Chapter 6 Sunday Afternoon
SUNDAY AFTERNOON
The shrill ringing of the house phone startles us both. We moved downstairs to the lounge room after the shower, to lie on the couch and watch the fire, which then just devolved into another make-out session.
Just as Amber begins to moan and squirm on top of me, the damn phone has to ring.
Of course.
She settles back against the end of the couch, drawing her legs up against her chest, and watches me cross the room to scoop up the squawking phone.
“Hello?” I bark into the receiver.
“Goddammit, Dad, what is going on?” Laurie’s furious voice sounds down the line, and instantly I feel ashamed. “I have been snapping and texting you all morning and you haven’t responded once!”
“I-I’m sorry, peanut, I, uh…” I turn to look at Amber, who’s staring determinedly out the window. “I told you, I’m working on my thesis. I’m sorry I-” I cut off and clutch the phone tighter in my hand. “Is something wrong? Are you OK?”
Laurie exhales heavily, and then sniffles, like she’s crying. “I-I’m fine. I mean, nothing happened, I just…” She sucks in a shaky breath. “I wanted to talk to you, and I…” She lets out a little sob, and my heart is threatening to beat out of my chest.
“Laurie, what’s happened? Is your mother alright? Did-”
“Her boyfriend proposed at dinner last night,” Laurie interjects over another shaky breath. “And mom said yes.”
“Oh,” I reply stupidly, folding my arm over my chest and staring down at my feet. “You’re not happy about it?”
“No, no.” Laurie puffs out a breath and makes a sound like a little growl. “God, I am such a fucking child. Why am I this upset? You and Mom have been divorced for like 7 years, it’s not like I thought you two were going to get back together.”
“It’s a change, peanut, and it’s a big one, y’know?” I turn to look at Amber, who is still gazing out the window at the leaves as they wave about in the strong wind that’s sprung up. “It’s someone new in your Mom’s life, and an important someone. Even if you’re happy for her, and you like him-”
“Arnold,” she interjects with a sniffle. “His name is Arnold, and he’s a dentist.”
“Well, even if you like Arnold the dentist, you’re allowed to feel what you feel.”
“And I’ve been trying to call Amber, and she’s not answering either, and… I just felt so alone.” Laurie starts to cry in earnest, and I feel like an entire sack of shit.
“Oh, peanut, I’m sorry.” I squeeze my eyes shut to stop myself being swallowed down by guilt and shame. My daughter has been dealing with all this shit alone while I’ve been fucking her best friend. Grade A parenting, you fucking asshole.
“No, it’s fine,” Laurie says, sniffling and clearing her throat. “I’m being such a fucking baby. It’s not even a bad thing. It’s great. He is really nice, he adores Mom, Grandma and Grandpa love him. And he’s really nice to me.”
“That matters a lot to me, y’know.”
“I know,” Laurie murmurs, and puffs out a breath. “It’s just a lot, Dad. Everything’s changing, and sometimes I get really scared. It’s so dumb, I’m too old to feel this way.”
I laugh gently. “My brilliant girl, I still feel that way sometimes, and I am a little older than you.”
“Really?”
I look at Amber’s profile, trying not to think about the storm of butterflies that springs up as she drapes herself over the couch, resting her chin on the back of her hand as she gazes over at me with those big brown eyes.
“Oh yes,” I reply. “Sometimes the world feels like it’s spinning away from you no matter how hard you try to stand still. Every now and then, you just have to let it take you with it, because who knows what could happen. Who you could meet.”
“That’s a really nice way of looking at it.” She sniffles again and laughs softly. “I feel so stupid.”
“You are not stupid.”
“I didn’t mean to scare you,” she mumbles. “I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t apologise. Are you OK now?”
“Yeah, I am, promise.” She chuckles amidst her sniffles. “I am, really. I was just in my feelings.”
Someone in the distance calls her name, and there’s a shuffling sound as Laurie seems to get to her feet. “I have to go, I was kind of hiding behind the garage, and now Grandma’s looking for me.”
“If you need to talk again, you can call me.”
“I know, Daddy. I love you.”
“I love you, too, peanut.”
The line goes dead, and I wait for a moment with the phone to my ear before putting it back down in the cradle.
Amber’s eyebrows are drawn up as I sit back down beside her.
“Is she alright?”
I nod slowly, putting my hand on Amber’s thigh and caressing it with my palm. “Mella and Arnold got engaged.”
“Oh!” Amber’s tone is one of uncertainty, and she edges a little closer to me. “Laurie told me she liked him.”
