Chapter 20 #3
When she reached the end of her drive, her gaze drifted from my face to the box of beer tucked under my arm.
“Don’t judge me,” I said.
“I’m not.”
Jade was silent as we made our way down the dimly lit street, her shoulders slightly slumped.
I knew how hard it was to deal with a sick parent, the internal turmoil a person could put themselves through.
The wanting to talk but not wanting to burden anyone else.
But it was better to get it out than to hold it in.
Crickets silenced when we cut through Old Man’s overgrown property. “So, how is your dad?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugged her hunched shoulders. “He looks worse every time I see him.”
“Do they know what’s wrong with him?”
“Apparently a stomach ulcer.” She let out a humorless laugh. “But he won’t get the tests for a real diagnosis, so who knows?”
“No insurance?”
She shook her head.
My mom had tried to do the same thing, even though Dad had okay insurance. Dad wouldn’t have it. He’d have sooner bankrupted himself than lose her. “That’s shit.”
I tried to come up with something to say as we waded through the knee-high grass but fell short. What could I say to that load of crap? It was unfair and unjust, but one thing we’d learned growing up was that was just the way of the world, especially in Dayton.
“Employers, the hospital, the bank… No one gives a fuck.”
Because the businesses were what mattered, not the people who worked for them or paid them. I’d found it was easier to get angry about that than depressed about the reality. She was scared for her dad, and she wanted someone or something to blame.
“No, they don’t.”
We crossed the dark highway that cut around the edge of the neighborhood, then headed up the dirt path that had been trampled along the hill.
Near the top, a metal barricade had been installed, a No Trespassing sign nailed to it. That hadn’t been there the last time I’d come here. Although it had been a while. After we’d broken up, I couldn’t bring myself to go up there, because over the years, it had become mine and Jade’s place.
It was at The Lookout that Jade had asked me to meet her a couple of days after that Barrington party.
She’d cried, and I’d held her. The more she talked, the more the anger set in, and she decided to set Barrington High’s football field on fire.
I wasn’t sure if the fact that I hadn’t tried to talk her out of it made me a good friend or not.
But I think that moment of strength was what made me start to fall for her.
Something shit-awful had happened to her, something she knew she’d never get justice for.
So, instead of letting it break her, she torched shit.
Jade nodded toward the sign. “That’ll keep the drunk, horny teenagers out.”
Snorting, I placed the carton of beer on the other side of the barricade, then climbed over the metal bar and turned to grab her hand.
She stared at me like I’d lost my mind.
“I’m not saying you aren’t a strong, independent woman, but you’re short, Jade.”
“I’m not.” She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. “You’re just massive. Like some giant.”
“Do you want this to be like the time you thought you could climb over that barricade on University Street?” Even in the dark, I could see her cheeks redden.
She’d refused to let me help her over and ended up stuck, skirt up, thonged ass in the air, on the main road through campus. It took me a good three minutes to stop laughing and help her over.
“You’re a dick.” She took my hand and put one foot on the railing.
“I’m trying to be a gentleman.”
“That cause was lost the day you laughed while everyone looked at my ass!”
She’d looked like an upturned beetle.
Twigs snapped beneath our feet as we made our way up the overgrown path. The trees eventually thinned out into a clearing that overlooked the sad town of Dayton.
Jade stopped by the edge, staring out at the scattering of lights. “Is it weird that I miss Dayton sometimes?”
Sirens wailed in the distance, and I was pretty sure that within the next thirty minutes, gunshots would ring out from somewhere. But I understood it. I missed the shithole sometimes, too. I placed the beer beside the rusted barrel. “Life felt simpler here.”
“Yeah.” She sighed. “It did.”
Back then, we could still have stupid dreams without realizing just how stupid they were. I collected a few branches from the ground, tossed them into the charred remnants, then fished my lighter from my pocket and lit a fire.
Jade jutted her chin toward the box of beer. “You got anything stronger than that?”
“I’ve got some weed…”
“That’ll do.”
