Chapter 40 Elisa
Elisa
Getting caught by your daughter making out in a public park has redefined my notion of embarrassment.
She didn’t catch us in the act, true, but she didn’t need the Parma investigative bureau to know that we were the horny couple in the hut.
I dismiss her question with a very fake smile.
“It’s getting late, darling. It’s time to go home!
” I feel like a worm for the whole journey, squeezed into the back seat of the Punto between her and Michael.
The cordless vacuum cleaner is resting across our legs as Giada and Mamma comment on the evening’s performances.
Back at the estate, Michael and I say goodbye in the “I want to but I can’t” style, with a silent promise to resume where we’d stopped in our eyes.
Linda, sulking, flies into her room, and Giada, sitting next to me on the hammock, asks me why she’s so grumpy.
“She saw Michael and me doing things,” I admit.
“Define ‘doing things.’”
“More than a kiss, less than sex.”
“Oh, obscene acts in public? You’re getting adventurous!”
“In the hut on the playground.”
She shakes her head and giggles. “Typical.”
“What do you mean, ‘typical’?”
“That hut is one of the three classic places in Belvedere where people go to mess around.”
“What are the other two, so I can avoid them?”
“The booth for passport photos and the locker rooms at the parish soccer pitch.”
“You answer with the confidence of someone who has frequented all three,” I observe.
“So have you and Michael made up?”
“Yeah, too bad Linda had to witness it. And I saw her, but she doesn’t know it . . . Do you know the boy she spent the whole evening with?”
“Tommaso Ghirardi.”
“The two of them were kissing on the swings.”
“Awww”—Giada claps her hands happily—“my niece is growing up.”
“Not quite the reaction I needed, but yeah, she’s growing up before my eyes.”
“You should talk to her,” she suggests.
“I don’t know if she wants me to.”
“She comes to me for the easy things. I’m the aunt who always says yes, but she needs you for the important stuff. And this is important.”
“Would I even be credible?”
“You are her mother, and you are human. She will understand.”
I gather my strength and go up to Linda. In the hallway, I find the pile of clean laundry with Tappo, her teddy bear, on top. I knock, but she doesn’t answer, and when I come in, she doesn’t speak to me.
“Linda?” Silence. “Look, I know you’re awake; you never sleep on your stomach.”
“First time for everything. What do you know?”
I sit on the edge of her bed and she rolls away. “I don’t bite.”
“I’m hot.”
“Do you want to tell me why you’re mad?” I approach her gently.
“I’m not.”
“Then why are you being so short with me?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you want to know what Michael and I were doing in the hut?”
“I know what you were doing. I’m not stupid,” she grumbles, turning on her side with her back to me.
“And what were we doing?”
“Having sex.”
“No. We were doing the same thing you and Tommaso did on the swings, more or less. Maybe more, maybe less, but the same thing.”
She rolls over suddenly, her big eyes shining. “You saw us?”
“Yeah.”
She dives face-first onto the pillow. “That’s it. Now you’re never going to let me leave the house again, and everything will be ruined.”
“I won’t do any of that,” I say, running my hand through her soft hair. “But it would be nice if you didn’t keep secrets from me, especially if you want me to trust you.”
“If I’d told you Tommaso had asked me to meet him tonight, would you have let me go?” she asks defiantly.
“Maybe not immediately. I might have asked why you’re so interested in him, for example.”
“So you would have let me?”
“I probably would have,” I admit, in spite of myself. “But not with that top your aunt gave you.”
“It was beautiful.”
“Yes, but suitable for a slightly older girl. So, would you like to tell me how long you’ve been in love with Tommaso?”
“Since last Christmas, when I met him at the school performance. You know how we all had to play that song on the flute? Well, he and I sat near each other.”
And I always thought learning to play the flute in middle school was useless! “Did you talk to each other?”
“No. I just looked at him. I didn’t have the guts.” She takes after me in some things; there’s no doubt about it.
“How did you get closer?”
“Once, during recess, I was reading on the steps of the school and he was playing soccer with his friends; the ball went out of bounds, he asked me to throw it to him so I kicked it, and he complimented me on the shot.”
“I don’t want to keep you isolated, bent over your books all the time.
I want you to have a full social life, friends, because these years pass quickly and you’ll never get them back, but I also want to protect you from what happened to me, from someone taking advantage of you and making you suffer. ”
“Will Michael make you suffer?”
“I hope not,” I say with a sigh.
“Do you like him?”
“Very much.”
“But weren’t you friends?”
“Sometimes friends grow into something more.”
“So are you a couple now?”
“Not exactly.” I wish everything could be so black and white.
“Are you going to have sex?”
Maybe, God willing! “Love, why are you so focused on the issue of sex?” I ask in a cynical attempt to shift her curiosity.
“Because I can’t understand if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. If it’s bad, why does everyone do it? And if it’s good, why can’t I do it?”
I have to be very careful about my answer. “It’s a good thing when you do it with the right person.”
“So how do you know when it’s the right person?”
Kids with their questions. “It takes a while.”
“But if my father wasn’t the right person, does that mean it was a bad thing?”
“It was bad not being able to give you the united family you deserved, but it’s wonderful to have had you.” I hope the sex questions are over. “Can you tell me why I found Tappo in the garbage?” I ask her, holding out the bear.
“I don’t want him anymore. I’m too old to sleep with a stuffie.”
I look at Tappo’s little face, with his crooked eyes, sewn up a thousand times. “So you want to throw him away? He was your friend; he never left you even when you were sick. Do you remember when you had that stomach virus and you held him so close you vomited all over him?”
“Ew, disgusting.”
“It was. But he didn’t leave you. And he never complained about all the times you sucked on his ears,” I remind her, placing Tappo on her pillow.
“I just didn’t want Alice, Valentina, and Laura to see my room and make fun of me.”
“So you threw away poor Tappo?” I ask.
Linda sniffs, grabs the battered bear, and hugs him to her chest. “Thanks for saving him.”
“You know, you don’t have to keep him on the bed. We can find him a nice box with a little blanket. Tappo won’t be offended if you don’t want him on your bed, but if you ever want to say good night to him, you’ll know where he is, and he will be happy.”
“I’ll keep him for tonight,” she says, tucking him under her chin. Linda yawns, curling up in a fetal position, ready to fall into Morpheus’s arms.
“Good night, Little Cub,” I say, kissing the tip of her nose.
“Good night. And just so you know, I’d like it if Michael could be my dad,” she says, her voice thick with sleep. “It’s fine with me . . . if you guys have sex.”
And suddenly I realize this isn’t just between Michael and me anymore.