3. Shoua
CHAPTER 3
shoua
How in the world was it only a Tuesday night? The week was drawing out much slower than I anticipated despite all the home showings and paperwork I’ve been buried under. This made me more irritated than usual since all I wanted was to head to bed and not have to wake up until ten in the morning.
I couldn’t wait until summer ended so I could finally catch a break.
I tried not to blow a long, exasperated sigh as my longtime friend, Alicia Alvarez, explained how horrible her cousin’s fiancé was. From the sound of it, he was a douchebag, but she refused to call off the wedding because he had money.
The wedding was this upcoming week in the Caribbean, and Alicia, her boyfriend, and family were going to fly out on Thursday, which was why we were meeting up on a random Tuesday evening. Our other friend, Jackie Mori, sat across from me as she took in the animated anecdotes Alicia was telling like a sponge with wide eyes. All the while I sat there, nodding along.
“Enough of me ranting on about my stupid cousin and her asshole fiancé,” she declared. “What’s new with you, Shoua?”
I gave them a small smile after a sip of wine, exhausted. “I saw my mom yesterday. She wanted me to stop by to get some things from her garden.”
“Was it bad?” Jackie frowned.
“Actually, it went really well,” I answered, slowly. “Because Anthony was there. He offered to go with me. So, the most backhanded comment she said was just how much I’ve gained weight since I saw her two weeks ago.”
Jackie and Alicia looked at me with sad eyes as I simply shrugged. To an outsider, it sounded a little much for my mom to constantly berate my body, size, and weight. I’m midsized, but she behaved as if I was morbidly obese and bedridden at times. She’s been like this my whole life, so the way she behaved yesterday was nothing new.
The older I got, the more I realized my mom was just incredibly insecure about her own body and sense of self. So, in turn, she ridiculed me—who she believed was the reflection of her mistakes and faults.
She also had a problem with control, especially when it came to my brothers and me. She saw us as an extension of herself and tried to dictate our lives in ways I never let her. She insisted I become a nurse in college, but I refused and got a management degree instead. She insisted I date the “good” Hmong boys she sent my way. I did, but I always ended up dumping them.
I would never tell Anthony this, but my mom had been insisting I marry him ever since we bought our duplex together. He was her ideal bachelor for me because he was tall, handsome, and charming. But, most of all, she believed he was also filthy rich . I only mentioned this in passing when it happened, but I think this belief had something to do with how Anthony pulled out enough cold, hard cash to pay for a quarter of our duplex as a down payment.
He was being flashy then, but he had saved up after years of hard work and felt he earned the right to. It was also money I was still paying him back for because he helped us get a great deal on the loan. Although Anthony made an incredibly comfortable salary with the successful multimillion dollar company he and his dad ran, he was far from the millionaire my mom thought he was.
What she didn’t understand was this: Even if I did marry him, that wasn’t my money nor would any of it equate to being her money. This was something I had been too embarrassed to even tell anyone. Let alone Anthony himself and my friends. My mom had an unreasonable mindset like that.
“That’s sweet of Anthony to do that,” Alicia said.
I nodded. “It was. I’m pretty sure we would’ve ended up arguing if he didn’t. She looked crabby last night, but the moment she saw him, she was ecstatic.”
“Leave it up to one of the Hughes twins to do that,” Jackie said with a small laugh.
“Hear, hear,” Alicia chimed.
I smiled at their comments. “How about you, Jackie? How are you doing on those dating apps these days?”
She let out a long groan. “Being on these apps makes me hate men even more.”
“Why do you think I haven’t bothered dating at all after Pierre?” I asked.
“Well, shit. I wouldn’t date anyone either if I had the chance to date a hot French man that knew how to move his hips,” Jackie mumbled. “Be honest. Do you miss him?”
I shook my head at the mention of my three-month fling from almost two years ago. Pierre was a sexy French man who was visiting his brother, who married an American and lived here in Sunset Valley. He was here for three months, and we agreed it would be all passion and nothing serious.
“No, of course not.”
“Then why aren’t you dating?” Jackie questioned. “It’s been at least two years since him, right?”
I noticed immediately how Alicia straightened her back. She and Jackie shared the same look of curiosity, and I didn’t even know why. We had all been friends since middle school, so we were never shy to call each other out on the nonsense we put ourselves through or when we deviate from our goals and dreams.
Or, at times, have a serious intervention when one of us was too invested in a relationship with a boy or girl never worthy of our attention. We’ve been through thick and thin together all through the years. But tonight wasn’t supposed to be an intervention.
I thought I was here for a fancy dinner to catch up with them since we hadn’t seen each other since March. But it was all slowly starting to feel like an interrogation about my love life. Or, more specifically, the lack of it.
“Look, I’m just not interested right now. I’m busy with work, as always. Anthony and I are now considering buying our next property together fix it and then sell it or rent it out,” I explained before taking a bite of my steak.
“Speaking about him, what’s this whole thing with you and Anthony?” Alicia asked, trying to be as casual as she could.
As I choked on the piece of steak in my mouth, I caught the quick glance Jackie threw at Alicia. They clearly planned to take the conversation this direction and I took the bait without realizing it. With a face as red as my wine, I coughed lightly as I sipped on my glass of alcohol to wash down my food.
“What are you insinuating?” I asked.
Jackie and Alicia shrugged as they sipped their wine.
