah yeah, I still look more like dad than I’d like to admit,” I say with a laugh.
“Oh god, don’t remind me. When did we all get as old as he was?” He grunts out a laugh, then exhales heavily. “Well, even if it’s not super serious with this woman, I’m glad that you’re having fun and finding yourself a little again. We were all worried about you for a while there.”
I swallow hard, and my face feels hot. “You were?”
“Sure. After the divorce, you were so sad. For a really long time, too. And then, what was her name?”
My heart sinks, and I puff out a breath as I look down at the floor, grinding my foot into the wood. “Tanya.”
“Yeah, that bitch.” Martin grumbles out an insult I don’t quite catch, but if he covered it after calling my ex-girlfriend a bitch, it was probably really bad. “You were a wreck after her. Mom nearly moved down there to be with you.”
I suddenly feel funny, wobbly and dizzy, and I lean heavily against the window frame to keep myself steady. “I think it was just rebounding from Mella, and then from… Tanya.” Saying her name twice in a short space of time makes my mouth sour. “But I’m fine now. Really.”
“Good. That makes me happy.” Martin’s voice fades a little, as he talks to someone in the background. “Sorry, I’m going to have to cut this short, Jasper has baseball.”
“Not a problem, tell him I said hi.”
“Uncle Theo says hi,” Martin says to his son, and I hear a loud Hi Uncle Theo! in the background. “I’ll call you later, unless… you’re busy?” His tone is teasing, and I roll my eyes.
“I’ll call you next week.”
“Oh, so you are busy.”
I groan, and Martin laughs. “Go take your son to baseball.”
“Will do! Have a great weekend!”
The line goes dead, and I stare at my phone screen for a minute. I’d had no idea my family had worried about me back then, in the years after my divorce and my relationship with that woman. I don’t even want to think of her name now after saying it out loud.
Sure, they’d called more often, made excuses to come through town and see me. But I’d thought nothing of it. Because they hadn’t really known the extent of what happened. How much she’d hurt me.
I gaze back at the ceiling, thinking about the woman lying in my bed, and chide myself. I always make the same mistake. I should have sent her away yesterday. And not because I didn’t want to sleep with her. But because I can’t separate the two things - sex and love.
It doesn’t work for me. I can’t be casual. I can’t be short-term. I can’t be someone’s fuck buddy.
And now I’ve just sabotaged myself.
Nice work, Rembrook.
I know I should send her away. It’ll hurt me, but spending the next day and a half with her will make it worse. So much worse.
I cross the hallway into my office, and pick up the soiled sweater I used to clean her up, and her lacy white panties. I stare at that scrap of material, dangling from my finger. I think about how good she felt. How much she trusted me. How eager she was to submit.
And my logic loses out.
Sending her away now will only hurt her, and betray her trust in me. I can’t do that.
No, I have to see this through. I have to be who she wants me to be, who she needs me to be. I promised that to her. And whatever I feel on Monday morning, it’ll be my problem to deal with.
And it won’t be that bad anyhow. A few Hallmark movie marathons and too much whiskey, and I’ll be fine. Love at first sight, or first fuck, that isn’t real.
I’m too old to believe in all of that.