Chapter Eleven. #2
The laughter slowly faded from Caresha’s face as she looked up from her plate. Only then did she notice the look in his eyes. Pain. Regret. Embarrassment. Danger rarely looked ashamed of anything, but she could see it in the way he avoided her stare and tightened his jaw.
“Really?” she asked.
“Yeah. Back when I was younger, I tried it once, liked the rush, and shit got outta hand.” He paused, turning his fork between his fingers. “I went to rehab and everything. A nigga was spazzing out.”
Caresha stared at him, trying to connect the man sitting beside her with the image he had spoken of, forming in her mind.
“But you don’t do it anymore, right?”
“I had a slip-up after Mo died.” Danger kept it real.
Caresha’s heart sank. She knew Lil Mo’s death had damaged him, but she hadn’t known it had pushed him toward something capable of destroying him.
“But I’m good now. I don’t touch that shit no more.” He quickly added.
Caresha continued to stare at him, and Danger could see the concern settling across her face.
It made him feel exposed in a way he hated.
He wasn’t afraid she would judge him for who he had been.
Nah. He was afraid she would decide fucking around with him came with too much risk.
He feared that she would change her mind and walk the fuck away from him.
Danger was well aware of the woman sitting near him. Caresha didn’t play any games. She was about her business and very self-aware. He knew because that was one of the many things that attracted him to her. The way she carried herself was what set her apart from the rest.
“Com’ere,” He said, setting his fork on the plate.
Still shaken by what he had revealed, Caresha slowly stood and moved between his knees before settling sideways across his lap. Danger wrapped one arm around her waist and looked directly into her eyes.
“I’m done with that shit, Ree. Forever. I know what it almost cost me the first time, and I know what that slip-up could’ve turned into. I’m not going back. I promise you.”
Caresha searched his face for any sign that he was lying.
She had learned that love…lust…doesn’t always blind a person.
Sometimes, it simply convinced them to ignore their own judgment.
The red flags would still be there. Their intuition would keep speaking, but hope would keep negotiating until they no longer trusted themselves enough to listen.
That was what terrified her most about love: not only choosing the wrong man but losing faith in her own ability to recognize one.
Yet she detected no deceit in Danger’s eyes.
All she saw was a man who had made mistakes, carried the shame of them, and was trying to do better.
He was flawed, but her intuition believed he was good.
Her intuition had never failed her, so she leaned down and kissed the top of his head, letting her lips rest there for a moment.
“Okay.” She replied, her stiletto-shaped nails slowly moving through his locs.
“Why you so quiet now?” Danger asked after a while, noticing he was almost done eating, and she hadn’t said another word. “You gon’ stop fuckin’ with me?”
Caresha snickered. “No. Just don’t break your promise to me, and we good.”
“Never.”
Caresha swallowed hard as Danger took the last bite of his food, trying to build herself up to reveal the secret she had been keeping. His honesty had removed every excuse she had for not telling him right now. It wouldn’t be okay to hold on to it another day.
“Tell me yours.” Danger said.
“Well…”
“Well…what? You started this shit. Don’t get quiet now.”
Caresha did the opposite, growing silent. Her teeth caught the corner of her lip as she tried to decide where to begin.
“What is it, ma?” Danger asked, planting a few kisses along her chin, then cheek.
She inhaled deeply and looked away.
“Come on. What is it?” he pressed. “Can’t be no worse than mine.”
“I…I think it’s pretty bad.”
“Well, I know from that cat you ain't used to be a nigga.”
Not expecting that, Caresha’s forehead fell against his, and she laughed. Hard. And he did, too…until he didn’t anymore. Danger grew serious, softly gripping her chin with his hand.
“You ain’t secretly married or got another nigga you feelin’, right?” A nigga like him had seen and heard it all, so his mind naturally went straight to the worst-case scenario.
“No. Of course not. You the only nigga I’m feelin’, Dee.” Caresha spoke from the heart.
“Good, ‘cause I wanna be that nigga who marry you when the time right.”
She blushed, staring into his eyes. Life with him in it now was like a dream.
“So, what is it, ma?” Danger leaned in and asked against her ear.
“I… I’ve been thinking about moving to North Carolina.” Caresha forced out. “I already started looking at jobs, housing, and applying to schools. A job finally called me back this morning.”
Danger’s brows pulled together. His arm loosened around her waist, and he leaned away as if distance would help him understand what she had just said.
“The fuck you mean you been thinking about moving to North Carolina?”
Caresha cupped his face, already knowing the blow her confession would deliver. It was one of the reasons she had kept it to herself for so long. She didn’t want to hurt the people she cared about. Not Nivéa. Not her mother or grandmother. And now…not Danger.
Caresha had sat with the decision for months, going back and forth until she nearly talked herself out of it.
Once she and Danger started spending more time together, the plan had slipped farther into the background.
Then the job called that morning and reminded her that the life she had been planning was still possible.
She would be making more money than she was now.
Fresh out of high school, Caresha had enrolled in college with plans of becoming a nurse but dropped out at twenty years old.
She could admit that she hadn’t taken life seriously back then.
She put things off and assumed she would have time to figure everything out later.
Now, every day she sat inside that call center wearing a headset and listening to strangers complain, she felt like she was wasting her potential.
She didn’t want to wake up ten years from now, still sitting in the same cubicle, wondering why she never gave herself another chance. She wanted a real career. Something stable that belonged to her. Watching Nivéa build her boutique from the ground up had only made Caresha want more for herself.
“Don’t be mad. This was before we started talking, baby. I don’t know…it’s just something I’ve been wanting to do. Don’t say anything, though, because I haven’t told Niv yet. This gon’ crush her if I really decide to go.”
Danger remained silent.
“Hell, I’m hurt my damn self. I’m going to miss my life here, especially Ny.
But I’ve always wanted a change of scenery.
I’m trying to get back in school and better my life.
I want to be an RN. North Carolina is way more affordable than it is out here.
I researched housing and schools and found a few that’ll accept some of my old college credits.
I’ll be able to afford my rent with this new job, and it’s at a hospital. It’ll give me a feel for the setting.”
Caresha kept talking, explaining why she wanted to leave and what she hoped to gain from it, but her words were going in one of Danger’s ears and out the other.
He heard North Carolina. He heard jobs, housing, and schools.
Most of all, he heard that she had built an entire plan that placed her somewhere he wasn’t.
Danger wasn’t trying to shit on her dreams, but right then, all he could think about was the fact that she was talking about leaving just as he had allowed himself to become attached to her. And in that moment, he didn’t give a fuck about Nivéa’s feelings or anybody else’s.
What about his?