“Well, it’s just . . . I don’t know. You and Anthony seemed to be much closer this past year,” Alicia said with a big smile.
“Ever since you bought that duplex together, you two have been joined at the hips,” Jackie chimed in. Her tone was slow, as if she was trying not to say the wrong words. “The way the two of you are around each other lately is . . .”
“Making us wonder if you two may be secretly together, Shoua. So, are you and Anthony in a romantic relationship?” Alicia finally asked.
I blinked. “What? No!”
“What do you mean ‘no’? You clearly have feelings for him!” Jackie said, and my cheeks blazed hot red.
My two friends gaped at my reaction.
“ Oh my god! You are in love with him! Ever since when?” Alicia said, squealing.
Love? I’m not in love with Anthony. However, I couldn’t deny how I have a crush on him. I like my friend, but this wouldn’t be how I’d behave if I was in love with him. I would be as crazy as I was with my ex-boyfriend, who I thought I was going to marry, and would’ve told him right away about my feelings.
But this wasn’t how I was with Anthony. I didn’t want to tell him. Not one bit.
I let out a breath as my stomach fluttered at the thought of when it all may have started. I guess it was when he came to the scene of my car accident. Anthony was the only person I had ever allowed myself to cry in front of. No one else, not even Julie, who’s my closest cousin and is practically a younger sister to me, has ever seen me cry.
I hated crying. I hated the way my eyes prickled hotly whenever tears are about to escape the dam. I hate looking vulnerable, like I’m using my emotions to manipulate others to pity me.
Anthony was the first person I had ever shown my tears when he rushed to where I was after my car accident. He never made a comment about it either. Instead, he just let me cry into his chest and held me like I was the most precious thing to ever exist. It was in his arms where I felt the safest to let it go and cry to my heart’s content. With him, I didn’t have to cry alone and in secrecy.
“I bet it was ever since that car accident last year,” Jackie said, smiling softly.
My friends let out squeals of excitement as they dramatically hugged one another.
“Girls, I’m not in love with Anthony. He’s the person who’s been there for me through the best and worst moments of my life. I’ve known him the longest out of all my friends. We have a deep connection, but it doesn’t mean I’m actually in love with him,” I clarified, firmly. I took another sip of my wine for liquid courage.
That’s what this is . It’s all just a crush .
I looked directly at my friends in the eyes. “ It’s just a crush .”
This was the first time I was admitting to my friends about my crush on Anthony while my two close cousins and Andy had already known about it for several months. I’ve been hoping the feelings I have for him would be under wraps and maybe I would eventually stop feeling the way I did. However, now I was telling them the truth, it all felt too real and raw.
Jackie leaned forward, her eyes searching mine. “Shoua, come on. You can’t ignore the way your face lights up when you talk about him or how protective and clingy he is with you. I think there could be something more going on between you two.”
Alicia frantically nodded in agreement.
“Anthony’s only overprotective because of my car accident last year,” I stated. “There’s nothing more to it.”
Both my friends shrugged in unison. “Sure, that’s what we all said about how overprotective Andy was of Julie all throughout high school and they’re now together,” Jackie said.
“Yeah, remember the way he almost got into a fight senior year with Theodore Ngo at school because he broke Julie’s heart and made her cry during lunch? I get why Andy was angry, but he didn’t need to escalate to that point,” Alicia said, laughing. “There’s a reason why no boy wanted to ask her out after that, and it was because of Andrew fucking Hughes.”
It was true; no boy had bothered to try to date her because they knew they’d have to go through Andy first. He was always trying to shelter her from any heartache, especially after the whole ordeal with Theo.
I chuckled at the memory. “Yeah, Andy had quite the reputation back then. But what are you even trying to imply? That Anthony is overprotective because he’s in love with me?”
“Well, they are twins,” Alicia stated, as if we didn’t already know this.
“So?” I cocked an eyebrow at them.
“They’re brothers. If it’s not nurture, then it’s nature,” Jackie said.
I shook my head at them. “Nope, definitely not with that. Anthony’s not the overprotective type. But I know Andy can be. He can also get jealous easily.”
“How are you so sure of that, though?” Jackie asked.
“Because I’ve seen him in relationships and he’s never been like that,” I said.
“We’ve all seen Andy in relationships throughout high school too and he was never like that with any of his exes. Except when it came to Julie,” Alicia said.
“Exactly, and now they’re together,” Jackie said.
“Stop it, you two. There’s nothing more to his overprotectiveness. Just like how there’s nothing more to this stupid crush I have on him.”
“But what if it’s not just a stupid crush?” Alicia asked.
A moment of silence fell over the table as I glanced at my friends. My heart began to pitter-patter in my chest at the thought of being in love with my best friend.
“We’re just saying that there might be more to your relationship than you realize, Shoua,” Jackie said. “Sometimes the line between friendship and something more can blur without us even noticing.”
I was about to shake my head when my phone vibrated loudly on the table, drawing all of our attention to it. Three quick, consecutive pings from the devil himself—Anthony.
Three texts? What was going on? We all stared at my phone notifications with his texts on full display.
Anthony
We’re best friends and
You’d do anything for me
Right?
I shared a raised brow with my friends before I typed back.
Me
It depends.
I was in the middle of typing, “ What the hell did you get yourself into to be asking me this? ” when he immediately responded.
Anthony
Will you be
My girlfriend ?