Jade hardly ever smoked weed. At least, she used to hardly ever smoke weed.
She may have been Dayton, but everything about her had a tinge of innocence to it, from her big blue eyes to her inability to commit a crime to the way she used to laugh at my dad’s stupid dad jokes.
I leaned to the side, dug the bag of weed from my pocket, and quickly rolled a joint before passing it and a lighter to her.
“Thanks.” She lit the tip and took a long inhale.
The first time I’d seen her take a hit of weed was like watching an angel plummet, halo glowing and crooked—and all I’d ever wanted was to catch her before she hit hell.
She coughed out a huge cloud of smoke and thumped her chest. “It’s been a while.”
“Nah. Come on.” I sat beside the barrel. “You know you always cough like that.” Like the universe was trying to tell her she was too good for that shit.
Flipping me off, she took another drag, then tilted her head back to stare at the dark sky. “If you’re watching, then this is the least of your worries.”
“Talking to Jebus?” I chuckled a little before I took a sip of beer. “Your mom really scarred you with that shit, huh?”
“Every night for two months straight, Wolf.” She’d made Jade pray for forgiveness after she’d caught her smoking in her bedroom.
Jade’s smile faded, and she stared into the flames. She looked lost. “Bet you wish you’d stayed at that party.” She sat beside me and plucked a leaf from the ground, twirling it between her fingers. “Girls and beer would be much better company than me.”
“Got beer here.” I held up my can. “And last time I checked,” as in facedown in her pussy, “you’re a girl.” Just the thought of that had my dick hardening.
“I mean, girls you want to hook up with.”
Like I didn’t want to hook up with her. Looking back over the city, I shrugged.
Jade took another hard drag from the joint.
If she kept going at it like that, she was going to be completely out of it, asking me to check her heart rate to make sure she wasn’t dead, which was why I took it from her grasp and pinched out the cherry.
“Now you’re the moral one?” She lifted a brow. “How the un-mighty have risen.”
“Apparently, your Dayton was just a late bloomer.”
The fire crackled beside us, mixing with the distant wail of sirens.
“Are guys into bad girls like we’re into bad boys?” She laughed. That weed must have been working quick… “Maybe I’ll get an influx of admirers.”
“Like you don’t already have them…”
“College isn’t that different from high school, Wolf. Geeks are not admired. Trust me.”
“Jade, you aren’t a geek.”
“Are you saying I’m not smart?”
I turned to look at her. The glow of the fire danced over her perfect face. Not a damn thing about her was geeky. She had always been oblivious when guys hit on her. “I’m saying you’re hot.”
“Oh.” Her attention dropped to the ground, and she busied herself by picking a blade of grass.
I gripped her chin and forced her to look at me. “You are, and always have been, the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.” I swept my hand along her jaw. “Seriously, Jade.”
“Maybe you just have weird taste,” she whispered. Her eyes searched mine, like she was looking for the lie.
I should have agreed with her. Should have moved away and stopped looking at her lips.
Definitely should have stopped my hand from sliding to the back of her neck, but I didn’t.
I couldn’t. People say time heals all wounds or some shit, but it wasn’t true.
Time numbed the pain. It didn’t heal it.
It made it easier to ignore, easier to push back down—like I’d tried to push the idea of Jade down a thousand times.
I couldn’t keep pushing; I didn’t fucking want to. I wanted her, and I always would.
Before I knew it, I was kissing her. Fingers in her soft hair, tongue sweeping hers. Time hadn’t done jack shit to the way I felt about her. It hadn’t diminished that peace I had only ever felt with her.
Just as my hand dropped to her waist, Jade pulled away. Wrapping her arms around herself, her attention back on her feet. “I should…get back.”
Reality slammed into me like an eighteen-wheeler. She wasn’t mine anymore. Whatever had happened between us in that barn, whatever happened tonight, we both had barricades up. Maybe we shouldn’t be trying to trespass.
I rubbed a hand over my neck before snatching my beer from the ground. “Yeah. Okay. I’ll walk you home.”