Chapter 34
34
Three of us standing in Maria Evelyn’s tiny, windowless office only heightens the tension that began to bloom at Miles’s arrival. Following the two of them back here felt like walking toward a perp lineup. I know, technically, I was only responding to his mom’s urgent request. But I wasn’t transparent with Miles about my plans for the evening, and given the relationship traumas we’ve both endured, that’s pretty much a cardinal sin. Which probably explains why he currently can’t seem to look me in the eye.
“I’m going to say my p-piece, then I’m going to leave the two of you in here to sort through your…feelings,” Maria Evelyn says. “You.” She points at her son. “If you’re mad at her for coming here tonight, stop it. I am your mother and I demand it of you. This woman refused to help me leak the tapes, even though I cried. She knew you’d f-feel betrayed, and she won’t be the cause of that for you again. That is love. So don’t waste a second more on anger.”
“And you.” Now she’s pointing at me. “Talk some sense into my son, okay? Love should make you brave, not foolish. Plus…I am the mother here. I am the one who sacrifices.” Her voice cracks there, just slightly. Then she turns to her son. “And I am the one who is responsible for m-my sobriety. If leaking the tape blows my cover or ruins my peace, I will survive. It’s what I’ve been doing my whole life.”
She holds her son’s stare with fresh tears welling in her eyes. Then she takes his good hand in hers and squeezes. “I love you, baby boy. I am not your responsibility.”
Tears coat Miles’s eyes now too as the muscles of his jaw tighten with emotion, and I don’t know how much more of this I can take. With her proverbial mic now on the floor, Maria Evelyn exits the room, leaving two formerly scorned lovers and their freshly open hearts to find a way forward.
“So,” I say, stepping closer to Miles, gauging his reaction. When instead of retreating, he leans into me, snaking his good arm around my waist, I could almost cry from the relief. “You still mad?” I ask, voice thick from trying not to cry.
He blinks to rid his eyes of tears, then after shaking his head a smirk creeps along his lips. “Can’t be. My ma says so,” he teases, before dropping a kiss to the corner of my mouth. I turn my face to catch his lips directly on mine and we spark electricity with the contact. But instead of pulling back, we absorb the jolt, melting further into one another—a metaphor for the kind of love life I envision us making together. One that weathers every storm.
“I have another question,” I tell him when I eventually do pull back. “You gonna let us leak the tape?”
Exhaling slowly, Miles drops his forehead to mine, seemingly weighing his options. “My mom always told me that a simple life is what she needed in order to stay sober,” he says, his voice rough with emotion. “But somewhere along the way, I think I got so caught up with trying to protect that for her, I didn’t consider that her power is in how she gets to grow and change and make these decisions for herself.”
Smiling up at this beautiful man as he comes to his own realizations about life might be one of my new favorite pastimes, along with smoothing my hands up his chest to wrap them around the warm skin of his neck, where I can feel his strong heartbeat.
“So yes…I will agree to the two of you leaking the tape,” Miles relents through gritted teeth.
“Attaboy!” I shout, before smacking him on the butt. “I’ve never been more proud.”
“Yeah?” he asks, eyebrows raised as he flashes a broad smile. “This mean that after all of this you still love me, Dream Girl?”
At this I laugh, and tipping my head back, Miles takes the opportunity to nip at my neck. When I look up at him again, our eyes lock and the moment sobers. Nodding, I confess again. “Yes. Miles, I still love you,” I tell him, leaving out that I have a feeling I always will. But if he needs to hear it a thousand more times, I’ll give him each and every reassurance.
I am about to ask if he still loves me, when the very next moment, the restaurant’s playlist changes from “Bye Bye Blackbird” to Donny Hathaway’s “A Song for You,” and the descending arpeggio of the piano transports us to a place far from all clear and present danger. As Donny sings about acting out his life in stages with ten thousand people watching, I think back on all the crowds Miles and I have appeared in front of and yet never shown our full selves to. How we’ve borne the heartache of private betrayal and public scrutiny, all while preserving the most honest and true parts of ourselves. And through all of that we found each other—hiding in the melodies.
I take his hand in mine to interlace our fingers and kiss each of his knuckles. And then I repeat myself. “I am in love with you, Miles Westbrook. So in love that I was afraid I could get lost in the depth of it. But now I know that’s not possible. You wanna know why?”
“Why?” he asks. But he’s not smiling anymore. He watches me soberly, eyes searching for something real and true.
“Because you see me,” I tell him as the dam finally breaks and my tears fall. “And you actively love what you see. I can feel it in your touch, hear it in your voice, see it on your face. And I see you too.”
He bites his lip and swallows as a single tear slips from his eye. “You…s-see me?” he asks.
I nod, smiling—cradling his face in my hands.
“This mean you’ll come to my games?” he asks, with his mouth drawn down to a pout.
“Yes!” I laugh and kiss him once. Then, looking at him, I sober for a second. Smoothing one hand down from his face until it’s placed at the center of his chest, I tell him, “This is not just an escape for me, Miles Westbrook. This is my destination.”
Snaking his hand up my back to cup the nape of my neck, he gently brings my face up to his before whispering, “You are going to be the love of my life, Elladee Robinson.”
Then we kiss, with trembling hands on beating hearts. With our bodies wholly entwined. And like this love, our kiss has no end in sight. All at once, it is letting go and holding on, a secret and a confession, a fight and a surrender. But most of all, it is a promise that neither one of us will have to be alone, not so long as a love like ours exists in the world.