“She does,” I say with a sigh. “I think she was… I guess she was a little surprised.” I meet Amber’s eyes and shrug. “And she felt alone. She’s been trying to call us both and neither of us was answering.”
“Shit,” Amber mumbles, and her gaze drops from mine. “Well now I feel like a complete bitch.”
“Me too. But she’ll be alright. I think she’s just overwhelmed with everything. Life, college, growing up, all the fun things.” I give Amber a small smile. “All the things people your age grapple with.”
Amber puffs out a breath. “That’s for sure.” She leans over and brushes a kiss against my cheek and springs to her feet. “I better go call her. Just make sure she’s alright.”
She springs lightly up the stairs, and a few minutes later her voice sounds in the distance, chatting animatedly with my daughter.
I slump into the couch and tip my head back against the warm leather. Mella’s getting married again.
It doesn’t bother me, not like that. She’s a good person, an amazing mother, and, when it was good, she was a great partner. I’ve never wished her ill. Her being happy and content with a new husband makes me happy, too.
And yet, something niggles at me. Yesterday I told Amber I’d never get married again, that I was too old to start over. But this weekend has shown me that I’m not old, or past it, or ready for a retirement home.
I still feel young, young enough for things to happen for me, young enough that I still have a whole life to offer somebody else, and the added bonus being that I’m not bogged down by juvenile shit.
I’m a grown man who owns his own house, has a steady job, makes great money, is evidently really good in bed, I work out-
What the fuck are you trying to talk yourself into here, old man?
My reason jumps up and punches me in the face like a goddamn asshole.
I’m trying to tell myself I’m an attractive prospect for Amber. Even the term makes me roll my eyes at myself. Attractive Prospect. I’m already talking like a goddamn fossil.
Another thing to shove down into the dark along with my shame and guilt, and all the damn butterflies that won’t stop crowding my stomach.
There’s nothing I can say to myself that will make a relationship with Amber acceptable.
Nothing will ever rationalise asking a young woman like her to give up her future to spend it with someone as old as me.
Nothing.
It’s just for the weekend. And she can’t keep me. We both know that.
Amber watches me carefully as I do the dishes, one leg drawn up to her chest, the other dangling from the kitchen counter. I give her a side glance a few times, but her eyes stay fixed on my hands in the soapy water.
Finally, I turn to her, drying my hands on a towel, raising my eyebrows.
“Penny for your thoughts?”
Her eyes snap up to mine, a smile taking over her face, and she shakes her head.
“Oh, nothing serious. Just… thinking about random things.”
“What things?”
She suppresses a laugh, and brushes a stray strand of hair from her forehead. “I guess, it feels kinda stupid to say it, but I feel… different. I don’t know how to explain it. I mean, it’s just sex, right? That shouldn’t make me feel different, should it?”
“I guess it depends on how good the sex is,” I say with a shrug, and she rolls her eyes.
“Yeah, yeah, you’re great. Life-changing. The best I’ve ever had.”
I puff out my chest and toss the towel to the counter. “There goes my ego again.”
Amber giggles as I press a kiss to her cheek, running my hands under her shirt to cup her breasts.
“It’s not the sex, honey. It’s you.” I pinch and roll her nipples between my fingers, and she gazes up at me with hooded eyes.
“You wanted to feel more confident, and you do. More confident to know how to ask for what you want, how to say yes, how to say no, all of that. Knowing your worth is important.”
“And all I needed was for you to rail me all weekend to find that, huh?”
I pinch her nipples harder, and she gasps. “I think that’s exactly what you were hoping for when you walked over here with no panties on.”
She smiles that lecherous smile, her head tipping back as I continue to massage her breasts, her nipples hardening between my fingers. She braces her hands against the counter, her eyes closed.
“I guess it was,” she murmurs, and moans softly. Her thighs open for me, and she rocks against my growing erection gently. After a few minutes, we’re both hot and eager, and she tries to shuffle off her shorts.
“Wait,” I say with a laugh, pulling back from her as I try to catch my breath. “We’re getting all distracted when we had some things we wanted to do today, right?”
“Oh yes, your little game,” Amber says, running her hands down my chest. “Let’s hear it then.”
I brush a kiss against her lips. “I want you to go into my office, and get undressed. Then I want you to bend over my desk, and wait there for me.”
Her eyes light up and she nods. “Yes, sir.” She slides down off the counter, and obediently walks from the kitchen out into the hall.
I take a deep, steadying breath. Stick to the plan. Don’t get distracted and caught up in the moment. That’ll make it worse.
Coming from the genius who just said he wanted to woo her with a proper date, it seems like I’m real bad at taking my own advice.